Title: Metus
Author: Girlprincess1
Rating: T (May change to M, possibly. Will adjust Rating when it happens)
Summary: He could change reality. Make people do what he wanted. He could make friends, make people like him, talk to him, laugh at his jokes, and do whatever he said. But it didn't change a thing. He saw past the plastic smiles, the fake laughter. And he saw the actual truth. He saw a lonely boy struggling desperately to fit in.
Warnings: Yaoi, Strong Language
Disclaimers: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. All original characters belong to me. I am not making any money off of this. I write only to entertain.
A/N: I have altered some family relations to correspond to the story.
Metus
GirlPrincess1
She didn't know how long it had been since she had started running, minutes, hours, she lost track. She didn't know which direction she was headed, what she planned to do, when she was going to stop, nothing. She just ran; from all the noise, the buzzing in her ears, the annoying whispers in her head, the soft muttering of strange voices in her ears, the pounding headache.
It was excruciating, the pain. Her head was throbbing, a permanent headache threatening to split her skull into two, as she tried to block out the voices that she could never hide from. Voices she had never heard before, people she had never spoken to before, children, adults, strangers, muttering to her all at once, tiny whispers barely coherent, but still there.
She turned a corner, dodging past crowds of people bumping into someone every now and then but she didn't care. Some were shooting her quizzical looks; some annoyed, some concerned, others just ignoring her carrying on with their day to day lives. She didn't care. She just had to get away.
It was raining slightly, a light November drizzle. Most of the shops were open, busting with people at 2 in the afternoon, everyone hurrying to get last minute shopping's done before Konohagakure's annual winter festival which was just a week away. Women cooed and attached themselves to stores, dragging around their families as they went from shop to shop, arms laden with purchases, bags overflowing with items. People bumped into each other, not a care in the world, as they brushed past each other, ready to finish up their outing and head back to their homes before the drizzle turned into a full blown out storm.
The pavement was slippery, due to the constant raining over the past few weeks, as she slipped, turning another corner, seeing the familiar building pop up ahead of her, an already-decided destination as she felt the burn, her legs becoming tired and heavy. She balled her hands into fists, fighting the onslaught of fresh tears, as her eyes watered yet again, stinging slightly. She sniffed as her eyes burned, continuing on her journey, crossing the road dangerously towards the large Iron gates, that appeared more distant and foreign then she previously remembered them to be, that lead to the large Public Park. It was almost empty, families emptying the large ground ushering excited kids into cars, as the rain picked up pace.
She could feel everything. She felt pain, and anger. She didn't know why, she felt angry and then frustrated, over something she couldn't pinpoint. She just needed to get away, from all the voices, the whispers biting into her head, the cold, like knives against her bare arms.
The whispers had lessened, but they were still there, soft and dark, like the buzzing of a bee, incoherent but persistent. Her head throbbed and hurt, as tears fell down the 11-year old blonde girls cheeks as she sat beside a cool concrete bench, against the wet grass, clutching her head in her hands, knees pressed up against her body. The voices, she couldn't understand. They were like an out-of-tune radio, she couldn't understand anything. It hurt, everything hurt, and her head felt like it was going to burst. She couldn't think, her own thoughts unrecognizable amidst so many whispers in her head, it hurt. Everything hurt so much.
The park, the place where she used to come to play in every single day for the past 5 years, the place where she could find solace, and peace, was foreign. It was cold and huge now. It scared her, being almost alone, away from her family. Whatever was left of it anyway, she chewed on her bottom lip, as her migraine lessened. It didn't help her; she didn't feel calm and collected like she should've. Something was wrong. It didn't feel right. The anxiousness, the tightness in her chest, it was still there, the pain, the frustration, some one's anger, she could feel it somehow, and it scared her. She was confused, and terrified. The voices had died down, to almost negligible now.
And then suddenly everything was quite.
Her amber eyes widened, silence having long been stolen from her life for how long she couldn't remember. It was almost heavenly. She held her breathe, like one second and it would all go away. Everything was quite. She sniffed and wiped her tears with one hand, brushing the slight dirt that had accumulated on her jeans with the other hand. She hastily stood up, slightly wobbly, her legs still aching from the run she had made from her house across 3 blocks to the Park.
She could feel it, someone was nearby. She looked around at the emptying park, the last of the visiting families leaving now, as the last car drove past her and turned a corner, disappearing from her view.
Her stomach knotted, something bubbling in her gut. She could sense it, someone was nearby, a stranger. There was a slight probe in the back of her head, a slight tickle. Like something was inside her head, and poking her brain every now and then. She looked around, eyes straining to catch sight of someone. She remained rooted in that spot by the cold bench for a while, turning a complete 360 degrees, catching sight of no one except for the guard across the Park waving at her.
She smiled slightly, the corners of her mouth tilted upwards slightly, at the sudden silence that seemed to surround her as she walked back to the Iron gates and past the guard who glanced at her tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes in worry before patting her slightly on the back.
She smiled at the portly man dressed in black, nodding her head slightly as if silently reassuring the worried male that she would find her way back home safely. And before he could argue, she started towards her apartment complex quickening her pace, and wincing slightly when her calf's burned, before Hashirama-san found out she had left the house without Tobirama-kun and grew too worried. She didn't want to burden them with her illness, and hoped that whatever it was was due to the cold. She never did cope well to sudden changes in weather as a kid.
With a smile, she silently prayed that the peace and quiet had come to stay her with for good now.
When she was 4, she used to think nothing in her tiny little world would go wrong. A father who used to shower her with gifts, adorning her with anything she desired, no matter how expensive or unreasonable the demand. He would just smile at her, a twinkle almost always present in his warm hazel eyes every time she crawled into his lap, whispering into his ear to make sure her mother didn't hear. Her father would laugh, a wonderful sound if she remembered, that never failed to keep her at peace, and then ruffle her bright blonde hair, that youthful grin permanently present on his face.
Her mother was as gorgeous as anyone could be, she had always thought. A bit short-tempered and strict but she loved her none the less. From her long beautiful blonde hair, always kept in a low ponytail, to her warm green eyes, always listening to her problems, gentle and kind when they wanted to be, whether it was another doll that she had misplaced or another headache that had kept her awake all night or when that rude little bully in her class had pushed her down the slide during Play Time and had proceeded to pull at her hair, ruining the delicate braid her mother had made at her request.
It had been a Tuesday, in September. She had been coloring away in her special little drawing book, crayon in hand, scribbling away furiously, sitting in her class half an hour after school had ended. Her mother had been late; an unusual occurrence for a woman who was particularly strict about being punctual and on time, but the 5 year old hadn't thought much of it. She sat in her red plastic chair, cross legged, a wide array of crayons spread out around her, as she furrowed her eyebrows in concentration, focusing on the colorless alligator on the white page in front of her.
It was raining outside, that much she could still remember from that night. Much of that day had been hidden away in the back of her mind, but even after 6 years, she could still remember everything. From the green crayon in her hand, shading away at the animals tail, to the patter of soft rain against the window pane, to the Ms. Mizuhara chatting away animatedly with someone on her phone, every now and then looking at her and smiling at her brightly.
She remembers a call, Ms. Mizuhara putting her friend on hold, her smile fading slightly, her pretty blue eyes loosing their shine, a horrified countenance taking over her otherwise cheerful and beautiful face. She remembers Ms. Mizuhara looking at her, eyes wide and teary, getting up from her chair and taking her hand. She remembered being confused and lost, and then she remembers a jumble of words.
She remembers the word 'car accident' and her parents, the memory still so clear, and vivid. The green crayon in her hand falling, her grip slackening, and it falling onto the ground with a soft unnoticeable plop. And she remembers the grinning half colored alligator, a cartoon-ish smile, huge and wide and toothy.
And then she remembers pain, and tears. And then there were voices, incoherent but loud, ringing in her head.
And for five year old Tsuande, her life had changed.
She stepped inside the small apartment, closing the door behind her quietly, shivering slightly. The rain had picked up and she was completely soaked by now, her clothes wet and baggy and cold against her skin. She brushed blonde strands out of her eyes as she took off her jacket and moved towards the small living room-substitute.
"Tsu-kun, where have you been! Do you know how worried we've been?" Her grandfather chided, sitting on the couch, the TV remote idle in his large tanned hand, brown eyes looking at her disapprovingly. His long brown hair, shined slightly due to the bright room, and for a second, she was reminded of her mother.
She shuddered, a chill spreading up her spine.
"Its fine Hashirama-sama, I just went out for a walk. I didn't know it would rain" She muttered, plopping beside him on the old battered couch, a bit on edge at the sudden silence that had carried with her from the park to her home.
"Tsuande.." He glared at her sternly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger in frustration. "You know what sorts of events have been happening these days. Konoha is not safe anymore. You can't just get up and leave on your accord!" Turning down the volume of the TV, he turned to her, arms crossed in front of his chest, frowning.
"Oji-san, I...I just needed to get away. There was just a lot on my mind. I didn't go that far, just to the park."
Hashirama was silent for a while, before sighing and patting her hand.
"You should get changed, you might catch a cold. Don't you also have homework to do?" Tsunade rolled her eyes, getting up, flexing her toes in hopes to bring some warmth to them. Her socks were soaked.
"Where is Tobirama-san?" Her eyes darted back and forth, searching for the stern granduncle of hers.
Hashirama shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the TV, increasing the volume.
He switched to the News Channel, his mouth pressing into a thin line as the news of another pair of civilians found dead flashed across the screen. He turned to his granddaughter who was staring at the screen, and the anchor, transfixed, her eyes clouded.
"Tsunade, Go inside, you're making a mess." He nodded to the wed puddle she had formed on the carpeted floor. She nodded absently before heading back inside.
He turned back to the screen, eyes narrowing further, the wrinkles under his eyes becoming more prominent.
"It seems as if the cause of the murder has not been identified with yet, the police have refused to give away any leads or disclose any progress made with these murder cases. It is a wild speculation but many have reason to believe that the increasing number of freaks in Konohogakure may be held responsible. Most of them have not been restrained or controlled as of yet, and it poses a threat to us, our society. I ask the police, the ANBU of Konoha, what are you doing? This is a matter of our safety, this city's safety. Konohagakure has long enough tolerated these people, it is time someone drew them away. Our children are forced to hide in their homes, families too scared to step outside. When did we lose control over our own city? We ask you this, how long will we have to hide in fear, how long will we have to suffer at the hands of these freaks of nature. This is our city, not theirs. It's high time the ANBU showed them where they belong. I request and encourage the citizens to..."
Hashirama shut the TV off, sighing, rubbing at his temples.
"..How can she say that?"
He turned around and sighed at the sight of his granddaughter standing there, having changed into something warm and comfortable. Sometimes he forgot just how much she resembled her mother, the similarity was scary sometimes. It reminded him of his own child that was not with him anymore, and he felt his chest tighten slightly.
"What do you mean?"
"How can that woman tell the ANBU to drive those people out of Konoha. Don't they have as much rights to this city as we do?"
Hashirama sighed.
"Tsunade…these creatures, they're dangerous. And they're not our people anymore-"
"But they're people! Like you and me, human! With parents like you and me, and families and children! How can we drive them away? Maybe they aren't at fault!"
"Tsunade…, don't forget who these people are. They are no longer human. They don't feel like us."
"Oji-san…, I…what if, what if…Saratobi-kun was one of them, would you abandon him too?"
"What nonsense. Saratobi-san is normal, like you and me. Don't talk about things like that." He paused, noticing how tense the 11 year old had gotten, he could feel the gears churning in her head, he could see she was frustrated and sighed.
"Don't worry about matters such as this. You have nothing to fear while you are under my roof, understand? I made a promise to your father." Hashirama nodded, a sad smile gracing his age-worn features at the memory of his lively son-in-law. "Go finish your homework before dinner. You know how your Tobirama-san doesn't like it when you leave your school work till the last minute"
He shooed her out of the room before resting his head against the back of the warm couch. He closed his eyes, feeling the beginning of a migraine form in his head. Making a mental note to inform his brother to pick up some painkillers next time he went out, Hashirama drifted into slumber.
This was the first of many nights where he felt as if something was probing the back of his mind while he slept.
Tsunade stayed awake that night, the harsh rain battering against the window in her room doing nothing to calm or lull her into slumber. She laid there in her warm bed, covers drawn up to her chin, eyes wide awake.
She could feel her grandfather's fatigue somehow, the sensation spreading throughout her body, sending tingles down her spine. She could feel it, literally, in her own body.
The voices were back, stronger then ever, but this time, not as overbearing. They were there, in the back of her head, murmuring and whispering, little words disappearing before her own mind could comprehend what they were saying and just who they were. Sometimes, if she focused, she could identify one of the voices as Mrs. Tanuka, the nice old lady that lived across from them in her tiny apartment with her cat. And it confused and frightened her. She closed her eyes, her eyelids feeling heavy and warm, and she saw her mother. There she was, long blonde hair billowing past her small shoulders, as danced gracefully in the rain in their garden, back in their home, her home, where she belonged.
She saw herself, three years old, clutching a fox plushy, hesitating before joining her mother, giggling and squealing as raindrops pelted her tiny body. Her father stood in the doorway, watching them, a goofy smile on his face, warm eyes twinkling at them in that same way they did most of the time. And then she saw her mother stand still for a moment, eyes wide and glassy, as the rain stopped. Tsunade furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, as her mother started disappearing in front of her eyes. She could feel the pain her mother was in, the agony, and she could feel sadness. And she just stood there, standing in the rain, unable to move, as her mother, her role model, disappeared in front of her. And then she looked around. She was no longer in her warm house, but in a graveyard, dressed in a black frock, hand being held by Hashirama-san on her left, Tobirama-kun standing on her right. She saw Ms. Mizuhara there, smiling at her sadly, her hair pulled in her bun, having lost their sheen, her eyes sad. And then she saw black. And then she felt it.
Pain like no other searing through her skull, throbbing. The voices were now rushed, murmuring so fast it made her head spin. Everything hurt so much, as she felt anger, and pain, and shouting. She heard someone shouting. Loud and clear. The voices, it seemed, had grown more agitated. And then she woke up, drenched in her own sweat, shaking.
And she heard voices come from outside her room, her grandfather, oji-san.
She felt panic and despair. Her chest felt cold as she immediately got up, her legs still shaky from the earlier run, as she rushed outside, something gnawing at her stomach painfully
There was her grandfather, crouching onto the living room floor, shouting and screaming, his hair a mess. And there was someone else on the floor. She saw Ms. Tanuka sitting beside her grandfather, tiny frail hands dialing frantically away on their house phone, as people started to gather outside their apartment. She could feel them somehow, murmuring to themselves, some peeking into their apartment, eyes wide and confused.
And then she saw him.
Beside Hashirama-san, there he was, on the soft grey carpet.
Tobirama-san
He was lying on the floor, eyes wide and glassy, mouth slightly open as if he was trying to scream, eyes red. She saw tear tracks on his pale cheeks, his body so pale, so still. It felt cold, everything was so cold. He was so…still, his hair limp, his body unmoving, eyes dead and empty, staring at nothing.
She heard someone scream. Loud and pained, broken
It took her a while to realize it was herself screaming, throat raw and burning. She felt tears, trailing down her cheeks as she sunk onto the floor, Tobirama-san's eyes unflinching, looking at her. As if they saw through her.
Hashirama-san turned towards her, his eyes bloodshot, wrinkles prominent under his eyes, his face looking so old, and tired. And for the first time in her life, Tsunade saw her grandfather.
He rushed to her, immediately pulling her into her hug, he himself shaking hysterically as he started murmuring to her, clutching her tightly as if she'd fall to pieces if he let go.
And then everything turned black. And all she remembered were those cold dead crimson eyes.
Then she saw an alligator smiling wide and bright, toothily.
And then there was nothing.
"Momma! When I grow up, I'm going to be just like you!" The blonde girl smiled wide, cereal dripping off her pale chin. The older blonde haired woman clicked her tongue in disapproval, the corners of her mouth tilting upwards into a soft smile as she sat across her daughter, reading the newspaper.
"You won't grow at all if you don't finish your food, Tsunade." She looked her sternly, pointing at her half-eaten cereal. Tsunade pouted.
A man walked in, dressed in a suit, briefcase in hand, trying and failing at forming the troublesome knot in his tie, sighing in frustration as he plopped down onto a chair.
His wife, the blonde woman, rolled eyes playfully, reaching forward to help him. He just grinned at her softly.
"Honestly love, I'd be nowhere without you." She just rolled her eyes and snorted.
"I shudder to think how you're survived the 20 years before I met you. It must've been torture on your poor mother." He pouted slightly before turning to his daughter who was trying to get rid of her cereal by throwing it under the table.
"Princess, Ready for your first day back at school?" He nodded at her to hide away the mess, and she caught on and giggled slightly.
"Yes Papa. Mom even bought me this pretty box of crayons! They have so many colors! There is red, and then violet and then orange! Orange is my favorite! I'm going to show it to everyone in my class! Dan will be so jealous! He has ugly crayons! Mine are so much better!" She reached her tiny arms forward and her Dad caught on, reaching forward and grabbing her into a tiny hug.
He kissed her softly on the forehead. "Have a nice day, Princess. And remember; don't be too mean to Dan. He's a nice kid." His wife huffed.
"His mother sure isn't. Have you heard? She's already planning their engagement, engagement! Tsunade is only 7 years old!" He laughed slightly, grinning that smile that he was famous for.
"Momma! I don't want to get married soon! I don't like Dan!" Tsunade made a face, earning her a disapproving look from her mother.
"Now now, no ones forcing my Princess to get married sweetheart. Dan's mother is just kidding. But I know you'd make a beautiful bride, just like your mother" He delighted in the red blush that decorated his wife's pale cheeks, as she rolled her eyes, but smiled softy at the blonde girl.
"Okay, lets go sit in the car, Tsunade. We don't want you to be late. Ms. Mizuhara won't be happy" She grabbed her daughters backpack and helped her put it on as her husband let them outside to the family car. She waved at her neighbor as they made their way to the vehicle.
"Mom do you still remember you have to take me to see the Peter Pan movie! I've been waiting so long and it's in the Cinema now! Dad, you promised!"
He ruffled her blonde hair as he entered the car, sitting on the driver's seat.
"Of course, I made a promise to you. You're Mom and I'll take you there right after school finishes."
"Thank you so much! And Dad, it's okay. If you don't understand the movie, I'll explain it for you." He laughed out loud and shared a look with his wife who grinned back.
Tsunade smiled happily and opened her backpack, taking out her brand new coloring book and a few crayons. She busied herself with her colors for the rest of her car ride, every once in a while looking up to see the sky turning black, dark clouds gathering, the first few drops of rain falling down.