As you might have read on the front, this is an overview of the cutscenes from the game Hotel Mario. This will be done in a style similar to Mystery Science Theater 3000, mocking many things about this game's plot. Note: You might want to look at these cutscenes ahead of time on Youtube to fully understand some of the comments that I make in this (in particular my comments about the bad animation and bad voicing).

Jack put the Hotel Mario game into the CD-i console. As Jack pressed it on, Jill grabbed a controller and looked at the TV. Jack sat down next to her and they started going through Hotel Mario. The game first displayed the Philips logo in stunning animation, showing anyone how to do the astounding task of putting a CD in.

As both of them were awe by this, Jack muttered "Out of all of the scenes in this game, this one probably had the most budget put into it."

The game then showed a scene of Mario and Luigi heading through an archway labeled "Mushroom Kingdom". Jill asked "What? A Mario game…in the Mushroom Kingdom? That's so hard to imagine!"

As Mario and Luigi walked through the archway, the game showed Bowser above the arch. As Mario and Luigi passed below, the green turtle-thing bellowed out a deep laugh that sounded like the voiceover from Mortal Kombat.

Jack immediately did a mock version of this laugh, followed by "How could such a laugh come out of such a ridiculous-looking creature?"

Meanwhile, Jill shouted "IT'S A TRAP!" to Mario and Luigi. Kudos to anyone who got the Star Wars reference.

As the brothers crossed a bridge, Mario said "Nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Luigi?"

Jill said "The voicing in that line was terrible! Did Mario just call Luigi gay?"

Jack commented "By 'a picnic', Mario clearly means 'a threesome'."

Lugi then turned to Mario and said "I hope she made lotsa spaghetti!"

Jack's jaw dropped as he said "Concerning my last comment, I don't even want to know what Luigi meant by 'spaghetti'!"

Meanwhile, Jill just laughed and said "Ah, you silly Italian stereotypes! Besides, who the hell makes spaghetti for a picnic?"

Mari then pointed in a random direction and shouted "Luigi! Look!"

The plumber then walked up to a sign that had a badly spelled version of "Klub Koopa Resort" on it. Mario grabbed a piece of paper attached to the sign, saying "It's from Bowser!"

Jack and Jill both immediately shouted "BOW-SAH!" to mock Mario's pronunciation of that word.

Jill then commented "Great. Let's reinforce the Italian stereotypes even more by giving them a Brooklyn accent!"

Jack rolled his eyes and said "Also, look the great animation they did in the background of this scene. The makers of this game were obviously so articulate in making that sign!"

Mario looked at the letter, saying "Dear pesky plumbers: the Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom! The princess is now a permanent guest at one of my 7 Koopa Hotels. I dare ya to find her if ya can!"

Jack muttered "By 'permanent guest', Bower clearly means 'whore'."

Jill said "Look at the awesome usage of recycled animation in this scene!"

Mario turned to Luigi and said "We gotta find the princess!"

Luigi then turned to the camera and said "And YOU gotta help us!"

Jack and Jill both shouted "ME?!" at the same time.

Mario then said "If you need instructions on how to get through the Koopa hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book!"

Jack acted bewildered, saying "What? You mean an instruction book has…instructions?! That's crazy!"

After that crappy opening scene was done, the game finally started.

There's my take on the opening scene for you. Next chapter: We shall explore weak branches, wall-walking, and the function of toasters. Yes…the next chapter is going to include the infamous toaster scene!