It's been days if not weeks that Felicity was distant. Oliver noticed that. And he hated it. He was watching her talk vividly with Roy and Diggle and then when he was arriving she would go silent. Felicity was only answering in short sentences or purely professional things.
That definitely was killing him. He had tried to get closer by engaging her in any topic of conversation, but without success. She was ignoring him. She acted indifferent. He didn't want to deal with the situation, fearing everything the worst. He feared to get into a big argument that would leave them only in professional relationship. Wasn't it already?
Oliver usually looked when she didn't realize. He would watch her fast fingers moving over the keyboard, doing a clean and perfect job. He couldn't imagine how the things would have gone if he had never revealed the truth to the blonde. If he had never thought to go that day to her office with a lousy excuse. How the life of Oliver Queen would like, if Felicity Smoak wasn't in it? He couldn't even imagine.
A typical day in the foundry... Oliver had just returned from a mission, along with Roy and Diggle. He left his bow in the same old place and he approached the blonde, who had risen from her chair to greet them and make sure not to have to play doctor. Especially with Oliver, he was more prone to injuries.
"Thank you!" - Oliver thanked Felicity for her work. That night was really incredible, without her he would never been able to complete the mission. In reality, without her he wouldn't be able to complete any mission.
Roy left first. He had to speak with Thea and hopefully fix a few things between them. He was late. But he could not tell her the real reason why he was late, so he ran, thinking of a believable excuse. Roy wasn't good at making excuses. Nobody in Team Arrow was.
"I'm going to go. Sara is alone with nanny and it's time that girl goes home" - Diggle said goodbye to both of them and left.
They were alone. You could feel the tension, the awkwardness between them. Only few months ago they could be in the same room without any problems, but everything had changed. After Sarah's death, everything had changed. It was true that Oliver turned colder, but it was also true that she avoided every contact with him. Oliver was always trying to find time and form to get close to her.
The IT girl was about to leave. She grabbed her black bag and walked towards the stairs.
"Felicity!" - Oliver stopped her. Felicity turned and looked at him strangely. – "Can I ask you something?"
"You were going to do it anyway, right?" - She knew him incredibly well and sometimes hated it.
"What's wrong?" - He finally asked, without specifying anything more.
"I don't know. I mean, should something happen?" - she tilted her head confused, but really knew what he meant.
"I do not know ... I was wondering ... "- Oliver sometimes couldn't finish sentences, like the day he asked for her to a date – "you are far..."
"I better go" - she cut him off before he finished his sentence. The girl turned and headed to the stairs.
"Felicity..."
She pretended not to hear him and left. Deep down in his heart he wanted to scream and tell confess his feelings, thousand things hovered over his head, but he didn't. She stood her ground.
Oliver remained motionless for a few seconds, watching his girl leaving. He wanted her closer, but she was getting farther. And that thought made him go after her, for the first time. He had always let her go but this time he wasn't willing to do that.
He ran across the street to catch her. It wasn't hard as there weren't that many people on the street, it was quite late.
"Felicity!" - he grabbed her arm and she turned around.
This is crazy, what am I doing? Maybe he going after her would only move them further apart.
"What are you doing here?" - Asked the shocked blonde.
"Why are you avoiding me" - He answered with another question, ignoring her.
"No ... you started" - she turned and continued walking.
"Why don't you answer me?" - He grabbed her arm, making her turn again.
"Why don't you leave me alone? It's not the time to talk about this" - Felicity looked at the sky – "it's about to rain and I'm looking for my car..."
"When is the time? I've been trying to reach you for weeks..."
"Can we have this conversation another time?" - She continued walking looking for her car. Now she was not sure if she came by car.
"Felicity ..." - he stood in front of her – "I just need an answer... Did I do something?"
"That the problem ..." - she said finally, tired of Oliver's insistence – "you don't do anything" - Felicity pulled away from him and kept walking. Oliver stood a few seconds and then went after her.
"What do you want me to do?" - Oliver didn't seem to understand, because it had not even entered his head, what Felicity was thinking.
"Go home, we'll talk tomorrow. Oliver really I don't want to talk about this now ..." - she said without looking
"Felicity ... " - and then she looked at him.
She was tired of the situation. Tired of Oliver asking. And for a moment she thought she could leave him so that he would not ask anything. He wouldn't mind. She thought so. She was wrong. Felicity could feel tears in her eyes so she decided to keep walking. She hated having all this things accumulated.
"Because I love you and I do more damage to myself being close to you! Do you not realize that? I try to make it painless, but it hurts ... because you do nothing ... anything ... when it comes to us."
Oliver could not even look at her. He never thought that she felt that way. It was the first time she expressed her feelings. The first time she was saying I love you and she said it tearfully, she couldn't help it.
"I'm sorry ..." - he said without looking her. He was unable to do so. At that moment they couldn't look into each other's eyes.
"I'm tired of this Oliver. It's all about how you feel, and what about how I feel? Why don't you speak clearly? Do you think it was easy for me to say this? No, it wasn't, but I swear I can't do it anymore. If you hadn't asked, if you hadn't insisted, everything would have been normal, and probably would have been better ... because this is much more painful than I thought ... because you never say anything. Never speak clearly and I know I don't do that, too, but here I am now ... and you're there" - she let all that breathlessly, in tears, while Oliver watching, even without knowing what to say.
It started to rain. And no one seemed to care.
"You know how I feel, but also you know I cannot ... I want to, I want to be with you, but I cannot. It is not fair to you. It's not right for us."
"What is right then? Is this fair? It is not ... it's not fair. None of this is. You don't do anything about it ..."
"I don't know ... I just know I don't want to hurt you... I think you deserve better than me, but it is hypocritical to say, because I want you to be with me... But maybe we could never be together the way I want it."
"Everything would have been better if you had never asked me out, if that date had never happened... We wouldn't have this problem now" - she took off her glasses, wet by rain and put them away.
"For a moment I thought I might be Oliver Queen, and be with you..."
"If you like to be with me you would do something ... And what do you do? Wonder why I walk away from you? ... Asking me if you did something?" ... - Felicity buried her face in her hands and took a deep breath – "I think there is nothing more to talk about, and you got the answer you wanted and I never should talk so much ..." - it was the first time she held a conversation with Oliver, without stammering.
"I'm an idiot. ... And I swear I never wanted to hurt you ... I never wanted this..."
"You did..."
"I know..."
Both were silent as the rain fell on them. They did not care. The rain made them be aware of what was going on. For a moment they thought nothing was real. But it was.
"I... I love you." - That was most sincere I love you he ever said.
"Oliver ... please ... stop ... don't make this harder ... I can't handle it ... not if you do nothing ... and I hate it because I am unable to get away from you, no matter how much I wanted to ... and I don't know when this happened because I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to suffer for this, I never wanted to fall in love with you but I did... I did… Like an idiot…" - she took a deep breath – "I cannot continue this conversation."
Before she managed to turn around again, Oliver had taken her arm and kissed her. He kissed her the way he never had before. And his lips tasted so good. She wanted this so much. They both wanted it so much. It was a mixture is pain, anger, love, desire, passion... a million emotions together ... it was what they needed. Both needed to soothe the pain between them. They needed to stop arguing. They needed to act. They needed to feel. And they did. Everything they felt was in that kiss. And for the first time in a long time, both were completely happy. That kiss made them happy. Being together made them feel lucky, even if after the kiss thing went as they were? Who would know? They still had much to solve, much to talk about. The only clear thing at that moment was that neither one wanted to be alone and was willing to risk everything so that would not happen.
Moments after they pulled away gasping for air, looking each other silently. Everything was already said by that kiss. Oliver walked her home not wanting to leave her alone. Not now when he was ready to take a risk with this relationship.
"Good night…" - but he couldn't let her enter without another kiss
Felicity grabbed his gray sweater and without interrupting a passionate kiss they got inside. She guided them to her room, knowing what was going to happen and that neither one wanted to stop it. Oliver leant Felicity gently on the bed, still kissing her.
"You're beautiful" - Oliver whispered in his ear. She just smiled and kissed him again, stroking his back.
They didn't plan this moment, thou both of them imagined it in one way or another. The desire was there, the looks in their eyes; they knew it was the right thing.
Slowly, they undressed each other, one peace at the time. There was no hurry. They wanted that moment to be perfect.
Felicity already saw him shirtless, many times; he was shirtless all the time. Few times she had to take it off of him, playing doctor. But when she realized that she was in her underwear, it hit her that he never saw her shirtless. Not even that time when she was shot. Sara took care of her, while Oliver and Diggle acted like real gentleman. Oh, god She was going to make love to Oliver Queen! Yes, make love; because she was sure about their feelings, it was love, but it was Oliver Queen, lady man! He had so much experience and she… All of the sudden she got nerves and couldn't control trembling, hoping he won't notice. To late…
"Are you sure about this?" - Oliver couldn't help asking, feeling her trembling body.
"Yes ... I think ... yes..." - she looked at him
"I won't do anything you don't want" - he gently stroked her face
"It's not that I don't want to…I do ... of course I do ... it's just ..." - she said sitting up, beside him – "I haven't…"- Felicity found difficulty to keep eye contact, she felt embarrassed about it – "I don't have much experience with guys ... Since I've only had one boyfriend and ... I don't want to disappoint you ... and you..."
"Hey..." - he cupped her face with both his hands – "You could never disappoint me. I'll take care of you. I will not force you. I don't care with how many you'd been, or what kind of experience you have, I just want to be with you."
"Me too. I want be with you ..." - she looks timid
"Are you sure?" - She nodded and kissed him
Oliver touched ever centimeter of her body, getting to know every detail. Felicity did the same, knowing him in that most intimate way. She was curious although still a bit nerves, Oliver noticed that.
"I love you" - he whispered southing her.
And finally they made love. Finally they were one.
Their bodies fit perfectly, even though it was the first time they made contact. The first time they got to know each other in the most beautiful way they could.
After a while… Felicity was nested under his arm. Her head above his heart, listening the steady heartbeat. Her restless fingers moving from one scar to other. She could feel in them all the suffering he went through. Oliver was looking at her; he couldn't believe that he had her there. She was his and it was lovely. He loved her and was willing to make her feel loved, because she deserved that. She was right, he wasn't doing anything, and so that night he wanted it to be unique and special. He wanted her to feel how special she was. Even he, let himself been loved.
"They're so beautiful and yet so painful" - she said, referring to his scars.
"No, they are not beautiful" - because of them he felt like a damaged goods.
"They are! Because they make you remember that you're alive and remind you who you are" - she raise her head, rubbing his nose with hers, feeling his breath, before kissing him.
That was his Felicity, the woman how knew him better than anyone else, inside out. And that night the world could come to its end, Oliver Queen had eyes and ears only for his Felicity.
Dedicated to my olicity friends, thanks for the support and help, love u my girls.
I hope you like it and enjoy it... reviews are appreciated.