"Tony persuaded Steve into creating a Twitter." Natasha paused, the food-filled fork dangling dangerously over her lap. "Is that how you say it – creating an account?" She shovelled the omelette into her mouth before it could escape, and shrugged. "Well, anyway, Steve's on Twitter!"

It was not in Maria's nature to gawk, but around Natasha Romanoff it was a whole different story. How could someone so beautiful have such poor table manners?

Natasha checked her watch, and glugged at her water glass. "It's got something to do with P.R. Fans. You know?"

"Mmhm," Maria could barely respond, before the lovely, painstakingly prepared meal was gulped down by her one-and-only. She sighed. Maybe this was their curse – to never manage a leisurely meal? Last night it was her rushing off, but now was Natasha. Maria had not even consumed half her plateful.

"He can't really use it," Her spouse continued, standing to rinsing the plate at the sink. "I'll teach him to upload selfies, it'll be grand."

"Turn off location tracker!" Maria managed, before savouring a long kiss with her woman. Goodbyes were important.

Both she and the kitchen took a few days to recover from Natasha's mealtime carnage. It wasn't the first-time egg had found its way up a wall, but it was the only time that egg had been cooked. The floor had needed scrubbing too, as along with remnants of parsley ground into the tiles, Maria also discovered flecks of blood. Occupational hazard, she reasoned, elbow-deep in a bucket of disinfectant.

It was about this time that the house phone rang. Only a select few knew that number.

"Hello?"

"Steve Rogers has a Twitter account."

Maria blew out a breath she had been holding; it was just Barton.

"Hello Clint, long time no speak. I'm fine thank you, how are you?" She huffed, pulling out the cord to enable her to slide into a seat at the table.

"No time for pleasantries, Maria. Steve Rogers has a Twitter account!" Clint's tone was almost feverish with excitement. Maria almost felt bad for breaking this bubble.

"I know, Tony set him up with it or something?"

"The press think he's dating your wife."

That was indeed exciting news. It excited hatred deep in Maria's bones. She did her best not to demand answers straight away, but settled on a tone that had new recruits running for their lives.

"Why?" She hissed.

"You'll see. It's CaptainAmerica1913. Take a look."

She didn't hang up immediately, as the devil on her shoulder was taunting her to, but Maria did open the account's page. The most first upload, dated 14 hours previously, was a photograph of Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff playing Connect Four on the floor of their designated safe house. From 8 hours ago, a picture of the breakfast Natasha had cooked for Steve. Maria's stomach rumbled reflexively.

Dated 3 hours ago, CaptainAmerica1913 had uploaded a selfie with his arm around Natasha's shoulders; he almost swamped her with muscles. This image had been retweeted three thousand times. But the picture from 11 minutes ago was already trending: it was a shot of Natasha in the cute Captain America-themed shorts and t-shirt set that Maria had bought her for a joke two years ago. Captioned, was the phrase 'I'm her biggest fan too!'.

"Oh." Maria managed to verbalise, remembering the open line when Clint snickered. "Nat's going to kill him."

"I'd say so." Her brother-in-law chortled.

Maria moaned, "I bought her those pyjamas!"

"Oh," He blurted out a laugh. "Then she may kill you, too!"

"Oh my God-" She realised the most fatal horror in this comedy of errors. "And Natasha bought him Black Widow pyjamas for Christmas this year!"

She slammed the phone down when Clint wouldn't stop laughing.

The next morning dawned brightly on a trending tag 'romanogers'. Maria almost cried as she found a new picture, captioned 'What do you mean you guys don't believe me?' with Steve posing on a bed beside sleeping Natasha, wearing the ostentatious bold reds of a Black Widow pyjama set.

She wondered idly who her wife would murder first, and prepared another omelette for Natasha's homecoming. It would be fitting to end this as it started.