Disclaimer: Roses are red,/ violets are blue,/ I wrote this disclaimer/ so you won't sue.

A/N: Written for sullenduchess' Canada Day prompt in the barneyrobin livejournal. It isn't a particularly realistic fic, as there's no way Barney and Robin would go on a week-long trip all by themselves at this point in time in canon. Also, the fallout of B/Q is barely discussed. Still, if you can manage to get past these two major sticking points, I think this should be a fun ride.

Happy Canada Day to those of you who celebrate it!

Chapter One

Future!Ted: "Kids, in the summer of 2012, your Aunt Robin dragged your Uncle Barney up to Canada for a week-long Canada Day celebration. He was down in the dumps after his engagement with Quinn ended, and Robin wanted to cheer him up."

Daughter: "Wait, I thought Uncle Barney, like, hated Canada."

Son: "Yeah, how would going to Canada cheer him up?"

Future!Ted: "Wait and see, kids. Wait and see."

Daughter: "Dad, that's what you said when we asked when you were going to finally meet Mom, and we're still–"

Future!Ted: "Barney and Robin left for Canada in late June…"

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"Your very first Canada Day since you found out you were one-quarter Canadian," Robin told a despondent-looking Barney, "has to be special."

Barney stared blankly into his drink.

"Which is why," Robin continued cheerfully, "we'll be going to Canada to celebrate it! That's right, I got us plane tickets."

She slapped the tickets on the table, causing Barney's head to snap up.

"What?" he said.

"We're going to Canada," Robin repeated. "And I'm going to teach you everything you need to know about the Great White North while we're there."

"Uh, no you won't," Barney said, a spark of life returning to his eyes. "'Cause I'm not going."

"Barney, I already paid for the tickets. You're going."

"I'll reimburse you."

Robin sighed. "Why don't we put it to a group vote?"

"Now you're talking!" Barney exclaimed.

When the rest of the group arrived at the bar, Robin summarized the situation.

"So?" she concluded. "Thoughts?"

Ted spoke first. "If Barney doesn't want to go, he shouldn't have to go. Leave him alone, Robin."

"Yes!" Barney said, pumping a fist. "One vote for staying in America. Marshall?

"Sorry dude," Marshall said, "but I've gotta go with Robin on this. It's your heritage. Besides, Robin already bought the tickets."

Robin beamed.

"Lily," Barney said. "It's up to you break the tie. Choose wisely, for my fate is in your hands."

Looking slightly pained, Lily said, "I agree with Robin. Look, Barney, you need to snap out of this funk, and a trip to Canada might be just what you need."

"Lily," Barney whined, "I thought we were friends. How could you do this to me?"

"Because we're friends," Lily replied. "It's for your own good."

"For my own good," Barney said with a shudder. "That's exactly what Judas Iscariot said before he betrayed Jesus: 'Sorry bro, this is for your own good.' True story."

Ted snorted. "OK, I get that you don't want to go to Canada, but don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

"Ted, it's Canada," Barney retorted.

Ted paused to consider this, then said, "OK, fair point."

"Ted!" Robin groaned.

"Sorry, Robin," Ted replied. "He's got a point."

Robin rolled her eyes.

"So when are the two of you leaving?" Marshall asked.

Robin answered, "Tomorrow morning."

"Oh, that's too bad," Barney immediately said. "I have a big presentation to make to the North Koreans at work tomorrow and I just can't miss it. Gee, Robin, I hope you have fun in Canada."

"No you don't," Robin said with a snort. "I checked with your secretary before I bought the tickets. You don't have anything lined up all week."

"Foiled by my own organizational standards," Barney murmured mournfully.

"Here's your packing list," Robin continued, handing Barney a sheet of paper. "I'll be outside your apartment bright and early tomorrow morning to drive us to the airport. If you make us miss the flight, I will shoot you and hide the evidence."

Barney lightly banged his head against the table with a thud.

"God, what have I done to deserve this? I ask you, what?"

-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–

Future!Ted: "But kids, whether we deserve something or not is irrelevant. And what Barney didn't know was that this trip would forever change his life – and, by extension, all of our lives…"

-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–

[The HIMYM theme music and opening credits begin to play.]

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