-My first fic I've posted in a while and first for this fandom. Have had no inspiration for anything lately, lets hope this gets things sparking again.-
Connor knelt in front of the android, arm raised and ready to reach out and touch it. It was damaged, still somewhat functional, most internal biocomponants still functioned but damaged enough that it was unable to compute or answer their questions. Either it's vocal system was too damaged to speak or it was too damaged to process the words spoken to it, either way it was unresponsive. They needed to know what happened, what it saw, but it couldn't communicate so probing its memory was now the only option they had left if they hoped to learn what it knows.
A simple enough task, he had done it before, all he had to do was touch the android, make contact. Connect or hack -depending on its willingness to co-operate- its memory server and find out what it knows. Easy. At least it should be, yet his arm didn't seem to want to move to close the remaining distance between him and the mutilated android looking up at him from its spot on the floor. He didn't understand why he was having so much trouble functioning such a simple task.
It was just like the evidence room all over again, when he'd needed to find Jericho, when the case had been pulled from them. Taken over by the FBI and he'd only had minutes to use what they had managed to collect to find Jericho. His last chance to find an answer in the clues they had gathered, his last chance to prove himself useful enough to not be replaced. He knew how important it was, how crucial it was he found what they were looking for. He had thought to probe the memory of one of the damaged android's then as well, yet despite the urgency, that that was the moment that would either prove the RK800 prototype successful or a failure. He had been unable to, just like now his arm had frozen in place, refused to make the connection necessary to probe it's memory.
He had thought it a glitch, a failure somewhere in his systems. Had worried the blonde deviant they had found on the rooftop of Stratford tower had some how corrupted him while they were connected. That had been one of the many questions he had hoped to find answers to when they had gone to speak with Kamski. Then he had failed to shoot Kamski's android, loosing any hope of getting any answer's from the man, despite Hank's insurance that it was the right decision. He could see now that Hank was right but at that time he had not been so confident. Thankfully in the end he had still managed to scrape up enough evidence to find Jericho without having to memory probe.
Still he had thought it a glitch, a kink somewhere in his programming, or a virus perhaps, had hoped it would no longer be present now he was a deviant himself. Sure he had not really linked with any other androids since, he had only hesitated when trying to wake the androids in the CyberLife headquarters because he had worried he would not be able to awaken them himself. He was almost certain that was the reason. He had not connected or even touched, Markus or any of the other's from his group, even though he knew this made them wary of him, he saw how casually they connected with one another. He just didn't want to chance letting them find out what he had done, he hadn't had the courage to tell Markus that his companion -Simon as he had learnt- was dead because of him. Perhaps if he had just ignored the thirium 310 on the air cooler unit and investigated the station androids in the kitchen instead the other would have lived.
He had hoped the glitch would no longer be present now he was a deviant, yet here he stood at his very first case back on the job after turning his back on CyberLife and assisting the revolution, and the glitch remained. His fingers trembled lightly as he just sat there crouched next the android, the only real clue they had as the fire that had ripped through the crime scene before emergency services could arrive had destroyed almost all evidence.
The only evidence they had managed to rustle up so far beside whatever this tortured android might be able to provide was a single smear of blood on the front door, belonging to an Arlo Sanchez. Whether Mr Sanchez was dead or alive was yet to be determined. And a small spill of some form of corrosive chemical that had eaten straight through the artificial skin on his fingertips when he'd touched with the intention of analysing a sample. In hind sight running a visual analysis of the substance to see if he could identify it first would have been a wiser option. Simple logic like that seemed to fail him at times now he was a deviant, though Hank insisted that too was a good thing because it made him more human.
It is assumed the substance leaked on the floor was used on the Android in front of him, it would explain the mutilated appearance. Its body melted and damaged so badly it was impossible to identify its model type, he was only able to determine it was a PM700 model from the smear of its blood leaking from its arm. A police Android, free or not it was once part of the DPD so it was no surprise everyone wanted answers. It was just lucky the PM700 was still functioning enough that its memory should still be able to be transferred, its body likely beyond repair.
The fact that Lieutenant Anderson was watching over his shoulder, waiting to see what he could learn wasn't helping. In fact their were five other officers and crime scene investigators currently in the room with them and he was fairly certain the majority of their eyes were on him. Watching him, waiting for him to give them the lead they needed to get this investigation rolling. He wondered if the others could see the tremble in his fingers as he focused on forcing his arm forward, Hank was right behind him but maybe the tremors weren't as bad as they seemed.
Holding his breath, not that he really needed it to begin with, he willed his shaking fingers to brush over the melted plastic casing of the other android's arm. Watching his artificial skin recede before clamping down around it, probably a little harder than necessary but he was trying to still the shaking. He wondered if it hurt being melted that bad, it can't have been pleasant, it wasn't pleasant when the corrosive substance ate through the artificial skin on his fingertips. He didn't want to find out. He started the familiar process of finding his way into the PM700's memory servers.
Lieutenant Anderson had started speaking above him, though whether his partner was addressing him or one of the other's in the room he couldn't tell. Not when his audio processes seemed to be faltering, static grey noise interrupting his hearing. A quick self diagnostics scan indicates that his thirium pump regulator is working at an excessive rate which is strange because he is almost certain the pump itself has stopped. A mutilated white hand comes to rest on his, the android likely glad to have a way to finally communicate.
Then the first flashes of memory start, he registers a glimpse of the outside of the building they are in, the back of Sanchez's head. A weight in his hand as his finger brushes the trigger. And something in him short circuits. Static grey noise blears into an alarming pitched screech, his free arm darts forward shoving the damaged android away from him as he cuts the connection. Legs launching him away and stumbling to his backside so fast he almost knocks the lieutenant to the ground when his back collides with the man's legs.
His breathing is as erratic as the thirium pumping through his system and his vision unfocused, he is vaguely aware of several warning alerts flittering in his peripheral, but by the time he gets his visual and audio processors functioning again it is gone. The sound of Hank's voice registers for a time before he can actually manage to process the words being spoken.
"-Nnor, Connor! Can you hear me kid?" The lieutenant sounded worried and when his eyes finally lifted to find him crouched in front of him. He notes concern and a hint of anger etched his features, Hank's hands were on his shoulders. When had that happened? "Connor?"
"Y-yes." He replied, further confirming as the other didn't seem to respond straight away. "I hear you."
Hank let out a heavy breath at the response, his shoulders slumping slightly as some of the tension left his body. "Shit kid, what the fuck just happened?"
Connor wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that. *I don't know. I couldn't do it. I-I was scared.* In the end he settled on a lie. He was the first Android created with programming that allowed lies or false and misleading replies before deviancy, so he wasn't exactly new to it. "I... It resisted, locked me out."
He shifted his eyes back over to the android, well aware Hank's eyes were still glued to him, it was watching him from where it sat, legs half melded to the floor. And he couldn't help but wonder if its memory was successfully transferred to a new body would it call him on his lie. Would it tell the lieutenant or detective or whoever questioned it that he lied about it locking him out.
And if so would he be deemed incapable to continue on the job, perhaps he would be deemed inefficient and incompetent and kicked out of the DPD all together.
"Come on Connor, stand up." Hank spoke, slipping his hand under his partner's arms to help haul him from the floor. Moving his hands but leaving one resting on his shoulder as Connor made it to his feet. "We're getting out of here."
Hank voiced their leave as he started for the door, guiding Connor along with him. Until they could attempt transferring the android's memory they weren't likely to get any new leads anyway.
It was still snowing lightly as he lead them back out of the house and down the footpath to his car. Ice and slurry still blanketed the city but spring was just around the corner. He opened the passenger side door and Connor obediently slide into his seat without a word. The LED on his right temple still flashing yellow. Hank slumped into his own seat with a heavy sigh before turning on the engine and starting up the street. Now he certainly wouldn't claim to know jack-shit about androids and how they work but from what he'd observed while working with Connor. He was pretty sure that the colours those lights on the side of their heads cycled through weren't just stuck there to look pretty. From what he could tell blue seemed to equal good, red was bad and extended periods of yellow was likely cause for concern.
And he hadn't missed the way the LED was flickering between yellow and red when Connor had been moving to connect with the other android. Or the way red had held firm as soon as his hand had made contact, only flickering back to yellow as he had grabbed the kid by the shoulder's and managed to get his attention. To pull him back out of whatever it was going on inside that complex head of his.
A flicker of something metallic caught his eye as they continued silently towards home and he looked over at the other to find Connor had that coin of his in his hand. No fancy tricks or nothing, he wasn't tossing it hand to hand or running over his knuckles just holding it as his finger trailed mindlessly around it rim. Glancing up at his face before turning his attention back to the road in front of him, revealed the other still staring blankly out the windscreen, small yellow circle reflected in the window. It wasn't until they were pulling into the driveway that the yellow finally receded back to blue.
Seeming to finally start taking in his surroundings as Hank opened the passenger door, brown eyes holding a hint of confusion looked up at him as Connor spoke. "We had yet to discover anything significant at the crime scene. Why have we returned home?"
"I think we found all we were going to find." Hank grumbled in reply, leaving the other to get himself out of the car as he unlocked the front door. Giving Sumo a scratch behind the ear as a hello as he stalked towards the kitchen.
"Let's hope the PM700 is able to shed some light on the situation once its memory has been transferred over to a working body." Connor voiced, trailing along behind before stopping in the kitchen/dinning entrance to greet Sumo with a pat and a soft "good boy."
"Considering its memory can be successfully transferred." He pointed out opening the fridge to fish out a beer, cause after that little display back there he certainly needs one.
He could hear food being poured into Sumo's food bowl as Connor replied in that same pragmatic way often used when he was first sent over by CyberLife. "I do not see why there would be any issue with a memory transfer. The android's databases are still in perfect functioning order. There should be no cause for concern."
He scoffed at that, the kid was thinking like a bloody machine again. "Yeah, that's considering memory or consciousness or data or wherever transfers are that simple now that you guys are fully sentient."
The small "Oh" that left the other's mouth as he moved to join Connor in the living room really took him back. Bringing back a memory of that first time in the office when the other had been pestering him with annoying questions in some stupid attempt at friendly conversation. Friendly conversation he had not been looking for after that damned machine had had the balls to tip his drink on the floor at the bar.
"Then perhaps attempting to replace damaged biocomponants and rebuild its exoskeleton around its core internal structure would be a safer option. Sentience aside we are still essentially machines and repairing it enough to gain the information we need should be possible. Even if its current state of being were to be disrupted I see no reason its memory should not remain in tact."
And there he goes, speaking with his old single focus machine like train of thinking. Throwing logic and reason before any kind of emotion, as if the android was just a piece of evidence and not a living being. He wasn't sure if the kid was just a deviant who didn't quite know how to deviant or if it was something in his programming that he was just having trouble shaking. Perhaps he just still retained that complete the mission no matter what the cost, mentality.
He supposed it would just take time for the kid to shake all the programming built into him.
"Okay, enough about that." Hank started taking a swig from the bottle in his hand. "You gonna tell me what the fuck that was back there?"
He watched as the android in front of him tilted his head slightly, soft brown eyes squinting a little in thought before opening his mouth and clearly missing what he was asking. "If you are referring to that corrosive substance, I realise that was a foolish error on my part to have-"
"What? Not that." He interrupted, though the kid was probably lucky he hadn't managed to put that shit on his tongue. God he really wished Connor would stop licking shit. "I'm talking about that little episode when you tried to link to its memory."
"I... I told you. I tried to access its memories but it locked me out." The LED on the side of his head was flickering yellow once more.
"Bullshit!" Hank snapped back, taking a long chug of his drink before saying. "Don't lie to me Connor. I saw the surveillance footage from back in the evidence room, you recoiled then too, you couldn't connect with the androids in there either. This has something to with that blonde deviant back on Stratford tower doesn't it." He knew what had transpired there had shaken Connor pretty bad, he just hadn't realised at the time quite how badly it had affected him.
It was the first time he had seen Connor really show any true emotion, the first time he had seen him show fear. Sure when he'd held his gun to the android's head after the Eden Club and asked if he feared death, Connor had insinuated some level of fear. *'I would certainly find it regrettable to be interrupted before I could finish this investigation.'* Those had been his words, he would find it 'regrettable to be interrupted' seriously who the fuck words shit like that. Not that you'd now it with the way the fucking android had charged out onto a busy freeway, chased across rooftops and a moving fucking train without so much as hesitating.
The top of that tower was different though, his LED was circling red, for a time he had seemed frozen to the spot. He had sounded so much like a lost and frightened child then, unsure what to do or how to process the fear. Hank had hoped to never hear that tone in his voice again, yet here he sat now sounding just as lost and scared as he had then.
"I don't... I don't know. I don't know what that was, why I.. there was no logical reason I should have cause for concern. The android proved no sign of threat, its body was barely functional and it carried no weapon. Yet when I attempted to connect to its memories my systems begun to malfunction, I had trouble with my visual and audio processors and my thirium regulator was running at an alarming rate." Yellow flickered momentarily to red and a small tremors started through his fingers once more as he spoke. Squinting down at the floor beneath his feet as he tried to decipher what was happening to him. "Perhaps there is a glitch in my programming, or a virus, maybe I was infected when I linked with the deviant on the roof."
"Well, shit." Hank swore, moving to take a spot on the empty seat next to the android. As much as he had been expecting this, anyone at the crime scene an could see the kid practically had a panic attack. He wondered how in hell Connor had managed to get through that first month helping Markus and the others organise and set up refuge for the androids, if he was that afraid of touching them.
"I do not understand what is wrong with me. This must be a glitch or virus in my programming yet I have performed numerous self scans and systems checks and failed to find anything. It shouldn't be this hard to link with another android and probe their memory. You have no idea how frightening it is to know there is an error in your software and be unable to pinpoint it." Connor spoke, haunted browns finding the lieutenants blues as he continued his voice barely more than a whisper. "I glimpsed the PM700's memories, it was outside the building we found it in. It was following Sanchez, but then all of a sudden, I felt the gun in my hand, as though I was back on the roof and I just.. I couldn't, I-I was scared. I didn't... I didn't want to experience that all over again. "
"Whoa, whoa, hey, come on son your okay. You're all right." Hank soothed, as best as one could after dedicating the past few years of their life to caring about nothing and no-one. Slinging an arm around the android and pulling him closer into a somewhat awkward half hug. Rubbing small circles over the kid's shoulder with his hand until flickering red slowly calmed back to a rhythmic flicker of yellow to blue. "Jesus Connor, You had a panic attack. This ain't no glitch or virus or fucking systems error, it's more likely the experience on the rooftop left you traumatised. You may not have deviated yet but maybe the shock to your systems was enough to carry over."
He felt Connor shift a little and realised the little shit likely had some ridiculous remark about machines and emotions or some crap like he was so prone to doing before deviating. Hell he still did more often than he probably should, then again it really wasn't overly surprising the kid needed time to adapt to his new found emotions and humanity. Before the android could open his mouth to voice what ever he was about to say Hank cut him short.
"Don't even think about starting up with any of that machine crap again. Even back then you rarely listened to a word I said, never did what I told you. You may not have been deviant yet but I'm pretty sure it was buried somewhere in that circuitry of yours just waiting for you to accept it."
"From the sounds of it trying to connect to its memory triggered a flashback." The kid was looking up at him in confused concern now, yellow still persistently clinging to the LED. "Like, er, replaying an old memory file or something I guess." Hank shrugged, struggling to find an explanation that might make sense to an android who still thought like a machine half the time. Watching some of the concern fade from Connor's face and the LED finally settle to blinking blue, he figured his explanation must have been somewhat useful.
He took another sip of his drink, hugging the kid a little closer. Glancing down at Sumo who still held his head in Connor's lap, enjoying the feeling of the android's fingers mindlessly running through the fur behind his ear.
"When people go through a traumatic experience, they can sometimes feel like they are reliving that same experience. Sounds, images, feelings, fears or emotions can come rushing back to you, sometimes all crashing back at once. In this case it seemed to be physically connecting with another android that triggered the memories and fear, but all sorts of things can be potentially triggers. Some times, smells, sounds, images or even words or movements can trigger the trauma."
Connor's eyes widened at those words and the LED flickered back to yellow as he said. "I.. Other things might cause me to malfun- panic like that too? I can't.. what if affects my ability to function properly at work. What if I'm deemed inefficient and incompetent and incapable to continue working with you at the DPD. I-I can't loose this Hank, i-its all I... Its what I know. I can't.. I wouldn't know what else to- to do."
"Hey, hey. Connor its okay, your not gonna loose your job. No ones gonna kick you of the force. I promise." Hank soothed, wrapping both arms around the shaken kid now. "Jesus kid, your not broken. It's normal, its expected. Hell, I'd be more worried if that event on the tower hadn't had any affect on you. Suffering traumatic stress is normal, it can happen to anyone, not just people either. Any sentient being can suffer stress brought by traumatic experience even animals, like dogs, so it makes sense androids are affected too now you guy are fully sentient."
The LED slowed back to a steady light blue as Connor calmed, looking down a Sumo then back to the lieutenant, asking in a quiet voice. "Dogs?"
Hank gave a small soft smile in return. "Yep, dogs can suffer stress and anxiety from traumatic past experiences. Such as asshole owners who mistreated them or other things that may have caused server stress or shock to them. But they can still live long happy lives, just like any other dog, with love and care and little help they can feel safe and happy like a dog should feel."
"Physical and psychological stress is common in our line of work, in all emergency service and first response position. A lot off officers and detectives suffer from some fore of traumatic stress at some point in their careers, ranging from mild to severe. Your not the first to face this kind of trauma and you certainly wont be the last. Remember at Kamski's place when I told you about Chirs- officer Miller and the androids?"
He waited for the kid's response, which came in the form of a nod to continue. "He wasn't hurt, thankfully, however the situation was very traumatic for him, much like what you experienced on the roof of the tower. It shook him up pretty good, he didn't come back to work for a month afterwards and not because he wasn't welcome back but because he felt he needed the time off to recover. He couldn't even look at a gun for weeks afterwards let alone hold one, he's only just taken to wearing his gun in its holster again."
"He wasn't at the crime scene today, was he?" Connor asked, he didn't recall seeing the man there and as he recalled the officer was often present at the scenes he and Hank attended.
"No, no he wasn't." Hank answered, pulling away from the other now he had calmed again. "Chris requested to remain with desk duties for the time being. He isn't quite ready to get back out patrolling the streets and visiting crime scenes just yet and no one at the station has an issue with that. Even that asshole Gavin knows some things need to be left alone. So no more connecting or probing other androids for the time being, that's easy enough to arrange. We'll see Jeffrey in the morning and if you find any other triggers or find certain situations too stressful you tell me and we'll work them out with the captain too. To help insure you aren't assigned any cases you may not be ready for. Sound good?"
Connor lent back into the cushions, feeling a lot more relaxed now, glad to see his stress levels had dropped to recommended level. The panic attack had been terrifying but he was relieved to know he wasn't malfunctioning and didn't have any malicious viruses lurking in his software. It was also comforting to know that he wasn't alone and what he was going through affected others as well. It was by no means pleasant and he would not wish it upon anyone, but it was normal.
"Yes, that sounds great. Thank you." He looked up at Hank giving a genuine smile as he ran his hand down Sumo's back. "I'd really appreciate that."
"No worries." The grizzled lieutenant grinned back, ruffling the android's annoyingly neat and perfect hair. Taking pleasure in the slightly peeved huff the kid released as he moved to comb it back in place with his hair. Though the smile didn't falter, he knew the kid both found the gesture equal parts annoying and affectionate.
"Here's an idea." He spoke up again after a moment as an idea came to him. "Chris seemed to have grown pretty fond of you, he likes ya. So if you'd like I could ask him if he'd mind talking with you, maybe share with you a little of his own experience since the incident with the androids. Sometimes talking with others who are going through the same or similar experiences can help. What do you think?"
"I-I'd like that. Thank you Hank." Connor replied turning those sappy eyes back on to him.
Christ he was going to start getting all sentimental and crap at this rate, he needed to remedy that. Hell he needed another damned beer. "Hey, go get changed will ya, put something comfy on and we can try and find a movie to watch. A bit of relaxation will do you some good."
Connor nodded, giving Sumo a light tap on the head to let him know he was getting up, before starting down the hall, pausing in the doorway as he called over his shoulder. "Perhaps not a horror this time."
"Trust me I'm never making that mistake again." Hank chuckled back, getting to his own feet to strip down to his tee and boxers, then grab another beer.