A/N: This idea DOES NOT belong to me. This is a parody of a hilarious sketch by Studio C. You can watch it on YouTube by typing Studio C - Operation Breakup.
Two people, a young woman with shoulder-length dirty blonde hair and blue eyes dressed in a Star Spangled t-shirt with blue jeans and a man with tousled golden hair and green eyes dressed entirely in black, crept up to a red brick house. They paused just in front of the door where a clump of decorative bushes made an ideal hiding place. The girl turned to her friend.
"Thanks for helping me do this, Arthur. I've never broken up with someone before." She twisted the hem of her shirt nervously.
Arthur waved her gratitude away. "Oh sure Amelia, what are friends for if not to help end… other friendships?" Huh, that didn't sound quite right.
"Y-yeah… I'm just worried that I'll lose my nerve," Amelia confessed. "I feel like he's a lot more invested in this relationship than I am."
"Don't worry, I'm a professional when it comes to this sort of thing. Tons of girls have broken up with me." Arthur said. Amelia eyed him oddly while he put on a black ski cap to complete his disguise. "Do you have your earpiece in?" he asked.
Amelia's hand flew up to her ear. "Yeah, do ya wanna test it?" Arthur nodded and she stepped out of the bushes and up the steps of the house.
"This is Mongoose, come in Heartbreaker," Arthur whispered. Amelia winced at the name and scurried back.
"Um, I need another codename."
Arthur pursed his lips in thought. "...Maneater? Oh wait, Soulcrusher!"
The girl groaned. "Ugh, you're just making me feel worse about this!"
"Oh I'm sorry! You can be Butterfly… of Sadness."
"Just stick with Butterfly!" Amelia growled.
"Fine," Arthur snapped back. He crouched down in the bushes while Amelia headed back towards the door. As a final jab he added, "Commence Operation Scarring, Emotional Pain."
Amelia stiffened but managed to ring the doorbell. After a few seconds the door opened and her soon to be ex boyfriend, Ivan, stepped out. "Hey, Amelia! It's so good to see you." He grinned and pulled her into a hug. She hugged back awkwardly.
"It's good to see you too." Amelia pulled back. "Well I- I just wanted to talk to you…"
"You are doing great. I repeat, you're doing great," Arthur encouraged via earpiece.
Ivan nodded. "You know, for a while I thought you'd forgotten that today was my birthday." Amelia barely managed to conceal her chagrin.
"...You are the devil. I repeat, you are the devil."
Amelia blushed and looked down at her feet. "Yeeeah, I don't forget something like that," she mumbled.
"I did not sign up for this, Butterfly. Today is his birthday!"
"How was I supposed to know?!" Amelia hissed back, glad that Ivan seemed to be occupied with something across the street.
"Oh I don't know, have you thought of Facebook?!"
Ivan's attention snapped back to Amelia and she flinched. "Do you want to go out and eat? I was thinking Italian." Taking the look on her face to be confusion, he turned back to the house. "You think about it, I'll get my coat."
Arthur waited until Ivan had gone inside before asking, "Are you sure you want to continue with this? It's not going to be pretty. If he's anything like me he's going to cry. A lot."
"I HAVE to! I can't live in a lie!" Amelia whined.
Arthur poked his head up out of the bushes long enough to shoot her a skeptical glare. "You lie all the bloody time!"
"Yeah, but I reeeeally wanna break up."
Static filled her ear as he sighed. "All right, let's ruin his special day."
The door opened again and Ivan stepped out with his coat (and scarf, even though it was only September). "I could also go for Chinese," he added thoughtfully. He grabbed Amelia's hand and smiled again. "But really, it's your special day too, seeing as it's our six month anniversary."
"Have you a heart of stone, woman?!" Arthur whisper-shrieked.
"What do I do?" Amelia muttered. Ivan didn't notice, he was too busy talking about how happy he was being with her. Greeeeeat.
"Er, stop him from talking and change the subject."
"STOP!" Amelia shouted. Ivan looked mildly taken aback but stopped all the same. "I want to talk about…. um, cheese." Arthur facepalmed from his hiding place while Ivan looked even more befuddled.
"Good. Now you have to transition from that… to breaking up with him." Arthur had no idea how she was going to pull that off but was prepared to be amused all the same.
Amelia's hands went back to the hem of her shirt. "This isn't easy for me… Juuust like cheese isn't easy for me to digest..."
Huh, so she actually did manage to make that work. "But…" Arthur prompted.
Before Amelia could speak however, a look of understanding passed over Ivan's face. "It's okay. To be honest, I've seen this coming for a while. I'll spare you the awkwardness, da?" Amelia and Arthur sighed in relief.
"This is going much better now-"
"I love you," Ivan admitted. Amelia blushed again and turned away. She heard Arthur groan loudly from the bushes.
"Red alert! The L word has entered the conversation! We need to regroup."
Ivan headed back towards the house. "I was going to wait to give you this, but it can't wait," he said excitedly.
"Oh no, don't let him bring out any presents, Butterfly! Stop this!" Arthur said frantically. Amelia tried to grab Ivan's arm but he was already inside. She just hoped it wasn't something too expensi-
Ivan came out with a puppy.
Arthur and Amelia gasped, partly because they were in deep trouble now and partly because that puppy was sooooo cute! Especially with that blue bow tied around its neck. Ivan cuddled the puppy and asked, "What will you call him? He looks like a Toris to me. I used to have a dog named Toris."
"I…." Amelia gasped.
"That's an adorable name," Arthur admitted. Quickly snapping out of it, he counseled, "We are losing control of the conversation, Butterfly. We need to regain-"
"Hello!" said a voice from the doorway. A woman with short silvery blonde hair stepped out and hugged Amelia. "I'm Ivan's sister, Katyusha. It's so nice to finally meet you! We've heard so much about you." Amelia held back a moan. This was getting more awkward by the minute!
"Ooookay, we've engaged multiple hostiles."
"Arthur, help me!" Amelia squeaked while Katyusha turned to pet the puppy.
"Okay, I'm mobilizing. Here comes the distraction!" Arthur popped out of the bushes, much to Ivan and Katyusha's amazement, and walked over to them. "Hello there…" Arthur cleared his throat and tried to think. "I'm in the neighborhood today… to rob you?" Amelia facepalmed. And Arthur called her stupid.
Without warning Katyusha unslung her purse from her shoulder and started beating Arthur with it. He yelled in pain as she landed several blows to his torso and fell the the ground. He managed to crawl back into the bushes before she could hit his face.
"And that's why I always carry a brick in my purse," Katyusha said smugly.
"Good job, sis!" Ivan cheered.
Amelia winced as Arthur's pain riddled voice came in through the earpiece. "Man down, Butterfly. Man down..." A dull thump let her know that the poor guy had collapsed onto the grass.
Katyusha pulled a frightened Amelia to one side. "Anyway, you be good to Ivan, okay? Between you and me, the last girl he dated practically ripped his heart out-" Amelia twitched guiltily "So I'm glad he's dating you now."
"Okay, Butterfly, we can still pull through with this," Arthur managed to gasp.
"I mean, can you believe she broke up with him a year ago today?" Katyusha continued. Amelia froze, wide eyed. "It was his birthday first of all, and the day his dog died…" Arthur and Amelia winced as they thought of how painful that must have been for Ivan. Arthur peeked over the bushes in time to see Ivan kiss Toris Jr. on the nose.
"I mean, what kind of sick, twisted person would do that?" Katyusha asked, looking fondly at her brother.
Admitting defeat, Arthur whispered, "Abort the mission. I'm sorry, Butterfly. You've got to date him for at least two more weeks. My conscience is screaming at me...along with my ribs." He held back a groan.
"Yeah… I'd never do something like that." Amelia turned to Ivan. "Hey, I'm just gonna go get your present and then be right back, 'kay?" Ivan nodded and she hurried over to the bushes where Arthur was trying to stand. She angrily grabbed his wrists and dragged him off. "I knew we should have done this over the phone!"
"I require medical attention," Arthur whimpered.
When they disappeared from sight, a small Asian man dressed in black appeared out of nowhere between Ivan and Katyusha. "Nicely done, everyone," he said. "It looks like Operation Stop Amelia From Breaking Up With Ivan was a huge success."
XD Sorry, Iggy. You're a great spy, but ya can't beat ninjas. Seriously though, go watch that YouTube video. I also recommend watching International Relations (it was also made by Studio C), every Hetalia fan will enjoy it immensely. X3