I own nothing. It's not meant to be RAWRREBECCAHATE or anything. I love her. The story just.. needed a reason for being.
Like I said, I own nothing. (:
It was the end of yet another promo tour, and that meant one thing; going home to face the real world. There were so many things that he expected himself to want, that others would also expect him to want.
He expected to want his wife to let him back into the house.
He expected to want his children to have remembered him at least.
He expected to want to sit back and relax. It has been a while since he had been able to do nothing at all.
He expected his first few hours home to involve trying to persuade his wife to let him in the door.
He expected this to result in finding a second-rate hotel room to stay in for the night.
He managed to surprise himself by wanting and doing very little of these.
"Sweetheart, let me in please."
"No! You know how I feel about everything, Shawn. I'm tired of being alone all the time and the kids don't deserve any of what you've put them though with your damn hectic schedule."
"They're my kids! You can't stop me from seeing them."
"What's the point if you're not here when they need you to be, Shawn? Besides, you can see them once we've worked out custody with the lawyers."
"...Where the hell has all this come from, Becs?"
"Oh come on Shawn, it's been a long time coming and you know it."
For the umpteenth time in he couldn't remember how long he felt the unpleasantness of a door being slammed in his face.
Without even presence of mind his feet carried him the way they had been so many times before; straight to her door.
"Shawn?" Came her surprised answer to his knocking, "It's 1am…"
Next to the coarseness of his own voice, the sound of hers after so long was like the singing of an angel "I'm sorry. I-I need... She... I..."
She stepped closer. The scent of green apples and coconut was even more apparent. It was a strange combination, but he liked it.
"It's freezing, come inside and I'll get you some blankets."
He couldn't look up into her chocolate brown eyes. If he did it would only cause him more trouble, he just knew it. He couldn't move. She was everything - generous, caring, sweet-hearted, she was also a good listener - albeit a better talker - and so very beautiful.
Of all the things he had ever wanted, she easily topped them all. All he wanted for the longest time was her.
"Shawn? Are you coming inside? You look dead on your feet, love."
"I shouldn't want this."
"It's fine, you know I'm more than happy to let you st-"
"No, no. Don't you get it! I shouldn't want you. You're all that's been on my mind since I stepped off that damn plane. I shouldn't want you."
She was shocked into silence, and he hadn't yet figured out that he was pacing, or why. He wasn't thinking. The only thing that was going through his mind was that he should stop, but no matter how many times he repeated the words to himself he knew that it wouldn't help. He was going to say everything that was on his mind one way or another.
"I'm married with kids, I'm old enough to be your father; I've known you since you were running around in diapers! I know how wrong it all sounds in my head; believe me I know. But all I want is you."
No more words were exchanged. He expected yet another door to the face, but what he got was so much better and so much worse at the same time. He felt delicate hands caressing either side of his face before settling softly there. She was significantly shorter than he was, but at that moment their faces were so close together with the aid of her tiptoes and his slouching back, her lips hovered just below his.
It was bittersweet, wanting something so much and being so close to being able to have it, but knowing that it would be pulled straight out from under him. He just wasn't supposed to have anything that he wanted, that much was apparent.
He knew that she would pull away, that she would come to her senses and realize that he wouldn't be able to offer her anything that she couldn't get better from someone younger. It broke his heart despite the knowledge that it would be best for her. He could step back and he would if it was called for, it would just about kill him in the process.
But she was so close. He could taste her breath on his lips, feel her body pressed to his for support; sense the anticipation from the both of them.
The pause seemed to last forever, but in reality was only long enough for her eyes to flicker up and meet his. And that was it. She pushed herself even closer to him, and their lips crashed together. The moment was somehow both electric and tender. The softness of her lips mixed with the jolts coursing through his body was a stellar combination. He imagined fireworks erupting above them.
As though running on autopilot, he wrapped her tightly in his arms and pulled the both of them inside. He knew that the moment wouldn't last, but for once he willed himself to believe that something good for him would last because for him no specified amount of her would ever be enough. He could lie to himself and say that it was enough that she wanted him.
It wasn't.
He wanted her beside him forever, he wanted to wake up with her and he wanted to watch her grow into the beautiful woman that she was already becoming. He wanted to share his triumphs with her, to comfort her through the hard times that life would bring. Oh, how he wished that it would happen, but the chance of that was infinitesimal.
But for the moment he could pretend. Pressing her small frame up against the wall, he could picture things in his mind the way that he wanted them to be, though it could only be real in a perfect world.
As if on cue her lips parted from his, pulling away only a centimeter or two. He didn't know how to react. It was a tease to him; no amount of contact was enough.
He knew that this was it. That she had realised what she was doing; who it was she was pressed in to. She would find some excuse to hurry off and leave him incomplete. He didn't blame her. He couldn't. She meant too much to him, god, she was perfect.
"Shawn..." She began, and he knew it was coming. He just didn't want to hear it; he couldn't bear for his heart to break completely.
"I know," He cut in, sighing. "It's alright. I can't expect you to settle for someone like me. Not when you're you. Just don't say it, please."
She hadn't moved. Her hands still clasped the sides of his face; her body was still up against the wall; up against his own. The only flicker of movement was that of her brow furrowing and her heavy breathing mixing in with his.
"Don't. Don't say things like that about yourself Shawn. If you'd let me finish then you'd know that I wasn't going to say anything of the sort. You're the most amazing man that I've ever met. You're everything that I could have ever hoped for. I can't stand when you say things like that about yourself." He didn't miss the affectionate caress of her thumbs on his cheeks. "I was going to say that I love you. I love you but I; I just… I don't want to jump into things when I know that you're only mine for the night; that you'll go on the road in a week and completely forget about me. I don't want you to break my heart, Shawn. You're the only on-"
He cut her off once more. It registered in his mind that he was and he didn't want to make a habit out of it, but he knew where her words were going and he already knew his answer. He was scared too, that he couldn't deny.
"I'm in love with you. I'd be lying if I said I could ever forget you, sweetheart. I want you to be mine forever-you wouldn't believe the number of times I've dreamt of waking up next to you." He said simply, loving the surprise in her eyes. Her lips touched his once again, but only briefly. She grabbed both his hands in hers and began to lead him through the house, to her bedroom. Their eyes never left contact. He couldn't remember any time recently that his wife had allowed such simple intimacy. Then again, he couldn't remember a time recently that his wife hadn't been making up for his prolonged absences by indulging in whatever guys she could get her hands on.
They entered the bedroom, and he couldn't help but watch intently as she let herself fall back on the bed. Words could not describe how he saw her. She looked so... angelic. Gently he lowered himself on top of her, getting the utmost enjoyment hearing her breath hitch in her throat. He took advantage of the moment, his lips moving down to her neck and fingers dancing underneath the hem of her shirt.
"Are you sure?" He asked simply. A moan of his name was all the confirmation he needed.
There was only a short moment of confusion the next morning. When Shawn first became conscious it didn't take long at all for him to become aware of a constrictive feeling around his middle and a small weight on his chest. Only after opening his eyes did the events from the night before come back to him, causing small smile to flit to his lips. One of his hands rested on the bare small of her back while the other buried itself loosely in the soft waves of her hair.
It was like he was still dreaming. Nothing like this was ever supposed to happen for him. He was destined to a life of not being able to stay in the same room as his wife and sleeping on the couch. He had never imagined anything like this, like her, being remotely possible. But here he was having spent the night with her, happier than he could remember being in a long time. It was better than a dream, it was real.
His fingers traced slow patterns across her silk-like skin. He tried his hardest to take in every possible detail of the moment: the rise and fall of her frame with each breath, the curl of her fingers across his skin as she dreamed; the perfect tangle of their bodies.
She stirred and seemed to wake with the same reaction as he did, confusion, and as with him in only lasted a few moments before a smile almost identical to his appeared upon her perfect lips. She snuggled into his chest for a moment, readjusting her grip around his middle apparently unaware that he was also awake despite his continued drawing of invisible lines across her back.
"Morning," She greeted sleepily. Perhaps he had been wrong. Well, obviously he had been wrong. She looked up at him with barely opened doe eyes and her hair a scruffy, tangled mess. To him she was still beautiful.
"Well hey," He replied while brushing a stray piece of hair gently out of her eyes, humor evident in his tone. "How'd you sleep?" A gorgeous laugh left her lips, only causing the smile that now seemed permanently stuck to his face to grow more. All he had to do was observe her to be astounded by the amount of beauty she didn't even know she held. Talking to her, interacting, he couldn't even explain it. He made her feel things he hadn't even been able to imagine being able to feel before her.
"Now you mention it my pillow was a bit lumpy."
"Hey! Pillows have feelings too, you know."
"I'll just have to make it up to said pillow, then."
"I think the pillow could forgive you anyway."
She kissed his collarbone before resting her head in the crook of his neck. It was only a simple gesture, but it sent the fire inside his stomach crazy, just like everything else she did. His arms held her tightly to him, they just couldn't be close enough for either of their liking.
"Shawn, I know I've told you this already, but I really do love you."
"And I love you so badly that it would hurt if it wasn't so amazing. Be mine forever, Kelsey."