Okay, so I can't believe I haven't posted since September!! Everything's been so crazy around here, with work and classes, and I haven't really had much time to write more than a few pages…

Then I had a free night and started rereading Phx's stories, getting back into the old series… And let's just say that this story is a mixture of her fault and 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester' so this story is dedicated to Phx…

This is NOT beta'ed...

And because there is no off-switch, this will be limp!Sam…

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Sam would be in big trouble if I did…

Enjoy

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I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

-Paramore, We Are Broken

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He never got used to this. The feeling of a hunt as it was going wrong. The mixture of fear and disappointment blending to the point where you couldn't tell where one began and the other ended.

He didn't know why, but ever since Dean had come back from hell, every time he got the feeling, it seemed to hit him harder than it had before Dean had died. The fact that Dean had given up everything for him, and then come back, only to see Sam fail, seemed to hurt all that much harder than it had before.

So even as he saw Dean hovering in the doorway behind Samhain, he could feel the guilt and hurt building in him. Even as he continued using his powers in an effort to send the demon back to hell, he wished he could ask Dean for forgiveness.

The pain hit him hard and fast, tunneling between his temples and warm blood from his nose, as his arm shook from the effort to hold off the demon. Black smoke flowed from the man's nose and mouth as the demon was pulled from its host, and Sam groaned at the energy it was taking from him.

As he dropped to his knees after Samhain's dead host fell dead to the floor, it was tearing at him that he had let Dean down. That he had used his powers, even though he had told Dean he wouldn't.

The dark void that swallowed him as he fell forward toward the hard cement held no comfort for him, and Dean's scream of his name as he faded from consciousness ripped him to shreds.

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Dean had seen the pain on Sam's face as he telekinetically exorcised the demon. But even through the pain on his little brother's face, he could see the guilt lining his eyes as he glanced to Dean in the doorway. It ate at him that Sam would think Dean would look down on him if he used his powers as a last resort.

The only thing that Dean worried about was Sam overusing his abilities and going darkside. That the angels would smite him despite the fact that Sam wasn't using the demon tainted abilities for dark, only to help fight the good fight.

But as he watched the demon being drawn from its host, Sam's right hand outstretched, his arm strained, his left hand holding his forehead in pain, as blood dripped from his nose, Dean was in a mixture of awe and concern. The demon was being exorcised by Sam's mind!

Then the demon was gone, its host dead on the ground, and Sam was dropping to his knees. He looked up at Dean, his eyes begging for some kind of forgiveness. Then Sam was falling. His hand dropped from his head, and his eyes rolled back, the lids closing as the rest of his body went slack on its journey to the ground.

Dean called out and ran for him, catching him half way down, and going to his knees to support the dead weight, pliant in his arms. The position was way too similar to the one he and Sam had held in Cold Oak, and Dean had to suppress a shiver.

Sam's head lolled into the crick of his neck, and drew him from the memory, the warm stickiness of blood seeping through the shoulder of Dean's tee. He moved his hands from their position on Sam's back and up to his neck, drawing away a little to look at Sam's face.

The pale face was marred with dark under eye circles and smeared blood. Permanent pain lines seemed to be embedded into the skin around his eyes and mouth, even in unconsciousness.

All in all, his brother looked like crap.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Dean slid his hand around to cup Sam's neck, steadying his head enough for Dean to tap his cheek in an attempt to wake him up. "Sam?" he called, frowning when Sam didn't so much as twitch at the sound of his name. He shook Sam's shoulder this time, and called again, "Sammy?" The call was louder this time, Dean hoping that Sam would wake and correct the name.

Sam didn't move, his face and body remaining slack.

Dean sighed to himself, turning so he could lay Sam flat on his back on the cold concrete below them. He carefully looked Sam over for any hidden injuries, finding a knot at the back of his head and bruises lining his right side, both of which must have come from his fight with Samhain before he had turned to using his powers to bail him and everyone else out.

Dean winced in sympathy at the darkening bruises lining his side, knowing that his brother was going to have some kind of trouble with his side and back in the upcoming days. The knot on the back of his head didn't seem serious enough for anything major, and after checking Sam's eyes and finding no evidence of dilation or sluggishness, Dean concluded that although he would have the headache from hell, the head wound wasn't major.

Added to his physical injuries, there was no way to overlook the blood covering Sam's upper lip and chin. Although Dean had seen visions with mind splitting headaches in his time, and had heard about the one off spout of telekinesis, he had never actually seen or heard of his brother getting bloody noses from using his abilities.

Something must have tweaked in his mind when he was exorcizing Samhain, he must have been more powerful that what Sam was used too, and Dean worried if he was too powerful for Sam to take on without causing himself damage. If Sam continued his period of unconsciousness, Dean would have no doubt Sam had taken on something above himself. As it was the longer his brother remained dead to the world, the more worried Dean got.

By the time five minutes had passed, Dean was in full on big brother mode, not knowing what to do to help his brother. By the time another moment had passed he was debating on whether or not to call Ruby, to see what had happened with Sam's abilities while he had been gone.

When another few minutes went by, he sucked in a breath and called out for the demon that had been a royal pain in his ass for a year until he had died, and unknowingly had kept pushing even when he had croaked.

One second he was alone with Sam unconscious at his side, and the next the brunette host Ruby had been occupying was in front of him with her perpetual look of annoyance lining her face.

"What do you need Short-Bus?" She asked, the same annoyance on her face now lacing her voice. Then she saw Sam.

Ruby was by his side in an instant, kneeling down and reaching for him. The move made a growl force its way through Dean's lips in warning. She backed off, but just barely, staring at Dean in wonder that he would push her away even as she was trying to help.

"Easy Dean, I just wanna see how bad he overworked himself." Her tone was placating, and though it was supposed to help, it wore on Dean's already frayed nerves.

"What exactly do you mean, "overworked himself"?" Dean asked, his voice pitched low into dangerous levels. Ruby held back a flinch and a groan of frustration, wondering just how much Dean knew about Sam's powers, and the time he and Ruby had spent training.

"I mean, how much more did he take on than he knew he could handle." The sarcasm still lined her voice, but it wasn't as harsh as it could have been.

"He took on Samhain," Dean said quietly after a moment, and watched as the color drained from Ruby's face. "What? How bad is this?" Dean asked, not bothering to keep the panicked note from his words.

"Sam's only ever taken on a demon as strong as Samhain, once." She was quiet for a moment, thinking back on the first time Sam had taken on that demon. "He was out for almost three days with a hell of a fever, and even after he made it through that, headaches crippled him for almost a week." She looked him straight in the eyes and added, "The fever got pretty high Dean, he almost didn't pull through it."

It was Dean's turn to blanch.

"So this could kill him?" Dean's words were strangled and forced.

She raised her hands to calm him a little. "Sam was really untrained when he took on that other demon, so I'm hoping that it won't be as bad this time around, now that he has more experience." The last six words were said with an air of superiority, and it snapped the last of Dean's patience.

"He wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for your training!" He yelled, his concern for his little brother notching the anger that much higher.

"No you're right; he wouldn't be in this situation. He would be dead!" Ruby yelled back, and Dean recoiled back as if he had been struck. "Sam was hunting on his own, Dean, no one at his back, and without his powers to get him out of some bad hunts, he would have died." Her voice softened at the end, seeing distress lining Dean's features.

They both looked back to Sam, the youngest Winchester had yet to move, and if anything his pallor had gotten worse in the time Dean and Ruby had been talking. The blood had dried and crusted over his lips and chin, and the pinched expression still lined his eyes and mouth.

"We should get him out of here. Someplace warm and protected, before the repercussions start." Ruby said, effectively cutting through his thoughts. Though he didn't like her, or trust her for that matter, he knew she was right and he nodded.

"Yeah," he said, standing and reaching down to draw Sam over his shoulders. "Let's get him out of here." Jostling Sam into place behind his neck, making sure he had a tight hold and that Sam wasn't going to fall.

Let's get you someplace safe, Sammy.

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A/N: So I hope you all liked this, it being my first fic in a while… Let me know.

Take care, and review often,

DS