Hey guys! This is just a little fic I wrote because 1. I hate Nate, and 2. I love Nick and Amanda together! I hope y'all like this and if I get some good reviews, I will totally continue. Enjoy! R&R :)

"Hit me," Amanda breathed. "Just hit me."

And Nate did. Over, and over, and over.

Why did she let him do this? She was a Special Victim's Unit detective, for Pete's sake. So why didn't she stop him? He liked it rough, but that was no excuse. Still, the fear in her heart was so deeply rooted that she didn't dare speak up. Each slap, each punch left both physical and emotional scars, along with the blades she would take to her wrist after each of Nate's "sessions." Night after night, she lost sleep- and some blood. Oh, how she longed to tell someone, like Olivia, or Fin, but every time she opened her mouth, the words wouldn't- couldn't- push past her lips.

And what if they thought she was lying? The thought of a rape-case detective being abused in her own home must have been preposterous to her coworkers.

She was brought up religious- always a good Catholic girl. But now, whiskey was her holy water, and the blade was her crucifix. By the time the razor passed over her body, she would have passed out from her "prescription" oxycodone. Her clammy skin would remain forever marred by the memories of her lover.

"I love you," Nate growled, kissing down her bruised neck. He ran his lips over his teeth marks in her collarbone and chuckled.

Amanda remained silent, and Nate grew angry. "I said, I love you," he repeated, more gruff this time.

"I-I love you too," she muttered.

Nate laughed once again and took her hand, leading her to the bed. He ran his hands up and down her sides, sending ominous shivers down her spine.

"I can't," Amanda whispered.

"Why the hell not?" he asked, his voice growing angrier by the millisecond.

Amanda swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in her throat. "I-I'm on my period," she lied.

Nate let out a large, annoyed huff and shrugged a jacket onto his shoulders. "Well fuck that then, I'm goin' out," he said gruffly.

"Okay… See you later," Amanda whispered, curling up in her blanket. She heard the door shut, and again Nate left to find another girl that would be willing to give herself up to him.

Amanda let out a shuddery breath and hauled herself into the bathroom. She threw up the taste of his skin and flushed it down the drain, where she wished her memories would follow. She took a few swigs from the open bottle of whiskey on the counter and slid down the wall.

"Why is this happening?" she whispered to herself. "Why me?"

Moments later, her phone buzzed.

"Shit," she whispered, seeing Olivia's caller ID flash across the screen. "Rollins," she answered after clearing her throat.

"Hey, Cragen's giving us the weekend off as long as we finish up some paperwork by tonight. Wanna come down to the station? A few of us are here, and we could get a drink afterward," Olivia explained.

Amanda took a deep breath. "Y-yeah, of course! I'll be down in a little," she replied.

"See ya," Olivia hung up.

Amanda took a deep breath and dragged her empty void of a body around the house in meager efforts to get ready. She expertly applied concealer to every visible mark, and especially to the dark circles under her bloodshot, restless eyes.

Finally, she mustered up the energy to shuffle to the station and wearily greet her coworkers.

"Damn, girl! Nate must've done a number on you tonight," Nick winked playfully.

Amanda flinched, but grinned back at him. "Shut up," she laughed.

She dropped her eyes back to her work, unaware that Olivia had caught her cringing.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, setting her pen down.

"I'm great," Amanda replied, keeping her eyes on the case report in front of her.

"Amanda," Olivia spoke, firmly yet quietly.

Amanda clenched her jaw. "Liv… I'm fine."

Olivia stood up. "Amanda and I are gonna take a break. We'll be back."

Nick looked up, his brown eyes filled with concern. "'Manda, you good?"

She nodded briskly as Olivia lead her to the break room.

Olivia took Amanda's hand gently in hers. " 'Manda…" she began.

Amanda quickly pulled her hand back. "I can't get drinks tonight. I need to leave," she said briskly.

Olivia looked at her, eyes full of hurt. "Amanda, please. You're really scaring me, honey."

Amanda shook her head a quickly cleaned up her area. She fast-walked out of the room, leaving her fellow agents confused and worried.

"She probably just needs space," Nick suggested, "She's been like that lately. Just give her time."

Olivia gnawed concernedly on her lip. "I know… I'm just worried, you know?"

Nick rubbed Olivia's shoulder. "Yeah, I get it," he replied. "Just let her be, okay? I mean, come on. It's Amanda. She'll call if she needs anything."

Olivia kept her eyes trained on the door. "I damn well hope so."

Meanwhile, Amanda was reeling.

She had given up on her chance to tell Olivia. Why couldn't she do it? Her opportunity was right there, and she didn't take it.

It could've ended tonight, she thought to herself. You're so stupid.

"Fuck," she muttered, hearing a knock at the door.

Through the peephole, she was both relieved and shocked to see Nick standing on her front step.

Amanda cracked the door open. "Nick," she said softly. "You shouldn't be here."

Nick shrugged and leaned on the door frame. "You're not gonna invite me in? What happened to that Southern hospitality?" he joked in a mock drawl.

She gnawed her lip. "Please," she whispered. "Not now."

Nick set his jaw. "I'm really worried, 'Manda." He pushed his way into the apartment and locked the door behind him. He took her hand gently in hers and looked her dead in the eye.

"Is it Nate?"

Amanda dropped her eyes to her feet. "Nick, please. I can't talk about this. Not here."

"Fuck," he seethed. "That fucking douchebag…"

"Okay, okay. Calm down," she placed her hands on his chest.

Nick took a deep breath. "Alright, okay. Sorry. Look, 'Manda…" he began.

Amanda closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I cannot talk about this here, I told you."

"Alright, then let's go. Come back to my place," he urged her.

She continued to shake her head as her eyes welled up with tears. "He'll be completely pissed," she said quietly.

"Come on, grab your go-bag. There's no way in hell I'm letting you stay here another night," he demanded.

Amanda chewed her lip and avoided eye contact. "Nick, I'm scared," she confessed.

He grabbed her hand and held it close to his rock-hard chest. "I'm right here," he whispered, pulling her into a tight hug. "Let's go get your things."

To Be Continued…