Heebie Jeebies
Butt Ugly Martians VS Jeepers Creepers
Warning! Not for people who don't understand Butt Ugly Martians or their characters – this is more about Butt Ugly Martians than Jeepers Creepers (because I get terrified if I write loads about him… it… whatever!)
All my stories are being reread and re-edited. Hope you like the new versions.
"Pass the popcorn!" Do-Wah called to Mike behind him as he stared out of the large windscreen, B.Bop driving across the barren country. It was quiet, no cars drove around them so it was all right for them to fly the Roverpod close to the ground.
B.Bop got passed a milkshake from 2-T and he handed it back after taking a sip. It was really hot and really… empty. There was a town somewhere close around here – a sort of cowboy town – and Angela was dying to stop off somewhere and get a tan. She was more likely to get sunburn. Mike and Cedric were already topless.
Tumbleweed blew across the road and the crops of a nearby farm blew in the wind… or was that the force of the Roverpod's engine? B.Bop decided to lower the wheels and just drive the Roverpod normally, so as not to waste any of the ship's energy. He sighed and pressed a button on the dashboard. There was a click and a bump as the wheels hit the tarmac.
Ange kicked her legs to and fro on one of the sofas. She fingered the material, smiling slightly. After much debate from the Martians, she'd been finally allowed to give them a makeover. They were no longer a shabby green – more like a deep, royal blue. True, it didn't match the Roverpod itself but 2-T said he liked the sofas so much that he'd give his beloved pod a paintjob.
Cedric was busy, reading his Financial Times as always. Even his mum couldn't stop him with stories of the boogieman anymore NOTE: People who've seen Koofoo will understand this! He was a sucker for newspapers… not that there was anything wrong with that. If the Martians wanted to know something, Cedric could immediately come up with the world news.
Right then, he put his newspaper aside and started reading another – an international paper.
"Y'all right, Ced?" Mike asked, coming back from the front of the pod to sit with his human friends. Cedric nodded, eyes following the heading on the page. Mike frowned, and looked over at Ange. She shrugged as if saying 'I don't know what to do with him' and then stood up, going over to the back of the pod.
Mike took advantage of this and jumped in her seat. She'd kept it warm and he sank into it happily. Cedric looked up at this, grinned and mouthed 'Nice one'.
Ange was rubbing the back of her neck, not paying any attention. The triangular door that swung up and down when needed was sealed tightly shut. The striped windows streaking through it showed her the road, the farms and the sky. There was little else around here but that.
"Where's the nearest town?" she asked, speaking to anyone and everyone. Mike looked up, but realised she still hadn't noticed that he'd nicked her seat, so leant back again. Cedric didn't lift his gaze from an apparently interesting article in the paper. Do-Wah was transfixed by how excited Cedric was getting by what he was reading, and proceeded to read over his shoulder.
B.Bop was too busy driving. Seeing as 2-T was the one with the holographic map up, the answer seemed appropriate coming from him. "About an hour away. We're in the middle of nowhere at the moment…" The original plan was for them to go to a western town so the kids could do some research on a school project – the Martians always liked to help where they could.
Besides, Muldoon was somewhere out here chasing after some sort of alien that was kidnapping people. B.Bop thought he could use some help, seeing as he'd never caught an alien before without the Martians' interference.
Cedric's head snapped up. "Guys, you're not going to believe this!" he cried, actually taking his mind off of his newspaper for more than a couple of seconds. Ange turned in surprise. "Oh yeah?" she said, voice neutral. Mike snorted and leant back further into the sofa. Ange's eyes darted to him and she frowned. She said nothing, and went back to looking at Ced.
"Yeah." Cedric said, voice shaky. "They have the first pictures of the alien that Muldoon's looking for, and it's not pretty."
"It?" 2-T frowned, wandering back. "Ced, you're open-minded – you know better than to call every alien 'it'. What is it – a male? Female?"
Cedric shook his head in disapproval. "No, 2-T, you don't understand. This time – it's definitely an it!" and with that, he thrust the paper under 2-T's nose. The Martian… flinched.
"I've… never… s-s-seen… anything… like–" he stammered, stepping away from the page.
Cedric jeered. "Freaky, isn't it? Experts don't know what it is. They say its humanoid when considering bone structure, but…"
Ange, interested, wandered over. She shrieked at the sight of the photo inside the paper. "That's… that's terrifying!" she gaped. "I wouldn't be surprised if that thing is killing people, not just kidnapping them!"
Do-Wah chuckled. "Aww, come on, guys. It can't be that bad…" he stopped before he could finish properly. It. Was. Bad. Very bad.
"What d'ya suppose it is?" Do-Wah started, sweating with fear.
Cedric folded the page up and threw it on the floor. "I dunno. Maybe it's a hoax – just some guy dressed up in a suit."
"You mean – you hope." Ange croaked. "Guys, you think you Dog can shed some light on it?"
Dog, sitting on the floor and shaking his head from side to side all this time, immediately looked up and yapped. 2-T bent down and stroked his robot. "I programmed him with universal information. I ran his data chip through the Solar System."
"You mean, as in the planets and stuff?" Mike chirped.
2-T shook his head. "It's a server Martians use to gain information – like the internet. Over the millennia, aliens fill up the system with interplanetary information. History is recorded on it – nothing can hide from it…"
"So…? What does that mean?" Cedric finally asked.
"It means that Dog knows everything." 2-T said brightly.
"Wh-? Everything?" Mike cried. A smile crossed his face. "He's doing my homework from now on."
"Stop being immature!" Ange hissed, slapping his thigh as she sat down next to him.
"Ouch!" Mike moaned, but he didn't hit her back.
"I'll run the alien's picture through Dog's data files… he must be able to come up with something!" 2-T spoke to himself. He jerked Dog's left ear and some sort of vacuum seemed to pop out of his back. Mike gave the robot dog an odd look.
"A vacuum?" he cried. 2-T gave him an exasperated glance. "It's a scanner, stupid!"
Picking up Cedric's folded newspaper, he unfolded it to reveal the alien's picture. Running it under Dog's scanner, he waited patiently until the tiny beams of light that had analysed it vanished completely and a replica image appeared on a monitor protruding from Dog's back.
It was terrifying, as Ange had said. All you could see in the photograph was the alien's face. A face blurry because the figure had moved, but the features were still recognisable. It was baring its teeth – which amounted to almost four dozen (or it seemed so). It had a green face that seemed caved in and leathery, outlining its skull and harsh cheekbones. A hat shadowed its forehead – slightly revealing two bloodshot eyes with brown irises - seeming disgustingly hungry. It had four nostrils instead of two, the second pair mounted higher up – on the bridge of it's nose. And worse than that… a kind of halo of wings was protruding from around its face, eventually disappearing beneath its western-style hat.
Dog barked at the information entering his data and then numbers started to whiz alongside the picture on the screen as the robot opened data files to find matching information.
Eventually, after a minute or so of scanning, Dog let out a bark and the photo disappeared, revealing a screen that read: Match confirmed.
"Open the file," 2-T told Dog, twiddling with his fingers in anticipation. Dog barked and the screen flickered. To reveal the creature's name. Stats accompanied it soon after in a small profile. 2-T read it aloud.
"Creeper. One of its kind – no other spotted in the universe. Home planet: Earth. Age: unknown. Gender: Possibly male. Behaviour: kills humans to satisfy its hung–" 2-T stopped. His face grew pale. His eyes widened. He clenched his fists and looked as if he were about to retch. He didn't.
Instead, he turned away – eyes almost watering. "Dog, are you sure?" he hissed through his teeth, his back to the robot dog. Dog barked the affirmative. 2-T lowered his eyes and shook his head.
'Kills humans to satisfy his' what? Thought Ange. In fact, so did everyone. B.Bop had put the ship on autopilot and had joined the party in the centre of the Roverpod. He was twitching nervously.
"Hunger." 2-T finished. He turned. "This thing isn't an alien, because it lives on Earth – always has. It's practically a cannibal…" he trailed off.
B.Bop touched his shoulder. "2-T… What are you talking about?"
Ange felt the sudden horror wash over her. "No," she whispered. "I wasn't being serious, 2-T, I didn't believe it actually…"
2-T looked up and caught her eye. "It's true, Ange. There's no way Dog can be wrong. This 'Creeper' kills people. But that's not just it. He… he…"
Mike and Cedric looked awkward. Do-Wah's 'courage' was failing him. B.Bop looked slightly sick. Ange was in a state of shock. 2-T lowered his stance and dropped down into one of the sofas. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper.
"He doesn't just kill his victims. He eats them."