10 Extreme Steps of Humiliating Romantic Plans

Sakura was a unique girl and found life imaginably humorous. She didn't make a habit of being serious, she found it boring and she didn't like to think life was too realistic. In most ways, she was a guy at heart, because she made best friends with the male population her whole life and the only girl friend she ever had was her cousin, Tomoyo Daidouji.

Her goal in life was to be as happy as happy could give her. Whatever came her way she adored and everybody, including her cat, noticed this as the biggest part of her charm. She was sarcastic and loyal and had a lot of pride.

Her best friend was Eriol Hiiragizawa, who unfortunately had the hots for her cousin, was a complicated fellow. He found it unnecessarily amusing to taunt his best friend, who was also his cousin, and liked to be a smartass ninety-nine percent of the time. But the duty that was put in the hands of Sakura was to tame his inner beast by reminding him of his humiliating secrets she threatened to tell Miss Daidouji.

"Can we not do this?" Eriol proposed one charming day as Sakura made him to follow her out of school during classes.

"I told you, if you want to win the heart of my wonderful and beautiful cousin you have to woo her with the things I know she'll want."

"And what are these things?"

"You'll see." Was Sakura's witty remark as a smirk played at her lip, and she continued to drag him along by his tie.

-

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Oh hush up." Sakura told him as she bought the unreasonably smallest men's underwear Eriol had ever set his eyes on before—with his money too.

On the way to the food court of their local mall Eriol made it his special time to sulk and pout over his best friends antics and decided to ask her to pay him back by buying him food.

"Thank you so much Eriol that was very generous of you." Sakura smiled up at him playfully as she sat down with her extremely large tray of ordered food.

You're welcome for robbing me of the last of my money and threatening me with you're extremely large fist.

"So what's this plan you're so wanting me to use?" Eriol struck for conversation as he tried to block out the horrifying scene in front of him.

Sakura abruptly stopped gulfing down her food as she looked up at him with the largest glint in her eye. Oh shit I'm blinded by the light… and I'm going to die…not to mention the humiliation.

"The one thing I know Tomoyo dreams of is a bad boy, what other girl besides me doesn't? So I'm going to give you the biggest makeover of your life."

"Wait," Eriol put his hand up to interrupt, "bad boy? What the hell kind of plan is this? I don't want to have to lie to her in order to win her heart, just so she can find out and give me the biggest rejection of my life… I'm not cut out for that kind of shit Sakura, you know that."

"And you're not just cut out for this shit, you should get the biggest pussy award of the year," Sakura rolled her eyes at him as she took another unnaturally large bite of her burger.

Eriol used this time of silence to rejoice over the image of her death in his mind.

"I'm just going to polish you up some, that's all. If you can't even trust your own best friend how the hell are you going to go through life without me?"

Oh, I think I could manage.

"Listen, do you want me to help or not? Because I can just leave you to go back to your 'anonymous lover from a distance' routing again if you want me to."

"'Anonymous lover from a distance'? Where the hell do you come up with this shit?"

"My mind, what else?" Another roll of the eyes again and Eriol knew she was back to her unusual sarcastic self again and he couldn't help but smile at her antics. No matter how cruel she can be at times like these, she somehow couldn't make anyone really hate her. She had an unnatural charm he'd ever seen and even if he gets cruel images of her in his mind every now and then he still loves her all the same.

Eriol sighed, "Alright as long as it's not too over the top and still 'Eriol'."

Sakura gave a gleeful screech and started rambling on her plan, "First things first… we got to get you some contacts."

-

"Ok Sakura, What's two-thousand times two?" Tomoyo asked after they got into an argument because Sakura denied the fact that she humiliated Tomoyo in the classroom by yelling to her across the room asking her how good she likes her bad boys in bed.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like a smart ass to you? I don't understand math in the slightest." Sakura knew Tomoyo knew this and she gave her a sideways glance of victory, "Tough luck hunny, but that'll never work on my enormous pride. I know what I am and I could give two shits less about my flaws." The grin on her face was enormous.

Tomoyo shrugged, "At least I know what guffaw means." She smirked and gave a side ways glance at a dumbstruck Sakura.

"What the fuck!" She whined, "Everybody knows what that word means but me. It sounds like its describing a large shit coming after a huge orgy."

Tomoyo found it hard to hold the laughter in and fell to the floor out of impact the laugh made to her chest as she cried with the immense laughter. Sakura started giggling at her cousin on the floor and let it continue to grow as she helped her silly ass off the floor.

"You're a fucking loser, you know that."

-

"I got to admit, I look good."

"Yeah I know I'm just that good."

"But maybe I should wear my glasses, the contacts are itchy and the glasses are more me."

"Nahh, this is a more shagged out hunky look, it's what she likes."

"But Sakura-"

"No buts!"

Eriol continued to stare at himself in the large mirror as he studied the look Sakura gave him. All he wore were jeans and a dark T-shirt with a rebel necklace and his hair was down and untamed. He already missed his normal polished look. Right now he looked like the cowboy rebel and unshaven; Sakura made him throw his shaving cream and razor out the garbage three days before. His eyebrow rose.

"Sakura, remind me again why she even likes this type?"

"Because it's sexy."

Eriol rolled his eyes as he turned around to face her, "I'm serious."

Sakura stopped looking through the magazine she used for inspiration and looked up at him. She had that serious regal look to her now and Eriol knew she was going to explain better.

"Somehow, and I'm also saying this with experience, we girls find it alluring when we see a mysterious rebel looking guy with a dark past. I don't know what it is, something psychological I suppose, but it's something a lot of us like."

Eriol looked back at the mirror for a moment, "This reminds me of Syaoran a lot."

"That cousin you're always making fun of? Why?"

"You just described him, only he doesn't have a dark past, he's just extremely unsocial and dislikes crowds." When Eriol looked back at her he noticed she looked somewhat dreamy and it surprised him, "Ahh getting a little excited now? Imagining what my dear cousin looks like and how he might look like nak-"

"Come off it." Sakura returned to her normal self and shoved her nose in the magazine again. Eriol chuckled as he walked over and sat beside her.

"So, besides what I look like, are you also planning to teach me how to act around her? Can I act myself or do I have to pretend?" Eriol had a disturbing look in his eye as if doing exactly this sickened him.

Sakura giggled, "I don't suppose you have to act the part if you don't want to, and I know for a fact you guys are meant for each other, and I'm just giving you a head start." She smirked as she watched him blush.

"It's not like I want to marry her… at least not yet."

"Oh come on, she's lookin' mighty cute lately… let her touch your penis."

Eriol took the privilege to snatch the magazine out of her hands, roll it up and smacked her in the head with it.

Several times.

-

"I want you to know, I love you."

Tomoyo's eyes were as wide as her china set as she stared down at the ridiculous Sakura bent over one knee, begging with her hands clapped together for forgiveness.

"Oh, come off it Sakura. I told you I forgive you already for that incident in the classroom."

"No this is different, I've done something worser." Sakura played her extreme fake pout.

"Oh. My. God. What did you do?"

Sakura bit her lip, "I broke your Camcorder." She said in a small voice and she covered her ears when Tomoyo screeched the loudest squeal of terror she'd ever heard.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Tomoyo chased Sakura around the house for hours on end.

"I said I loved you, what more do you want from me! So you love your precious Camcorder more than your own flesh and blood? You of all people should understand how much I couldn't control myself in its presence; you should have taken it with you when you left your room for only a moment! The temptation was too great!"

-

"Hey Tomoyo." Sakura lay on her side of Tomoyo's bed later that night in the pitch dark as her and her cousin discussed things as they usually did on their Saturday night sleepovers at Tomoyo's mansion. Oh yes, I forgot to mention—Tomoyo's filthy rich.

"Yeah."

"What is it that you really want in a man?"

Tomoyo took the liberty to mull this over for a good five minutes, "I suppose I want him to be loyal, funny, easy-going and not complicated."

Shit. Eriol's plenty of complication.

"When I think about it, I don't really know what I want in a man, because I'm not going to fall in love with someone I think up, that's not how it goes."

Sure, that's helps.

"What do you want?"

Syaoran.

Yes, Eriol showed her a picture of his cousin the other day and found him exquisitely gorgeous but wouldn't admit it to Eriol at the time. She decided to try and describe him the best she could, even though she's never met him before; she's willing to risk it.

"Gorgeous."

Tomoyo started laughing.

"What?"

"That's all you care about? All you want in a guy is that he's gorgeous?"

"No."

"Well…?"

"Gorgeous as in 'inside and out'."

"Oh, I see." Tomoyo said this in an extremely sarcastic voice.

"You wanna go?"

"Bring it on."

And so they started throwing pillows at each other in the dark; do not try this at home.

-

"What do you say, we go out?" Sakura leaned across the table and put her face up close and personal to Tomoyo's as she tried reading the morning paper.

"Where would we go?"

Sakura shrugged, "Mickey's."

Tomoyo slowly looked up, "Oh no, do you know how much I've tried to make a living of this diet? This will ruin me."

"I hear they've doubled the amount of ice cream in sundaes." Sakura grinned as she watched Tomoyo's eyes darken and narrow.

"I hate you."

-

As they entered the extremely busy Mickey's Sakura tried looking over heads.

"What are you doing?" Came Tomoyo's inquisitive tone.

"Counting how many hot guys there are." Sakura easily lied.

While they stood in line, Sakura made a mental note to hit Eriol for not being visible. Soon she finally found him and smirked as a thought came to mind. When the line moved Sakura waited until Eriol was close enough for her to make a move.

When she found her chance Sakura shoved Tomoyo ingeniously towards Eriol and watched as he caught her unexpectedly, giving her a glare as he spoke his apologies.

"Oh, Thank you," Tomoyo started as she used him for support and stood on her own two feet again until she made eye contact with him. Eriol stared back for a moment before he came to his senses, "No problem."

He sent a nasty glare Sakura's way and watched her shrug comically and mouthed the words, "I slipped" before looking back down at Tomoyo as he let her go once she was again grounded.

-

"It's been two weeks and they're already dating." Sakura laughed into the phone.

Eriol watched into the room, waved at Sakura and put his coat on the coat rack before sitting down.

Sakura suddenly got a glimmer in her eye and she eyed Eriol as she spoke into the phone, "Oh, I suppose it's happened. I'm damn sure of it… I found, to my displeasure, a used condom under Tomoyo's sheets this morning while she was having a shower."

Sakura walked onto the bed as Eriol charged after her. While she giggled into the phone she helplessly tried to get away from Eriol but found her attempt was smashed to oblivion as he came on top of her and started tickling her.

"I'm sorry Ayumi," Sakura said between giggles, "But I got to go, love you, bye."

Once she pressed the button on the phone she screamed in laughter as she pried herself from his hands.

"Serves you right," Eriol said as he brushed his fingers through his hair. "Quit telling lies to our friends."

"Oh come on," Sakura pouted, "It's so much fun expressing my deepest love and affection for my two best friends."

"It definitely shows."

"So where were you guys today? And where's Tomoyo gone?"

"Lunch and Kitchen."

"Huh?" Sakura made a face.

"We went out to lunch, and she's in the Kitchen."

"What the hell's she in the kitchen for?"

"I don't know, to speak to her mother I suppose."
Suddenly, Sakura's eyes widened before she ran out the door, leaving Eriol to ponder on her odd actions.

-

"No Tomoyo! You mustn't!" Sakura through the kitchen doors open and pushed herself to her knees so she could helplessly beg for mercy—again.

"What the hell?" Tomoyo said from the table her and her mother sat.

"Don't make your mother not make her famous chocolate chip cookies again, it's unfair. You know I love them so much, I treated you to that sundae the day you met Eriol! You vile, unloving cousin."

"What the hell are you talking about Sakura?"

Sakura opened her eyes to stare up at the two women and stood up. "What do you mean what am I talking about?"

"Why the hell would you assume I'd do something like that? I've never done that before."

Sakura blinked. "You haven't?"

"No."

Sakura's face twisted as she tried to remember why it was so familiar that Tomoyo would do this. And then it hit her—or more like a potato hit her in the back of the head.

"Ow."

"Sorry!" Came the maid's apology, but Sakura secretly knew she did it on purpose.

"Damn it! Why the fuck do I always imagine that my nightmares are real?"

"Because you're stupid."

Sakura glared at her cousin.

"I'll remember that one," She said as she pointed a finger towards Tomoyo as she started to turn around, "You better watch your back."

"I'll be watching with love, love." Tomoyo grinned, and Sakura grinned back as she went back to the room.

-

Sakura sighed.

"What's wrong?" Eriol asked monotonously.

"My life sucks."

"You just realized that?"

Sakura glared.

"I suppose I have good news that will cheer you up."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Her voice was equally monotonous.

"My dear cousin's coming to visit." He grinned as she got a face like a surprised child.

"So I'll get to meat him? Will you hook us up just like I hooked you and my dear cousin up? Are you going to return the favor?"

Eriol laughed, "Of course," He said as her smile grew bigger, "But first things first…we got to work on you're unpolished antics…"

Fin