Avocado: Alright, NSG, the fuck are we doing? Kuroinu? Really!? Have we really fallen this low?
NS: Oh, don't you fuckin' give me that, you're the one who suggested that series to begin with!
Avocado: Yes, but you wanted a shitty fantasy world that you could easily break in three seconds or less! I just provided, now you're dragging me into this shit!? Argh! Not to mention we both have to go full tokusatsu on this bitch!
NS: Well, as we can clearly see, there is neither a God nor Buddha in this hellhole.
Avocado: Sighs Fuck it, fine. Dibs on Garo! Wait, why am I writing the lemons? I've never written smut before!
NS: And what would be a better place to learn?
Avocado: ...DxD?
NS: Fair point, but nah.
Avocado: I don't have a choice, do I?
NS: There's always a choice! You've already made it.
Avocado: Sighs...again To hell with it, going full Memelord. Behold, High Impact Sexual Shitpost!
Chapter One: Suddenly, Shameless Self-Inserts!
The land of Eostia has been in a state of war for centuries.
The Dark Elf queen Olga and her monstrous subjects would push south into Eostia, and be driven back time and time again by the armies of the High Elf, Celestine. Even as the generations of the races not as long-lived as her passed by, the quarrel between elves raged on, their lives becoming built around a conflict, seemingly without end in sight.
Furthermore, with every push, Olga spread further into human and halfling settlements, pillaging, burning, and most importantly, raping to bolster the numbers of her monsters. It was soon at a point where the stalemate was as strong between the two sides militarily as it was between the wills of the High Elf and Dark Elf queens. Something had to break, be it the stalemate or the belligerents, and as the Goddess reborn, Celestine and her six vassals, the Shield Princesses, met to discuss the situation, one crucial thing was on all their minds.
"Is it this bad?" Celestine asked, her face a mix of guilt and worry.
"It's worse than any of us can imagine," said Claudia Levantine solemnly, "Throughout the land, many are approaching the breaking point. The war has gone on for so long that there isn't a living memory of peace, besides the Elves."
"It's coming to the point that people don't give a damn about anything anymore, they'll do anything to just get away from it." Luu-Luu the Halfling put her two cents in.
"Were it not for how horrible Olga and her monster are, I would not be against suing for peace." Kaguya, the Shrine Maiden declared.
Claudia glowered. "Suing for peace isn't even an option, but we need something other than prolonging the conflict. Surely there's something we can do, your majesty."
"Why not bolster out numbers with Mercenaries, like the Kuroinu?"
Luu-Luu made is disgusted face. "...Eugh! No! I get a vile feeling from those guys,"
Maia glared at Luu-Luu. "Take that back! The Kuroinu aren't vile!"
"You're biased!" The halfling shot back.
"Please calm down, both of you!" Prim pleaded.
Claudia sighed. "Luu-Luu is onto something. Just hiring more men for us won't bode well, if society is starting to fray like this, then they will be difficult to control."
Kaguya nodded. "Someone like Vault, and his skills...he could possibly even betray us."
Maia glowered at the insinuation.
Celestine pondered the information presented to her. "Kaguya, wasn't your country a place that specialized in summoning?"
Kaguya blinked. "Summoning? Yes."
Celestine smiled. "Perhaps that could be our solution."
Alicia tilted her head, confused. "Summoning? Like monsters?"
Celestine shook her head. "No. The summoning of warriors from another world to fight on our behest."
Kaguya nodded. "Yes, I do have the materials for such a ritual, however, it is problematic."
Luu-Luu turned to her. "Problematic how?"
Kaguya's expression turned serious. "We could summon our savior to this world, but it is just as likely we may summon our doom. That fear left the summoning ritual relegated to memory."
Celestine contemplated this. "...But it is far better of a chance than placing all of our faith in men with only loyalty to money and power."
Luu-Luu threw her arms up. "Thank you!"
"They're not that bad..." Maia muttered under her breath.
Celestine locked eyes with Kaguya. "Prepare your notes on this ritual, and we will see what comes of it."
Alicia looked unsure. "I pray it's not our doom."
She looked at her cousin, charge, and companion, Prim, who nodded in agreement.
And so…
Under the directions of Kaguya, the seals and arrays to summon warriors from another world were drawn in the war room. The large table removed to make room for the summoning circle. They were given the option of summoning seven weaker warriors or one extremely powerful warrior.
They chose the second option, as they believed that it would have brought a faster end the war if someone could just carve through Olga's armies with ease.
Kaguya checked the summoning circle one last time before facing the other Shield Princesses. "The ritual is ready, Celestine-sama."
Celestine looked at the summoning circle, then at the notes. This part of the ritual...bothered her.
"Kaguya...is this necessary?" Celestine asked, her cheeks tinted red.
Kaguya looked completely nonplussed at the notion. "Yes"
Celestine looked back to the notes. "But this would be...a violation."
"A powerful magic is needed to activate the array, it requires the energy of release."
"Must you say that so matter of factly?" Alicia all but yelled as she read the notes. Her face glowing red.
"It is a matter of fact." Kaguya said simply. "We must all release at the same time in the array for the summoning ritual to work."
Many of the Shield Princesses steeled themselves as they shyly walking into the summoning circle.
They began stripping themselves of their armor and clothes, leaving their flawless and voluptuous bodies - Luu-Luu not counted - exposed to the world.
They knelt down and got as comfortable as they could before their hands reached their pussies. Their fingers slowly traced their folds with varying degrees of nervousness and shame, trying not to catch each other's eyes.
Slowly, but surely, the war room in which the Shield Princesses discussed and debated became filled with the shameful moans of the kingdom's most famed protectors and it's ruler. Not helping matters was the fact that Maia seemed particularly into it, digging two slender fingers into her wet cunt and thrusting eagerly, panting and arching her back.
"Mmmm...Ahh...ahh...ahh!"
As they all simultaneously reached orgasm, and the summoning circle activated, multi-colored lights geysered upward and hung there, like the ominous lights that appeared in the sky above Olga's domain to the north. And then, with a flash, a gate of light opened.
…
Samson stumbled forward, blinking in the bright light. He wasn't sure when he'd arrived here, or even where here was, but all the same, there was nothing but bright light surrounding him, with an exit in front of him. Ordinarily, he might have just stopped dead and wondered what the hell was going on, but something seemed to be dragging him forward.
Then he exited, and blinked as his senses returned to him.
"Huh?" he muttered, looking around, "Where's…where am I?"
A sudden moan made him jump, and he looked down to see the various women seated around him, all clearly masturbating and panting, faces flushed bright red.
"Uhhhhh…" He quickly glanced upward. "Well. I've clearly wandered somewhere I shouldn't. Sorry to, er, bother you ladies. I'll just be on my way then!"
The young man quickly realized he didn't actually have any idea where "here" even was. And as such, was left utterly baffled by the recent turn of events.
Luckily, a few of the extremely beautiful and sexy women around him finally came out of their orgasm induced high and noticed him.
"The...summoning...was a...success." Kaguya announced between haggard breaths.
Samson gave her a confused look. "Summoning…? Is that what this is? ...Ah, yeah, I can see the elf ears now," he muttered, giving Celestine a once-over. Then he looked down at himself, only to realize that something was definitely different. "Holy shit, I have abs!" he exclaimed, patting at his flat abdomen and suddenly thicker arms. "Dunno what you're summoning me for, but you've already given me a hell of a payment!"
"Who's paying who?" asked Maia with a smirk, staring rather blatantly back at him.
The man blinked, scratching at his short brown hair, before following her gaze. As it turned out, whatever had called him to this place had neglected to take his clothes with him. "Ack!" He quickly tried in vain to cover his crotch, looking rather foolish with his powerful muscles. "D-does anyone have any-?!" Then he regarded the women's outfits. "Nevermind, that's a stupid question."
Maia snorted in amusement as Samson tried in vain to protect his now tarnished modesty with his hands. "Alright, let's get the big boy dressed before we start explaining the situation to him," she suggested.
Luu-Luu laughed. "'Big boy' is a bit of an understatement for what he's packing."
Alicia covered Prim's eyes, while the blonde Shield Princess herself stared with an atomic blush.
Kaguya and Celestine had the decency to look embarrassed and look off to the side.
Claudia, surprisingly enough, was the least embarrassed by the newcomer's state of undress and rather large endowment. She had a husband, after all; this wasn't anything new to her. Instead, she chose to focus on the only thing adorning their summoned warrior. A silvery bangle was fastened to one of his muscular biceps, bearing what looked like an angular, tribal face, with a long, hooked nose and a pair of glowing blue gems for eyes.
"What is that?" she asked.
"What's what?" asked Samson, still trying to cover himself.
When she pointed, he glanced down at the bangle.
"Huh. Don't remember ever having this. Looks kinda familiar…" Then he shook himself. "But seriously, could someone get me something to cover up with here?!"
"A-Ah, yes," Celestine stuttered. "Please stay, here, we'll bring you some clothes to cover yourself…"
…
War never changes. At least, this was what Olga Discordia believed until her powers began to wane. It happened every so often, but as Celestine's forces inched ever further north, she found that her powers were dipping longer and longer.
This wasn't good.
The one thing that kept the hordes of monsters in line was the fear of power. If this particular wane continued, it would be harder to intimidate the beasts into obedience.
And worse…
"Your majesty, a war band has returned unsuccessful." Chloe, her most trusted and loyal servant informed. "The positions held by the halflings have proven near impenetrable this point."
Olga rubbed her forehead in frustration. "Damn, if this keeps up we'll start to lose ground. And if that happens..."
Her people would be in danger from both the outside and inside.
Chloe looked around the throne room warily before stepping closer to her queen.
"Is it your magic?" She asked.
"...Yes. It's weakening again." The Dark Elf queen admitted.
"Why is this happening?"
"Black magic is fickle. Sometimes it will escape me entirely, and I need to rebuild my power." Olga frowned. "Celestine, that vile…lately, her forces have been enjoying confidence unbecoming of them. They get bolder with every skirmish."
"My informants have heard news of a mercenary force appearing at the capital; it's possible she's hiring them for a new offensive."
Olga furrowed her brow. "...A very bad prospect. Something must be done, there's no telling how long I will be without my power."
Chloe stepped up nervously. "While I was in your library, studying...I think I may have come across a solution, at least one that will bolster our forces temporarily, without having to demand more of the monsters."
"Summon?" Olga huffed. "Nonsense...such magic rarely provides results."
"Yes, but that's because I think the runes in this book are wrong! If you let me attempt, I can create a working array! Then we can summon warriors to this world to fight for us."
Olga sighed. "If you can do that kind of miracle, I'll make you my wife."
Chloe felt her heart rate increase as the blood rushed to her face.
"Y-Your majesty!" The half dark elf's face was practically glowing. "I will not fail!"
After several hours of preparation, Chloe had the array ready as Olga looked upon it impressed by her most trusted servant's work.
Olga truly was impressed by what Chloe had done, she felt her pride in the young dark elf swell in leaps and bounds.
"You've learned well." Olga complemented.
Chloe smiled bashfully. "I had the most wonderful teacher, after all."
Olga smiled warmly, something that the other girl felt that only she ever got to see. "Very well, let us initiate the ritual and bring into this world our champion."
Both dark elves walked into the summoning circle and stripped themselves of their clothes. Not a particularly difficult act, given how little they wore already.
Olga held Chloe close and cupped her chin, making the nervous and blushing half dark elf look into the eyes of her beloved ruler. Her warm smile turned sultry as she brought her face closer, until their lips touched. Chloe's mind blanked, she couldn't even remember what she was doing before this, the only thing on her mind was that the person she loved the most was kissing her. The touch of her queen's soft, plump lips sent sparks crackling down her spine, giving her goosebumps and igniting her core. The feeling exploded even further, like fireworks, once Olga's tongue slipped into her mouth, coiling around her own and probing at her cheeks. Chloe didn't even try to fight for dominance, she was more than happy to let her queen do as she pleased. She shuddered as she felt her queen's soft hands trailed down her body, practically melting into her touch. As Olga's fingers finally reached her prize, hidden beneath a tiny thong, she noticed just how wet Chloe was already. She smirked as she rubbed Chloe's slit. "My, my, what a naughty, adorable servant I have~"
Chloe couldn't respond, just having her beloved queen pleasure her. The servant moaned helplessly in the arms of her queen, all coherent form of thought gone and bucking her hips at her touch.
Olga stopped making out with Chloe, causing the poor girl to whine at the loss of her ruler's tongue exploring her mouth.
The queen brought her head close to Chloe's ear. "My sweet, dear Chloe~ How selfish of you, you're supposed to be pleauring me as well, you know?"
It was like a dam broke with those words.
Chloe tackled Olga down and ravaged her queen's mouth with her own tongue, the tables completely flipped. And if the loud moan Olga gave was anything to go by, she didn't mind in the least.
The half dark elf rubbed feverishly at her queen's wet slit a few times, before eagerly inserting two slender fingers. Olga arched her back with a hiss of pleasure as her servant began doing as she pleased with her body.
Chole stared at Olga's large breasts as they wobbled parabolically back and forth with her gasping breaths. Latching on and squeezing them together, she began pinching and tugging at her dark nipples with her free hand, practically salivating over the supple, juicy fat of her mistress's glorious mammaries.
"Mmmmmm~" Olga let out a lust filled moan into Chole's mouth as the pleasure increased.
Olga, for her part, didn't just let her servant do all the work either. They both needed to orgasm at the same time for it to work after all. As such, her own hands began to play and tease with Chloe's plump, round ass, simultaneously fingering her pussy with increasing speed.
Soon enough the throne room of Olga Discordia was filled with lust filled moans. The two almost forgetting about the ritual entirely in favor of just losing themselves in pleasure.
"Ahh...ahh...ahh..." The two moaned into each other's mouths. "Mmmmmmm~!"
And finally, the two climaxed, their twats gushing with musky nectar and igniting the summoning circle beneath them, filling the dark throne room with light.
The two elves quickly exited the summoning circle as the warrior they summoned came into their throne room.
As the light died down, they saw what appeared to be a bathtub, the water still steaming, and a young man relaxing in it, oblivious to the world around him.
After a few seconds, they realized the young man, seemed to not even realize what had happened to him, his eyes were closed as he appeared to be close to nodding off in the tub, the steam still shrouding most of his features.
Olga and Chloe hastened to replace their clothes (more difficult a task than taking them off) as their summoned warrior was still unaware of his current circumstances.
As the afterglow of their recent activities finally left them, Olga loudly cleared her throat, getting the young man's attention.
"Huh, that hell…?" He said as his head swiveled around the room, baffled by his change in location.
His surveying of the throne room came to a stop when he locked eyes with Olga.
The two stared down at each other for a few seconds.
"I get the feeling I'm not in Kansas anymore." He said in slight shock.
"Sure looks that way," a voice said close by.
By the surprised looks on the two dark elves, not even they expected the voice's sudden appearance.
"Look at your right hand," the voice instructed.
The young man raised up his right hand and gave a confused look at the silver, ornate, skull ring on his middle finger.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Zaruba." The skull's mouth moved as it talked. "You must be my new partner."
The young man stared at the ring with a shocked expression. "First Truck-kun snipes me from my own bathroom using hacks, now I have some Garo shit going on soon after."
"You already know about the Golden Knight, Garo? Wonderful, this saves me a bunch of time on explanations!"
The young man sighed. "...Of course it does."
Chloe narrowed her eyes at him. "He's...human." She moved in front of Olga, defensively.
The queen herself also defensive and wary of the human summoned by the ritual.
"Excuse me," He called out to them. "Could you kindly tell me where I am?"
Olga and Chloe looked to each other for a few seconds before addressing their newest...guest.
Olga took a step forward, her stance exuding power and grace. "You have been summoned to the court of I, Queen Olga Discordia."
The young man stood up in the tub quickly, steam still protecting whatever modesty he had left, his expression of shock was greater than when the ring had started talking.
"I-I...could...could you repeat your name again, I don't think I heard correctly." His voice shook quite a bit.
"I am Queen Olga Discordia, the eternal enemy of the Goddess reborn, Celestine." Olga restated.
The young man's shoulders slumped and his eye was twitching.
"Good fucking lord, of all places to get isekai'd into, why did it have to be Eostia?" He asked no one in particular.
"You seem like you know this realm, partner," Zaruba observed.
"Four words, ring buddy. Dark Hentai Fantasy World."
Zaruba was silent for a few seconds. "I've served the Makai Knights without fail time and time again, and this is what I'm given for my countless years of service?"
"I feel your pain." His eyes widened. "Quick, do we have the Garo armor on standby?"
"Yes, we do."
He left out a relieved sigh. "Oh goodie, I was worried for a bit."
Olga, while she found the exchange between the summoned warrior and the talking ring somewhat amusing, it left a particularly bad taste in her mouth at being ignored.
"Summoned warrior, state your name," Olga commanded sternly.
"Ah, I forgot to introduce myself, my apologies, your grace," he said sheepishly. "My name's Zachary, sort of going through an existential crisis at the moment. How can I help you?"
As he said that, the steam from the tub finally cleared up.
The summoned warrior, Zachary, was a very tall and handsome man, a little over six feet tall. His amber eyes peeked through his long wet, black hair that stopped at his lower back. The small stable on his face only added to the mature look he gave.
In Olga's humble opinion, this...Zachary was a wonderful specimen of a man. The muscles on his body were just the right size unlike the grotesquely muscular or obese humans and orcs. She had to will her face to not crumble in disgust as she remembered Sir John Mandeville, Chloe's owner before Olga had had the bastard gutted like a pig. Whenever the thought of humans came to mind, that man always brought himself to the forefront.
She gave a mental shrug. Her summoned warrior, human or not, was easy on the eyes, amusing, and polite enough to apologize when he had knowingly done wrong.
All good points in her book.
It was at this point that everyone noticed that the steam was gone...and Zachary was standing up, naked, still dripping wet.
"Huh?" Zachary made a surprised sound as he looked over his own body. "Well, I'll be damned. This isn't my original body."
"Seems like it. I knew I felt some kind of shift in your physical form as we were transported into this reality." Zaruba explained.
"Well, I certainly ain't complaining about it." Zachary grinned.
The summoned warrior noticed Olga and Chloe were looking at him, but they were looking a little lower.
So he did the same.
"Rapidly growing self-esteem, thy name is hentai logic." Zachary quipped as he noticed his body's new, larger endowments.
Chloe gave a strangled sound of mixed outrage, lust, and disgust. Whether it was at him or herself, he had no idea. Olga merely gave him a raised eyebrow, nodding with some approval.
"So...uhhhh, does anyone have these elusive pants I've heard so much about?"
…
"Alright, so," began Samson, leaning on the council table. After a few minutes of waiting, a servant had brought him a pair of pants and boots, though no shirts. As such, he had to sit there bare-chested, letting the various women ogle him. I feel so objectified. "What's the situation?" he asked, getting right down to it.
Celestine bit her lip. "Erm, yes…to start with, you seem to already understand, but you've been summoned from another world to this one. This is the continent of Eostia, and put simply, we've been at war for hundreds of years now."
The man grimaced. "Yeah, that figures. You wouldn't summon someone for no reason. So, who's the other side, and why do we hate them?"
Maia snorted. "Pretty practical questions. Are you a mercenary or something, mister?"
"Ah, no, not in the slightest," he denied quickly, rubbing at his neck, "Never been much of a fighter at all, really. This body is something new."
"Returning to your question," Claudia interjected firmly, "The 'other side' are the Dark Elf forces to the north, led by the witch-queen Olga. She has sent hordes of monsters time and again to attack our borders, and although we've repelled them so far, they…" she grimaced, "They keep any women they capture to breed more of themselves."
His expression darkened. "I see."
Alicia glowered as well. "Savage scum!"
"As Claudia said, we've managed to keep them at bay," continued Celestine, drawing his attention, "However, it's inevitable that things will come to a head soon. Either we defeat Olga outright, or everyone loses. We did manage to hire a band of mercenaries on Maia's recommendation…"
The redhead gave him a nod.
"However, we decided that we should not, as they say, put all our eggs in one basket."
Frowning, Samson nodded. "Well. Much as I'm…not altogether thrilled at being yanked from my home and being asked to fight, I can see your logic." He breathed deeply, shuddering and swallowing his saliva at the warm, flowery smells wafting from each woman. "S-something's bothering me, though. There's something…familiar about all this."
"Familiar?" asked Alicia, cocking her head, "What do you mean by that?"
He hummed, scratching agitatedly at his head. "Not sure…all these names, this situation…" he glanced at Celestine. "Ah, right, we still haven't properly exchanged names. The name's Samson. Samson Rigel. May I know yours?"
The buxom blonde smiled ruefully, bowing her head. "My apologies, Sir Samson. This whole…situation has been rather bewildering. My name is Celestine Lucross, and these are the Shield Princesses. The priestess Kaguya, who was the one to suggest summoning you, Lady Claudia Levantine, Lady Alicia Arcturus, bodyguard of Princess Prim Fiorire-"
The pink-haired young girl gave him a nod, blushing brightly as his blue eyes swept over her face and generously exposed bust. With every name, despite his polite expression, his brows furrowed even further.
"-Luu-Luu, the Halfling, and Maia, formerly of the same mercenary company that we have hired."
When Luu-Luu was introduced, his eyes lingered on her a tad longer, a flash of recognition glinting in his eyes. "It's…an honor to be in the presence of such prestigious ladies," said Samson, slowly, "However, I have another question."
The elf queen nodded for him to continue.
"What is the name of this mercenary company?"
This question had the Princess Knights looking at each other in confusion, but in the end, it was Maia who answered. "The Kuroinu group, the most powerful mercenaries in Eostia!" she bragged.
Samson's eyebrows shot up as things finally clicked in his head, before his jaw clenched in anger and disgust. "Oh," he said, trying to keep his voice light as he clasped his hands and tried to hide his expression behind them. Judging by the alarmed expression on Claudia's face, Luu Luu's flinch and Kaguya's own raised brow, he was unsuccessful. "I see…I see, I see." He nodded, pretending to mull things over for a moment, then gave them a wide smile. "Well, in that case, sure! I'll help you with your problem! I could do with some proper education when it comes to fighting, but I daresay you'll need any edge you can get!"
"Speaking of which," said Kaguya, speaking up for the first time, "It is said that a summoned Warrior is gifted with a unique power. Do you have any insight into what yours is?"
"Erm…" he pursed his lips, thinking, "Not off the top of my head, no. I mean, I feel pretty damn great all around. Strong muscles, full of energy, I'm seeing and hearing better than I have in years…but I don't think that's what you're asking, is it?"
"Perhaps it has to do with that bangle you're wearing," suggested Claudia, indicating it with a wave of her hand.
Nodding, Samson craned his neck to look at it, reaching around to feel its contours. "This looks kinda familiar too. It's definitely more high-tech than I'd expect from a place like this, so it could be about as alien as I am…oh hey, this thing's a switch."
There came a click, and a slight whirring sound as the bangle's eyes lit up with a flash. All of a sudden, space swirled in front of his waist, and there came a series of metallic clicks, before something wrapped around him, settling heavily.
Looking down, his blood ran cold as he saw a metal belt. It too bore a face, albeit a more simplistic one, with a pair of bulbous red eyes, and a pair of handles jutting out to either side from the center. "Oh. Oh shit."
"What is that?" asked Alicia.
Luu Luu gave a shudder as a terrible feeling washed over her tiny body. This man…why does he feel sick, all of a sudden?! Sick and hungry…
Samson began to shake as he stared down at the Omega Amazon Driver. His heart pounded, sounding loud in his ears as something crawled through his body. A terrible itch that reached down to his bones and gnawed at his belly.
"That…" he said hollowly, "Is what I bring to the table."
Chapter End