Muffy could never understand what it was about her that made her feel so...unloved.
As a little girl, she absolutely loved those cheesy fairytales where the lovely princesses would be swept off their feet by charming princes in shining armor. They would always ride off on beautiful white horses, live in shining castles and mansions so big nobody could inspect every nook and cranny, have children, and live happily ever after. That was the kind of life she dreamed of having.
A nice house to live in. A loving husband. A family full of wonderful children. Parties with friends and family. It would be absolutely perfect. It was a dream she had always clung to, even as she turned thirty-one.
Too bad the only difficult thing was getting a husband. Her first love was in high school. A nice looking boy named Cameron. A band geek who played the trumpet, loved eating shrimp scampi and cheesecake, had two adorable little sisters, two mothers. Those first weeks of sophomore year were like a dream. Every weekend, they would walk around town, marveling in nature's beauty, with plum blossoms creating clouds of flowers on every tree they walked past. They would stop at the smoothie bar and share a cherry smoothie.
It would have been perfect...had Muffy not overheard a phone conversation between him and one of his friends. She had heard him say that he wanted Opal back, so he only hung out with that girl Muffy to make her jealous.
Oh. So that was it. Cameron never liked her. Just used her for his own ends. Well, Muffy certainly wasn't going to let this charlatan use her anymore. No she wasn't. With that, she cut that awful Cameron out of her life.
In her first year of college, she had met Louis, a man from another country. At first, he was nice, even if he had some odd customs, such as telling her that she should spend less time reading and more time cooking. Not helping his case was that he wasn't fond of anyone who wasn't straight and heterosexual. But he did shower her with flowers and love, and they would sit on the couch and watch movies together on some weekends. After that, they would sit on the couch and kiss the night away.
Even that romance was fleeting. The months afterward were fine, until Louis suddenly began berating the way she dressed. Her dress was supposedly too short. Such obscene display of skin would make other men do things to her, and if something had happened, it would be her fault, he had said. Hearing that took Muffy's breath away. So...if something bad would happen, it would be because of how she dressed and that she asked for it?
No. Already, she could see doom in her future. No time was wasted cutting him out of her life. Even if he was from a different country and was raised with different values and a different culture, that was no excuse for being such a jerk.
Oh well, she told herself. She'd find a nice man in due time. Nobody achieves their dream right away. They say fortune comes to those who wait.
But waiting was not something she could do. Not after so much heartbreak. She tried, she really tried. Her dream to have a family was slowly getting out of reach. Every time she would throw her hand out, the dream would pick up speed, managing to outrun her, not looking back as Muffy tripped. It wouldn't slow down no matter what.
The years that passed weren't exactly ideal, either. With every year that went by, another man came and went. Joseph? He used Muffy to cheat on his wife and get back at her for some stupid reason Muffy couldn't remember. Oliver? He tried to hide the fact that he was transgender and eventually couldn't take it anymore. Adrian? He only wanted a one night stand with her, nothing else. Todd? He was more interested in showing himself off and being a bigshot than caring about her. Darius? He only wanted her money and yanked $3000 out of her bank account.
With every man that she tried to hitch, her heart would be broken worse than the last time. It was a wonder she even had any pieces left to put back together. But even so, it wasn't the end of the world, she told herself. She'd find a nice husband someday. After all, she liked working at the bar and met lots of good people there. Making conversation with customers took her mind off of things. So it wasn't all bad! Right?
Every day, she smiled. Every day, she woke up hoping that today would be the day. Where her prince charming would come into her life, ride on his white horse, and propose to her with a beautiful ring. She would say yes and they would be married in a grand church. Envisioning herself in a shining, pristine white wedding dress, she would walk down the aisle, her face concealed by a thick veil. When her husband would part it, they would kiss, and pledge their everlasting loyalty. That dream was the only thing that kept her from losing any hope.
But not even hope is eternal. Heartbreak seemed to be the new black in her life.
Hope began to waver when she saw couples forming by the dozens. Men and women pledging their love, promising to have happy lives until the day they died. Mothers and fathers taking their children to the park. High schoolers going on their first dates. College students partying and making lots of noise in their dorm rooms, playing their music so loud, the neighbors would call the police on them. Women from her childhood getting married to the men of their dreams, most of whom would be in their early or mid-twenties, no less.
Evil thoughts began to hatch in her head. What did she do to deserve all this? What was it about her that put people off? What did she do wrong? What was it? She had no idea, and nothing she tried could help her understand. She couldn't understand. Everything was going so right for everyone except her. She always made herself the sunshine of people's lives. But every day, she was like the dead of night: grim, dark, and without any kind of light.
Then, at age thirty-two, a new farmer had moved into town. Even now, she couldn't remember his name. He seemed like a nice young lad. A little younger than she, but he worked on his farm daily, raising his cows, growing good crops, and saying hi to everyone every morning, even when he was busy with his animals. He had a smile that just made everyone want to turn, look, and say hi back. That was exactly what she did. At this point, she didn't care if he was young. He would be her prince charming.
At first, things were nice. They didn't go on dates, as he didn't seem interested in the thought of dating, but basic conversation was enough. Every week, he'd come to the bar just to chat and have some water. Muffy had provided him some good company, and they shared stories about the day's happenings and things that happened in their lives. All in good fun. Muffy didn't want to rush into this, as she knew the minute she overstepped her bounds, it would be over. Be calm. Be patient. Things will turn out alright in the end, she told herself.
Guess what happened?
The farmer married Celia, the poor girl in town. He had loved her the minute he moved into town. The moment Muffy heard them tell her they were getting married, her heart was finally smashed beyond repair. Not even her best attempt at smiling could possibly hide her heartbreak. Tears surfaced, and her face was red like a tomato, scrunched up and ugly. All she could say was…
"I thought you were different."
She had thought so. Every time. Once she thought they were different, they would always throw her away like trash. Like she didn't matter. Like she was only an object to be used by those around her. No more dreams. No more romance. No more love. This was a heartbreak for which there was no bandage big enough.
All she wanted was to be loved. To have a nice husband and a nice family and live happily, just like everyone around her was doing. She tried to be nice, to be loving, to give to those who needed it, everything...and it always blew up in her face every time. She thought she would live her whole life growing old and alone, never to be loved in return for all the love she tried to give. An explosion of sorrow overwhelmed her, and she was beyond repair at this point. Even years later, all she could do was watch everyone with jealousy, pining for the happy lives they had.
Everything she could never have.
That was when she decided...maybe the world would be better off without her.
One day, she found herself drawn to the beach. The beach with its ebbing waters, the waves moving back and forth in a foamy, bubbly orchestra, with the orange sun setting across the horizon, turning everything into a pool of liquid amber. What a beautiful sight. Muffy stood at the edge of the cliff, her blue eyes watching as the sky painted itself pink, purple, blue, and orange, welcoming twilight as the night began to fall.
Beautiful. Now, she could be happy.
The ocean suddenly turned downward. Muffy saw a world of water coming closer and closer.
Yes. She would be happy now. Only love was in her heart. Love for the beautiful twilight that came with the stars and the moon.
No more heartbreak.
A/N: Don't mind this stupid little piece of work. It's just a poorly written edgy grimdark angst fest I wrote to get my angry and sad feelings out of me. Writing is my outlet. Later on, I'll write something nice and fluffy to make up for it...if I'm still not at the rock bottom level of the pits of despair, that is.