Author's Note: I have to clear some things up before you all read the story. First of all, Ellie and Sean are both sixteen years old, Emma fifteen, though Ellie is a grade above Sean. Sean is already living alone in his brother's apartment, and he and Emma have only broken up once (the break-up that took place in Season 1).
This story is kind of like the whole Craig, Ashley, and Manny love triangle.
I do not own rights to Degrassi, the characters, or the lyrics to the song For The First Time by The Script.
For The First Time
I.
"Sean, don't," Ellie whispered as she felt warm arms wrap around her waist.
"What's wrong?" he murmured into her ear.
"You're - you're with Emma. Stop."
"But I want you," Sean insisted, resting his chin on her shoulder as he slowly made them sway.
That's what every cheater says, Ellie thought to herself bitterly.
How had she even let herself get into this situation? Everybody knew that Sean and Emma were the biggest couple in school. So why had she let herself get involved with him?
Maybe it was the way he understood her better than anyone else did. He didn't look at her as the freaky Goth girl. To Sean, Ellie was just…Ellie.
Though Sean was dating a goody-two shoes, he didn't have the best reputation. Everybody criticized him, blamed him for every crime that went down at the school.
Not that he wasn't responsible for them, though. He ran with a bad crowd, despite Emma's protests. Usually he stole from the school, but other times it was somebody else in the gang. Emma was starting to put two and two together, and once she figured out it was Sean who stole her step dad's expensive laptop, she would end their relationship. For good this time.
So Sean needed a back up. He met Ellie in Saturday detention a month ago, and though they'd never talked before then, there had been a connection. Sean knew that if Emma broke up with him now, he'd have Ellie to fall back on.
He didn't want to wait though. He liked Ellie. True to his word, he wanted her.
Sean tucked a loose strand of Ellie's ginger hair behind her ear, moving his head to kiss her neck.
Ellie squirmed in discomfort. "Sean, please. Don't."
Sean sighed, pulling away. "Why not?"
"I don't like this…sneaking around. I don't like being the…the mistress."
"Mistress?" Sean repeated, raising an eyebrow. "We don't exactly…do anything. You refuse to anyway."
"You know what I mean," Ellie said hastily.
Sean chuckled. "Well, what do you want me to do?"
"Break up with Emma."
Sean looked at her, stunned, unwinding his arms from around her. "You know I can't do that."
"Then I can't keep doing this."
"Ellie, please," Sean pleaded weakly.
"It makes me feel horrible to know that Emma would be so upset if she found out about us. I don't want to hurt anybody," Ellie explained, voice quivering.
"She wouldn't be. She doesn't like me much anymore," Sean muttered.
"If you liked me, you would break up with her."
"If you liked me, you wouldn't make me choose."
"If you liked me, there shouldn't even be another option," Ellie retorted.
Sean's lips formed into a thin line. "I was with Emma first - you know that."
"Do you like me?" Ellie demanded.
Sean rolled his eyes. "Obviously."
"Do you like Emma?"
Sean hesitated before saying, "Yes."
"Am I only here so I can be your rebound girl?"
"Ellie, I like you. A lot."
"But not enough to dump your current girlfriend for me," Ellie sighed. "I'm sorry, Sean, but I don't want to be stuck in a relationship that's not even really a relationship." Ellie backed away from him and started heading for the door to that led back down to the halls of Degrassi.
"Ellie, wait," Sean begged.
Ellie looked out at the school grounds, remembering when Sean and her had first been on this roof, trying to escape from detention. She felt a pang in her chest; for the first time she had actually been happy. Happier than she had been. Sean made her feel so much better, made her not want to cut herself.
However, she knew that if they continued this, somebody would get hurt in the process.
"I'm sorry," Ellie repeated, her voice almost inaudible, and she turned around and ran to the door, closing it quickly behind her.
II.
"Ellie, can we talk?"
"No," Ellie replied curtly, slamming her locker door shut and ignoring Sean as she began to walk to her next class.
"El, we haven't talked in over a week. Please," Sean muttered, following her and quickening his pace to walk at her side.
"You shouldn't be seen talking to me. Emma might get suspicious."
"Ellie, listen," Sean demanded, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a halt.
"What?" Ellie snapped, glaring down at his grip on her arm. She tried to hide the cold shiver that ran through her; he couldn't see it, but his fingers were curled over the fresh scars on her wrist.
"I thought about what you said and -"
"And?" Ellie questioned coldly.
Sean narrowed his eyes at her. "Will you let me finish?"
Ellie rolled her eyes but said nothing.
"And," Sean continued, "I told Emma that I was the school thief."
Ellie felt her stomach leap but she kept her expression and tone cool. "Why is this important to me?"
"I could tell she was beyond furious," Sean continued, ignoring her, "though she was acting calm about it. She told me that I have to turn myself in."
"And what did you say?"
Sean hesitated. "I said…I said I couldn't do that."
Ellie's heart pounded against her chest. He told Emma, obviously in hopes that she would break up with him. So that he could be with Ellie. Right?
"Emma yelled at me for awhile, and then said something about helping me confess. And then…I told her no." Sean sighed. "I told her that there was…somebody else. Somebody else that I liked a lot. Somebody that me more than she did."
Ellie's breath caught her in throat. "And?"
"And she asked me how long. I told her a bit over a month, and then she asked whom. I told her it was you, and she didn't complain, or beg. She…she actually wished us the best of luck…and that's it."
Ellie nodded her head slowly, and Sean finally released his grip on her. "So then what does this mean?" Ellie asked him, rubbing her wrist absent-mindedly.
Sean watched her suspiciously. "That I do want to be with you, El."
Ellie went silent as the second bell rang, telling them that they had to get to class. "I'll meet you at your apartment tonight at six," she whispered, turning her back on him and rushing to class.
Sean watched her go, a confused look in his eyes but a smile spreading across his face.
III.
"Ellie," Sean breathed, pulling open the door the moment she knocked.
"Hi," she murmured, pushing her way into the dingy apartment. She played nervously with a lock of her hair, which she had taken out of her usual braids.
"You look nice," Sean complimented her, closing the front door.
"Thanks."
Ellie looked around the apartment for a moment as they stood in silence. Then Sean said, "I, uh, wasn't sure if you were going to eat dinner before coming here, so I don't have anything prepared…I bought a box of popcorn though."
"Do you have any…liquor?" Ellie asked suddenly, turning her gaze onto his.
Their eyes locked, and Sean murmured, "Um…yes. Tracker left some behind…I've got beer and I think some old wine."
"Pour me a glass of wine then," Ellie mumbled, sitting herself on the sofa and staring at the blank screen of the television.
Sean looked at her in surprise, but he did just that, taking two glasses out of a cabinet and pouring some cheap red wine into them. "Here," he said, plopping down onto the couch and passing her the glass.
Ellie took it from him and brought it to her lips, chugging down the wine as Sean sipped at his with raised eyebrows.
"Careful there," he warned her.
Ellie hiccupped, covering her mouth with a hand as she recovered herself. Her sleeve fell down to her elbow, and Sean stared at the cuts on her wrist in shock.
"El…I thought you stopped," he whispered.
Ellie's face flushed as she covered her arm with the sleeve again, staring down at her almost-empty wine glass. "I was upset this past week."
"Because of…me?"
"No," Ellie answered, shaking her head fiercely as the tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.
"Then what happened? Talk to me."
"My mother…she's just getting worse and worse. It's hard for me to even be in the same house with her. She's yelling at me when she's not passed out drunk, and then everything that's been going on with you and school…I'm just really stressed out right now, Sean."
Sean took her arm gently, laying it in his lap and pulling the sleeve back again. He carefully traced the new cuts with his fingertips, the wine glass in his other hand shaking.
"You don't have to stay there," he murmured.
"Of course I have to stay there! It's my home! I have nowhere else to live," Ellie exclaimed.
"You could live here with me," Sean suggested.
"That's ridiculous," Ellie protested.
"No, it's not. I can sleep on the couch if you prefer it, and you can take my room. The city pays for me to live here, and Tracker left me plenty of money for groceries…"
"I don't know," Ellie said hesitantly.
"You need somebody who can take care of you, and your mother can't and apparently won't. I want you to stay safe, healthy, and happy, Ellie," Sean insisted, moving his fingers back up her arm to take her hand in his.
Ellie stared at their intertwined hands and then into Sean's eyes. "Okay," she relented.
Sean's face broke into a grin, and, caught up in the moment, he leaned forward and brought his lips to hers. Ellie cupped his cheek in her hand as she kissed him back roughly.
Sean pulled back after a moment to take a sip from his glass. Ellie finished off hers, and Sean took their glasses and placed them in the sink, which was starting to pile with dirty dishes.
"I need to wash them soon," he joked.
Ellie smiled a small smile, looking down at her painted-black fingernails. "Bring the bottle of wine into the bedroom," she finally said, getting up from the couch and dropping the shawl that was around her shoulders onto the ground, leading herself to Sean's bedroom.
Sean watched her go, trying to keep his eyes from bulging out of their sockets. He fumbled to grab the bottle of wine from the cabinet, following Ellie to the bedroom.
He found her laying casually on top of the bed sheets, and Sean couldn't help but falter at the sight. She was lying on his bed, where he slept at night, lonely and wanting somebody to be with him. And now his dream was almost coming true.
He slowly laid down next to her, popping open the bottle of wine. Sean passed it to Ellie, who brought it to her lips and took a long sip from it.
"You know, I probably shouldn't be letting you drink."
"Why? Because my mother's an alcoholic?" Ellie questioned.
"No. Because you're underage," Sean informed her.
"So are you, so don't you go off on me about it!" Ellie teased him, kissing his cheek.
Sean smiled, taking the bottle from her and taking a sip.
"…Can I ask you something?"
Sean looked at her. "Hm?"
"Did you and Emma ever do this?"
He hadn't been expecting that question. "Emma preferred spending time at the library, or going out to get coffee. She wasn't one for nighttime escapades," Sean attempted to explain.
Ellie nodded. "Right…you see, I don't want to be one of those girls who interrogates her boyfriend about his past girlfriends, but I am curious…What was it like, being with Emma? Why…why would you pick me over her?"
Sean tried to think up an answer as Ellie took back the bottle, taking long gulps. "It was nice, in the beginning. Even though things were a bit awkward, me and Emma were already friends and had been wanting more. She was always there to get me out of trouble, and she was so full of information, so enthusiastic about her beliefs…
"But then that's all it was about. Her saving the environment, staging protests and rallies. I wanted to support her, and I liked to. But once our relationship took the backseat, I couldn't stand them. I loved that she was willing to stand up for what she believed in, but she stopped thinking about me, what I wanted to do. I could barely get a word in with her; it was always about whatever rally she was doing next.
"So I found myself a group of friends to make up for the time that I used to spend with Emma. They weren't the best crowd of people, though they helped my mechanics skills grow. Of course, this came at a price. I had to steal to get money for the parts to build cars, and eventually I was forced to steal Mr. Simpson's new laptop. I felt horrible doing it, but I wanted to fit in with the gang, whatever it took."
Ellie passed the bottle to Sean, and he took a few sips before continuing. "Emma could tell something was up with me, and she grew more testy as I refused to open up to her. I didn't have the guts to speak my mind to her, as you know, and I just let myself…waste away, you could almost say. I let my behavior worsen, since Emma wasn't there to straighten me out. And then I met you.
"For the first time, I felt truly…understood. You got me, got what it was like to be judged by everybody. You made me feel like I was worth something. That I wasn't just some stupid juvenile criminal that needed to be saved from the fires of hell, or whatever.
"When we were on the roof that first Saturday, I felt truly wanted. You made me feel wanted. I realized then that I needed you, selfishly needed you in my life to keep me happy and feeling like I deserved to live."
He passed the wine back to Ellie, and she finished it up, wiping her lips on the back of her hand. "I felt the same," she whispered. "I knew you were with Emma, but that Saturday I felt myself falling for you. I knew I was being greedy, wanting something I couldn't have. But you made me feel special, Sean. Just like you, I knew that the only way I could keep myself that blissfully happy was if I had you. I needed you, the same way you needed me. And now…for the first time…I feel needed too."
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit, talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for awhile.
Sean took the bottle gently from her hands and placed it on the floor. He tilted her chin up took look at him, and he assessed the wet streaks that ran down her cheeks for a few seconds before crashing his lips onto hers.
Smiling, but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
Ellie let herself fall onto her back, Sean placing a hand on either side of her body as he dipped his neck down and continued to kiss her.
Eventually, Ellie broke away from the kiss, and Sean now pressed his lips against her neck. Ellie was panting slightly, staring up at the ceiling and trying to avoid the dizzying feeling she was getting. She wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the kissing, but either way, it honestly wasn't that bad.
She felt Sean's hands undo the buttons on her shirt, and she sat up a little so he could pull it off of her. Ellie closed her eyes as Sean's hands moved down the space between her breasts, his fingertips tickling her as they lightly grazed her stomach. His hands eventually reached the buttons of her black jeans, and they stopped hesitantly, as if wondering if he was allowed to.
Ellie opened her eyes to see Sean staring at her, waiting for her permission. Ellie nodded, not saying a word, and Sean continued as if he hadn't stopped. He ducked down to kiss the little space right above her jeans before unbuttoning them. Ellie lifted her waist up, enabling him to pull them off of her easily.
Ellie's hands reached for his shirt, pulling it off of him as he kissed back up her stomach. She hastily reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down, and Sean kicked them off from his ankles.
Ellie wrapped her arms around Sean's neck and brought his lips back to kiss hers. She needed him, wanted him desperately, more than she had wanted anything in her life.
Sean liked this feeling that he didn't know what he was really thinking or doing, being able to let his lustful mind take over for once. He had just confessed everything to Ellie, and now he found it necessary to seal the deal. Make sure they were officially each others. That they both wanted the same things.
Emma never let him touch her this way. They rarely even kissed when they were together, and they'd probably only made-out once or twice.
Ellie was a whole different girl though. She expressed her emotions so that he knew what she was thinking, and Sean was eternally grateful for that. Like right now, he could tell that she needed him as much as he needed her.
"I think I may love you," Sean whispered out loud, pulling his lips barely a centimeter away from Ellie's.
Ellie smirked. "I think I may love you too."
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time.
Author's Note: Yeah, I know they only met a few weeks ago, but I really liked this song and the idea of it. Thanks for reading my little story! Review, please!