A/N: Well, I know I have several fics going currently (can't finish
anything), but this just hit me as I was talking to my reflection after
watching 2 hours of TV. Firstly JAG (Ready or Not: the one where Mac's a
judge), then Kath & Kim (Aussie show, funny.) and finally CNNNN (Chaser Non-
stop News Network and no one really knows what the other N stands for,
another Aussie show, fucking funny. And pretty much anti-everything.)
So methinks I will right a CNNNN/JAG (Dude, both titles are acronyms.) fic, mainly revolving around JAG (naturally) because half the world will not have seen CNNNN, besides you can't really fanficerise (my verb for "writing fanfiction") for a comedy show unless you're funny, (which clearly, I am not).
Story revolves around Marine Corps Captain who is *not* a Republican *much shock and horror, whispers of "She didn't vote for Bush!"*, and largely and publicly criticised for expressing her views. Expresses several of my own views, which Republicans may find offensive. Please: read and diss me, would love to hear you trash me, 'twould be wonderful for world relations.
Disclaimer: ~To DBP (who is currently in the doghouse re: new season opener)~
Take my parents to the cleaners you bastards: how the fuck do you intend to sue a dependent Australian in an American court anyhow? One is most interested.
~To NOFX~
Don't worry, I know you won't sue me, you rocking band peoples you. (Both Franco Un-American and the Idiots Are Taking Over are the property of NOFX.. And you should really go out and buy their album, like right about now.)
~~To Bush and Republicans~
If Mr President and his Republican friends want to sue me for defamation, I'll allow that case because I would seriously love to express my views in a courtroom. (Besides I'll just tell them I'm insane, and let's face it: they'll *believe* me, you all know that.)
~To all you wonderful American readers~
I love Americans. Really, you guys make rocking TV, you're clearly sweeties (you're all reading my fic) and there are many great things about America. I love American history, particularly the revolution. I admire the founding principles of your country; know your constitution better than that of my own country and your national anthem rocks. The patriotism you see in Americans is this spirit that I am in awe of and would never contest with. Your nation is founded and lives by many principles that the rest of the world should draw some examples from. Now if only your politicians would live up to them..
~Just a word for all the Aussies (because clearly they flock to fanfiction in large angry mobs) *looks around*: HEY BEKKI!!!~
Our nation isn't really founded on principles, I mean you can hardly count: "Yeah, fuck Johnny, turn the footy up and get me another beer", as a principle.it's a good life though, I love being Aussie!!! (It's an excuse for doing nothing.how do you think I get away with spending so much time writing fanfiction?) So we may no have principles, but we still rock.. Literally. (Go Something For Kate, Silverchair, Killing Heidi etc.)
Right, now I shall get on with the fic.
Much apology for the page of A/N.. but I felt it my duty to disclaim as this may be controversial. (But we all love controversy re: WMD's and schizophrenic world leaders)
*Gets hit with tomato*
"GET ON WITH THE FIC!!!"
Oh yes, the fic.
* * * * * * (One more note before I begin: happens before the end of Season 8/ beginning of Season 9) Sarah Mackenzie sat, staring at the file in front of her in disbelief.
"Franco Un-American?" she questioned her client sceptically.
"Yeah, it's a great song Ma'am," Captain Zephyrine Collins, who was sitting opposite her, assured her.
"Maybe, but you played this, too loud."
"That's an opinion Ma'am," she interrupted.
"Assuming it's one I concur with, for now, you played this song, too loud on a ship full of Republican patriots?"
"Yeah, it's a great song," she repeated.
"The lyrics to the opening verse are," she paused before beginning to read, "I never thought about the universe, it made me feel small, never thought about the problems of this planet at all.. Global warming, radioactive sites, imperialistic wrongs and animal rights."
The Lieutenant Colonel shook her head, "And it gets worse. I want to move north and be a Canadian or hang down low with the nice Australians; I don't want to be another I-don't-care-ican, where can we go Franco, Franco Un- American? On a ship full of Americans. Captain, I think you need to think more about where and how you go about making your statements."
"Ma'am, this is America. The land of the free remember? Shouldn't I have the right to make a statement wherever I want, however I want and whenever I want?"
"Captain, this is the United States Marine Corps. Full of patriotic privates who believe blasting people's brains out is a great service to their nation and their God."
Mac heard mutterings that sounded distinctly like, '"Just because Bush is a warmonger."
She ignored it and continued, "Use the brain God gave you, this is not the right place to criticise the government or the President of the United States."
"Are you going to defend me, or spend all day prosecuting me Ma'am?"
"And this isn't even the worst of it Captain," she continued as though she hadn't heard, "The Idiots Are Taking Over?"
"Another brilliant song."
"Yeah, one that goes: now is not the right time to be sober, now the idiots are taking over, spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?" she paused, "That's a little harsh don't you think?"
"All idiots want to do is blow people's heads off Ma'am," she answered quietly, but with conviction.
"Stupid people have rights."
"Which I respect. I just believe a democracy full of less than intelligent, ignorant people doesn't work, Ma'am."
"Would you be referring to this wonderful country of ours?" the older woman replied, rolling her eyes.
"Not necessarily."
"And it's not just the music. Captain, I have two folders here of songs and poetry composed by you which is very critical of America and its policies and uses language which isn't generally accepted in the military. All of this is from the Internet. The Internet, that worldwide resource that everyone uses."
"Yes Ma'am, I know what the Internet is," she responded.
Mac looked up to catch any sign of sarcasm, but she was being polite and serious.
"This is all very damaging to your character Captain."
"Yes Ma'am, but I'm not on trial for treason, I'm on trial for disobeying orders, a slightly lesser charge if I remember correctly."
"Yeah, and reckless endangerment, war crimes which include wilful killing and ill-treatment of civilians. But since you want to talk about disobeying orders, let's talk about disobeying orders," she paused, "I have no doubt that you did it, which means you're guilty and we plea bargain it out. I'm not going to court when there's a whole room full of documents similar to those ones," she pointed a condemning finger at the file lying on the table.
"No way Ma'am, I want a trial."
"Why? You'll lose."
"Because the rules and regulations placed upon us in combat are unfair. I did the best I could to follow my orders under the circumstances while protecting the men serving under me."
"Moving speech Captain, but at least let me negotiate with the prosecuting counsellor."
"I'd rather lose, and go out fighting, than raise a white flag and surrender Ma'am," she answered quietly and determinedly.
Mac sighed, "Said like a true Marine."
"Do you know the prosecutor?"
"Yes," Mac replied, almost sighing again, "Commander Turner and myself.. Get along."
{Sought of, when he's not teasing me about being in love with my best friend, } she thought.
"Well?"
"I know his MO if that's what you're think Captain. You're asking me if you think I can get you a good deal. Commander Turner is a decent man and a good attorney, but he plays by the book. If you're looking for sympathy you won't find it there."
"I don't want sympathy Ma'am."
"Clearly."
"Who's the judge Ma'am?" she questioned, almost fearfully.
I smiled in amusement, "Now we may have an advantage there Captain."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he'll take to you, maybe not at first, but soon enough he'll be on your side," Mac asserted confidently.
"What makes you say that Ma'am?"
"Oh, I know Commander Rabb," she smiled even more, "He favours truth and justice over the rules."
"Sounds American, in the true sense of the word."
"Please, no statements like that in court. and that's an order Captain, not a request."
"Speaking of orders."
"Yeah, it says here that you were in Iraq, performing a reconnaissance mission," Mac looked up for confirmation.
"Correct Ma'am."
"You had explicit orders to remain unseen and not to engage in hostilities."
"Ma'am, we were in a war zone, that was wishful thinking on the part of a two-star General in Washington."
"It also says here that your troops were to reach a certain geographical location, achieve the objective of the mission, which was to gain reconnaissance for tactical air strikes and turn back. The incident reported here occurred some 20 kilometres from the area you were meant to be operating within, in close proximity to a small Iraqi village."
"Yes Ma'am."
"Captain, are you telling me that you willingly and knowingly led your troops 20 kilometres away from the point your orders specified?"
"Yes Ma'am."
"We are getting a deal."
"No," she stated emphatically punctuating the sentence with a delayed, "Ma'am."
"But that's not even where the real trouble comes in."
"No Ma'am," she agreed contritely.
"Not only did you disobey the geographical restrictions of the mission, you also proceeded to ambush a group."
"More like a mob," she interrupted, "Sorry Ma'am, continue."
"Thank you Captain. You ambushed a group of Iraqi civilians, and then ordered your troops to fire. 7 were killed, 5 others were wounded."
The Captain avoided the superior officer's look of disgust.
"No judge will like that, and a jury will hate it," Mac informed the Marine, "What's your defence?"
"Iraqi civilians are not like American civilians Ma'am. They walk around carrying Israeli-made sub-machine guns for crying out loud."
"I hope we get a jury full of anti-war, fanatically left-wing democrats."
"Would you listen to my version of what happened please Ma'am?"
"Sure, make my day."
"We weren't where we were supposed to be, I'll concede to that, and accept full responsibility. I questioned the judgement of my men, and I was wrong. There aren't many landmarks in a desert, and we got a little lost. So I may be a bad navigator, but I'm not guilty of war crimes," she paused.
"Those civilians had been trailing us for about half a kilometre Ma'am. They were making all of us nervous. Suddenly they turned away from us, and continued eastward. I knew they had seen us, and that would've jeopardised our mission, and even the later air strikes. The fact that they had abruptly changed bearing also suggested they were meeting more civilians, or had gathered enough intelligence to report to someone."
"On the other hand they could've been going home," Mac interjected.
"That was always a possibility Ma'am. I was in two minds about going after them. But they were advancing in formation, and using military tactics. They didn't look like your average civvy going for a stroll in the desert. I decided to follow them for a few kilometres."
"You were already overdue Captain. In accordance with protocol shouldn't you have continued to your pick up point?"
"The times were changed Ma'am. This incident occurred between 1300 and 1400 local time. The helo was due at 1500. I believe I was ahead of schedule according to the original copy of the standing orders Ma'am."
"You were notified of the amendments to the schedule by radio Captain."
"This was a covert op Ma'am. A code of strict radio silence was to be followed. The message may have been sent, but I did not receive it. According to the orders I received before the mission, the orders I was under the implication I was following, we were not overdue."
"So you didn't receive the radio message, you still shouldn't have stalked a group of civilians."
"Like I said Ma'am, I was doubtful over their civilian status. The reconnaissance we were gathering was important for an air strike on an alleged HAMAS headquarters. I'd been told not to stuff it up. If those civvies were going to inform the terrorists, our mission objectives would be negated entirely. I'm anti-war, but I reach the aims I'm required to Ma'am."
"There's still the issue of war crimes? Why did you fire on them?"
"They fired on us Ma'am."
"Self-defence?"
"They saw us, freaked out and started shooting, what were we meant to do?"
"You should've ordered a retreat Captain."
"Easy for you to say sitting here now, Ma'am," she responded, "I'd even agree with you now, but at the time.. Combat is combat Ma'am. You think on your feet and you don't have time to deliberate the moral implications of your decisions. I did what I thought was right due to the circumstances, I regret that it caused the loss of human life, but I stand by my assessment of the situation."
"So you violated your orders for the third time, and also breached the Geneva Convention and international laws of engagement, what next?"
"We got the hell out of there Ma'am. Who knows who else was trailing us? We were in a war zone in a country full of hostile civilians. Heavily armed hostile civilians."
"So let me get this straight, you're not going to accept a deal, you're defence for disobeying your orders is that they sucked, your excuse for reckless endangerment is you were being pursued by civilians with Uzis and your answer to charges of war crimes is self-defence?"
"A pessimistic but reasonably accurate assessment of the case Ma'am."
"Oh God, I think I need sugar," Mac mumbled.
She nodded, "Preferably sugar in chocolate."
"Zephyrine is an interesting name Captain."
"Yeah, I believe my mother was insane. She always said with a surname like Collins you needed a fascinating Christian name. She was a little outside of outlandish in her choice Ma'am. A bit like Bush on the political stance scale: he's a little past fanatical right wing."
"Please, no more statements like that around any one who might here you."
"Yes Ma'am."
"And could you hold of crucifying the President and burning the flag until this trial is over?"
* * * * * *
A/N: My gosh this is interesting.. This fic will probably revolve around a trial served with large helpings of political opinion and philosophy with a side serving of shifting personal dynamics. (Will be having fun with Sturgis, Mac/Harm relations and the integrity of the legal parties involved in the trial. *grins* Expect much bitching, a pinch of PMS and a hint of both feminism and chauvinism.)
So methinks I will right a CNNNN/JAG (Dude, both titles are acronyms.) fic, mainly revolving around JAG (naturally) because half the world will not have seen CNNNN, besides you can't really fanficerise (my verb for "writing fanfiction") for a comedy show unless you're funny, (which clearly, I am not).
Story revolves around Marine Corps Captain who is *not* a Republican *much shock and horror, whispers of "She didn't vote for Bush!"*, and largely and publicly criticised for expressing her views. Expresses several of my own views, which Republicans may find offensive. Please: read and diss me, would love to hear you trash me, 'twould be wonderful for world relations.
Disclaimer: ~To DBP (who is currently in the doghouse re: new season opener)~
Take my parents to the cleaners you bastards: how the fuck do you intend to sue a dependent Australian in an American court anyhow? One is most interested.
~To NOFX~
Don't worry, I know you won't sue me, you rocking band peoples you. (Both Franco Un-American and the Idiots Are Taking Over are the property of NOFX.. And you should really go out and buy their album, like right about now.)
~~To Bush and Republicans~
If Mr President and his Republican friends want to sue me for defamation, I'll allow that case because I would seriously love to express my views in a courtroom. (Besides I'll just tell them I'm insane, and let's face it: they'll *believe* me, you all know that.)
~To all you wonderful American readers~
I love Americans. Really, you guys make rocking TV, you're clearly sweeties (you're all reading my fic) and there are many great things about America. I love American history, particularly the revolution. I admire the founding principles of your country; know your constitution better than that of my own country and your national anthem rocks. The patriotism you see in Americans is this spirit that I am in awe of and would never contest with. Your nation is founded and lives by many principles that the rest of the world should draw some examples from. Now if only your politicians would live up to them..
~Just a word for all the Aussies (because clearly they flock to fanfiction in large angry mobs) *looks around*: HEY BEKKI!!!~
Our nation isn't really founded on principles, I mean you can hardly count: "Yeah, fuck Johnny, turn the footy up and get me another beer", as a principle.it's a good life though, I love being Aussie!!! (It's an excuse for doing nothing.how do you think I get away with spending so much time writing fanfiction?) So we may no have principles, but we still rock.. Literally. (Go Something For Kate, Silverchair, Killing Heidi etc.)
Right, now I shall get on with the fic.
Much apology for the page of A/N.. but I felt it my duty to disclaim as this may be controversial. (But we all love controversy re: WMD's and schizophrenic world leaders)
*Gets hit with tomato*
"GET ON WITH THE FIC!!!"
Oh yes, the fic.
* * * * * * (One more note before I begin: happens before the end of Season 8/ beginning of Season 9) Sarah Mackenzie sat, staring at the file in front of her in disbelief.
"Franco Un-American?" she questioned her client sceptically.
"Yeah, it's a great song Ma'am," Captain Zephyrine Collins, who was sitting opposite her, assured her.
"Maybe, but you played this, too loud."
"That's an opinion Ma'am," she interrupted.
"Assuming it's one I concur with, for now, you played this song, too loud on a ship full of Republican patriots?"
"Yeah, it's a great song," she repeated.
"The lyrics to the opening verse are," she paused before beginning to read, "I never thought about the universe, it made me feel small, never thought about the problems of this planet at all.. Global warming, radioactive sites, imperialistic wrongs and animal rights."
The Lieutenant Colonel shook her head, "And it gets worse. I want to move north and be a Canadian or hang down low with the nice Australians; I don't want to be another I-don't-care-ican, where can we go Franco, Franco Un- American? On a ship full of Americans. Captain, I think you need to think more about where and how you go about making your statements."
"Ma'am, this is America. The land of the free remember? Shouldn't I have the right to make a statement wherever I want, however I want and whenever I want?"
"Captain, this is the United States Marine Corps. Full of patriotic privates who believe blasting people's brains out is a great service to their nation and their God."
Mac heard mutterings that sounded distinctly like, '"Just because Bush is a warmonger."
She ignored it and continued, "Use the brain God gave you, this is not the right place to criticise the government or the President of the United States."
"Are you going to defend me, or spend all day prosecuting me Ma'am?"
"And this isn't even the worst of it Captain," she continued as though she hadn't heard, "The Idiots Are Taking Over?"
"Another brilliant song."
"Yeah, one that goes: now is not the right time to be sober, now the idiots are taking over, spreading like a social cancer, is there an answer?" she paused, "That's a little harsh don't you think?"
"All idiots want to do is blow people's heads off Ma'am," she answered quietly, but with conviction.
"Stupid people have rights."
"Which I respect. I just believe a democracy full of less than intelligent, ignorant people doesn't work, Ma'am."
"Would you be referring to this wonderful country of ours?" the older woman replied, rolling her eyes.
"Not necessarily."
"And it's not just the music. Captain, I have two folders here of songs and poetry composed by you which is very critical of America and its policies and uses language which isn't generally accepted in the military. All of this is from the Internet. The Internet, that worldwide resource that everyone uses."
"Yes Ma'am, I know what the Internet is," she responded.
Mac looked up to catch any sign of sarcasm, but she was being polite and serious.
"This is all very damaging to your character Captain."
"Yes Ma'am, but I'm not on trial for treason, I'm on trial for disobeying orders, a slightly lesser charge if I remember correctly."
"Yeah, and reckless endangerment, war crimes which include wilful killing and ill-treatment of civilians. But since you want to talk about disobeying orders, let's talk about disobeying orders," she paused, "I have no doubt that you did it, which means you're guilty and we plea bargain it out. I'm not going to court when there's a whole room full of documents similar to those ones," she pointed a condemning finger at the file lying on the table.
"No way Ma'am, I want a trial."
"Why? You'll lose."
"Because the rules and regulations placed upon us in combat are unfair. I did the best I could to follow my orders under the circumstances while protecting the men serving under me."
"Moving speech Captain, but at least let me negotiate with the prosecuting counsellor."
"I'd rather lose, and go out fighting, than raise a white flag and surrender Ma'am," she answered quietly and determinedly.
Mac sighed, "Said like a true Marine."
"Do you know the prosecutor?"
"Yes," Mac replied, almost sighing again, "Commander Turner and myself.. Get along."
{Sought of, when he's not teasing me about being in love with my best friend, } she thought.
"Well?"
"I know his MO if that's what you're think Captain. You're asking me if you think I can get you a good deal. Commander Turner is a decent man and a good attorney, but he plays by the book. If you're looking for sympathy you won't find it there."
"I don't want sympathy Ma'am."
"Clearly."
"Who's the judge Ma'am?" she questioned, almost fearfully.
I smiled in amusement, "Now we may have an advantage there Captain."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he'll take to you, maybe not at first, but soon enough he'll be on your side," Mac asserted confidently.
"What makes you say that Ma'am?"
"Oh, I know Commander Rabb," she smiled even more, "He favours truth and justice over the rules."
"Sounds American, in the true sense of the word."
"Please, no statements like that in court. and that's an order Captain, not a request."
"Speaking of orders."
"Yeah, it says here that you were in Iraq, performing a reconnaissance mission," Mac looked up for confirmation.
"Correct Ma'am."
"You had explicit orders to remain unseen and not to engage in hostilities."
"Ma'am, we were in a war zone, that was wishful thinking on the part of a two-star General in Washington."
"It also says here that your troops were to reach a certain geographical location, achieve the objective of the mission, which was to gain reconnaissance for tactical air strikes and turn back. The incident reported here occurred some 20 kilometres from the area you were meant to be operating within, in close proximity to a small Iraqi village."
"Yes Ma'am."
"Captain, are you telling me that you willingly and knowingly led your troops 20 kilometres away from the point your orders specified?"
"Yes Ma'am."
"We are getting a deal."
"No," she stated emphatically punctuating the sentence with a delayed, "Ma'am."
"But that's not even where the real trouble comes in."
"No Ma'am," she agreed contritely.
"Not only did you disobey the geographical restrictions of the mission, you also proceeded to ambush a group."
"More like a mob," she interrupted, "Sorry Ma'am, continue."
"Thank you Captain. You ambushed a group of Iraqi civilians, and then ordered your troops to fire. 7 were killed, 5 others were wounded."
The Captain avoided the superior officer's look of disgust.
"No judge will like that, and a jury will hate it," Mac informed the Marine, "What's your defence?"
"Iraqi civilians are not like American civilians Ma'am. They walk around carrying Israeli-made sub-machine guns for crying out loud."
"I hope we get a jury full of anti-war, fanatically left-wing democrats."
"Would you listen to my version of what happened please Ma'am?"
"Sure, make my day."
"We weren't where we were supposed to be, I'll concede to that, and accept full responsibility. I questioned the judgement of my men, and I was wrong. There aren't many landmarks in a desert, and we got a little lost. So I may be a bad navigator, but I'm not guilty of war crimes," she paused.
"Those civilians had been trailing us for about half a kilometre Ma'am. They were making all of us nervous. Suddenly they turned away from us, and continued eastward. I knew they had seen us, and that would've jeopardised our mission, and even the later air strikes. The fact that they had abruptly changed bearing also suggested they were meeting more civilians, or had gathered enough intelligence to report to someone."
"On the other hand they could've been going home," Mac interjected.
"That was always a possibility Ma'am. I was in two minds about going after them. But they were advancing in formation, and using military tactics. They didn't look like your average civvy going for a stroll in the desert. I decided to follow them for a few kilometres."
"You were already overdue Captain. In accordance with protocol shouldn't you have continued to your pick up point?"
"The times were changed Ma'am. This incident occurred between 1300 and 1400 local time. The helo was due at 1500. I believe I was ahead of schedule according to the original copy of the standing orders Ma'am."
"You were notified of the amendments to the schedule by radio Captain."
"This was a covert op Ma'am. A code of strict radio silence was to be followed. The message may have been sent, but I did not receive it. According to the orders I received before the mission, the orders I was under the implication I was following, we were not overdue."
"So you didn't receive the radio message, you still shouldn't have stalked a group of civilians."
"Like I said Ma'am, I was doubtful over their civilian status. The reconnaissance we were gathering was important for an air strike on an alleged HAMAS headquarters. I'd been told not to stuff it up. If those civvies were going to inform the terrorists, our mission objectives would be negated entirely. I'm anti-war, but I reach the aims I'm required to Ma'am."
"There's still the issue of war crimes? Why did you fire on them?"
"They fired on us Ma'am."
"Self-defence?"
"They saw us, freaked out and started shooting, what were we meant to do?"
"You should've ordered a retreat Captain."
"Easy for you to say sitting here now, Ma'am," she responded, "I'd even agree with you now, but at the time.. Combat is combat Ma'am. You think on your feet and you don't have time to deliberate the moral implications of your decisions. I did what I thought was right due to the circumstances, I regret that it caused the loss of human life, but I stand by my assessment of the situation."
"So you violated your orders for the third time, and also breached the Geneva Convention and international laws of engagement, what next?"
"We got the hell out of there Ma'am. Who knows who else was trailing us? We were in a war zone in a country full of hostile civilians. Heavily armed hostile civilians."
"So let me get this straight, you're not going to accept a deal, you're defence for disobeying your orders is that they sucked, your excuse for reckless endangerment is you were being pursued by civilians with Uzis and your answer to charges of war crimes is self-defence?"
"A pessimistic but reasonably accurate assessment of the case Ma'am."
"Oh God, I think I need sugar," Mac mumbled.
She nodded, "Preferably sugar in chocolate."
"Zephyrine is an interesting name Captain."
"Yeah, I believe my mother was insane. She always said with a surname like Collins you needed a fascinating Christian name. She was a little outside of outlandish in her choice Ma'am. A bit like Bush on the political stance scale: he's a little past fanatical right wing."
"Please, no more statements like that around any one who might here you."
"Yes Ma'am."
"And could you hold of crucifying the President and burning the flag until this trial is over?"
* * * * * *
A/N: My gosh this is interesting.. This fic will probably revolve around a trial served with large helpings of political opinion and philosophy with a side serving of shifting personal dynamics. (Will be having fun with Sturgis, Mac/Harm relations and the integrity of the legal parties involved in the trial. *grins* Expect much bitching, a pinch of PMS and a hint of both feminism and chauvinism.)