With You
Summary: Syaoran thoughts on his best friend. He's sick and tired of her unhappiness, and hates that he can't do anything about it. SS
Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura, Clamp does.
Note: Syaoran's point of view.
When you're down,
I may not be able to pick you up again.
But I promise that I will lay right beside you.
And really, I've never thought she'd look more beautiful.
I take life as being completely ironic. To me, it's all rather relatively cynical. And I love the bittersweet. So I guess you could say that I "love" life. If life is ironic, and I love bittersweet, therefore I must love life because irony is like the bittersweet. It's like in math, where hypothetically, if 1 = 2 then 1 + 1 = 3. And you're right, you're totally right. All your life you've been told that 1 + 1 = 2. And even if 1 did equal two, then in simple math, 1 + 1 should equal 4. But it doesn't; it's 1 + 1 = 3. And then there's the raindrop story, where one raindrop plus another raindrop still equals one raindrop. I'm not lying; so really, 1 + 1 = 1, 2, 3 and 4. I'm serious, go Google it. Don't you just love the cynicism of all of it?
Are you confused?
Good.
It's like in science, where you have these crazy multiple choice tests. And you're like, "YES, awesome! I have a one in four shot to get the answer right. I have 25% chance of getting it right. Not as good as true and false, but 25% isn't bad… not bad at all." Well that's what you think. In science, the insane multiple choice goes onto a whole other level. You get these double negative answers where sometimes you think three choices are all the same but really, they're not. And of course, it just screws you over. Because really, you have a 75% NOT to get the answer. And let's face it, 1 plus 1 may equal 3… but a 75% chance of failure is A LOT LESS than a 25% success rate.
Back to my point, where life is all rather ironic… another example is life and happiness. I love cynicism and irony. There's the saying, You can never be happy if you are always searching for happiness. It's pretty profound, huh? This means that as you strive and search for your happiness, you'll never attain it. You'll never be happy when the only one thing you are looking for is happiness. Like I say, what's more beautiful than a beautiful mistake?
It's like when a painter accidently spills paint on a canvas. "Oops," the painter thinks. And ten years later down the road they become a famous abstract artist. Mistakes are supposed to happen. It's because we're all human. And humans aren't perfect.
It's like a love hate. A passionate hatred of love. Ironic, isn't it? I am ambivalent. I love to hate. I hate to love. I love perfection, but perfect isn't real.
Anyway, I have no idea how I've become so off topic. Something about perfection? And beautiful accidents? I'm not sure how those were derived from my best friend, Sakura and how her asshole of a boyfriend got her crying her eyes out. Yet again.
I'm not saying she's a beautiful accident. Beautiful, yes. But the only accident is that she's crying in the first place. That, or that she's still with me and is able to put up with me. Somebody as sweet as her would only get corrupted by my pessimism. But she doesn't, she's too pure at heart. She only laughs at me and shakes her head, telling me that not everything in life has two sides. Not everything has both the pleasure and the pain combined, but I beg to differ.
I always think she's the most beautiful person in the entire world. She's gorgeous, even on her bad days. Such as now, as yet another one of her jerk boyfriends has upset her. I actually think she looks more beautiful on her off days. And I really don't know why she bothers with all those losers. And really, I don't care how "hot" or "sweet" they are. If they make you cry, you deserve better. A lot better. You deserve more. A lot more. But hey, that's how it's always been with her… she always settles for less than what she deserves. And I'm her best friend, and I need to support her choice, whatever it is that she decides.
Even if that decision, in my opinion, is absolutely and unjustly wrong.
But it makes me so mad. When she's crying to me, her voice cracking and her face is all flushed red. I have to restrain myself from punching the living crap out of the guy who has dared to even make my Sakura unhappy. But I know she'd just hate me for it, so I swallow up my male testosterone and focus on what I can do to make her stop crying.
And usually, she stops by herself. She cries herself dry. Sakura is really strong hearted, even if she doesn't think so. She thinks she's so weak, so faint hearted. But I think it's quite the opposite. She's able so easily to hide what she feels, conceal all her fears and pain, and to me that shows strength. And I can see straight through her façade, for me, it's easy. I've known her for so long; I know her better than she knows herself. I'll always be there for her, no matter what. No matter what comes her way, I'll be there if she wants me to be, even if she doesn't know she wants me there or not.
She's my everything.
But this one time, I was able to succeed. For once in my life, I had accomplished something with her when she was distraught. When Sakura gets depressed, she becomes solid as a rock. Any suggestion that isn't hers is automatically deflected, and she shuts down completely. Stubborn as a mule, when she's upset, nothing and I truly do mean nothing, nothing at all can change her mind once she's made it. There's no force in the world that could stop her from implementing her decision. And I really do mean there's absolutely nothing.
Trust me, I've tried. And every single determined chance I get to prove myself that I can pick her up when she falls; I just screw it up. I fail. I'm a failure. Nothing I do works. But I won't give up. I'll never give up on her, ever. So when she's down, I'll always be right down there with her.
But amazingly enough, I did it. I did the impossible.
And really, I've never thought she'd look more beautiful.
She smiled.
She smiled while crying. It was a real big genuine smile, where her eyes lit up; they sparkled with her teardrops.
And they say no smile is more beautiful as the one that struggles through tears.
And it's true. It's so true.
She never looked more real.
…And yes, in case you were wondering, if you haven't figured it out yet or already…
I'm completely in love with her.
Authors Note: A little taste of a one shot I wrote a while back… It actually wasn't originally a Sakura/Syaoran story, but it works. The story revolves around the quote, and I may or may not expand from here with Syaoran's perspective. This isn't the whole story or oneshot. I don't know if I'll continue it, though, we'll see.
I'm actually trying to work and finish the follow up and/or continuation of A Thousand Broken Promises. That's my priority. It's in progress; I've just been so busy with IB. But look out for it, it's coming soon.
I can't believe it's March already, wow.
-- Aliaandraa