He's so small and weepy. I don't like him.

You don't like anyone. Now be quiet, he's got something for us.

Travis's hands fidgeted to themselves with the air of being at once ravenously excited as well as exasperatedly impatient. The small human at his feet was attempting between sobs of terror to say something, but any words that escaped him were quickly swallowed up by hiccups and terrified hiccuping.

Heh heh, it'd be almost funny if it weren't so pathetic.

Shush.

He knelt down on one knee until he was at the small man's level. Clearing his throat, he haltingly attempted what was supposed to be a reassuring hand on the shoulder, but the uncertainty and shakiness of the gesture simply came off as awkward and insincere. The farmer didn't seem to notice it, and simply continued sobbing into his arms on the ground.

"Um, hello old fellow. Need some help?" Travis asked before turning to the young lady beside him and mouthing, I need a little help.

She started. "Oh yes, of course, let me help. Here now, Barty old boy, pull yourself together. That's it, come on now, nothing like a little cup of tea to soothe your nerves. Come inside, and I'll fix you some."

With that, she hoisted the old man up over her shoulders and carried him into the cottage.

Travis waited outside, tapping his feet and whistling idly.

I like her. What say we go and-

No.

Oh come on, I was just going to suggest a simple drink! Something casual, nothing too fussy or serious necessarily, heh heh. Maybe a pint of beer or whatever alcoholic beverage they have here. Ale? What's the difference between ale and beer, come to think of it, I could never tell them apart. Anyway, I'm just talking about a chance to get to know her, you know?

For the last time, no.

Oh but why not? You like her, don't you?

Travis's knuckles tightened on his walking stick, and the tempo of his foot-tapping increased ever so slightly.

You know exactly why. Now shut up.

Ooh-wee, why so defensive, Travis? Simmer down, boy! It was merely a suggestion! Do what you will! After all, you are the boss around here…

"Sir? Traveler, you can come in too, sir. Join us for tea!"

Travis looked up. "Oh, yes ma'am, thank you!"

With a good-natured smile, he ducked his head into the dingy cottage.

The room was dimly yet warmly lit, with a merry crackling fireplace in the corner, and a little table laden with tea and assorted biscuits. There was a gentle, wholesome scent of pinewood suffused throughout the air.

I hate this place.

Barty had calmed down a little, and was now nursing a cup of tea in his slightly trembling hands.

Travis straightened up, setting his walking stick by the door and whisking his hat off with an air of exuberance before turning to the farmer across the table with an attentive smile, hands behind his back.

"So, friend, what happened?"

Barty looked up from his tea to glare darkly at him.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Oh don't mind him, sir, he's a little shy with strangers is all," said the young lady, stepping out of the kitchen with a tray of cookies in her hands.

Setting them down, she brushed her hands on her apron.

"Apprenticing under a sorcerer would do that to anyone. You'd be suspicious too if you'd seen the things Barty has. But he's a good soul; he won't bite. Please, sir, take a seat."

Travis's eyebrows shot up as he strode forward and seated himself on a small stool, "Ah, a sorcerer's apprentice, eh? Now that's impressive. What can you do, eh Barty?"

She wordlessly turned away to face Barty and made a sound akin to the clucking of a chicken. Barty responded with a guttural belch and a fart that reverberated all throughout the room. Still smiling, Travis's eyebrows arched quizzically.

"Well that was unexpected."

The woman nodded solemnly before slo-owly poking a finger into Barty's cheek.

Barty responded by smashing his head against the table twice and then sneezing fifty-seven times, kicking up a small cloud of dust.

Travis glanced between the two of them, facial muscles seemingly frozen in his state of confusion.

The woman's neck twisted, and her eyes rolled up as she began muttering the names of several different kinds of pastries to herself.

Finally, she responded with a head-smash of her own before turning to Travis with an alarmed expression.

Travis stared. The dust settled.

Nothing new under the sun, they said. Ha.

"Who are you, traveler?" she demanded, suddenly. Travis started, startled.

"Oh, well I'm a…traveler! I travel. It's sort of what I do. I'm Travis. Travis the traveler. See what I did there? The alliteration? I came up with it myself, actually, you like it?"

He flashed a smile.

She stared at him unblinkingly.

"Are you a hero, Mr. Travis?"

At this, Travis's smile faltered.

"W-well, um ahem do you need one?" he asked, twiddling his fingers.

She leaned forward. Travis followed suit.

"Barty is telling me that he has sensed a dark presence enter into this village recently, darker than anything he's ever seen before; an ancient evil, with a spirit of horrible malevolence and chaos. We have no knights or dashing heroes here, we haven't had any in a long time. Would you help?"

Travis's mouth opened, but no sound came out, sans a high-pitched whining noise. The woman looked worried.

"He told you all that by sneezing fifty-seven times?" he stuttered finally.

She nodded assent.

"T-that's incredible. What kind of magic do you specialize in, eh Barty?"

Barty cast him a sideways glance before turning back to the lady and letting out a belch of such tremendous magnitude it shook the entire cottage.

"What's that one mean?" Travis asked nervously.

She closed her eyes in deep thought for a few moments.

"Barty wants you to stay behind in this village for tonight, and hunt down the evil before you leave. If you can, that is," she glanced up, "Will you do it?"

Oh look at that, Travis. She wants you to stay and help fight a ferocious beast! Ha! What fun! This is going to be a doozy, Travis, I can feel it! Plus we'll get to stay here longer, stick around a little. Maybe even chum it up with some of the locals here, buy her a drink maybe, heh heh heh…

Real subtle. But no. Chances are the ferocious beast Barty's sensed is just-

Ah ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Why so cynical, Travis? Is that the attitude of a true adventurer? Brave heart now, Travis. We'll find this beastie, alright! And when we do, we'll skin it alive, drain it of its lymphatic fluid, and strangle it to death with its own intestines! HA! It'll be the best fun we've had all year!

No…

Travis's face seemed to fluctuate across a variety of different expressions, before it formed an unnaturally enormous grin, and he suddenly arose with a double thumbs-up.

"Yes I'll do it, milady! Fear not, young lass, everything will be just fine!"

She blinked.

Barty screeched.

Clearing her throat, she smiled.

"O-oh thank you, brave traveler! You may reside here in my humble residence until we can find more fitting accommodations for our very own hero-"

"Oh no thank you, this is plenty already. I'm used to simply dozing off in a small lean-to, so this is already impeccable luxury for me! Thank you for all services rendered!"

With that, he leapt onto his feet, balancing precariously on the stool before leaning backward and stepping back out of the doorway, snatching up his walking stick and hat.

Her muffled voice sounded from inside after him, "Thank you brave sir! And good luck!"

What have you done.

Relax, Travis. It'll be fun.