Author's notes: Did some editing and it's updated. : )
We Were Never the Young Ones
Prologue
Time that is lost is gone forever. There is no point in trying to grasp the empty spaces, regardless of the weight of your regrets, those that are forgotten remains just that.
The forgotten.
- Cattyfuzzy
"The wind is calling." The melodious voice stated as a cool breeze swiped along the landscape, the crown of the heaving orange trees swaying lazily about from its gentle force. The clouds moved in its own indolent way, undisturbed by the low currents of the wind.
He envies it.
The wind.
He envies the freedom it was created to live. How it would travel the lands and across the seas, knowing the world in ways he never would. He could sit for hours on end engrossed in private conversations with the wind. He trusts it the most because it will never betray his secrets. He assumes they were carried over the waters and scattered over the unrelenting tides of the ocean, never to be found or heard of again.
"What're you talking about?" Kurogane asked with a smile as he looked down at the blonde hair boy laying on the grass. He could say he was used to phrases such as this.
Fay is a born dreamer.
"Listen, Kuro…don't interrupt its rhythm." The blonde hair boy said before hushing his index finger over his lips.
He looked quietly down at his friend, wondering what could be possibly running through the blonde's head right now.
"I'll have you admitted personally if you weren't my best friend."
"You'll be lonely without me." The blonde said with a wink of his eye, cerulean sparkling with unspoken mischief.
"Hn." Kurogane grunted as he sat down beside the blonde hair boy and looked up in the general direction the other boy was looking at "what are you looking at?" he asked when he saw nothing particularly interesting in the sky.
There isn't even a falcon flying by to admire today…
"I'm looking for dreams, Kuro."
"Have you found any?"
"Maybe." The blonde answered in that sing song way of his.
"What kind of dream is it?"
"A dream of the future…of us in..."
'Together…'
"Are you thinking about college? I thought I told you not to worry about that. I will go anywhere you go." Kurogane said as he stretched his hand across and ruffled the silky blond strands, like how one would ruffle a child's hair in an attempt to quell their insignificant insecurities.
"You did promise." The blonde answered.
"Yeah…I did." Kurogane murmured as he turned and looked into endless blue, even bluer than the sky. He always felt that sunlight was the best painter. Those lush streaks of shadow that creates the contrast of hard and soft, lining part of the blonde's face that is angled towards the ground, and bringing out those speckles of grey in those azure eyes. He could see the fine hairs on his face and neck from this close. So fine they are…
Fay turned to gaze back at crimson orbs, bright like fire and tourmaline, sharp and perceptive, yet, without judgment offering warmth at times when needed. As he looked on, the familiar tightness gathered in his chest again.
He wonders if his best friend will ever know what weighs his heart.
Summer is the season he loves the least. The heat agitates his skin, makes it prickly and red, his hair is constantly limp and moist at the ends with sweat, and humidity hung in the air, breathing down his neck in the most uncomfortable way, and nothing is ever cold enough to cool the heat.
Though there is something he likes best during summer time. He just wasn't quite sure if he should feel guilty in admitting it.
It is the shifting of muscles on that broad back, the way the ends of his hair curls around the base of his neck when it is drenched with sweat, and that tempting hard curve that starts from the waist and ends around the hips, exposed flashes of sweat sheen skin, before everything else is covered up by well worn denim. Kurogane is always peeling off his tops. It is the only time where he could look on quietly from behind, without feeling awkward or shamed that he held such an interest towards the body belonging to his best friend.
Fay hears the soft cussing of the red-eye boy about the heat, and sees the tilt of his head and knows that he is throwing deathly glares at the sky. As if he expects that the sun would be intimidated into growing weak and seek the shelter of the clouds by the force of his glare. Kurogane's childish behavior is strangely endearing and irritating at the same time.
"Hey." He called out.
"Yeah?" Kurogane drawled in reply as he throws his cotton shirt behind, and slings it across his left shoulder.
"Let's go down to the river, dying of heat stroke here."
"K…" the red eye boy agreed as he turned with a roguish smile on his face "are you gonna want me to carry you on my back again? Or have you finally learned how to swim?"
Fay's face heated up at the memory of sleek wet skin sliding across his chest. That gesture had been purely platonic, but it had him scrambling to control his quickening heartbeat and rapid shallow breathes. But they were too close and he was sure Kurogane noticed it, and had only pretended not to. He had panicked and worried that it might have revealed the secret he was so desperate to keep. So much so that in the end, he could not remember what Kurogane had taught him while threading in the water.
When had it started?
It seems like such a long time ago. They were only ten years old when they first met. Now, both seventeen and on the edge of manhood, he is starting to sense and understand the changes. He was afraid to express it only withholding that emotion at bay, unwilling to give it a name because it might signify the end of everything. But day after day, weeks after weeks, months after months, it only grew stronger. He could not get rid of it, could not ignore it.
And this is a secret that he will never reveal.
Secrets, he thought, were meant to be as their namesakes.
He would bring this particular one with him to his grave if he could.
Kurogane stared at the pale expense of skin infront of him as he supported slender shoulders in the tepid water of the river, feeling the gentle currents meandering past their lower bodies, and the soft sand beneath their feet, his eyes casually trailing the droplet of water traveling down the graceful arch of the blonde's neck. Briefly, he entertained the thought of laving his tongue along the same direction the droplet has taken, wanting to taste the coolness of it and the skin it is sliding on. He let his hands slide slowly down the arms of the blonde, feeling smooth skin and goose bumps. He pretends that the shivers he felt were because by him, and not from the chill that the breeze brings with it.
This is such a torture, albeit, of the sweet kind.
He remembered how in love he was then, and how in love he still is now. He used to think it was a puppy sort of love and sooner or later, he would outgrow it. But every day as he looks at his best friend, he only sunk deeper into it. He no longer remembers when he had crossed the line. Only that the blonde's heart was calling out to him.
Like bees to honey.
Like how the river flows towards the sea.
We Were Never the Young Ones
Chapter 1
Storms are absolutely the most fascinating creations of Mother Nature. The angry groans of the sky composed an epic orchestra.
The roiling dark clouds fat with moisture and the whipping winds muffles the rumbling of thunder. From afar, he sees lighting streaks across the sky illuminating everything within its radius. The air buzzed with barely felt static and the ground vibrates with the raw energy radiating from it. He watched all living creatures big or small scurry out of its way with a strange mixture of awe and fear.
This is how majestic a storm is.
Magnificent beauty belying the dangerous and destructive nature held within its eclectic atmosphere.
Fay pulled his windbreaker closer around his body, pushing back against the raging wind. Hair wet and plastered against his forehead further obscuring his sight. The pin pricks of tiny raindrops sharpen with the velocity, at which it is falling, irritates his eyes and stings his skin, makes them feel like needle jabs. He wants to get home safely and in one piece, but before that, he needs to find Kurogane first. He had been waiting at the diner for more than an hour. The red eye boy has never missed their meeting time before. And he almost went crazy with worry when he found the line disconnected.
He supposed this is one of the drawbacks residing in Florida.
Seasonal storms and the occasional missing friend.
He stares at the open road infront of him, trying to gauge, if it is worth risking the hazards for the trip down to the orchards in such horrid weather. The news station had not mentioned that the storm would grow to this troublesome monstrosity. Then again, there is no contest when it comes to the well being of his best friend. He turned back in the direction of his vehicle hastily, got in and jammed the key twice in his rush before he got the engine started.
'He's got to be there…' he thinks as he speeds away.
Kurogane stepped further into the shed, listening to the wooden planks creak from the strain of standing against the wind. He is worried about the worsening storm and is starting to feel a little remorseful that he had procrastinated on reinforcing the shed. Of course, there is a bigger worry hanging at the back of his mind. He had missed lunch with blondie, and he hadn't called to inform him about it either, and he knows Fay must be crazy with worry right about now.
He peeped out the small opening that overlooks the entire front of the orchard, and the road that leads into it. There was nothing apart from the wildly swaying trees and a gray sheet of rain all around. He picked up the radio that was kept in the shed and tuned the knob, searching for a news station for updates. Just as the newscaster's voice blared out from its speakers, he heard the honk of car. He dropped everything in his hands and stepped out of the shed, heedless of the danger that might come from above.
The car came to a slow halt infront of him, the splattering rain obscuring his view of the driver. He doesn't have to see Blondie's face to know that he is fuming.
"Thanks." He said as he got into the car, his sopping clothes drenching the interior immediately.
Fay did not say anything. He only gripped the steering wheel tighter. Kurogane noticed with trepidation at how white his knuckles had turned with the force applied, and fiery blue eyes that are glaring at the muddy road ahead instead of him.
"Next time, don't keep me waiting."
Kurogane studied the terse and tense blonde beside him, before the simple realization hits him. He mutters a soft apology and places a hand on the blonde's shoulder as a gesture of comfort. The elements of the storm continued to howl and rumble above them. As the lighting flashed once more across the sky, Kurogane thought he saw the faint shimmer of tears welling up in blue eyes, makes them look unnaturally bright and clear.
The tears and worry that his best friend had shown to him, sparked hopes that he is too afraid to admit he has been carrying all this while.
'Am I reading too much into this?' He thought silently.
"Hey…" He whispered as he moved his hand on Fay's neck and swiped his thumb against the delicate jawline "I'm alright."
Fay gently took Kurogane's hand away from his neck, the tempting warmth from that hand threatening to break his control. He turns and looked straight into Kurogane's eyes, unable to hide the tumult of emotions within, and wonders if Kurogane could see just how scared he was.
He is terrified at knowing that this person will be taken away from him one day, and that he will never be prepared for such a day.
"What am I to do if you can't keep yourself safe..."
The words haunted his consciousness day and night. He could interpret it as what his heart would wish it to be but he knew better. He figured he could take the jump and jeopardize everything that he had built with the blonde, just to end this torture. Because he really can't predict how much longer can his heart take this.
This…arrgghhh…he does not even dare to say it!
Every day, his heart strained to tell the truth to the whole world. Everytime when he saw the blonde, he wanted to hold him tight against him, to feel that softness and smell the scent of cedar wood and mandarin lingering on his skin. Most of all, he wants to feel the heat of the blonde. His desires whispered at him like the cajoling of the devil, his lust prodding him to action.
It is not a fight he can win.
Was it why he found himself at the blonde's door? It has been four days since after the storm, and he has not seen Fay yet. Even though it was a short period, the blonde was sorely missed. He jerked his hand to the doorbell and quickly pressed it before he loses his nerves and walk away. From within, he heard the muffled footsteps coming down the stairs. Seconds later, the door opened to reveal a half-naked Fay with glazed eyes and slightly parted lips, mussed up hair sticking in all directions. He must have interrupted Fay's nap time, he thought, and that the sight before him was such a test to his principles and morals.
"Morning sleepy-head." He mumbled in greeting as he pushed Fay into the hall. His forearm brushed by his chest as he passed by, and he reveled in the short jolt of warmth that passed through his skin. Fay is giving way to him in an almost too familiar manner, and he aches for that familiarity to represent something else. Something with a deeper sense of intimacy. He wants to know how it would feel like to wake up and see Fay first thing in the morning. It definitely will be awesome.
"Mo'nin." Fay mumbled as he stumbled in after Kurogane and slumped onto the couch with him.
"Where's everyone?" Kurogane asked as he glanced about the empty house.
"They flew off for a short holiday in Hawaii. Didn't I tell you that?" Fay answered, genuinely having forgotten to inform his friend regarding about his family's short vacation.
"Hn…" Kurogane frowns and shakes his head like a dopey dog, sans the shaggy hair.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" Fay asked casually as he lay down on the couch and rests the pads of his feet against Kurogane's thigh. Kurogane shifted a little bit to his left to make more room for Fay's long legs. He let his hand fall to Fay's ankle and left it there, letting his thumb rub soothing circles on smooth ivory skin.
It comes so natural to them, these casual touches. They could have been lovers if they were spotted by people who didn't know better. He wished that would become something concrete one day. These flights of fancy are driving him to distraction. There is hardly a day whereby he has not thought of the blonde, or, of what they could be together. Perhaps he is too greedy? Maybe best friends are all they are ever going to be.
"No. Do you have anything in your fridge?"
"Multi grains cereal and milk, which I know you totally don't fancy."
Kurogane nodded in silent agreement.
"Are you going to be here for the rest of the day then?" Fay questioned.
"Yeah…not much else to do."
"Make yourself useful and order us a pizza then…maybe get me some chicken from Bojangles' too." Fay said as he flittered back to sleep again, getting comfortable with Kurogane's gentle caresses, enjoying the ease of their closeness.
"K…" the red eye boy answered but he sat there for a long time, watching the blonde sleep. He was still there even when his stomach growled and protested against the hunger strike it was involuntarily submitted to.
We Were Never the Young Ones
Chapter 2
Kurogane blinked his eyes against the blinding light of the sun. It is a kind of day that the blonde would loved to be out in. It was the silhouette of the boy standing behind a backdrop of a setting sun that always appears in his mind, the gentle breeze ruffling his golden locks into an unruly mess and the sun that warms up his often too cool skin…skin that he would love to lave his tongue across. He wonders if it was his raging hormones that were turning every memory of the blonde into a sexually charged experience.
'Will I ever have the courage to tell him?'
It was the only question repeating in his mind as he snoozed and lazed on the hillside that he and the blonde frequent. He watched the children nearby shrieked and laughed at the same time as they frolicked by the pond. Their expressions full of undulated joy and childish delights, a teenage girl was standing nearby blowing soapy bubbles. The children gleefully chased after those little orbs of enclosed air, entranced by their luminous opaque state.
Kurogane was reminded of the time when he and Fay were both still little boys, not yet burdened with the growing pains teenagers experienced. They had their fair share of mischief and trouble. Of course, they never took it seriously when punishment was dealt out to them, like all young boys were. But that age was over and pass…when had he felt that carefree since?
"A penny for your thoughts?" a familiar mellow voice asked before a blue popsicle was thrust before his sight.
"I thought you said you weren't coming?" he asked, pleasantly surprised by the sudden appearance of the blonde "And haven't I told you before that I hate the blue ones?"
"Oh…I'm so sorry, Kuro-sama. Should your humble servant go get you another then?"
Kurogane glared at the smirking blonde before grabbing the popsicle, distaste apparent in his expression.
"It's fine…I'm not picky like someone." The red eye boy replied as he unwrap the stick of ice and made a show of sticking it reluctantly into his mouth. The freezing cold of the ice on his tongue dissipates the heat of the lazy afternoon, wakes him up a little from the feelings of heat induced drowsiness.
"Oh…is that someone me?" Fay threw back with a big grin and a bright blue tongue as he leaned in close to Kurogane, so close that their noses were almost touching, and the red eye boy could smell the blonde's sweet breathe with a hint of ice-cream soda.
"Don't do that." Kurogane said in all seriousness. His body starting to react to the blonde's closeness, he didn't want to be caught in any embarrassing situation in such a public place. It was unbecoming of how little control he has of his own body nowadays.
"Do what?" Fay answered pushing himself closer still. He likes being so close to the red eye boy; the proximity allows him to admire those unique crimson eyes that he loves so much. Provoking the boy to levels of certain animosity was starting to be an enjoyable pastime, the familiar scowl the boy wore often lends an air of maturity and further refining those strong angular features, which is mighty pleasing to look at. It was just his luck that he had to fall for his best friend, whom, he thinks, is even straighter than Michael Hall, and of course he acted like a fool often enough, getting his hopes up with all that casual touches the red eye boy constantly directed at him.
Is he too deceitful to decide not to address this invisible strain between them; is it alright to continue blurring the edges? It was as if he had an immutable obligation to keep falling head over heels in love with the boy infront of him. Whatever reasons he has given himself is never enough and the craving remains, if not stronger than ever. He feels as if he is breaking into a hundred different pieces everytime he thinks about the red eye boy.
Is there any pain more exquisite?
Kurogane drew in a shallow breathe as he tried valiantly to control his overwhelming physical reaction to the delectable blonde, the body's native language propelling him to act on the instincts that were instilled before the history of time was written. His sight absorbed by the gentle swaying of loose strands of spanned silk, lustrous and glossy under the afternoon sun, and the windy nothingness carrying with it the unforgettable scent of a boy with sapphire eyes, whose voice is forever a lush aria he would never tire of hearing.
He watched as the blonde leaned into the wind tilting gently away from it, watched those golden strands play with the wind, gold that his dreams are filled with. So concentrated he was in the sight before him, he failed to capture the question coming forth from the blonde's moving lips for it sounded like the voices in his dreams.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered leaning forward to press his lips delicately against the blonde's before he could really think about what he was doing, allowing himself to be controlled by this hopeless passion that had consumed his whole being. The taste of those soft lips, so heavenly, sums up the quintessence that is Fay.
Fay's eyes lit aglow as the face of Kurogane pressed in, his visage more magnificent than the one of *David's, whose countenance when compared to the warmth of the red eye boy only radiates an alabaster chill. And then…there were those lips. How many lonely nights and countless hours had he spent dreaming, praying for a moment like this?
Fay's eyes shuttered close as he relished the sensation of Kurogane's lips against his own. This virgin kiss full of soft affections, chaste and pure was exactly the kind of first kiss he was expecting to receive, although the situation he dreams of differs greatly from this moment. As he breathed in the clean scent of the red eye boy, he grew incredibly light-headed. He felt his breath being forced out of him as his heartbeat thundered and echo in his ears, he's drowning. He'd lose himself in that elusive heat, swirling warmth glided down his body and flared at the pit of his guts and suddenly he wondered if he was in one of his dreams. He drew away sharply as he took in a deep breath, eyes wide and questioning.
"What do you think you're doing?" Fay asked breathlessly.
Kurogane snapped his eyes opened, unsure of when they had closed. His mind suddenly filled with the various scenarios, in which the blonde would put an end to their friendship and walk out and away of his life forever. He couldn't help but let out a disappointing groan as he cradled his head in his hand.
This is it…I've screwed up everything.
"I'm sorry…I can't mind my own heart anymore around you anymore…" he whispered softly as he lifted his head slowly to look at the bonde.
*Statue of David by Michelangelo
We Were Never the Young Ones
Chapter 3
The malaise that had settled in the quietude of their environment after his solemn and sudden confession, disturbed Fay's dreamy somnolence in the after wake of the kiss, drunk from the gentle demand of those sensual lips, the words were left floating above in the air around him. The realignment of his senses took a few moments while Kurogane agonized over those seemingly eternal seconds on the possibility of a cruel rejection.
"What do you mean by that? What are you trying to say to me?" Fay whispered his questions as he leaned in towards the red eye boy, his gaze drifting back and forth between beautiful crimson eyes, now turned a shade of dark burgundy in its owner's confused state, and lips that he would love to delve into again. He was in doubt and very skeptical of what his ears had just heard but those words were the most romantic things anyone had ever uttered to him.
"Are you trying to tell me that you...hum…feel something…for me?" the blonde pushed further in enquiry, a vague excitement setting his senses ablaze. It causes his sight to turn everything else fuzzy apart from the sharp features of his long time crush. If fate has deemed to want to be kind to him at this moment, he will grasp the opportunity and have his uncertainties laid to a rest. If his best friend does not feel anything apart from platonic feelings towards him, at least he could put everything down and walk away.
Kurogane stuttered, unable to form an intelligible reply. He could not seem to connect the sentences in his head to affirm his heart's desires to the blonde infront of him. He is incredibly aware of their surroundings and the now distant voices of the children still frolicking by the edge of the pond. He thought he could also feel the girl's scrutinizing eyes on them.
Then everything tumbled out, knowing that it is now or never.
"You know…for a while, I couldn't tolerate your smile because I could never smile like that, but when I did, I was gone. And then what else could I do but to try and forget the smile? The smile of an angel because I know his heart is never mine to own." Kurogane said as he lifted trembling fingers and grazed plaint pale pink lips, tracing each faint line and savoring the wispy warm breath teasing the edges of his knuckles.
"And you've never tried letting the angel know?" Fay said breathily as he fought to control the overwhelming sensation of that slow exquisite touch burning its mark onto his skin. He smiled as he maneuvered himself to straddle the red eye boy's thigh and delighted in the surprised gasp that escaped from that perfect bow shaped lips. Kurogane flinched as he felt the blonde scoot too close to his hips, and placed his palms on his thighs to stop him. He turned his head in the general direction of the girl just in time to see her swivel her head hastily to the other side.
He turned his head back and gaze at the blonde again, his mind still swirling in confusion.
"Aren't you shocked or appalled by the fact that I like you that way?" he asked.
"Do I look like I'm in any way disgusted?" Fay replied as he placed cool palms against warm biceps "Do you even have any idea how long I have been in love with you?"
Kurogane's heart did a triple somersault at that straight forward admittance and then a distinct wooziness took over him.
"And all this while, I have only ever thought of us being together as a dream." He whispered and leaned into the blonde chuckling softly.
"Aren't we just the greatest fools we've ever known?" the blonde replied as he sunk his head and laid it on Kurogane's broad shoulder letting the cooling air of the approaching evening, calm and synchronize their pounding hearts.
Kurogane does not know how to prepare himself to possess his intended lover, and he found himself contemplating if he was incapable of performing the deed. No matter how many hours had been spent loving the blonde in his dreams, reality had served up an entirely different setting for him. He was no longer the handsome, cool and suave gentleman but a nerve wreck teenager with the barely needed sexual experience. He does not understand the internal or the external aspect of intimate matters. So now after the initial euphoria of hearing each other's confessions, things have practically come to a standstill. It has been more than a month and the furthest they have gone were deep soulful kisses and heavy make out sessions. Which only leaves them panting with more built up sexual frustration, since neither of them knows what to do next.
And he's blaming himself for his ignorance and lack of initiative to prepare for such a day.
As such, he found himself seated infront of his computer surfing for gay porn and stealing glances at the door every now and then because he does not want any unpleasant surprises for his parents. Educational as the videos and websites were for him, he couldn't help squirming with embarrassment as images and descriptions of the how and the whys flashed across his screen, and he never really thought men could actually do that to each other.
"…I'd better be high on drugs if I were to ever do that…" he muttered to himself as he came across another explicit photo on his computer screen.
"Kurogane!" his mother called from below "Fay's here!"
"What!" he exclaimed as he flew off the chair in search of a presentable pair of jeans, not for the sake of modesty since they had seen each other's bodies countless times before but ever since they knew about each other's feelings it got trickier to be around each other while exposing too much skin "Tell him to wait downstairs! I'm coming down in a minute!" he continued as he stumbled back to his desk and fumbled about with his computer mouse, hastily shutting the window on screen.
He had just snapped the button of his jeans on when he heard the gentle stomp of footsteps and the click of his door knob turning before Fay poked his face in between the gap of the door. The sight of his boyfriend in low slung jeans and well defined body with nary a strip of cloth on was more than a pleasant greeting.
"What are you hiding inside your room, Kuro-san?" Fay asked as his sapphire eyes scanned the room quickly and lingered at the closet doors.
"Nothing…why?"
"I heard you shouting about something." The blonde said as he entered the room and plopped himself onto the bed.
"Humm…I was just doing some…something..."
"You haven't called me today." Fay said as he stretched his body and deliberately let his tee-shirt slide up his abdomen, enjoying the sight of his boyfriend being distracted by his pale expense of skin. Kurogane recognizes the coy seduction and moved to lock the door before padding purposefully towards the bed. He sat down slowly beside the blonde's prone form and laid a hand on those sharp protruding hipbones letting them slip down slowly to the small of his back; he leaned down and brushed his nose across the blonde's cheek catching the scent of apple bubblegum.
"Could you stop consuming such a disgusting amount of sweets?"
"I thought you might have something much nicer to say to me, Kuro-san." Fay whispered as he turned and pressed his lips against his boyfriend's.
"I think you would be more pleased with actions instead of words." Kurogane whispered his reply in between kisses and slipped both hands beneath the blonde's tee-shirt before divesting him of it. Fay arched his back against heated palms as they explored his torso and moan softly as the red eye boy deepened the kiss, the blonde couldn't help feeling that something was different about his boyfriend tonight.
TBC