Home At Last

Warning: major present tense everywhere. I am not too familiar with writing a narrated story in english. I finished writing the draft in few hours, and spent a day fixing sentences and rewriting. I figured I just give it a go and see where this takes me, as revising over and over with little clue just just made my head spin x_x. I did my best, but I went by heart, and humbly ask for correction.

Spring has come.

Grass is somehow greener, and the air is fresh to the lung. I looked up, and the sky is blue, blue, and never-ending blue stretches wide as far as eyes can see. The weather is not hot nor cold, but cool and forgiving against my skin. I closed my eye and let the soothing, calming wind pass me by.

It's been five springs since he's coming home. The world is changing, ever so slowly, and at the same time, some thing remains the same.

I still love him. Despite everything, I still do.

Except the way I feel is not fireworks and rainbow anymore. It's not all bright sunlight and giddy, unbridled, unconstrained happiness anymore. Time has turned it into something much more deeper and bottomless, steady, unchanging.

It's like diving to the deep end of the ocean and realize it's all the same water, on the surface of the sea, or all over the world. I have tried running, ducking, hiding. I have tried giving up. Yet he is everywhere. Embedded so deep and constant, that to hide from the truth, is like denying my own existence, or ripping my own heart. It's as clear as crystal, and it stays true despite all the hurt. The years have taught me to hold strong to my truth, and despite the world of emotions it brings, it's one very simple truth and as sure as the sun rises every morning.

I love him.

No question, no hesitation, no shame. No buts, no what ifs.

It's a fact, it's a statement.

It's acceptance.

That no matter how long he needs me, I will wait. I will stay by his side, afar or near. I will love him, whether he let me or not.

I am my own person, and I have chosen.

Somehow when you have accepted your truth, all noises and feelings blur into something that no longer confuses you.

The world shifted. Someone was here, silent and observing as always. But not dangerous. Never dangerous. I smiled a small, contented smile. The wind is cool and smell like damp earth and fresh flowers, and he is not merely watching.

Footsteps then, light and sure and steady falls behind my ears.

"Hello Aoshi-sama."

"Misao."

Silence, comfortable silence fills the space. It stopped being awkward some time ago. I just accepted what he is able to show me.

I called him. "Whatever brings you here, Aoshi-sama?"

"I looked for you."

"Oh? Is there anything I can help you with Aoshi-sama?" I didn't open my eyes. I very rarely hope anymore, but his presence is something I always enjoyed. Girlish infatuation has left me, but a sense of calm and contentedness engulfed me every time he is near. Not completeness. But almost. Almost, as I have sensed his gaze more than I even care to count, and yet he still held back.

"You didn't come this morning." Ah, he means, I did not bring a tray of tea for his morning ritual at the temple. "Ah. Okon offered to change with me, as I was running for an unexpected errands in town this morning. But it's all taken care of."

"Hm." His answer is non-committal, but I can read into his voice inflection.

"You disappeared the whole morning and afternoon."

He is wondering what I did.

"I offered to to baby-sit Misae-san's grand daughter. You know, the warm old woman who is a regular to the Aoiya every other afternoon? His son and daughter is wiped away by the disease last year, so she takes care of little Maeko. This morning I heard words that she fell. It's nothing serious, and I have brought her to the doctor, but someone has to take care of Maeko-chan for a while."

"Ah. ...Is she well then?"

"Misae-san's feet is slightly sprained, but otherwise fine. The herbs help with her pain, it will take only 2-3 days for her to heal completely. Little Maeko-chan is a little frightened but hugs and a little play time fixed her."

"I'm glad." His composure is now more relaxed. I can feel he enjoys sitting with me too.

"Me too." And I opened my eyes.

Aoshi-sama is on his element. Calm, composed, in control - and yet somehow quietly alive in this environment. The sun is setting and is bringing a wonderful hue to the garden. The earth is still a little damp, somewhere in the middle of green and brown. Trees and flowers of different kinds and colors are blooming everywhere like the palette of a painter. And the light orange-reddish hue of this particular sunset compliment the day as if rejoicing a new world. And somehow, a man believing he is sinned and undeserving as much as this one, fits with this peaceful, alive environment. Ah, but I forget. He's starting to heal. And maybe that's all the difference in the world.

The old Aoshi-sama would not seek my company just because.

"It's been five springs since then." I mused aloud.

He nods inaudibly. "Aa."

"Have you find what you seek then Aoshi-sama?" I asked, trying to read him.

Silence sits awhile, and I have learned not to wait for answers. He always answers, though it takes him awhile. He takes his time and looks the garden as if it is all the gold in the world. And it's not entirely untrue. Night has fallen, and the moon, bright and round, is bringing it's silver rays upon us, making a sort of magical glow over these bright, vivid colors of nature we are in.

Quiet, with a little bit of an uncharacteristic softness he finally replied, "The flowers are particularly beautiful this year."

Few years ago, I would have raised my eyebrows at his absurd way of answering. "Yes they are, Aoshi-sama." As of me, I have used to his riddle ways.

"They are exquisite in their colors. Blooming into such stunning creatures, yet unafraid to live in their short life. ...So very beautiful, and yet so very fragile." He touched a petal.

I scoffed and rolled my eye, "Please don't tell me you just used a metaphor of flowers about me."

He closed his eye. "You don't need to waste your life on me, Misao."

"I didn't. I waited for you. I still do. I thought you know that I have decided."

"... I know. And that is why I fear for you. You are young Misao, you have everything in your hands. You have the power to choose your happiness." He opens his eyes and his eyes, clear beneath a cloud, boring holes into mine. Delaying the inevitable, even he knows. He just needed to make sure one last time.

"I am choosing my happiness. But you... will you let yourself be happy? With me? My feelings Aoshi-" I dropped the honorific and looked into his eyes, "- it does not change. I'll wait. ...However long you need me to. " I finished seriously.

He continued to stare, and I had enough eye-reading for the moment. I shrugged my shoulder easily.

"And please enough with the undeserving thing already," I looked with no small appreciation at the beautiful garden. Fireflies are appearing and flying on the farther side, making an illuminated vision of magic and colors in the dark. "I thought I have no need to prove that I'm a grown woman already. I have chosen, and that's that. Surely you have moved past that in five years."

Fingers touched my cheeks gently, carefully, almost afraid, almost like a lover's caress. "Flowers are to be admired from afar. You do not take something you love away from their roots. It is beautiful when it is alive, not when it is in someone's grasp." – you might not be happy with someone like me – but I heard the unspoken. His eyes is illuminated in the dark, swimming with barely restrained emotion I had never dared to name before.

I covered his warm, large hands with mine and looked at him honestly, baring my soul open. "I am no flowers Aoshi. I am not to be admired. The heart chooses on its own accord, and Lord help me, I am done trying erasing you from my mind. I am alive...when I love you. My heart is yours. Whether you let me or not." I watched as something evolved in his eyes – resignation, and then resolution.

His eyes appeared to be a tad bit misty – or was is it a trick of light?

"You are aware I have nothing to offer you." He slowly put his head on mine and looked for the first time, for the very first time for such a long time, in such freedom and abandon. Emotion dances naked in his eyes, intense and strong and commanding. The cloud has finally scattered, and his eyes, his clear, beautiful, honest eyes, shine with truth so fierce, so earnest and so very terrifyingly real, that I berated myself for a second that I ever doubted him. He loved me. He let me see.

"I ask nothing of you," I replied softly, staring deeply into his eyes, "But I'd be the happiest woman on earth if you let me hold your heart."

He takes my hand softly, so very softly and kissed the back of my palm. He then kissed my arm, and then my neck, with such care, with such reverent, like he would touch a very, very precious treasure. I trembled a little, and try to hold myself still. Tears kissed my skin, as I was not aware of ways to be loved before this.

He then proceed to kissed my cheek, my nose, my tears, and then my eyes very tenderly, with an emotion I have never witnessed before, with emotions I never thought he was capable to show. He then waited until I opened my eyes, knees and limbs all weak and boneless. "I am yours as long as you want me. Will you let me...take care of you now? I have nothing to give...but everything I have is yours."

Water blur my sight and I could not nod well. True to his words, he took care of me. He gathered me in his arms, and hold me in passionate embrace as a lover would. Finally.

His lips neared mine ever so slowly, and when he was sure I am ready, his lips came down so very gently at mine, like a butterfly kiss on a leaf. Tender and kindly loving, like I believe he could be. I closed my eyes and let myself fall. He catches me – and hold me for the rest of the night.

It was more than late into the night, but we stayed. The grass is comfortable and the earth is sturdy enough beneath us. I sit loosely in his embrace, with his legs around mine, but my fingers are encased firmly, gently in his. I put my hands over my heart, and he put his sure fingers around mine. The crickets are chirping and the word is calm. And safe. And peaceful. All is right with the world.

"Aoshi-sama?" I moved my neck slowly and my lips touched his arms.

"Hn?" he tightened his arms around me.

"Have you find what you seek then for Aoshi-sama?"

He tightened his arms even more and adjust his head to nestled comfortably above mine, "I have."

"Well, what is it?" Me and my noisy ways. Some things cannot change, but I had to hear a five-year contemplated wisdom, you know?

"That what I find pales in comparison with what stays beside me."

"That's it? That's your five-year wisdom?" I asked in disbelief.

"I have more. But you don't want to bore yourself with talks of sin and penance," he replied in his blunt manner, albeit slightly amused.

"And peace," I offered.

"And peace." He affirmed.

"Well I sure can," but my eyes betrayed me, they start closing on and off in their own accord. I blinked and try to fight in, just to prolonged the day. I breathed in his scent, feeling completely invincible and belonged right here in his arms. But his scent lull me farther into a sense of floating. I snuggled farther into his arms and snatched one arm to hold.

"Maybe someday." He nuzzled my hair. Warm, comfortable, safe. Loved. Bone-deep fulfillment. Whole. The most beautiful feelings I've ever felt in life.

And then, "Aoshi-sama." Just because the day is not over yet, just to ensure myself that I cannot possibly dream before I even sleep, and just because I can,

"Yes Misao?"

"You love me." Not an assurance, not a question. A statement. An acknowledgement. Something that can be told in open now.

"Yes I do Misao."

Dawn breaks in, and it's like a torch lit the dark, setting it alight little by little, slowly, deliberately, but sure. Unquestionable, unchangeable, promising. Indeed, the sky is rejoicing for a new world.

A thought flicker by before sleep catches me warmly, invitingly.

Home at last.

A/N:

This is my first published fanfiction here. Honestly, this is not something I planned. I have always loved the pairing, but above all else - as I lived in the golden age where kids first recognize Rurouni Kenshin as an on going manga - Rurouni Kenshin is my first true love in mangas. So I pretty much love almost everything about it. I spent years and years as a loyal reader of this fandom, and have never stopped drawing an inspiration and strength from it. My first love at pairing falls on Kenshin and Kaoru. It probably makes sense if I write them first. Somehow someway, the urge to write coming from me not finding the character Aoshi and Misao I wanted to see, or the ending I wanted them to have.

I wanted Misao to be an independent and mature woman, leaving behind all the woes and drama in her decision. There's nothing pathetic in a woman who have made her mind. Every hearts and situations are different. Some shows strength by letting go, some shows strength by holding on. Some are meant to let go, and some are meant to stay. In this version, I'd like her to be a strong woman who hold on to her truth and keep on believing - not in blind belief, but of the hope she instills in Aoshi.

And in my thoughts, Aoshi waits to be able to be ready to love Misao as he see fits. He needs to be able to come to terms with himself, and he needs to be able to come to terms with his love to Misao. 5 years. That's why he took so long, and that's why I made him look so tender here. In my mind, and if my calculation is correct (please correct me if I'm wrong) Misao is 21, and Aoshi is 31, assuming the Kyoto episodes is her in her 16, and the almost ten-year gap between Aoshi and her. And if maybe Misao seem to tame or feels too old or mellow to be 21, my reason would be that she grows in her love. And in that age, most women marry in their teens. I figured she might feel left out with girls around her age, and treat herself with maturity above her years. I debated strongly about the amount of years she waited with myself, actually. It's between 5 years, or 7 years. As I think it over... I wanted Misao's quality shone in the way she strongly believes in her love. At first, I don't think you earned that faith in 5 years. ... or you maybe could, given what happened to you. And 23 would better fit with the way Misao mellowed some. But then again, the way Misao would feel apart with other girls around her age and her years devoting her love to Aoshi would definitely make her wiser in the ways of life faster than other girls.

Argh.

Anyway, the five-year waiting won because I guess it's a tad bit too hard for me to make Misao and Aoshi wait a little bit too long and a little bit too old for my taste to love each other :p What do you think?

I hope I got my point across and everyone is in character. - and I hope you enjoy this enough.

Please tell me what you all think :) I am open to readers with suggestion and discussion.

Question: Did you all do this with past tense? Or it depends?