Hey I've been reading a few self insert stories lately and i'll admit most of them are bad but i've come up against a few good ones and there was one ages ago that I read (it's about a girl who becomes a cat-girl and with her talking cat, magical powers and Hammer becomes a part of the Strawhat crew if you know what the story is please send me the link I want to read it again) Anyway i decided to try and make my own Self Insert please let me know what you think :D
P.S. I'll explain a bit at the end of the chapter.

I stared around me in confusion, I had no idea where I was. I appeared to be in a wooden classroom with only one desk, no windows, no doors and the blackboard had 'Congratulations You're Dead!' on it.

"Fuck I must be drunk or something," I muttered to myself as I looked for a door. I refused to mention the fact that It is almost impossible for me to get drunk due to a high alcohol tolerance.

After a while I gave up looking for a door and looked at the desk, on it was a piece of paper and a pencil. "oh god even my dreams are boring, I haven't been to school in three years and now I have to do a test," I complained. Even though I didn't want to I sat down at the desk and read the piece of paper, I had nothing better to do after all. I was shocked by what I read.

Congratulations on being hit my an ice cream truck and dying! That is probably the lamest death possible.

Since you died so pathetically you are our test subject for operation Self Insert, named after bad self insert fanfiction, seriously most of them are terrible there are only a few good ones.

"Oh god kill me now," I muttered as I repeatedly banged my head against the desk. "I'm probably going to end up in something lame like Harry Potter, I just can't deal with a creepy old headmaster, at least Luna is awesome."

No you aren't going to Harry Potter you are going to One Piece :)
P.S. You are already dead and as such no I can't kill you.

Now moving on you will be given a new body, a new life and even a reputation so let's begin.

Please enter your name...

it took me a few minutes to decide a name, I didn't want to use my original one as it was so bloody common in my first life I began to hate it. In the end I used the name I always used in games, emails and anything else.

You have entered: Douchebag. Are you sure you want to use this name?

I stared at the words for a few seconds. "I hate you," I muttered. "Use the name I actually put in god dammit."

Fine your name is Fairy S. Tail. Also known as Fairys

Now let's see you chose your name and your gender is male otherwise you would spend all your time playing with your breasts so now let's move onto your physical stats. Note this is not a game it is just so that you can choose some of your strengths. Also mental stats arent decided as I can't make you smarter than you are and I don't think you can get stupider.

"Must not scream" I growled at the paper.

The stats are: Strength, Constitution, Agility and Luck

Strength is your basic... well strength and carry capacity.

Constitusion is your stamina and ability to take damage.

Agility is your speed and jumping capability.

Luck is well Luck.

The stats have a minimum of 1 point and a maximum of ten, you have a total of twenty six points. Just so you have an idea of what the points are worth Zoro has ten strength, Nami and Usopp about five Koby before he joined the marines has one.

It took me a few minutes to work it out but I knew exactly what I wanted.

Strength: 4

Constitution: 4

Agility: 10

Luck: 8

Ok good now it is time to decide on if you want a unique weapon or a devil fruit.

I didn't even need to think about it.

You have chosen Lightning's Gunblade from Final Fantasy 13, You do realise you won't be able to do any of her magical attacks right? Whatever it is a pretty cool weapon.

Now is the time to choose flaws and Bonuses. How this works is you take as many flaws as you want and then you can take a certain amount of bonuses equal to the worth of the flaws. E.g. Zoro has no sense of direction and is always poor this allows him to take the bonus to use a third sword.

"Hmmm I know exactly what flaw I want, It will be hard but I have always wanted to try it" I mused aloud.

Flaw accepted

Bonuses?

Infinite ammo pouch accepted more bonuses allowed.

+1 agility accepted more bonuses allowed.

Summon weapon from nowhere not accepted try again.

Training not accepted try again.

Weapon having eaten a devil fruit not accepted try again.

+1 strength not accepted try again.

Increased resistance to drugs, alcohol and poison accepted.

No more bonuses allowed, would you like any more flaws?

I shook my head at the piece of paper still trying to figure out how it could write back to me and apparently never run out of space. I shrugged "must be magic."

Occupation?

There was only one thing I could respond with to that.

Occupation: Thief.

Now that everything is chosen here is the final information on your character.

Name: Fairy S. Tail or Fairys

Stats:

-Strength: 4

-Constituion: 4

-Agility: 11

-Luck: 8

Equipment:

-Gunblade

-Infinite Ammo Pouch

-Clothing

-Ten thousand Beri

Flaws:

One Armed: You have lost your left arm in a fight.

Bonuses:

Catlike Grace: You gain +1 Agility

Ammo Fairy: You have a pouch filled with infinite ammo

heavy Weight: You can drink more than anyone would expect

Back-story:

You were a thief and after hearing some news of a rare devil fruit being held by the marines you decided to try and steal it. Unfortunately for you the news was a trap and you were captured you now wait for your execution.

Have fun :)

Before I could say anything my world went black.

…...

I eventually opened my eyes to find myself tied to a cross in the middle of an execution yard. "Of course I have to be here" I mumbled to myself before looking around to see if anyone else was nearby. Luckily for me Zoro was tied up right beside me.

I had to admit as I looked at Zoro even tied up, starved half to death and obviously dehydrated he looked intimidating. I had no idea what to say so I went to the old fall back "lovely weather we're having isn't it," I said lamely.

Zoro gave a small snort "wouldn't mind some rain myself. Why did they tie you up for?"

"Tried to steal from ol' Axe-Hand you?" I asked.

"So you're a petty thief?" Zoro growled.

I gave a small shrug "got to eat somehow and it could be worse, I could kill people for money instead" I said with a smirk.
Zoro glared at me "you got a problem with me?" he snapped.

I faked confusion "why would I have a problem with you? Wait do you kill people for money?" I asked in faux horror.

"It's not like I was an assassin" Zoro growled out.

I shrugged "whatever so why'd they tie you up?"

"The captains bastard son was going to kill some innocents if I didn't allow myself to be captured. We made a deal if I survive this for one month then he'll let me go, I have one week left," he said with resolution.

"Awww aren't you just a big softy," I teased.

"Shut up," Zoro shouted turning bright red.

I poked my tongue out at him and laughed "so mister softy you got a name or should I just keep calling you mister softy?"

"Zoro," he growled out, the vein on his head throbbing madly.

I grinned "well Zoro I'm Fairy S. Tail but everyone calls me Fairys nice to meet you." Zoro just glared at me without saying anything, yes he was intimidating but I had to occupy my self somehow.

After a while we settled into silence before I realised something very very important. "Holy shit I know why ol' Axe-Hand is always so angry," I announced.

Zoro groaned "what are you on about now?"

"I know why Axe-Hand is so grumpy it's so obvious."

"Because he has an axe for a hand?" Zoro asked.

I shaked my head "worse. It was his wanking hand," I declared seriously.

Zoro paused in thought "that might actually be right" he mused.

"Join my pirate crew" a voice said.

I blinked as I looked around and standing right in front of me was Luffy. "HOLY FUCK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" I screamed in shock.

Zoro snorted in amusement as Luffy stared at me blankly "who are you?" Luffy asked.

I stared at Luffy as a thought began to fill my mind. Luffy was standing in front of me, he even talked to me. Must not freak out. Do not fangasm. Be cool I ordered myself, failing miserably.

"I'm not joining you" Zoro said simply "I refuse to be a pirate."

"I heard you're a pretty good swordsman," Luffy grinned.

"I am but that bastard son took my swords," Zoro growled.

Luffy's grin widened "guess I'll have to get it for you and if you want it back you'll have to join my crew," he declared.

"Can you get mine as well?" I asked quickly "it's silver and red. I'm not sure who has it though."

Luffy grinned "sure but you have to join my crew as well," he declared before running off.

"Oi idiot the base is in the other direction," Zoro yelled out to Luffy.

I paused totally in shock, I didn't pay attention as Luffy flew by, I didn't even hear the explosions at the base my mind had shut down, trying desperately to reboot. Zoro, THE Zoro gave directions. Zoro gave directions and they were correct. Zoro didn't get someone lost? Maybe he did have perfect sense of direction like that fanfiction said and he just ignored it. "Hold me," I murmured to myself scared. I was shaken from my thoughts by Zoro

"Oi brat what are you doing?" he asked.

Looking around I saw Koby standing there trying to untie Zoro. "I think he's trying to untie you," I announce seriously.

"Well he should stop I've got one more week," Zoro snapped.

"Wow never would have guessed you were into bondage," I smirked causng Zoro to turn bright red "besides they announced your execution for tomorrow."

"What? Is this true?" Zoro growled oout.

Koby nodded "yup, Helmeppo never planned on honouring his agreement with you at all. When Luffy found out he got so angry he knocked Helmeppo out."

"He did?" Zoro asked in shock.

I saw movement to the side "hey look it's Axe-Hand," I grinned "Hey Axe-Hand."

Axe-Hand sneered "Thief, Pirate Hunter Zoro and worthless scum be prepared to die right where you stand."

Koby screamed, Zoro paled in fright and I just grinned Luffy would show up to save us in a second. Unless he got lost maybe by looking for my gunblade? "fuck me" I muttered before shouting out "Hey Axe-Hand I got a question."

"What are you doing idiot," Zoro hissed.

"Stalling while the runt unties you," I replied quietly.

"Let me guess you want to know if I'll spare you," Axe-Hand smirked.

I shook my head "no nothing like that. Me and Zoro were having a debate before and just wanted to know something."
Axe-Hand let out a growl "get to it already."

I grinned before rapidly asking "howmuchwoodwouldawoodchuckchukcifawoodchuckwouldchuckwood?" Everyone stared at me blankly obviously trying to decipher what it is exactly that I said.

"Care to repeat that?" Axe-Hand ground out just as Koby finished with Zoro's ropes.

"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck would chuck wood?" I asked again making sure to go slower. "Come on Luffy where are you?" I mentally asked myself while looking at everyone's gaping expressions.

"Let me get this right," Axe-hand began slowly "you are about to die and your last wish is to know how much wood a woodchuck would chuck?"

"If a woodchuck would chuck wood" I finish solemnly.

Axe-hand sighed "men ready, aim, fire."

"Zoro protect the runt" I ordered quickly before closing my eyes, waiting for my death.

My death never came. Bullets never pierced my flesh. Swords never slashed my guts out. After a few seconds of waiting I opened my eyes to see a beautiful sight, Luffy was standing there and he had four swords tied to his back. Everyone was gaping at him as he laughed, talking about how he was strong.

"Thank you" I gasped tears in my eyes, I was man enough to admit I was scared for my life. "Thank you so much."

Luffy grinned and pulled a silver and red sword off of his back "here you go lady this is yours right?" he asked holding it out "here take it."

Something about what he said sounded strange but I couldn't think about it now instead I pointed out the obvious, well to everybody except him "I can't take it I'm still tied up."

Luffy blinked dumbly "oh right sorry about that," he mumbled.

"Don't worry I got it," came Zoro's voice and the next second the ropes binding me were ripped apart.

I dropped to my feet and marvelled at how light my body felt, it felt like I didn't weigh anything at all. Standing up and stretching with my arm in the air I let out a satisfied groan before turning to Luffy and taking the gunblade off of him. "thank you captain" I grinned "the names Fairy S. Tail or Fairys for short." I didn't listen to his response as I looked at the gunblade in my hand, it felt a little heavy but the weight was more reassuring than anything else. With a grin I located a switch on the side of the hand, after pushing it and giving a flick of the wrist the gunblade folded into it's gun form. "Damn I love this thing" I muttered before pointing it at the marines, specifically Axe-Hand. "So what now captain?"

Luffy just let out a laugh before charging forward and attacking Axe-hand. Zoro now with his swords decided to just attack the normal Marines. In less than a second Koby and I were left standing there with nothing to do as we watched the fighting. "Soooo wanna go see if there's a place to eat?" I asked eventually.

"How can you ask that?" Koby asked in shock "those two are fighting and you're worried about food!"

I was going to respond when I noticed a Marine raise his gun, aiming at Koby. Without any thought I tackled Koby to the ground and whirled around shooting another Marine who was charging us with his sword. Zoro managed to take out the shooter and a few seconds later the fighting was over with Luffy knocking Axe-Hand out.

"Heh nice shot," Zoro grinned as he walked over to me and Koby, he reached out his hand and helped pull me to my feet.

"Thanks," I grinned, getting praised by Zoro was definitely an ego booster.

"Yeah thank you miss," Koby said getting to his feet "you saved my life." I just grinned and placed my gunblade in it's holster.

"I'm hungry!" Luffy whined suddenly "I want meat!"

….

Our group of four ended up making it to the same restaurant that Rika's mother owned. Luffy and Zoro downed plate after plate of food, Koby told everyone who would listen the story of what happened and I went to the bathroom to take a much needed leak. As I was washing my hands I saw an unforgettable sight, I saw a face of unrivalled beauty and yet it felt like a terrible nightmare. In the mirror was Lightning's face, body and clothes. I looked exactly like she did in the first Final Fantasy XIII game. Thankfully for me though I didn't have her chest and instead of her shorts I was wearing pants but otherwise I looked exactly like her. I had her shoulder length pink hair, her feminine features, her toned but slim figure. I was wearing her white coat, black boots, shoulder armour, her leg pouch and gunblade sheath that was hanging behind my ass, thankfully I was wearing brown pants instead of her tiny shorts. Taking all of this in to account I looked beautiful. I didn't wan't to look beautiful!

"I wanted her weapon not to look like her," I mumbled weakly before pausing as I remembered something that Luffy had said. 'Here you go lady this is yours right?' my mind recalled. "oh god oh god oh god everyone thinks I'm a girl."

Without another thought I walked out of the bathroom back to our table. "Hey lady is something wrong?" Luffy asked obliviously.

That was just too much, I knew it wouldn't hurt him so as fast as I could I drew my gunblade and shot Luffy between the eyes. "I'M A GUY DAMMIT!" I shouted silencing everyone.

After a few seconds everyone reacted at once. Zoro broke into laughter, Koby began sputtering about how I was too beautiful to be a guy, a few of the restaurant patrons let out cries of distress (I did not want to think about that!), Luffy whined about getting shot and Rika's mother appeared beside me with an evil look. "I understand your frustration but please do not pull your weapon out in my restaurant again, okay?" the sweet smile and polite tone didn't fool anyone. If I drew my weapon again I would experience hell.

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am," I replied instantly, she was scary.

She gave a small nod "good now if you are finished with your meals I suggest that you leave soon, the families of the few Marines that you killed are likely on their way here for revenge. I along with most of the islanders here don't blame you but it would be best not to cause any trouble."

"Awww but I'm still eating," Luffy whined.

"You can take the food to go," she said coldly. "While I am thankful for what you have done, saving the town and all I would rather my restaurant and my home not be burned down." Luffy paled and nodded quickly, I think he was just as terrified of her as he was of Garp and Garp was scary.

After a few short goodbyes and a large sack of food we left the island on Luffy's little dinghy.

Ok first of all the stats system is just natural ability if you don't train it it gets worse if you do train it it gets better. Zoro naturally has ten strength but he does get physically stronger through out the manga/anime and the same will happen with Fairys and his agility so do not worry he won't be over powered also he is in a new body he hasn't done much yet so he hasn't realised it but he is going to have to take some time to adjust. If he goes at full speed now it will be like Kuro, going everywhere but seeing nothing after a while he will get better at it.

As to having one arm it isn't cause of shanks. I actually came close to having one of my arms run over once because of an accident and I still have nightmares about losing it so I figured my character will be 'armless (yes i had to do a bad pun :P)

Anyway hope you liked it and please if it's not too much trouble review even if it's to tell me that I suck and should jump off of a cliff.