A/N: I have had this story in my head for a while and wanted to write it out. I am not a slash writer OR reader by any means, but Ambriegns is my favorite bromance. And I have read a lot of those with those two. Some great writers no doubt. So here is the first chapter and let me know what you guys think!

The wind was clam and breezy with the sun shining nice and bright behind very few clouds. The grass surrounding Dean was as green as the everglades that blooms every year. There are flowers around the trees that are scattered around the area and even more around the black gates that marks that area with ease.

Dean sits with his legs crossed and his jacket on that loosely falls from his shoulders, revealing a black tank top underneath. He stares down, not knowing what to say or do at the moment. He ponders the last few weeks, especially the last few days. His heart being ripped to shreads with nothing holding it together. He isn't sure how he is even surviving considering he hasn't eaten or drank anything in three days. Ever since the love of his life died. BOOM...brain tumor that was too far advance to do surgery or radiation to kill it off. He just wished he could have done something sooner. Been more forceful to get it checked out. To beg, plead, dragged, SOMETHING to have made a difference between life and death. Not even three months after the tumor was found, his true love is now buried six feet under. And now Dean is left by himself, again.

"You know, you promised me that you would never leave me. You loved me. You married me. You told me everything I wanted and needed to hear. Now you left me, just like everyone else I loved left me. I should hate you, but I can't. I feel that I let you down by not making you go to the hospital when you first complained of a bad headache. Something told me that something was wrong, but I just thought it was just a normal headache and that you would get better after a bit. But you didn't. You got sicker and sicker. And I did nothing to force you to go and get it checked. If I had been, you would still be alive and I wouldn't be alone. Why do you have to leave me? WHY DID YOU FUCKING HAVE TO LEAVE ME ALONE?" He screams as he slams his fist into the soft ground of fresh laid dirt.

Tears falls down his face as he speaks. He is fighting to breathe because he doesn't know that all of a sudden, the air went thin in front of him. He, for the life of him, cannot figure out what he did that was so wrong that he can't keep people in is life. He looks up to the sky, the sun shining on his face with beads of sweat forming and mixing with the tears that continue to fall.

"Why God, have you punished me so much. Was I that awful of a person that I deserve to be hated so much? Did I not love enough when I was young? My mother was a fucking whore who didn't give a shit about me, but I still LOVED her! My so called father is dead to me since he left before I was born. And other people who I thought were my friends fucking deserted me! WHY? Why didn't you take me instead? HUH? WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME INSTEAD? I AM NOT FUCKING WORTH BEING HERE AND ALONE DAMMIT?"

Dean slumps back down and puts his head in his hands, letting the tears go freely and not caring who saw him or not. He was hurting, and hurting badly. It seems like everytime something good goes in his life, it ends up not lasting long because he thinks he is being punished. Three days. THREE DAYS without his love and he is lost like a child in the woods. He can't seem to find his heart anymore. Feels like he is dead inside and that he will die alone. He realizes that he is just meant to be alone.

He then looks up at the headstone. He puts his hands on it and traces the name on it. "They did a great job on your headstone baby. It really suits you, you know. I know how much you love the littlest things in life, so having a little puppy with an angel holding him suits your personality. You were always the softy of the two of us. One thing I always loved about you. The sensitive side of you to counteract the psycho side of me. We balanced out real well. No wonder we hit it off 5 years ago. Total opposites that came together as one. I never was the one who dealt with relationships, but with you, you made it worthwhile for me. You taught me that it was okay to love with your heart and soul. You made me a better person because of your love. Now that you are gone, the love I have inside myself is gone. I have no one. My heart is gone and it won't ever come back. I am done with love. It hurts too much. But know that I will always love you no matter what. But I just can't love anyone else. My love died when you died. I just can't anymore..."

Dean leaned forward and put his head on the headstone and closed his eyes. He put his arms around the stone and hugged it tightly, not wanting to let it go. He knows that if he does, it means it is all real. He doesn't want it to be real, but knows that it is. He softly kisses it and lets go to sit back down in front of it. He doesn't say a word, but puts his elbow on is legs with his hands up and his chin resting on it. He breathes in and out. After a few minutes, he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He looks up and sees one of his best friends in the world, Roman. He smiles weakly before looking back to the headstone.

"Looks great doesn't it?" he asked non chalantly.

"It sure does Dean," he replies as he squats down next to Dean.

"It doesn't feel real, you know? It feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from." he says sadly.

"I know it does Dean, but I don't know what that is like honestly. I have never been in love like you have. But I do know that I am here if you need me for anything. Just know that you aren't alone in this." He stated as he wraps his arms around Dean's shoulder.

"That is just it Ro, I am alone. More alone that I have ever felt. Even with my fucking slut of a mother I didn't feel this alone! Why does this has to happen to me? ME?" he asked louder than intended.

Roman lets Dean go and puts his hands on his legs. "I don't have an answer for that Dean, all I can say is that I am still here. I haven't gone anywhere. You can count on me to be here for you for whatever you need." He said softly.

Dean looks over at his best friend, Roman. They have been friends for about 10 years. They have been since high school and college. They both own a business together in construction. The one person who literally stood by him in EVERYthing he ever did that was stupid and naive. Then when he met the love of his life, Roman graciously stepped aside so that he could be happy in love. No matter what, Dean and Roman were like brothers. Couldn't be any closer than that.

"I know Roman, and I appreicate that more than you know, but it just isn't the same. My heart just isn't the same anymore. It hurts too much now." he said as he looks away, not wanting to see the hurt in Roman's eyes when he said those words. He hasn't meant to hurt him, but he was being honest wtih himself. This death has really tore him up.

Roman gets up, "I'll be at the car waiting when you are done." he said in a monotoned voice. Before Dean could respond, he turns around and leaves Dean alone.

Dean closes his eyes and tears falls again. "I hadn't meant to hurt him like that, I just can't love anyone right now. It fucking hurts like a motherfucker."

He sits there for a few more minutes before getting up and stretching his legs. He squats back down and touches the headstone once more. "I love you baby, so much. I miss you more than you know. It just isn't the same without you here with me, but I know I need to let go and keep you in what is left of my heart. You will always be in my heart and soul. I am gonna go now and go home, without you, for the first time in 5 years. I hope you will watch over me, cause I am gonna need it more than you know."

He bends over and kisses the headstone one more time before leaning his forehead on it. "I love you Seth, don't you ever forget that."

He stands back up and turns to walk away. He stops and looks back on last time and sees a butterfly land on top of it. It was his favorite living creature in the world. He smiles softly before turning back around and headed to the waiting car.

A/N: okay, what did you all think? Please R&R! :)