Perhaps
Life goes on, be reborn.
If we unknowing meet again,
I don't want to lose you a second time, but
Life goes on. In this era,
As long as I am given life,
I catch it with these arms and this chest.
Believe in love.
—Life Goes On, Arisaka Mika
i.
Perhaps, in another time and another place, they might have met in very different circumstances.
Perhaps Murrue Ramius's father was alive and well, and as a result, she was still a school teacher instead of choosing to become a soldier under the Atlantic Federation, while Mu La Flaga was still instructing mobile armor pilots in the academy instead of becoming an actual pilot himself, and they could meet one day in the streets, pass each other, and not know that they could have been in love had they chosen different paths.
Or maybe they could have bumped into each other instead, and Mu would have apologized profusely for having knocked her books out of her arms, and help her pick her things up—all the while keeping his warm smile on. And then maybe Murrue would have looked up and smile apologetically back, and Mu would pause and ask her out for a drink, because that was how spontaneous he was, sometimes.
And then they would talk in that café, and learn more about each other, and Murrue would laugh despite herself whenever he cracks a joke, because his blue eyes are naturally mischievous and his smile is infectious. Perhaps Mu would look up in the middle of telling a story and see Murrue looking intently at him with intelligent, amber eyes, her rosy lips parted slightly in her concentration, and he would then feel something—not yet love, not quite—for this woman who seemed to become more beautiful every moment longer she remained seated before him.
Perhaps she would become interested enough to acquiesce when he asks for her number, and they would leave the café and go their separate ways, and then Murrue would smile to herself and mouth his name silently, many times, as though trying to remember something long forgotten but not unknown, no, they must have met somewhere, sometime, because he feels so familiar to her already. Mu, she would recite to herself, Mu La Flaga. And as she went home, perhaps she would wonder why the name almost sounds like music in her voice.
Perhaps that evening, stuck in his thoughts of the beautiful woman he had met, Mu would call and ask her things like How're you doing? and Can we meet again tomorrow? and Murrue would laugh and warn him not to push his luck too much because her father is a soldier and he does not like boys getting close to his precious Murrue. And maybe Mu would smile on the other line and apologize sheepishly, and Murrue would tell him not to worry, that she'll see if she can meet him tomorrow as well after work.
Perhaps that second meeting becomes the first of many, allowing the days to spill into weeks, the weeks into months, and the months to years. Perhaps there are many hardships to this relationship as well, but then Murrue will always remember how Mu's hand grasped hers firmly whenever they went out together, as though wanting to never let go of her again, and know that any amount of misunderstanding will be displaced by the strength of their feelings for each other. Perhaps, once, Mu would feel Murrue's hand tense within his as well, and smile reassuringly at her.
Perhaps it was then when Mu would suddenly pull her to the café where they first met, and wonder at how Murrue can still laugh at the same jokes, wonder at how impossibly lovely she still was even after a long time, wonder at how her lips could look so, so soft when he knew that they can form a hard line whenever someone manages to provoke her. Perhaps it was then when Mu would think about how he wanted this all to continue, on and on, for eternity, for all time.
And Murrue would look into his eyes and smile at the serious expression he was making, and perhaps Mu would suddenly decide, Yes, yes this is the right time for this, and detaches the pull-tab from his soda can and proposes to her, and Murrue would stare at him like he had gone crazy. And maybe he has, because what man would propose to the woman of his dreams with a pull-tab from a soda can? But he would wink and exclaim, No, I still haven't bought a ring, but I know now's the right time to ask you to please, marry me, please.
Perhaps Murrue would stare at him for such a long time that he feared that she would be turning him down after all, but then she would smile and break out into a laugh, and laugh until the tears come running down her cheeks uncontrollably until she was just crying, overcome with joy at what he was asking her to do, and she'll say, Yes, I'll marry you, and Mu would slide the makeshift ring on her finger, just to formalize everything, and stand up and announce to the whole café that he was the luckiest guy in the whole world—no, perhaps, in the whole universe.
Perhaps Murrue would try to restrain him out of embarrassment since passersby are also staring, and Mu would say, Nonsense! and pull her into a kiss that would have the whole café applauding out of happiness for this couple.
Perhaps, that night, when Mu asks to talk to her father about his proposal, Murrue would retreat to her room and lie on her bed and sigh, and dream, just dream. And perhaps, the next day after, Mu drives to a jewelry store and buys an actual ring, and places it on Murrue's finger when he swings by her house. And they would visit the grave of Murrue's mother, died early when she was still a child, and Mu would kneel in front of the stone marker and promise that he will be the one taking care of her only daughter from now on. Perhaps Murrue would feel a lonely tear streaking down her cheek at this heartfelt vow, and fall even deeper for this man with eyes so clear, it was like staring into the sky.
And the months following that are hectic for them, with Murrue and Mu's mother picking out the things for the wedding, because Mu was clueless in matters like these. And Murrue would try out a lot of white gowns that flatter her pale shoulders and arms, while Mu cannot decide among any of them because Murrue looks so, so beautiful in her happiness, and she looked even more beautiful in every new dress she picked.
Perhaps, on the day they are to be married, Mu would stand in front of the mirror in his room and frown at himself, straighten out his white coat, and sigh deeply to calm himself. And Murrue would watch herself in the mirror in her room as Mu's mother helps her into her dress, a simple white one with short lace sleeves, and finally, the white veil that frosted over her hair.
Perhaps they both went up to the altar, exchanged vows and rings, and looked at each other, with one thing in mind. I will be by this person's side forever.
Till death do us part.
And perhaps, months and months later, they have their first child, a pretty dark-haired boy, and Mu would declare how no Coordinator child can claim that they are lovelier than this rosy-cheeked bundle of joy, whose smile was as lighthearted as Mu's and whose eyes are as pensive as Murrue's. Perhaps Murrue would agree with a laugh, her expression wiser after having begun the hardest and most beautiful trial in a woman's life.
Perhaps that was the end of it, or perhaps they would have a whole brood of blonde and brunette children—no one knew for sure what could have happened if these choices had been made. Perhaps Murrue continued to be a teacher, and the war would be a far-off reality. Perhaps Mu would have chosen to stay on the ground for his wife and children. Perhaps they would have grown old together, or at least had a better chance to do so.
ii.
But it was not to be so, is it?
Because in this world and in this era, Murrue Ramius experienced the pain of loss as her father, a mobile armor pilot, died in battle, leaving her with only a silver, coffin-shaped pendant to remember him by. In this era, Mu La Flaga knew that he was unwanted by his father, and rebelled in his own way by becoming a pilot. In this world and in this era, Murrue quit her job as a school teacher and joined the OMNI Enforcer to become a soldier after her father, getting assigned to the second sector of the Fifth Special Division, while Mu became a pilot of the Seventh Orbital Fleet to run away from his.
Because in this world and in this era, she became stationed in the space colony of Heliopolis as one of the officers in charge of the production of the top-secret G-weapons, while he became hailed as The Hawk of Endymion after the Bloody Valentine war, having been the only pilot to survive the battle on Endymion Crater with his skill in maneuvering his mobile armor.
And in this world and in this era, both of them were suddenly swamped into the midst of war in the destruction of Heliopolis, and by then she was Lieutenant Murrue Ramius, suddenly thrust in command of the Atlantic Federation's Archangel-class ship LCAM-01XA Archangel, and by then he was Lieutenant Mu La Flaga, renowned pilot of the TS-MA2mod.00 Moebius Zero.
In this world and in this era, they experienced and went into battle so many times, trying to guide the Archangel and its crew from utter destruction and death, from misguided ideals and false promises, from betrayals and losses. And in this world and in this era, he slowly came to love her, love being a commodity that they both needed the most in times of turmoil, and went back to her countless times, irresistibly, as though the idea of not being by her side to protect her with his whole being was unbearable for him.
And in turn, she had come to love him, and received him as many times as he came back, irresistibly, because she had already lost someone to the ravages of war, and this golden man, with his easy smiles and blue eyes the color of heaven, reminded her so very much of the father whose memory was contained in the silver pendant hung around her neck.
In this world and in this era, they thought, I will be by this person's side forever.
And yet, because of those strange twists of fate, their prior choices had led to very different results.
Because in this world and in this era, she had lost him, in a blast of red light and blood, and becoming very unlike the woman that he had loved, Murrue dealt an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, transforming from an archangel to a seraphim, bathed in fire, directing her wrath to the Dominion and turning it into ash. And in this world and in this era, she had mourned for him, her tears drying on her cheeks as fast as her eyes can produce them, and had given him up for lost.
In this world and in this era, a second thought disturbed the mind of Murrue Ramius.
Perhaps, it had been better if I hadn't met him. Perhaps, I wouldn't have been feeling such pain had I not loved him.
And yet, the fact that she had thought this was what disturbed her greatly.
iii.
However, in this world and in this era, fate, again, gave the wheel of life a whirl, and then there existed Neo Roanoke, a man physically identical to the man Murrue loved—yet, his eyes contained none of the clarity that Murrue had known to shine from those depths. There was Mu La Flaga, and then there was Neo Roanoke. Confused, almost destroyed by the waves of feelings surging inside her, Murrue tried to separate those two identities, and almost succeeded.
Almost. For in this world and in this era, Neo came to her aid much like Mu would have done, and asked her, Can I stay by your side? And then Murrue knew that not everything was lost, that Mu was still within her grasp, that he was still keeping his promise to her from another life, from the life that could have been.
I will be by this person's side forever. Till death do us part.
In this world and in this era, Murrue was lost in his embrace. And in the back of her mind, she wouldn't have preferred any other life, because this is her reality, a love strengthened by loss and war, a love that couldn't have survived in any other way. A love that was certain.
A love that couldn't be described by just "perhaps."