"I love you"
"No you don't but thanks for saying it."
Buffy sat at the back of the bus watching through the windows as the ruins of her home and hell settled in the crater it had fallen into when the hell mouth closed getting smaller and smaller as the bus drove further and further away.
She thought about when she had moved there about how she had thought that she had somehow managed to find a loop hole out of her destiny by moving town, she bitterly laughed to herself as she remembered how this was meant to be her escape her new page in the book and all that, she had quickly realised on arriving and meeting Giles on her first day, that she hadn't escape anything at all, she'd submerged herself deeper into destiny's clutches by moving to one of the biggest evil hot spots around.
She'd never regret living their though especially as she looked around the bus and carefully looked at each of the people sitting around her taking longer lingering looks at Willow, Xander and Giles. If she had never moved there then she would never have met the most brilliant inspirational and powerful people who in her opinion had ever existed, they had kept her alive this long and help to make her the legendary figure which she was in the under world for the apocalypse's she'd stopped, the evil's she'd stopped and the fact that she'd managed to survive and life as long as she had, she knew that she was the longest living slayer who had ever been called since time began and she owed all of this her life, achievements her sanity to her friends, they'd guided and helped her through everything they were the stabling influence in her life which helped to keep her grounded when things went wrong, she thought about all the people who had been there for her over the years in Sunnydale
The first name that obviously came to mind was Angel, she couldn't imagine how she could have coped when she had first arrived if it had not been for his help and love, she still loved him deeply she knew that but it was a different love now, it was a love for love's sake, she loved him for loving her and needing her for helping her and saving her when she was weak and for forcing her to realise that love is the greatest weapon she possessed, Sending him to hell had been the hardest thing she had ever done, but she had done it. And when he came back he stilled showed her love teaching her how much a heart was and could forgive, he had nearly killed her with his twisted acts as Angelus and caused her so much pain she hadn't known if she could go on, but she had sent him to hell, he had suffered pain, agony so strong that nothing could compare to it and she had been the one to send him there, and yet he had been able to forgive her that. He would always be in her heart until she died, she knew that but she also knew that he would not be in the fore point of her heart he would be in the back ground a perfectionist memory treasured forever teaching her how to love.
Then there was Cordelia Chase, the drama queen pampered princess who had first welcomed her to Sunnydale on her first day offering her friendship in her own way, the same way everything was done with Cordelia, with style.
Buffy had thought her to be an arrogant air head kind of like all those pathetic clones which she had left behind her in LA but had quickly learnt that there was more to Cordy then met the eye, the girl had depths and layers something which had been a big surprise to everyone.
Giles had been another kettle of lobster? No it was fish that's it Buffy smiled to herself as she remembered the Shy stuffy librarian when she first met him, and how quickly he had changed, no how quickly they both had changed, she had found herself to care deeply for him he became a substitute father figure in place of her absentee biological father or "Hank" as she called him now, Giles having taken his place years ago.
Willow and Xander there weren't words to describe the emotions she felt for them, they surpassed friendship and love what she felt for them couldn't be described as an emotion, it was a presence they were part of her, a major part of her nothing could replace or substitute them they were what made her.
She thought of each of the partners the three of them had had over the years, of Oz the quiet assertive werewolf who had broken willows heart, of Cordy and all the heart ache which surrounded her, of Tara The woman who had finally brought the real Willow out of her shell and who's death had thrown her over the edge in the abyss of darkness where it was only the love of a friend could bring her back towards the light, of Anya the talk before you think open minded honest beautiful ex-demon who had stolen Xander's heart she had been a one of a kind any one could see that and though their love had grown into something so beautiful it just couldn't have worked Xander didn't have the strength in him to risk what they had in case he hurt her, but now as she watched the tears flowing down his cheeks and him quickly wiping them away she knew that the love he felt for her was so powerful so earth shattering that it would never go away or be replaced and that he would be regretting his decision for the rest of his life.
She then spared a moment to think of her own lovers, of Angel and Parker, the guy who had ripped her heart out and pureed in a public display in front of her, of Riley and how no matter how much she tried she just hadn't been able to love him the way he loved her. And of the bleached wonder, she smiled at Xander's nickname for him remembering his scowl when he'd heard that for the first time and every subsequent time which Xander had addressed him as that. Tears started to form in her eyes and she turned her cheek to lean against the window of the bus watching the trees flying past them and realised that Faith must be driving.
Faith, the run away turn coat murder or the second slayer, which ever you decided to think of her as, Buffy changed her mind each day, but she understood where Faith was coming from having had over the previous days had some deep talks about the past, she could understand that Faith did what needed to be done to get by, sometimes she went over the line but age brings wisdom and she was finally beginning to understand where the boundaries were, which you could bend and which were iron clad.
Night fell and she drifted off into a deep sleep waking up suddenly and thinking about her mom, her mom, panic overtook her as she realised that she had just lost her last link to her mother, the cemetery where her mom's remains were buried were lying amongst the ashes of the burnt out fires of Sunnydale, she grabbed the back pack which she had stashed on the bus before the last battle, they had all been allowed one bag in which to pack whatever they wanted to keep she looked through the contents of hers remembering the indecision she'd had in packing it, in the end she had kept it to the bare essentials, clean underwear, a couple of shirts a pair of jeans some silly bits she'd collected over the years, and a couple of pictures pulled out of the photo albums of her mom and her childhood, she had also grabbed as many negatives as she could hoping to be ale to have them reprinted, at the last minute she had grabbed Mr Gordo and the ring which Angel had given her with his family crest on it, she had placed it on her wedding finger smiled down at it and secured her moms engagement ring on her index finger thrown on the cross Angel had given her when she had first arrived along with the on her mom had bought her.
She looked at the photos and into her moms smiling face at the different scenes the pictures remembered, birthdays Christmas, dances, wedding proms everything was shown in them.
She thought of her mom during the illness and about how she had reacted when she had realised Dawn's true past.
And the sympathetic conversation she'd had with Spike even when he'd been the Big Bad she'd made him coco and given him a shoulder to cry on, and he in turn had never tried to hurt her protecting her when times were tough.
God she missed her mom, stuff had gotten harder and harder after she had gone Buffy had had no one to turn to have a cuddle or be the grown up, that job had fallen to Buffy. And she'd tried her hardest but couldn't in any way compare to her mom.
It had been Spike who had helped her find herself again after her mom and her own death; if it hadn't been for him she doubted whether she would be here now, whether any of them would be here now.
She owed so much to him, her life hundreds of times over, the stability and safety of her family and friends, she couldn't bare the thought that she would never see him again, that she would never be able to repay what he had given her that he would never know how much he meant to her and that she would think of him everyday till she died as the man whom she loved.
Tears were flowing down her cheeks again, but she quickly forgot about them when the bus began to slow down, it couldn't be another rest stop they'd only had one of them an hour or so ago, she got up from her seat pushing past the sleeping bodies on her way to the front of the bus to see what was up.
"No you don't but thanks for saying it."
Buffy sat at the back of the bus watching through the windows as the ruins of her home and hell settled in the crater it had fallen into when the hell mouth closed getting smaller and smaller as the bus drove further and further away.
She thought about when she had moved there about how she had thought that she had somehow managed to find a loop hole out of her destiny by moving town, she bitterly laughed to herself as she remembered how this was meant to be her escape her new page in the book and all that, she had quickly realised on arriving and meeting Giles on her first day, that she hadn't escape anything at all, she'd submerged herself deeper into destiny's clutches by moving to one of the biggest evil hot spots around.
She'd never regret living their though especially as she looked around the bus and carefully looked at each of the people sitting around her taking longer lingering looks at Willow, Xander and Giles. If she had never moved there then she would never have met the most brilliant inspirational and powerful people who in her opinion had ever existed, they had kept her alive this long and help to make her the legendary figure which she was in the under world for the apocalypse's she'd stopped, the evil's she'd stopped and the fact that she'd managed to survive and life as long as she had, she knew that she was the longest living slayer who had ever been called since time began and she owed all of this her life, achievements her sanity to her friends, they'd guided and helped her through everything they were the stabling influence in her life which helped to keep her grounded when things went wrong, she thought about all the people who had been there for her over the years in Sunnydale
The first name that obviously came to mind was Angel, she couldn't imagine how she could have coped when she had first arrived if it had not been for his help and love, she still loved him deeply she knew that but it was a different love now, it was a love for love's sake, she loved him for loving her and needing her for helping her and saving her when she was weak and for forcing her to realise that love is the greatest weapon she possessed, Sending him to hell had been the hardest thing she had ever done, but she had done it. And when he came back he stilled showed her love teaching her how much a heart was and could forgive, he had nearly killed her with his twisted acts as Angelus and caused her so much pain she hadn't known if she could go on, but she had sent him to hell, he had suffered pain, agony so strong that nothing could compare to it and she had been the one to send him there, and yet he had been able to forgive her that. He would always be in her heart until she died, she knew that but she also knew that he would not be in the fore point of her heart he would be in the back ground a perfectionist memory treasured forever teaching her how to love.
Then there was Cordelia Chase, the drama queen pampered princess who had first welcomed her to Sunnydale on her first day offering her friendship in her own way, the same way everything was done with Cordelia, with style.
Buffy had thought her to be an arrogant air head kind of like all those pathetic clones which she had left behind her in LA but had quickly learnt that there was more to Cordy then met the eye, the girl had depths and layers something which had been a big surprise to everyone.
Giles had been another kettle of lobster? No it was fish that's it Buffy smiled to herself as she remembered the Shy stuffy librarian when she first met him, and how quickly he had changed, no how quickly they both had changed, she had found herself to care deeply for him he became a substitute father figure in place of her absentee biological father or "Hank" as she called him now, Giles having taken his place years ago.
Willow and Xander there weren't words to describe the emotions she felt for them, they surpassed friendship and love what she felt for them couldn't be described as an emotion, it was a presence they were part of her, a major part of her nothing could replace or substitute them they were what made her.
She thought of each of the partners the three of them had had over the years, of Oz the quiet assertive werewolf who had broken willows heart, of Cordy and all the heart ache which surrounded her, of Tara The woman who had finally brought the real Willow out of her shell and who's death had thrown her over the edge in the abyss of darkness where it was only the love of a friend could bring her back towards the light, of Anya the talk before you think open minded honest beautiful ex-demon who had stolen Xander's heart she had been a one of a kind any one could see that and though their love had grown into something so beautiful it just couldn't have worked Xander didn't have the strength in him to risk what they had in case he hurt her, but now as she watched the tears flowing down his cheeks and him quickly wiping them away she knew that the love he felt for her was so powerful so earth shattering that it would never go away or be replaced and that he would be regretting his decision for the rest of his life.
She then spared a moment to think of her own lovers, of Angel and Parker, the guy who had ripped her heart out and pureed in a public display in front of her, of Riley and how no matter how much she tried she just hadn't been able to love him the way he loved her. And of the bleached wonder, she smiled at Xander's nickname for him remembering his scowl when he'd heard that for the first time and every subsequent time which Xander had addressed him as that. Tears started to form in her eyes and she turned her cheek to lean against the window of the bus watching the trees flying past them and realised that Faith must be driving.
Faith, the run away turn coat murder or the second slayer, which ever you decided to think of her as, Buffy changed her mind each day, but she understood where Faith was coming from having had over the previous days had some deep talks about the past, she could understand that Faith did what needed to be done to get by, sometimes she went over the line but age brings wisdom and she was finally beginning to understand where the boundaries were, which you could bend and which were iron clad.
Night fell and she drifted off into a deep sleep waking up suddenly and thinking about her mom, her mom, panic overtook her as she realised that she had just lost her last link to her mother, the cemetery where her mom's remains were buried were lying amongst the ashes of the burnt out fires of Sunnydale, she grabbed the back pack which she had stashed on the bus before the last battle, they had all been allowed one bag in which to pack whatever they wanted to keep she looked through the contents of hers remembering the indecision she'd had in packing it, in the end she had kept it to the bare essentials, clean underwear, a couple of shirts a pair of jeans some silly bits she'd collected over the years, and a couple of pictures pulled out of the photo albums of her mom and her childhood, she had also grabbed as many negatives as she could hoping to be ale to have them reprinted, at the last minute she had grabbed Mr Gordo and the ring which Angel had given her with his family crest on it, she had placed it on her wedding finger smiled down at it and secured her moms engagement ring on her index finger thrown on the cross Angel had given her when she had first arrived along with the on her mom had bought her.
She looked at the photos and into her moms smiling face at the different scenes the pictures remembered, birthdays Christmas, dances, wedding proms everything was shown in them.
She thought of her mom during the illness and about how she had reacted when she had realised Dawn's true past.
And the sympathetic conversation she'd had with Spike even when he'd been the Big Bad she'd made him coco and given him a shoulder to cry on, and he in turn had never tried to hurt her protecting her when times were tough.
God she missed her mom, stuff had gotten harder and harder after she had gone Buffy had had no one to turn to have a cuddle or be the grown up, that job had fallen to Buffy. And she'd tried her hardest but couldn't in any way compare to her mom.
It had been Spike who had helped her find herself again after her mom and her own death; if it hadn't been for him she doubted whether she would be here now, whether any of them would be here now.
She owed so much to him, her life hundreds of times over, the stability and safety of her family and friends, she couldn't bare the thought that she would never see him again, that she would never be able to repay what he had given her that he would never know how much he meant to her and that she would think of him everyday till she died as the man whom she loved.
Tears were flowing down her cheeks again, but she quickly forgot about them when the bus began to slow down, it couldn't be another rest stop they'd only had one of them an hour or so ago, she got up from her seat pushing past the sleeping bodies on her way to the front of the bus to see what was up.