Koala's crazy awesome story with Emma's 13 crack pairs of doom
AKA: KMCASWE13CPOD
A/N: Alright. Hey guys. So, no, first of all, this is not my story. One of my friends from school wrote it. We both adore Soul Eater and OHSHC very much, and one day I randomly thought of a Mori/Haruhi pairing (which we find creepy lol) and searched it. Thus, it led to us wondering how many crack pairings we could make up, so I created a list of sixteen pairs. Fifteen of which, are in this story :D So my friend got the idea of manifesting them into a story, and VOILA~, she wrote this and then showed it to me. I laughed so freaking hard, I had tears rolling down my cheeks XD Of course, I think part of the reason I find it so amusing is because we incorporated other things only we know.
Okay, first things first. There are two characters in here that do not belong to either show. One is called 'Mr. Gillum', and the other dubbed 'Shpeckles'. These are two of our teachers at our school (obviously 'Shpeckles is a nickname lol). Some of the humor that made me laugh hysterically is directly from these teachers, and you'd have to have them to understand what's so funny ahaha. But anyway.
Title: SEE ABOVE YOU DIMWITS.
Author(s): My friend; Koala is her nickname.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: There is very mild homosexuality lol. and in no way is this meant to offend those kind of people—we just wanted to make crack pairings, and when they're gay like this, they're pretty much crack.
Pairings (lol): (in no particular appearance throughout the story)
Mori/Takashi x Haruhi
Haruhi x Tamaki x Kyouya
Haruhi x Tamaki
Haruhi x Tamaki's dad
Haruhi x Renge
Tamaki x Spirit
Mori/Takashi x Kyouya
Mori/Takashi x DTK (Death the Kidd)
Hikaru x Kaoru x DTK
Hikaru x Kaoru x Kyouya
Hikaru x Kaoru x Gillum
Kyouya x kittens/cats :3
Soul x Maka (if you squint your eyes lol) (we had to have at least one normal pairing XD)
Black*Star x …himself lol
Tamaki's dad x Renka (Haruhi's dad) x Shpeckles
Stein x Tamaki's grandmother
Kaoru x Mori/Takashi
So yeah. Delightful, isn't it? XD Well, I hope you enjoy the wonderful story~ :3
DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately, neither of us own OHSHC or Soul Eater...otherwise Soul and Maka would've gotten together a long time ago...and Kyoya would have a girl to love 3
Once upon a time, at a beautiful academy in Japan, there was a young cross-dresser named Haruhi. One day, Mori-senpai noticed how beautiful his cross-dressing friend was.
"Haruhi," he said in a monotone voice. "Let's have Usa-chan babies."
"U…usa-chan?" Honey questioned, batting his adorable 5-year old like eyes.
"No!" Tamaki shouted. "I WILL NOT LET YOU HAVE USA-CHAN BABIES WITH MY DAUGHTER, MORI!"
"Like you don't want to have Usa-chan babies with her, boss," Kaoru and Hikaru said together. "Pervert."
"Let's have Usa-chan babies," Mori repeated.
"He's not a pervert!" Kyoya said, wrapping his arms around Tamaki. "I love him!"
"I love him, too!" Haruhi cried, running over to them. "Let's have a threesome right now!" (A/N: lol Haruhi being very OOC right now XD)
"Usa-chan babies."
"Hold on a minute!" someone yelled. The ground shook and a circular platform rose, spinning around. "I, as your manager, absolutely forbid it!"
"Me too!" Tamaki protested. "I will not have Kyoya touch my Haruhi!"
"I don't care about that," Renge frowned. "I want Haruhi all to myself!"
Renge jumped off the platform she was on, pushing Tamaki and Kyoya out of the way and throwing herself at Haruhi.
"Good!" The Hatichiin twins said, each putting an arm around Kyoya. "That means we get Kyoya!"
"That means…I'm all alone," Tamaki muttered, retiring to depressing Mr. Corner avec Crona.
"Usa-chan babies."
"Shut up, Mori!"
"Fear not, my fair prince!" a voice boomed out. Suddenly a man with fiery red hair crashed through the window, rolling on the floor inexpertly. He ran over to Tamaki, grabbing his hand. "Our personalities are perfect for each other. We were destined to be!"
"I…" Tamaki said softly. "I have no idea who you are."
"I love you!"
"Spirit!" someone yelled. A boy with blue hair kicked down the door, a strange sword in his hand. "There you are! Maka's been looking all over for you!"
Spirit held tightly onto Tamaki, pouting. "I don't wanna go back! Not without my prince!"
"Wow…" Hikaru muttered, staring at the blue-haired boy. "Who are you?"
"I'm the great Black*Star!" he laughed. "And I will surpass God himself!"
"I think I'm in love," Hikaru smiled, drifting over to Black*Star. "You're not from around here, are you?"
"H-Hikaru!" Kaoru stammered, an arm still wrapped around Kyoya. "What about us?"
"I collect souls of Kishins!" Black*Star rambled on, Hikaru listening in fascination, blatantly ignoring Kaoru.
"Fine!" Kaoru cried. "I'm in love with Mori, anyway!"
"Usa-chan babies."
Hikaru turned around. "Kaoru?"
Kaoru just stuck his tongue out, clinging to Mori. Hikaru ran over to them, leaving Black*Star alone to ramble with himself.
"I'm sorry, Kaoru," Hikaru said softly. "Could you ever forgive me?"
"I guess so, Hikaru."
"Usa-chan babies."
"It appears that everyone here is homosexual," someone said. A middle-aged teacher from America walked in. "Just like the Spartan men of ancient Greece." (1)
"Hikaru, look," Kaoru elbowed his twin brother. "He's definitely not from around here."
"Yeah, I think I'd remember a stud like him.' The two twins let go of Mori, rushing over to the teacher.
"Welcome to Ouran Academy," they said together, holding out their hands.
Mr. Gillum blinked. "Academy? Do you guys need a History teacher?"
"…Sure."
Kyoya sighed, pushing up his glasses. He glanced over at Mori. "Wanna hook up?"
Mori shrugged. "Usa-ch—"
"—chan babies. Yeah, I know."
"Tamaki!" a lady screamed. Everyone looked up to see Tamaki's grandmother and father. "What are you doing?"
Everyone looked over at Tamaki, who was still being crushed in Spirit's death hug. Black*Star had failed to retrieve him because he was still telling himself how awesome he was.
Of course, Tamaki's grandmother, being the old cat lady she was, had an armful of kittens. Honey ran over, scooping up the felines. "Look, Kyo-chan! Kittens!"
Kyoya stared at the cats running around. He bent down and picked one up in a daze. "They're…so…cute."
The kitten licked Kyoya's nose, and thus, a magical crack pairing was born.
"Usa-chan babies."
"There he is," someone sighed in aggravation from the doorway. Death the Kid and Stein walked over to Black*Star. "We told you to go find Spirit, not hang out with these weird people obviously on crack."
Tamaki's grandmother's eyes widened. "What a sexy scientist!"
"Who, Stein?" Black*Star scoffed.
"Don't even think about it, shorty! I saw him first!" She cried, running over to him at a surprisingly fast speed. She pushed Kid out of the way, who stumbled into Mori.
"…Usa-chan babies?"
Kid tried to escape Mori's grip. "What the he—?"
"And in 1492, he set out for the Bahamas," Mr. Gillum lectured the twins. "Now I want you to draw an arrow from '3 trips' to—" (2)
Kaoru threw his outline on the ground and looked at his brother. "For a hot guy, he's really boring."
Hikaru banged his head on the desk repeatedly. "I can't take this anymore…"
Death the Kid noticed the twins for the first time and punched Mori in the stomach, releasing him from the tight death grip. He ran over to them, his excitement overflowing. "Are you two weapons?"
"Weapons?" Kaoru asked.
"What are you talking about?" Hikaru asked in a strangely similar voice to Kid's.
"You two are just so perfectly symmetrical," Kid admired, his eyes twinkling. "Unlike Liz and Patty…"
"Who's Liz and Patty?" the twins said together.
Kid didn't hear them, though. He was too busy admiring their perfectness.
"Tamaki, I demand you get away from that creepy pervert!" Tamaki's grandmother exclaimed to her grandchild, clinging to Stein.
"That 'creepy pervert' is my weapon," Stein muttered. "And who are you?"
"Stein, tell that old lady that I'm not leaving without this devilishly handsome prince!" Spirit wailed.
"Kyoya, help!" Tamaki called out desperately. "Help!"
Kyoya was too busy loving a cat.
"Hikaru? Kaoru?"
They were too busy being loved by an OCD death child.
"…Mori?"
"Usa-chan babies."
Tamaki was looking around the room, trying to find someone who could help him escape. He spotted Haruhi and his eyes lit up. "Haruhi! Help me!"
"No way in hell, Senpai." (3)
"Son," Tamaki's dad said sternly as Tamaki was dying internally from Haruhi's comment. "I forbid you from seeing that young man."
"What young man?"
Tamaki's dad pointed at Haruhi, and Tamaki exploded. 'What? Why?"
"Because," his dad mused. "I'm in love with him."
Haruhi screamed as Tamaki's father rushed over to her. "H-Headmaster!"
"Oh, it's so romantic," Tamaki's dad said, hugging Haruhi. "The forbidden love between the headmaster and the student! Just like in those Japanese dramas!" (4)
"Tamaki!" Haruhi yelled. "Get your dad off of me!"
"I'm a little busy myself," Tamaki said through gritted teeth, shooting a death glare at Spirit. He was still refusing to let Tamaki go.
"HARUHI!" Someone yelled, bursting through the doors. A woman ran over to Haruhi, kicking Tamaki's dad in the face. "Don't you ever touch my daughter!"
"Dad!" Haruhi smiled, throwing her arms around the very feminine man.
"I'm…I'm so sorry…" Tamaki's dad stammered, standing up. "What can I ever do to repay such a beautiful woman?"
Haruhi's dad blushed and took Tamaki's dad's hand in his own. "It's okay, really. Yet…I can't help but feel like something is missing."
"I'm um…here to apply for the new job as the orchestra director," a man said, walking into the chaotic room. He was small and nerdy, wearing a sweater vest and carrying a violin case.
"Perfect," Haruhi's and Tamaki's fathers said in unison. They then ran off and pounced on the teacher, yelling names like "Shpeckles".
Suddenly, Spirit released Tamaki. He fell onto the floor, blood spewing from his head.
"I can't believe you Maka-chopped your own daddy," Spirit cried. Maka stood over him scowling, a book in her hand.
"Now that's cool," Soul smirked, putting an arm around Maka.
"Are you okay, Senpai?" Haruhi asked, helping Tamaki up.
"Yeah," he muttered. "I'll be fine…um, Haruhi? Through all this craziness and crack pairing, I want you to know that I…I love…um…I love y…"
Haruhi watched him encouragingly, and his face turned a deep red. "I love cake! That's what I was trying to say."
Haruhi just laughed and interlaced their hands. "I love cake, too, Senpai."
"Usa-chan babies?"
"Shut the hell up, Mori."
"…Okay."
FIN
1. Mr. Gillum, our teacher, seemed amused by the fact that the Spartans were pretty much gay. Sparta was a well-known war civilization thing, so all the guys went off to train for war to be awesome, and so they weren't around girls. And thus led to them all being homosexual…including the girls, because there are no guys for them to do things with at home XD
2. Taken from an outline we were just doing in class a few days ago XD Mr. Gillum is a very enthusiastic teacher ahahaha
3. Cookies to anyone who know what this is taken from ;D
4.We actually know nothing about Japanese dramas...so, don't hold us to that XD
A/N: Lolololol. So how did you guys like the story? I think my favorite part of all, was when the kitten licked Kyouya and a new pairing was born X3 Can't you just imagine that happening (the kitten licking anyway)? It would be soo adorable ^w^
Ahem. Anyway, tell us your favorite pairing, or give us a new crack pairing (I realize we didn't have Honey/ Mitsukini Haninozuka in any of the pairings…sorry D:) because we just might be making an epilogue ;D
And the whole thing about Mori being obsessed with Usa-chan babies is from a picture my friend Koala and I saw. It was his "mind theatre" (similar to Tamaki senpai's lol) and he was dressed as a bear and he was carrying Haruhi who was dressed as a bunny o.o And then we had this little joke how they would have Usa-chan babies, and who could pass that up? XD
So review, tell us what you think~! :3