Lancelot and Gueneviere…and Arthur and Merlin: Dense
Huh, Merlin thought, so Arthur's defying his father to go save Gwen…He did that for me a little while ago…so…I guess I'm not special.
Merlin liked Arthur. And not a "servant to master" like, not a "friends forever" like-though he wouldn't mind being with Arthur forever. Merlin was full on, head-over-heels, can't-stop-thinking-about-him, utterly, completely, and undoubtedly in love with the future king of Camelot, Prince Arthur- also his current master. He didn't even know how. Arthur treated him like shite, cast him away without a second thought when that Cedric came about, forced him to do extremely arduous and stressful tasks on a daily basis, made him take the blame on Arthur's whim, and generally acted like a prat towards him. And recently, he'd been making googly eyes at Guinevere when he thought no one was looking.
Not that Merlin could do anything about it, though. He was in love with Arthur and that's all he knew. He didn't know when, where, why, or how, and he certainly didn't have the guts to ask Gaius about it. And he certainly did NOT want the be laughed at by the dragon. Merlin also knew he didn't stand a chance. He knew he was undeniably:
a) a guy,
b) Arthur's servant, and
c) a guy.
He realized the only way he could be happy with Arthur was if he simply remained loyal to him and hoped Arthur wouldn't cast him aside. More importantly, he had to keep his feelings hidden. Arthur would kill him, dismiss him as his servant, and then kill him again if he found out how Merlin felt about him. So whenever Merlin was around Arthur, he acted the part of a loyal, supportive friend-slash-servant and smiled as much as possible.
Then Gwen went missing. Actually, Morgana went missing first, but she had escaped while Gwen was trapped by that oaf Hengist. King Uther obviously didn't give a rat's fart about Gwen as long as his beloved Morgana was safe. Merlin was starting to grow weary of the king's "precious little Morgana" impression, as he knew exactly how well that girl could wield a sword. She was amazing. Nowhere near Arthur, obviously, but amazing nevertheless. Not to mention that she was...magical, to say the least. He wasn't sure exactly how, but he could definitely sense dormant magic within her.
Arthur really started acting up about Gwen's kidnapping when he barged into the infirmary and demanded to see Merlin. Alone. Heart leaping into his chest, Merlin poked his head out of his room.
"Over here," he gestured at Arthur. Arthur hurried into his room, shutting the door behind him. Merlin stood awkwardly, hoping Arthur wouldn't notice his anxiety. Arthur looked far too preoccupied, though.
"Look, Merlin. Be packed and ready to go tomorrow morning at daybreak," Arthur directed Merlin. Merlin's head snapped up, looking at Arthur, confusion written all over his face.
"To save Gwen, you dolt. Honestly, how thick can you get?" Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin.
"Well. That's all, then," Arthur said, and with that, promptly turned his back and marched out of Merlin's room, leaving the poor lad with a strange inferno of emotions blazing in his heart and mind.
"I'll fetch the horses; you distract the guards," Arthur whispered to Merlin as they crouched in the darkness.
"Wha... how do I do that?" Merlin asked hurriedly, feeling pretty fragile already.
"I don't know. Do I have to think of everything?!" Arthur snapped before he left. Merlin glanced after him for a moment before distracting-and knocking out- the guards. Arthur returned.
"What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!" he declared huffily. Merlin grinned.
"There's just no pleasing you sometimes," he responded, chuckling.
Merlin felt extremely tired after having to wake up so early and ride so far. Dreams of a kind, sweet, loving Arthur weren't helping any either. When Merlin ultimately fell of his horse, Arthur rolled his eyes again as he splashed water on Merlin's face.
"Guinevere's life is at stake. We cannot afford to waste a second," Arthur affirmed restlessly, leaving Merlin feeling disgruntled with his heart aching. Arthur-that clotpole- is clearly infatuated with Gwen. Hopefully we can find her and he can be happy. Merlin's heart twanged discontentedly, but Merlin ignored it, got his groggy self up, and climbed back on his horse.
After a while, Merlin just couldn't hold out any longer. He was so tired after completing all those tasks for Arthur late into the night. He climbed out of his saddle and slept at the base of a tree. Too quickly he was startled by water on his face. Wha-who-Arthur? He didn't realize that in his sleepy state, everything he thought spilled out of his mouth as well. Shaking his head he finally formed a coherent thought.
"What's happening? How long was I asleep for?" Merlin asked dazedly, looking around and seeing Arthur's-brilliant, beautiful, handsome-face looking down at him.
"Long enough," Arthur responded curtly.
"Did you get some rest?" Merlin asked with concern. Arthur shook his head.
"Couldn't sleep," he responded. Merlin studied Arthur's concerned, worried, anxious face. It's for Gwen. He's worried so much about Gwen. His heartstrings plunked in his chest again.
"I've never seen you like this. About anyone," Merlin said wistfully, trying to keep his voice devoid of any of his emotions. Arthur, as Merlin expected, feigned ignorance.
"What are you talking about?" he inquired, not quite looking at Merlin. Merlin sighed inwardly.
"Gwen. You really care about her, don't you?" This time. Merlin could barely keep his feelings from spilling into his voice. Arthur turned his head away.
"What I care about is not wasting any more time talking. Let's get moving," he said resolutely, and walked toward his horse. Merlin had but a second to contemplate his sentiments before he had to get up and climb onto his horse. The rest of the ride, both remained silent, each lost in thought.
"Wildeorren are completely blind; they hunt by sense of smell. Gaia berries will put them off the scent. So, if we smear ourselves with them, perhaps we can pass through the tunnels undetected," Arthur promptly began smearing his face with smushed berries. Damn, even while smearing berries on his face, he looks-Merlin shook his head. Focus, he told himself. We are here to save Gwen. Merlin took a deep breath, only to have his nasal passage assaulted with a horrible, horrible, smell.
"Oh! Oh, these stink! Oh, they're really bad," Merlin complained.
"Perhaps you'd prefer to be eaten alive," Arthur retorted, smirking. Merlin blinked.
"Pass me some more, will you?" Merlin responded, trying to stay on Arthur's good side-which was a hard task in itself. Well, for Merlin, it was certainly a difficult task.
After having his berry-smeared face licked thoroughly by the wildeorren (and not Arthur, which would have been enjoyable), they both bent down near a river to wash their faces when Arthur indirectly revealed-and apologized for-the fact that he wasn't sure if the berries would have worked in the first place. Merlin felt a little jealous and his thoughts unintentionally slipped out of his mouth.
"Well, they do say love makes you do strange things," Merlin tried to mask the bitterness in his voice. Arthur, ever in denial, looked at Merlin questioningly.
"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked.
Exasperated, Merlin finally just asked him, "Why can't you just admit your feelings for Gwen?" Good. I'm getting this out of the way early. Then I can live a carefree life and love Arthur without worrying about it, he told himself resolutely.
Arthur scoffed.
Merlin's walls broke and his thoughts flooded out, "It's so obvious. A blind man could see it. Is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it." Just tell me so I can get on with life already! He was able to stop himself in time before he revealed too much.
Merlin had realized that no matter how much he tried to get over Arthur, or just move on, keeping Arthur at the back of his mind, he would never give up that feeling that he might stand a chance. No matter how miniscule, how desperate, how hidden, as Arthur's friend-slash-servant, he would always feel like he had some chance. And that was the hardest thing to life with. Dreading Arthur's response, Merlin braced himself.
"I can't! How can I admit that I think about her all the time. Or that...I care about her more than anyone. How can I admit that...I don't know what I'll do if any harm comes to her?" Arthur let go and revealed his feelings to Merlin, too preoccupied with himself to see Merlin's face as his heart broke at hearing the words from Arthur's mouth. Breathe, he told himself. He closed his eyes. I just want him to be happy, right? Arthur. Happy. It's okay if it's not me. As long as Arthur's happy. Merlin tried to compose himself before he responded.
"Well…Why can't you?" he asked Arthur.
"Because nothing can ever happen between us! To admit my feelings knowing that ...hurts too much," Arthur explained, exasperated. Arthur's words shot Merlin straight in the heart, and he struggled not to acknowledge the truth of Arthur's words in terms of himself.
"Who's to say nothing can happen?" he asked Arthur the same question he'd been asking himself for awhile before he started to give up. And recently he was asking it to himself again. Until now.
"My father won't let me rescue a servant. Do you honestly believe he'd let me marry one?" Arthur looked Merlin in the eye. Merlin's breath caught and he nearly collapsed.
"You want to…marry Gwen?" he asked, staring at Arthur, dumbfounded.
"No! No...I...I don't know...It's all talk, and that's all it can ever be," Arthur blushed and Merlin internally bashed his brain to stay focused again. He chose his next words carefully.
"When you're King, you can change that," he tried to encourage Arthur.
"I can't expect Guinevere to wait for me," Arthur responded sounding forlorn. I'll wait for you! Merlin's brain screamed. I'd wait for you forever. He had to let Arthur know that. Well, not that exactly. He rephrased his thoughts.
"If she feels as you do, she'll wait for you," Merlin said quietly.
"We don't even know if she's still alive," Arthur said somberly, a dejected look emerging on his face. No, no, don't look like that, Arthur. Please. We'll find her.
"No, she is. We will find her," Merlin encouraged Arthur, hating that miserable look Arthur had on his face. Arthur shook his head and his face hardened.
"Come on. We've got a long trek ahead," he paused, looking up at Merlin, "Oh, and Merlin...if you dare tell anyone about this, I promise I will make your life a living hell."
"You mean, more than you already do?" Merlin responded cheekily, not exposing his fragile state.
"Yeah," Arthur replied menacingly.
"…We could talk about your feelings while you walk," Merlin tried to cheer Arthur up.
"Shut up, Merlin." And there he is. There's my Arthur. Merlin froze. He turned the thought over in his head again. My Arthur. It sounded so…nice. Comfortable. Warm. Unfortunately, I'll never get to call Arthur that.
Merlin shook his head quickly -he'd been doing that an awful lot recently- and followed Arthur.
So, they ended up saving Gwen- and Lancelot, who was also there for some reason. It was pretty cool to see him again, in Merlin's opinion. Arthur clearly didn't think so, in light of the hand-holding incident between Gwen and Lancelot at the end of the tunnel.
In Merlin's opinion, Gwen and Lancelot looked utterly adorable together, and actually just a twinge more adorable than Gwen and Arthur looked together. Then again, Merlin's feelings towards Arthur could be influencing his opinion.
Merlin couldn't help feeling guilty, though. He felt as though he only wanted Gwen and Lancelot to be together because he wanted Arthur for himself. After he made this admission to himself, he resolved to not get involved with the Lancelot-Gwen-Arthur love triangle. It didn't need to become a love square. (A/N: Like in Midsummer Night's Dream! Hermia= Gwen, Helena=Merlin, Demetrius=Arthur, Lysander=Lancelot ^.^)
Unfortunately, Lancelot, being the kind of selfless, altruistic guy out there, refused to get in between Gwen and Arthur because Arthur loved her, and rode off gallantly, leaving Merlin feeling very conflicted. He did relay Lancelot's last message to Gwen, though. And surprisingly, he did not resent Gwen nearly as much as he thought he would. He supposed it was because he knew how kind and true she was. I suppose she is a perfect match for Arthur, being able to keep him in line and all.
But Gwen was not in the mood to accept Arthur. Her mind and heart were both far too preoccupied with Lancelot to spare more than a second's thought about Arthur. After returning to the palace with Gwen, Arthur reunited her with Morgana before heading outside, Merlin following suit.
"Look on the bright side, you've still got me," Merlin grinned at Arthur.
Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin. "Is that supposed to cheer me up?" he inquired, rolling his eyes.
Merlin flushed. "Thought it might," he replied cheekily.
Arthur rolled his eyes again. "You really are a complete idiot, aren't you, Merlin?" he inquired without expecting a response. Merlin went quiet for a moment. Then, with a spur-of-the-moment decision, Merlin replied.
"No, actually. I'm pretty sure you're the complete idiot here," Merlin was amazed at his own audacity. So was Arthur, apparently. Arthur stopped, turned on his heel, and looked Merlin in the eye.
"Did you just call me a complete idiot?" Arthur asked indignantly.
"Well, er, yeah," Merlin replied defiantly, internally shaking nervously as he dreaded what was coming next.
"And for what reason do you make this claim?" Arthur crossed his arms and glared at Merlin expectantly. "Well?" Merlin summoned all of his guts and spoke.
"You, Prince Arthur, are a complete idiot for the sheer reason that you are so incredibly dense!" Merlin retaliated. Looking affronted with raised eyebrows, Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin.
"And what, exactly, am I so dense about, Merlin?" Arthur shifted his weight and looked at Merlin fiercely. Merlin blanched. Then he pulled his guts together and made a split-second decision.
"Follow me," he said, turning on his heel and walking back to the the infirmary. He heard footsteps behind him and knew Arthur was following him.
Heart thumping wildly in his chest, Merlin nervously climbed down the stairs towards the infirmary and Gaius' quarters. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Merlin opened the door and strode across to his room, Arthur following suit. Merlin waited until Arthur was in his room before he shut the door. He looked up at Arthur nervously. Arthur had taken up the stance again, looking at Merlin expectantly with his arms crossed with more weight on one foot. Merlin took a deep breath. It's now or never, he thought. As he opened his mouth to speak, Arthur cut him off.
"So. Where or what is this thing I am so dense about?" Arthur inquired Merlin.
"Should…should I tell you about it or…show you?" Merlin asked, his cheeks on fire.
"Oh, just hurry up, I don't have all day," Arthur replied irritably.
"Well, I don't have to tell you. It's enough that you know you're an idiot. And that you're dense. Just work on those for a while," Merlin responded, starting to feel a little annoyed and upset.
"It doesn't matter! You've obviously brought me here for some reason, and I demand to know what it is this instant," Arthur pressed. Merlin was getting irritated.
"Well, if you're going to be such a prat, I might as well just not show you, then," Merlin nearly harrumphed.
"JUST SHOW ME THE BLOODY THING YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, YOU FOOL," Arthur roared before pursing his lips at Merlin. Merlin couldn't stand it anymore. He took a step towards Arthur and grabbed his face.
Arthur's eyes widened and the question on his lips were cut off as Merlin smashed his lips against Arthur's. Arthuuur, Merlin thought giddily. Those soft pinks lips that had tempted him so were finally pressed against his own. Merlin had waited for this day forever. He dreamt and dreamt of the day where he could finally show Arthur how he felt and they could ride off into the sunset…
Merlin froze. He realized that Arthur had stiffened and his lips were cold and unmoving. Merlin pulled back, only to see an expression of utmost shock and disbelief. Merlin stepped back, his eyes just as wide before he turned away and slowly walked across the room. He opened his closet and pulled out a ratty old duffel bag. The silence between them thickened before Merlin spoke.
"Erm…sorry. I am really sorry. I'll be…I'll be going, then," Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It's over. It's all over, he thought dejectedly. Turning around with his head still hanging downward, Merlin shuffled over to the chair and grabbed the clothes that were on there, shoving them into his bag with regret. Arthur cleared his throat.
"Ahem…so…I take it that I'm dense because…you like me? And I didn't see it?" Arthur asked tentatively. Without looking up, Merlin silently nodded as he shuffled over to the window to gather his trinkets on the windowsill. There's no chance now. I've messed it all up. Everything we could have had…Arthur put his hand on his chin and turned away, deep in thought. Merlin walked around the room behind Arthur to gather his last few things. Noticing that Arthur seemed deep in thought, Merlin quickly reached under the bed and grabbed his book of magic. He'd find some way to return it to Gaius. Latching his bag shut, Merlin stepped around Arthur and headed towards the door before a hand caught his arm. He turned around in surprise.
Arthur caught Merlin's eyes and pulled Merlin towards him. He placed a hand on Merlin's hip and before Merlin knew it a pair of lips crushed his own, causing him to melt in bliss. His cloth bag dropped from his hands. Confused and crushed, Merlin was going to push away when Arthur deepened the kiss, running a tongue across Merlin's bottom lip, eliciting a moan. Merlin felt his body relaxing before he wrapped his arms around Arthur's torso, kissing him back deeply. Mouths opened and their tongues twirled around each other, eagerly exploring each other's mouths.
After a while, Merlin pushed himself away from Arthur, looking dazed and confused and worried. As they gazed into each other's eyes, Arthur came to the realization that he had been feeling for a while but could not identify. He knew he was only saving Gwen because he saw how much she meant to Merlin, but he quickly convinced himself that it was because he loved her, not Merlin. Along with Merlin's kiss came a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach that made him want to stay that way forever. Arthur reached out and grabbed Merlin's hand and held it tightly. His face turned red and he turned away, not wanting to have to look into Merlin's electrifying blue eyes any longer. Arthur pulled Merlin towards him an wrapped him in a hug. Merlin looked at him expectantly.
Looking at the bewildered but delighted bright eyes of the taller boy, Arthur said, "Guess I'll have to work on not being dense then, I suppose. We can work on it…together."
He grinned at Merlin before pulling him into another kiss.
A/N: Hi guys! There was Lancelot and Guinevere episode the way I saw it! x) With all that Merthur and Merlin's eyes throughout the episode were clearly indicative of, well, this. R&R please! ^.^