Chapter One
"I don't belong here"
Blood dripped down my arm; warm and inviting. A moment of pain, then another plunge into the dark abyss I went searching for answers. The white bathroom was now stained red. What could I do? Looking up I looked at myself in the mirror; the person staring back at me I didn't recognize. She had long, frizzed out red hair, a blank blue eyed stare with dark bags underneath, and a face as white as snow. It wasn't me! It couldn't be me. Tears formed in my eyes. The pain intensified.
"Go away," I yelled bringing my arms up, digging my nails into my head, "Go away, go away, go away," I started to shake, "Go away, GO AWAY!" I screamed smashing my fist into the mirror sending shards of it everywhere. I was restless, high on the pain that engulfed me. Grabbing a sharp piece of the mirror I looked at the stranger in the mirror one more time and with a smile brought it to my neck.
"Goodbye," I said blankly piercing my skin with the mirror.
Light, I could see light behind my closed lids. No, not heaven; not after the stunt I pulled. Then there was pain, only pain, pulling me back into reality. My eyes shot open. No, not heaven at all just a room; a small room with white walls, a small twin size bed (of which I was on), a dresser, and a desk in the corner. This was not the hospital I ended up the last five times I pulled a human sacrifice stunt. Where was I? Sitting up I looked around the room again. "Hmm." My throat was dry and I thirsted for food. My neck, oh my neck. My hand shot to my neck, a bandage was there. "Shoot," I said. Mustn't have cut the right spot. Looking down I realized that I wasn't in normal clothes either. The clothes I had on consisted of a white, loose fitting v-neck t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Definitely stuff that I didn't own; I had nothing white or gray in my closet only black. "Where the he-" I said cut off by the door opening. A tall, slender woman, nicely dressed in a suit outfit came in holding a file folder and little cup.
"Oh, you're up," she said smiling at me. Oh great, she smiled so much it made me sick. She was way to nice, she must have someone locked in her basement at home. I cringed at the thought and smiled.
Noticing my discomfort, the woman said, "Oh jeez, where are my manners? My names Dr. Alice Michaels," her hand reached out to mine and I shook it, "I will be your doctor during your stay here at Grange Psychiatric Facility." I looked up at her with shock.
"No, this cannot be right. I DON'T BELONG HERE!" I yelled standing up.
"That's where you're wrong, Ashlee, you do in fact belong here. You need help and I will help you get better," she said calmly.
"What-wh-wh-what about my gram. She didn't just leave me here. Did she?" I said tears forming in my eyes as I looked at her. My poor gram. She's been taking care of me ever since my mom died of an overdose when I was 11 and my dad left when I was 12. Guess he couldn't handle it, but my gram was always there for me even when I thought I didn't want her to be; she was there.
The doctor looked down at me, "I'm sorry Ashlee, but your gram…after that accident…" she paused, "She couldn't handle it anymore," she said looking at me with pity in her eyes.
Rage filled me, taking every fiber of my being and turning it into rage.
"NO," I screamed pushing passed the doctor vacating the room. I ran down the hall towards the nearest exit.
"Get her," the doctor yelled.
I almost reached the door when something heavy hit me, then everything went black.
2-3 hours later
When I woke up, I had hoped that this was all just one big dream and I would be in my big comfy bed at home, but of course that's not how it was, I was in the same room I was before except something was different. There was now a big, burly man sitting in a chair in the corner of the room snoring and me, well, I was heavily sedated. Looking around I picked up a pillow and hurled it at the man. He shot up, "What the he-"
Then he looked at me. "Oh you're up," he said reaching for the door. He paused before leaving and looked at me, "Take those," he said pointing to the pills and cup of water on the nightstand. I hesitated. "Now," he said irritably. I obeyed throwing the green and blue pills in my mouth and gulping the water. "Good," he said leaving the room.
"What an asshole," I said sitting up. What to do in this shithole; stare at the wall and hope it gets interesting. "Great, just great," I said then paused, looking at a notebook on the dresser. My journal! My spirit leapt as I reached for it bringing it into my arms.
"Your grandma thought you might want that. She said it's joint on the hip with you, anywhere you go, the journal goes as well," the doctor said startling me. She was in the doorway, her arms were crossed.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were there," I said looking up at her.
"Oh no continue. Don't let me being here stop you," she said, "But I do have to fill you in on what exactly we do here at Grange, so stop by my office as soon as you can so I can get you acquainted."
I nodded my head. "Good," she said, "See you later." Dr. Michaels left the room.
I looked down at my journal. "Thank god," I said looking down at the familiar book tracing the letters "Ashlee's Journal: Stay out bitches!" on the front. Taking a deep breath I opened my journal letting the thoughts flow through my head once again.