I thought we could all use something a little bit happy, maybe even a little bit ooc after the way Erin and Jay both broke my heart in the finale.

"Erin." A women calling to her interrupted her deep concentration.

"Yeah?" At the sound of her name, she looked up from the chessboard she was sitting at. Chess. She was surprised she even remembered how to play. It had to be like riding a bike, because it wasn't like she had much time for it in her normal life. When Camille was sick and had first been assigned to bed rest, they played tons of board games, and spent hours watching movie marathons. That's when she learned to play; now, in rehab she'd started playing again on occasion.

"You have a guest. Should I send him in?"

Him. Erin knew immediately there were only two options of who it could be. She wanted to see them both, even if she did feel undeserving. No one had come to visit her yet, and she couldn't blame them. She'd hurt everyone she loved in her downward spiral.

"Go ahead." She nodded. Her throat was dry making her voice even raspier than usual. "I gotta go." She told her opponent sitting across the chessboard as she stood up.

The nerves began to kick in, and she pulled the sleeves of her sweatshirt down, fisting them in her hands.

When he walked in, she swore she felt her heart stop. Was it possible to forget how breathtaking someone was in just 19 days? Because it felt like it was the first time she'd seen him all over again.

"Hey." He kept it short and simple. No hug, no wave, just his hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets.

"Hi, Jay." His first name almost felt to intimate rolling off her lips. She didn't feel like she had the right to call him that anymore. She'd hurt him too much. She'd hurt everyone.

"You look good. Healthy." They began a slow walk towards the open garden in the back of the facility.

"Yeah. I uh, I am. I feel good. Healthy." She repeated his exact words back to him.

"I'm glad." He nodded. Conversation with Erin had never been awkward, but now coming up with two words seemed agonizing. He didn't know what to say to her anymore. He didn't want to push her if she was too fragile, but he also had questions he needed answers to. He wasn't angry anymore. He couldn't stay angry with Erin Lindsay for more than two seconds if he tried. He was hurt, but most of all confused.

Sensing the awkwardness, Erin attempted to ease him with a little lighthearted banter. She knew they had real things to discuss, but the ice needed to be broken first. "You look good too, you know? Nice and healthy or whatever." She gave him a small smirk.

She watched his face light up a little at her teasing. It was as if it reassured him that she was the same Erin he knew so well. "It's the new boxing gym. If I have to be there every night after work, I might as well get a workout in."

"Am I going to get a discount now that my partner owns it?"

"Maybe 20% off a membership. 30 if you're lucky." He winked.

"What a steal. I don't know how I'll pass that up."

"You shouldn't. You gotta get back in shape if you plan to start having my back again anytime soon."

The lightheartedness evaporated at the mention of her getting back to work and to the real world. The thought truly terrified her. It was easy in here. After the withdraw symptoms, and the constant, desperate need for drugs or alcohol had dwindled, it had been simple. Her day was planned for her. She woke up, had breakfast, then group, and then came lunch. After lunch she had an individual therapy session, and then an hour of free time before and after dinner. There was no dealer around the corner waiting for her to come score. There were no bars or liquor stores lining the streets taunting her. She was safe inside her rehab bubble, and the thought of leaving was petrifying.

She spoke just barely above a whisper. "Yeah. I do."

"You do plan on coming back to work, don't you?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. It's not that she didn't plan to return to work, because she did. Just the thought of being alone in the big city again frightened her. She wasn't ready to really talk about it. She still had eleven days left of easy before she had to face her biggest fear.

"I wasn't expecting you to come. When she said I had a visitor, I thought you were gonna be Voight." She dodged his question. "I'm glad you're here. I just didn't expect it. You didn't have to come. I wouldn't have been mad if you didn't. I know that I probably don't deserve it."

Her attempt to avoid his question didn't go unnoticed, but he let it go regardless. "You're right; I didn't have to come. I didn't even want to come if I'm being honest, but I needed to. I needed to see you. I need answers, Erin."

"Yeah, I know." She looked down at her feet, and gripped her sweatshirt sleeves even tighter in her hands. "Ask whatever you want. I'll answer anything. Whatever you need to know. I owe you that much."

He sighed. "I don't know where to start, Erin. I guess it just hurt, all of it, seeing you strung out like that, seeing you with him. Was there something I could have done?"

Her head snapped up to look at him. "God, no. Jay, I messed up. You couldn't have done anything differently. I got drunk, and then I got drunk again, and again, and again, and then it spiraled out of my control. I got myself caught up, and before I knew it, I was too far gone to even help myself let alone allow you to help me. There was nothing more you could have done, Jay. Please believe that."

"You left the unit, Erin. You quit."

"I know."

"You left the unit, and I need to know why. Did it have anything to do with him?" He couldn't look at her anymore. He was afraid her face would give away an answer, and if it did, he was terrified it would be an answer he didn't like.

"I would have walked away from intelligence in a heartbeat, Erin. I would have let Voight hate me with no reservations, just for a shot at you and me. I wanted to tell him that day, but you said no. You weren't willing to give up intelligence or Hank for me, so I backed off. We cooled it, and I walked away because I just wanted you to be happy. Then a few months later you quit the unit, and give up your relationship with Voight anyways. I guess I just need to understand what was enough to make you do it, since I clearly wasn't enough."

Her heart ached in her chest at his question. This is what had hurt him the most, the idea that she had walked away from intelligence for drugs, and Landon, but she hadn't been able to even consider walking away for him. "That wasn't me, Jay. It was, but it wasn't. That was my addiction talking. You know me. If I wasn't willing to give up intelligence for the one person," She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek forcing him to look at her, "the one man that truly makes me happy, do you think I'd give it up for drugs or some loser I grew up with? The Erin you know, the Erin I think you might have even loved would never do that. I wasn't myself under the influence. I wasn't the same Erin."

They were both silent as Jay took a moment to let everything she had said sink in. Eventually he reached up and gently grabbed the hand she had resting on the side of his face. He held her tiny hand in his. It was so small, delicate, cold, and pale in comparison to his. He placed his other hand over top, just wanting to warm hers up and keep it safe.

He finally broke the silence. "You're back. You're the same Erin that was my partner, my best friend, and that I did love." He answered the question of whether or not he had loved her. "You're back to being Erin."

"I'm getting there." She nodded.

"So when you do get there, do you plan on coming back to work? You never answered me."

She gave his one hand a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, I want to. If Hank will let me I wanna come back. I want to get better and back to normal, and I think work will help with that. Then when I'm fully back to me, and I've earned back your trust, I'm gonna win back your heart." His smile made putting herself out there more than worth it. As afraid as she was to be vulnerable, making Jay happy, seeing him smile, was all the assurance she needed to continue. "This time there won't be a damn thing, not Voight, not work, and not my addiction that can get in our way. You just wait and see."

12 days later, it was her first day back to reality, her first full day out of rehab. She'd come in to work, not that Voight let her do anything yet. She still had to earn back his trust first. It was a step in the right direction though, and it was nice to be back at the precinct surrounded by her family.

As the day was coming to a close, Jay moved to stand in front of her desk. "You wanna get dinner after shift? I know you've gotta be craving a burger from Au Cheval."

"I would, but I actually was gonna go to a meeting tonight."

He was proud of her dedication to staying on the straight and narrow. "I can wait if you wanna go after."

"Okay." She nodded with a grin. "Or you could come with me." Before Jay had even had a chance to react she began to retract her statement. "I'm sorry. Never mind. That was stupid. You don't wanna come. You've probably got things you need to do."

"Erin. Erin, breathe." He chuckled. "I'd love to come with you."

"Hi, I'm uh, I'm Erin. I'm 31 days sober. This is actually my first meeting on my own since I've left the facility. Rehab." She cleared her throat nervously. "I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm the most scared I've even been in my life. I am so scared that it's almost paralyzing sometimes. I've done all of this before. I've gotten clean, but this time it's different. This time it has to stick, because I hurt way to many people when I went down that rabbit hole again. And the crazy thing is, the people I hurt so badly are the same people behind me, holding my hand, having my back." She made direct eye contact with Jay. "They're helping me through this, and maybe I don't deserve it after everything I did." She shrugged her shoulder. "I don't know, but I do know I'm gonna stay clean this time. I couldn't stay sober for myself the first time around, but this time it's not just for me. I'm not alone anymore, so it's also for them, and I know that they deserve it."

When she took her seat back next to Jay, he immediately reached over and laced their fingers together. He gave her a look that radiated so much pride. He was proud of her, and in return she was proud of herself.

"Thank you." She leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I've got your back. Always." He whispered in return.