Title:1/?
Author: jenisaks
Date: may 2001
Fandom: X-files/JAG
Pairing: Skinner/Chegwidden
Category: Slash m/m sex , as in gay sex
Rating: NC-17
Status: WIP
Archive: Yes just ask, or put in link .
Feedback: yes,
Series/Sequel: not at this time
Other websites:
Disclaimers: Don't own them, somebody else does.
Beta: Nic, JD and Bertina, thank you for your great work.
Summary: Chegwidden after a long life, finally comes to terms with what he needs in life only to put it on the line.
Notes: //Chegwidden's thoughts.// and [[ Skinner's thoughts.]]
* * * * *
On the road
Behind the wheel, AJ was lost in thought.
//Shit, AJ, this is maybe the dumbest thing you have ever done. This could risk everything that really matters.//
Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly.
//This could be the night I lose him.//
AJ cast a glance at the man next to him. He was staring out the side window and wouldn't look at AJ.
//Hell!! AJ, you put yourself in the hot spot. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. There's no going back now. //
Shaking his head and casting another glance at the other man, AJ realized he hadn't moved an inch.
//I finally figure out what I want and I give it away. How stupid is that? God, I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life, I just know I will. Shit shit shit. I really fucked up. Maybe I should just shoot myself.//
Just as that thought passed, his driveway came into view. He turned in and parked behind the car that was all ready there.
* * * * *
One week earlier
J. Edgar Hoover building
Chegwidden walked through the main entrance and came to a stop atop the large seal that read 'FBI'. A smile creased his face. He was looking forward to seeing his old buddy, Skinman. It was hard to imagine that it had been more than thirty years since they first met in a VA hospital in Saigon where they had been in beds right next to each other.
They'd spent long days, bedridden, with nothing to do but talk. And talk they had. It didn't take them long to figure out that they didn't just like each other's company. They saw eye to eye on so many things. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. AJ couldn't help chuckling at that stupid cliché but it was true nonetheless.
* * * * *
Despite the pain, anger, fear and guilt, those were good days. Walter had been in a lot of despair, so guilt ridden, asking himself the never-ending question: //Why him, why had HE survived, why not one of the others? Why not Kevin?// Kevin had been Walter's friend. They were in the same unit together. Kevin had died in the ambush that left Walter himself on death's door. Walter and Kevin had also been lovers. AJ found out one night when Walter's wounds had become infected and the resulting fever made him delirious. Drifting in and out of consciousness, he murmured through his hallucinations. AJ had sat on the edge of Walter's bed and tried to comfort him while he cried out for Kevin. AJ cursed the lack of nurses and held Walter, talking softly in soothing nonsense words. Suddenly he had opened his eyes, blank with fever. AJ still remembered the shock that hit him with Walter's words.
"Oh Kevin, you're here..."
"Walter, I'm not Kevin."
But Walter didn't seem to hear him and his eyes continued to rove, not quite able to focus.
"Kevin, I...I had the worst dream...thought I'd lost you." Tears were running down his face. "I'm so glad your here...Love you...Love you so much...Can't live with out you, you know." A rueful smile crossed his lips.
"I know, I know Walter. Shhhh...Go back to sleep now. You need to rest."
"I love you Kevin. Don't ever leave me. Pro...promise me. Please don't leave. Promise."
Walters' heartfelt pleading left AJ with an aching pain in his chest and tightness in his throat. AJ's own tears fell freely.
"I promise. I won't ever leave you Walter. Now sleep, my friend."
"Okay, love." At last, Walter let out a relieved sigh and fell back to the bed.
After Walter had fallen asleep, AJ realized that he didn't feel disgusted by Walter loving another man but that he had a weird feeling in his stomach when he thought about it. Where had that come from? He pushed the thought away. Walter woke many times that night and each time he soothed him back to sleep by holding him, saying he loved him and stroking his hair.
* * * * *
Walter had hair then and so did he. AJ smiled at that thought. While Walter had a tough time with losing his hair, he wasn't bothered by his own loss. How many times had he heard Walter complain about his hair? Too many.
AJ smiled to himself as people walked past him, throwing surreptitious looks his way. Suddenly aware of his behavior, he shook himself from his daze.
//That must have looked pretty odd.// He chuckled.
He walked through the security checkpoint and headed for the elevator. Another memory came to mind - one that had changed his view of life.
* * * * *
That morning long ago he'd woken with his arms full and a forehead resting against his jaw. Not quite awake, he'd turned to place a soft kiss at the hairline and nuzzle the soft hair. The object of his attention emitted a moan that woke him with a start. He was lying on his side with a leg thrown over Walter's and he became aware of his morning erection pressed against his friend's hip. Frozen in place, he held his breath and released it slowly when he realized Walter was still asleep. Thank God the fever had broken. Obliging his overwhelming need to pee, he eased out of bed being careful to not disturb his friend. He put the bed rail up before leaving for the bathroom.
When he returned to the ward, he saw nurse McGrath - AKA the nurse from Hell - leave Walter's bed with a catheter bag in her hand. He poked his head around the screen.
"Hey Skinman, you okay?"
"Shit, no. The *bitch* just removed my catheter. I think my dick is black and blue. I pity her husband, the poor bastard. God I thought she was going to rip it off."
AJ almost went green with sympathetic pain.
"You know, it should be written into the Constitution that no one should have to endure nurses like McGrath. I wouldn't even wish her on the VC. That would be cruel and unusual punishment. Hey, isn't torture against the Geneva Convention?"
"It sure is. Hey, maybe if we write our Congressman...You think that'll help get her out of here? Nah... They're probably too busy bashing us back home. Some might argue we deserve it." Stoic silence fell upon them.
Breaking the silence "Hey Walter, let's not go there, okay?"
"Okay Cheg. I've got a more pressing problem here anyway." A horrified look appeared on his face.
"Like what?"
"Her, that bitch. She's coming back to HELP me. She wants me to use the urinal. Shit!! I don't want her anywhere near my dick." He hissed through clenched teeth.
"Okay, okay take it easy. We'll think of something," AJ reassured him, trying desperately to think of something but his brain was temporarily out of order.
"Oh yeah? Like what? Hold it till the next shift begins? Shit, I can't hold it that long, I have to go now. I didn't get a chance before she removed that damn thing." Panic was starting to show in Walter's eyes.
"Okay, wait just a sec." AJ snuck his head around the screen and checked for their personal nightmare.
"All clear. If I can plan black ops then I can handle this too."
This is going beyond the M rating to read pls go to my livejournal and read thanks.
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