A.N.: ok so lemme start with the begging I love the couple jake/bella and after I finished reading new moon I was like wtf?!?! Ok stephenie meyer sure hates jake I mean…grr bella… anyway my first twilight fanfiction in which edward dumps bella and leaves and the rest well…ummm read to find out smut love romance this story has it all hell yeah and the title was inspired from the song confined by the band as I lay dying which is really awesome and it describes this cruel world we live in and how we waste our energy and forget about the simple things. Enjoy

Chapter 1

The end of the beginning

Bella's perspective:

As I laid on my bed crying myself and wondering what the hell had I done wrong to make Edward leave me, suddenly it hit me in the head the fact that he is never coming back and that my cries were all in vain I was alone … doomed to a sickened life his words ran through my head ' be happy…forget about me you almost died because of me' and when I asked him why wouldn't he turn me into a vampire his face became blank and he answered coldly 'you don't belong with us and trust me you wouldn't want to be a dead walking corpse ..we choose this path because neither we couldn't have exceeded the verge of death or we had to..Bella…you have a family people who c is for you…don't throw it away for eternal life. It's not worth it....' those wore his last words before he disappeared forever; I have no idea what to think. Maybe he was right or wrong. Maybe he wasn't the right guy for me, always so perfect no defect what the hell..of course he was perfect he was somehow " death" which is perfection ,but then I thought about how my family would react to the thought of me being a vampire, so wrong ,sigh.. I guess love is after nothing more than a illusion. My mind started to rewind all of the events that had passed by me I remembered the first time I met Jacob Black , a sweet guy I "used" like a selfish person to reach my own purposes , he probably saw right trough me and that's why he told me everything about the cold ones and how his family hate the Cullen's.

Since than I didn't have any type of interactions with Jake , two reasons one why would he waste his time a klutz like me? Second I was still embarrassed with how I flirted with him to get him to tell me about Edwards family ,so let time heal the mistakes I've done

For now im just like a coward wolf , I howl to the stars and the moon but im too scared to jump at them and find me purpose and reason to a wolf??!?! Where did that comparation came from?anyway I've had enough for today its pretty late and tomorrow I hate to go to work at Mike's parents shop

"goodnight Charlie, im tired so im gonna go earlier to bed ok?" bella said as she walked half down the staircase

"ok darling ..are you sure you are ok ? you were crying for him again?"Charlie said in a displeased tone as he walked from the living room to the staircase .He always hated the people who had hurt his daughter

"im ok I was just thinking..i guess I have to move on.."bella said in a discouraged tone

"its ok darling if you want to talk im always here ready to hear you say you're pain even if it hurts you…ill always be there Bells…" Charlie said

"dad…thank you"Bella said as she hugged her father, she was happy for his concern this showed that his "maternal instinct" still was there

"ok im going to bed ..goodnight dad" bella murmured as she climbed the stairs to go to sleep

"ok but before you go I forgot to tell you ..tomorrow Billy said he invited us over to dinner at they're place " Charlie said with enthusiasm in his voice

"really?well that's great" bella said uncomfortable knowing that Jake would surely be there

She didn't want to let him see her like this ,especially not in this state so she had to cheer up and fake her only solution. She started to remember his charming young innocent appearance , his long raven hair that covered his smooth russet skin and dark shy eyes , Bella laughed to herself she hadn't seen him in quite a few months and somehow missed him.

After taking a shower and a sleeping pill that was her only salvation from insomnia and nightmares she got ready for bed and cried herself to sleep wishing there would be at least someone who wouldn't let her down and be there for her in hard times.

Sure she had Jessica or Mike but still , she missed Edward but that intense love she felt for him started to die more with the beginning of every moon at night.

Had she finally understood that maybe she made a big mistake falling for the wrong person ,furthermore Edward failed to protect her from James and almost got her killed so maybe it was for the best Bella told herself.

After falling asleep she had a dream that night that she was in the forest and as she walked she entered the meadow and found Jake there. All she remembered was his smile and his warm embrace so much different than the vampires she also dreamed kissing Jake and she found herself waking up panting hard.

Bella looked around her room and noticed the sun light peaking trough the curtains , it was a weird day considering it was almost raining all the time in Forks neither rain or a foggy autumn like weather which always depressed her.

But so much for starting the day with the right foot she smilled to herself remembering the fact that she was going to see Jake today, after getting dressed she took care of the house chores before Charlie got off his shift from the police force.

Just before she knew it she got ready and waited for Charlie to pick her up ,she wasn't dressed fancy , in the car she did have a weird feeling in her gut and no it was not because she was hungry or anything like that. When they arrived at the reservation in La Push she could feel herself churn in the inside as she pictured already how she would screw up everything.

"Common Bells ..what are you waiting for? " Charlie told her as he got out of the car and went to the Black home.

'oh well this would have happened sooner or later..but still….i prefer later…' bella though as she followed her father

Charlie knocked on the door only to be greeted by Billy in his wheel chair welcoming them with a warm smile.

"ah Charlie its been a while how you been?Oh and Bella beautiful as always "Billy said

"Yeah Billy sorry I was just caught lately with so much work I barely had time to breath" Charlie said

"oh yes come in " Billy said welcoming them in

"Billy …where is Jake?" Bella asked in the end

"oww he should arrive in a few minutes he went out to meet with his friends" Billy said as he and Charlie went in the kitchen and started talking adult business

'great…im alone …again…like always well at least jake is surely having a great time..' Bella thought as she sighed

"Bella..is that you?" a familiar soft voice said behind her

Turning around she saw her old friend so much changed since last time

"Jake…hey..been a while…wow you changed" Bella said with a soft smile

He sure changed his hair was short now pushed up only a few bangs over his forehead and a more mature feature

"yeah ..been a while …so how you been? other than ..you know…"Jake said not wanting to hurt her by reminding her of that subject

"oh its ok…I've got over it…I couldn't mop over it for the rest of my life." Bella said faking a smile

"oh ok so wanna go somewhere alone..to you know… catch up on things?i mean remember " jake said not wanting Bella to get the wrong idea

"yeah sure .." Bella smilled

ok this is the first chapter..its a start I have many ideas and this is my version of new moon since I like the couple jake/bella and yeah Edward is an ass ill write other chappies if you like it review and fav

hugs and kisses : silviker out..