Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or the song "Sick Inside"
Sick Inside
By Hope Partlow
I'm just a girl who kissed a boy is in love with someone else.
I didn't mean to feel the way I do, it just happened by itself.
Tori Vega watched Jade West with envy. She was mean, sarcastic and rude, but she still got to date the most amazing guy in the world. Tori really hated judging people when she didn't really know them, but by the way she acted to her and most of their other friends, Jade wasn't the nicest girl. She wasn't even nice to her own boyfriend half the time.
Beck Oliver was perfect in every way possible. He was charming, sweet, calm and good looking. He was everything any girl would want in a guy. He made Tori melt whenever he smiled or talked and sometimes Tori thought that they would stand a chance together, but then she always remembered his girlfriend.
She wasn't sure why Beck loved her so much. When they're alone that's when they connect, is what Tori's thinking. She just puts on a smile, though, and acts like everything is okay, but it isn't. She was hurting because she was in love with someone that didn't love her back. If she could, she would make sure she would never even think about Beck again, but she can't because she's in love with him, just like he loves Jade.
And now I'm sick inside, it makes me want to cry.
I'm so sorry about last night.
It happened so fast.
I wanted it to last.
In the moment it felt so right.
But now I'm sick inside.
She didn't know how Jade found out about it in the first place. She wasn't a huge Jade fan, but seeing the poor girl so hurt and broken made her feel like the worst person in the world. Beck wasn't speaking to her, even if he was at just as much fault as she was. Tori watched as he tried to go up to Jade, but she would always slam her locker in his face and march away or do something violent to him to stall him from coming after her.
Whenever Tori tried, all Jade had to do was give her a look and Tori would back away. So, Tori came up with this plan to go behind Jade, tap her on the shoulder, than attempt to speak with her. So, that's exactly what she did. Jade was talking to one of their redheaded friends, Cat Valentine. Tori spotted Cat looking sympathetically at Jade then her eyes darkened once she caught sight of Tori behind her. Tori can't say that she's ever seen Cat so angry before.
Jade caught sight of Cat's eyes and turned around. She scowled and gave Tori a look, but Tori refused to look at her and she made her way up to her. "Jade, we need to talk." She said. "Please."
Jade looked to Cat and sighed. "Cat, go talk to Robbie," She ordered her. Cat seemed to brighten at Jade's commands to go talk to the nerdy Shapiro boy. "Kay Kay!" She chirped. She skipped off to go see Robbie, leaving the two enemies alone together. Jade turned back to Tori and crossed her arms over her chest.
"If Beck put you up to this-" Jade started to say, but Tori cut her off by shaking her head 'no'.
"No, he didn't I swear." Tori frowned. "Look, Jade, it wasn't what it looks like-"
This time it was Jade's turn to cut her off. "No, Tori, it was what it looked like, because I was there!" She shouted at her. The whole hallway turned to look at them. While Tori was embarrassed, Jade didn't seem to care. "I was in the freaking park and I saw you and my boyfriend at the time making out! How was that not what it looked like?" Tori winced. At least now she knew how she found out. She witnessed it. Now Tori felt ten times worse than she did before. Jade sneered at Tori. "So don't try to pull anything by telling me it wasn't what it looked like."
Then she marched away, leaving a stunned expression on Tori.
He stopped by my house.
We were hanging out.
He was wondering where you are.
She remembered exactly what happened that night. Tori was outside on the porch, writing lyrics in her notebook. She heard a car pull into her driveway and looked up to see the familiar red pick-up truck. She smiled as Beck climbed out of the car and gave her a warm smile in return.
"Hey," He waved to Tori. He went over and sat beside her on the porch. "What you up to?" He casually leaned over to read the lyrics Tori had been writing. Tori quickly snapped her notebook shut. Beck laughed and Tori laughed along with him.
Tori waggled her finger in front of his face. "I was writing a secret song, that you can hear at the Big Showcase next Friday." She smirked at him. Beck nodded, playfully nudging Tori.
"I see." Beck said. "So, have you seen Jade?" Tori almost frowned at the mention of his girlfriend. He would want him, her and Jade to hang out together. Could it ever just be between them two?
Tori put on a faint smile and shook her head. "Nope, sorry I haven't." She wondered why he would even ask her. She and Jade never spoke to each other outside of school or when they didn't need to. Beck sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "That's cool. I just had something to give to her."
We went walking.
We were just talking.
It was silent for a minute, before Beck stood up. Tori was afraid he was leaving for a second. "Come on, why don't we walk around a bit?" Beck asked her. "You know what, let's just take my car to the park and hang out there." He extended his hand out to her and Tori would never say no to that. She accepted his hand and they got into his car.
The park was fairly far from Tori's place, but it was beautiful. There were gardens of flowers, a shimmering swing set, a hot dog verdure and smack dab in the middle was a huge fountain. Tori and Beck decided to sit near the edge of the fountain. If Beck wasn't dating anybody, she would consider this a date.
"Want to play twenty questions?" He asked her. Tori shrugged. She did what to get Beck, more than what she saw from him at school.
"Let's do it." She smiled at him. "I'll go first. How did you get your hair like that?" Beck laughed, making Tori grin. She loved his laugh.
"It was normal, probably Bieber styled before I turned thirteen and I used a different shampoo and comb." Beck flipped his hair casually, making Tori burst out laughing. "Okay, my turn. What school did you go to before you went to Hollywood Arts?"
"Sherwood." Tori replied. They continued that twenty more times and most of their questions weren't even serious, but that made it fun for them. Tori wondered if he had this much fun with Jade or did he have more fun with her. When he was at school, he seemed to kiss Jade a lot and smile when he was with her, but he wouldn't laugh that much. At least that's not what Tori saw.
Then he kissed me, by his car.
Soon they had finished playing twenty questions and they had went out pretty late, so they decided it would be best if they headed home. Beck said he had to call Jade anyways. Tori let that slip out of her mind as they walked back to his car. They stopped in front of it and Tori smiled at him.
"I had fun, maybe we should do this again sometime." She suggested hopefully. Beck nodded as Tori leaned against his car.
"Yeah, we should. I had fun, too." He smiled softly at her. Then they locked eyes for a moment. Beck was sure it was the heat of the moment, but Tori just took this to her advantage. Ignoring the feeling someone was watching, they both leaned in and kissed each other.
After seconds, they broke apart. They starred at each other in otter shock. Tori could tell by the look on his face that he didn't feel the same way she did when they kissed. Then she remembered Jade and she started to get this guilty pang in her stomach. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She apologized.
Beck shook his head. "No, it's fine." He frowned, not meeting her eyes. "It never happened, okay Tori? It was heat of the moment." He gave her a friendly and fake smile before getting in his car. Tori sighed, but got in the car, too.
And now I'm sick inside, it makes me want to cry.
I'm so sorry about last night.
It happened so fast.
I wanted it to last.
In the moment it felt so right.
Beck called her about an hour after he had dropped her off. "Hey Beck," She greeted him. She heard sniffling and she wasn't sure if it was Beck or wrong number. She's never heard Beck cry and she wasn't sure he ever did cry. "Are you okay?"
"No." His voice cracked. "Jade found out." Tori felt a lump in her throat, as if she may be crying because she just broke his heart. "She dumped me."
She wasn't sure why he called her, maybe to make her feel bad. If so, he succeeded. "I-I'm so sorry-" He interrupted her.
"It's just at my fault as it is yours..." He told her. There was a pause. "I love her." He stated. Tori closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew it hurt, but it's what she needed to hear, because Beck was in love with Jade and now she wanted to make it right. Yet, she didn't know how. She had a sickening feeling in her stomach.
But now I'm sick inside.
Back to the present time, Tori tried so hard to find ways for Jade to forgive Jade. Yet everyday it seemed to get worse and worse between the two and Tori actually hated it. She was still in love with Beck and she should've been happy they're broken up, but she was just so guilty.
It was the day before the Big Showcase and Tori was about to rehearse for a big song she was performing. It was a new version of 'Make It Shine', but for some reason she didn't want to sing it. The night before, she got inspiration for a new song and the perfect way to make Jade forgive Beck. So she quickly got to work and rehearsed it all night.
"Now I'm stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul.
Guess I should have had a little self-control.
I knew that it was wrong.
I admit it.
I wish there was a way that I could make it alright.
I really want to tell you that I put up a fight.
But that would be a lie."
Tori had said before she started the song that it was dedicated to a 'Certain Goth Frenemy' of hers. She saw Jade in the crowd and at first Jade did not seem to like it at all, then as the song went on, her expression changed and she started to understand the song a little more. Tori also saw Beck from across the way, eyeing Jade carefully. She was starting to feel better already.
"And now I'm sick inside.
It makes me want to cry.
I'm so sorry about last night.
It happened so fast.
I wanted it to last.
In the moment it felt so right.
But now I'm sick inside."
Tori made sure the chorus explained how she felt. She thought it was implied that Beck didn't feel the same way, especially since Jade thinks almost everything has something implied. Soon, Tori finished off her song and got off the stage. She went to go find Jade, with the lyrics stashed in her pockets.
Now I'm sick inside.
It makes me want to cry.
In the moment it felt so right.
Tori found Jade and put a hand on her shoulder. "Jade, I am so sorry." She apologized. She continued to speak before Jade could interrupt. "Beck loves you. I admit, I do have feelings for Beck, but when Beck and I kissed I could tell he wasn't the right one for me. You and Beck are perfect for each other."
Jade had her arms crossed across her chest and her lips pursed. "It's true." Tori heard a voice from behind them. Tori turned around to see Beck. He looked at Jade with a serious expression. Tori pushed him closer to her. He took her hand in his. "I love you so much. I swear to you. There is no one else I would rather be with." Jade didn't answer him, which got Tori and Beck worried. Instead, she cupped his face and kissed him.
Beck wrapped his arms around her waist and Jade wrapped hers around his neck. Tori smiled sadly at the couple.
I'm just a girl who, kissed a boy, who is in love with you.