Puck and Kurt are texting during Glee. Chaos ensues. Please review – I'll love you forever. Glee and Hey Soul Sister are the property of Ryan Murphy and Train respectively. None of these people are me, unfortunately, so I guess I don't own anything.
XOXO
Kurt jumped as his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Who was texting him? He looked around – all his friends were in this room, so it had to be one of them – and his eyebrow rose as he caught sight of the one person in Mr Shue's room with their phone out. A small smirk flickered over Kurt's features, and he took his cell phone from his pocket discreetly. Mr Shue didn't notice, continuing his monologue. Kurt flipped his phone open.
One new message from "Noah".
Kurt's smirk widened, and he pressed the button that would open the message eagerly.
Srsly, does this guy ever shut up? How long is it til we can be alone?
Kurt shot a glance at Puck, who met his gaze and smirked deviously. The small expression sent a shiver up Kurt's spine, and he texted back:
I no…bout 30 mins. Pressing send, he took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on Mr Shue. The teacher was talking about songs by the band Train. Kurt could see that only Rachel and Tina were truly paying attention.
"And I have a tape of Train instrumentals…" Mr Shue was saying when Kurt received Puck's next message.
So what r u wearing? Rolling his eyes at the ridiculous, clichéd question, Kurt typed a hasty response:
That doesn't work when u can see the person ur asking. There was a pause as Puck read the message and snorted slightly, before replying to Kurt.
Aw, baby, humor me…ur killing me here.
I'm not doing anything. Kurt replied.
No, but u will be soon. Puck reply made Kurt turn a little red.
"Kurt, are you okay there?" Mr Shue asked. Kurt sighed. His teacher was oblivious to the texting and inattention of his students, but when one of them turned an odd colour, he was the picture of concern. Kurt nodded vigorously at Mr Shue, gabbling:
"Yes, sir, I'm, uh, fine."
Puck snorted again, almost inaudibly. Not inaudibly enough for Mercedes, it would seem. The diva spun around in her seat and pointed at Puck.
"Hey, you!"
"What? Me?" Puck asked, sounded slightly anxious. Kurt smothered a giggle. Not such a badass now, he thought to himself, a little smugly.
"Hell yeah, you!" Mercedes all but screamed. All eyes were on her – she sure did know how to command people's attention, Kurt thought dryly. Unfortunately, it was his secret boyfriend that she was verbally mauling. And if there was one thing in the world that Puck was terrified of, it was Mercedes, who really did not like him. And to make matters worse, she didn't know that there was anything going on between the jock and her best friend.
"What did I do?" Puck asked defensively, waving both of his hands in the air like a cornered criminal. Mr Shue's futile request for calm was heard only in the background, as everyone was focusing their attention on Mercedes and Puck. How would Puck deal with Mercedes? It wasn't as if Kurt could stand up for him – not without raising a whole lot of questions. He knew that Puck wasn't entirely comfortable with his sexuality yet, and he respected the fact that it would take some time for him to deal with the issue. He knew Puck wasn't ashamed of him, he just wasn't confident enough to deal with what people would inevitably think and say about his own homosexuality.
But, unfortunately for Puck, Mercedes was on a roll, and Puck looked to be in for one hell of a tongue-lashing.
"What did you do? I can't believe you'd even ask me that! You think you're better than us; you think you're better than Kurt. Well, I'll tell you something – you're not better than us, and you certainly ain't better than Kurt! You're always picking on him, and singling him out, just because he's different, and it ain't right!"
Kurt blinked at Mercedes' outburst, despite fully expecting it, and turned to see what Puck would do. He hoped his boyfriend wasn't too cruel to his best friend. He didn't want an all-out cat-fight on his hands.
Puck looked angry, but instead of yelling back at Mercedes, he stood.
"Mr Shue, did you say something about Train backing tracks?" He enquired. Kurt frowned in confusion, sharing a look with an equally bewildered Mercedes. Mr Shue's mouth dropped open a little, but he managed to collect himself in order to reply.
"Uh, yes, I did…"
"Save Me, San Francisco, track two." Puck ordered. Looking utterly confused, Mr Shue did as he was asked. As the first strains of the ukulele drifted out of the speakers, everyone drew in a collective, shocked breath. Kurt pinched himself, and realised that it was no dream. Puck was really going to sing. Solo. In front of the entire Glee club.
"Hey, hey, hey,
Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left-side brains,
I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind...
Your sweet moonbeam, the smell of you in every single dream I dream,
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided,
Who's one of my kind."
Slowly, deliberately, Puck locked eyes with Kurt, a motion that the whole room could, and did, see. As Puck launched into the chorus, he stepped forwards, reached out a hand, and pulled Kurt from his seat.
"Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo,
The way you move ain't fair, you know,
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do,
Tonight…"
Puck gave Kurt a grin that sent a bolt of electricity racing through him. He vaguely noticed Quinn, Santana and Brittany clapping to the beat, and Finn choking himself half-to-death on his own saliva. But the largest part of his attention was concentrated solely on Puck.
"Hey, hey, hey…
Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one-track mind like me.
You gave my life direction, a game-show love connection, we can't deny…
I'm so obsessed; my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest…"
Knowing what was coming next, Mr Shue lunged for the stop button on the CD player. Unfortunately, his plan was foiled by Quinn, Santana, Brittany and Tina, who leapt up and began dancing – directly in front of the CD player. Short of bodily removing the girls from the area, there was nothing Mr Shue could do but watch.
"I believe in you," Puck sang, pulling Kurt closer to him, "like a virgin, you're Madonna,
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind…"
This time, when he sung the chorus, everyone, even Mercedes and Finn (but not Mr Shue, funnily enough), joined in, before quieting for Puck to sing the last verse.
"The way you can cut a rug," Puck twirled Kurt around in an approximation of dancing. "Watching you's the only drug I need,
You're so gangster, I'm so thug, you're the only one I'm dreaming of, you see,
I can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing I can't be,
I want the world to see you be with me…"
As everyone but a clearly dazed Mr Shue joined together for the last choruses, Rachel's eyes were misty with emotion, and Tina and Artie were gazing into one another's eyes almost as meaningfully as Puck and Kurt. When the song finished and the instrumental faded out, Kurt leaned up and caught Puck in a heated kiss, which the jock returned. Whilst the Glee club burst out in spontaneous applause, Mr Shue screamed:
"Classroom decency! Oh my God, Principal Figgins, it's not what it looks like! Please don't fire me!"
Puck and Kurt broke apart. Puck gave Principal Figgins, who was standing outside the choir room with a group of prospective parents, a cheerful wave.
"How about we reschedule that alone time? To like, right now?" Puck whispered, and Kurt nodded, beaming with happiness.
"Sounds good to me," he said. Puck quirked an eyebrow at him and grabbed hold of his hands, tugging him along. They hurried out of the room, passing a manic-looking Mr Shue, a slightly – okay, very – surprised Principal Figgins, and his group of prospective parents, who began shaking the principal's hand and patting him on the back, telling him how wonderfully liberal and progressive his school was. Kurt and Puck left before they had chance to see Principal Figgins turn slowly purple and begin hyperventilating in the middle of the corridor, just as the bell went for the end of lessons, causing all the students to pour out into the hallway.
Unfortunately, they couldn't help but notice Miss Pillsbury's screams twenty minutes later, when she opened the janitor's closet they were, ahem, occupying.