Author's Note: As always, I own absolutely nothing involving Criminal Minds (unfortunately). Fic is based on the movie 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' - it's one of my favorite romantic comedies and I really wanted to translate it into a Derek/Spencer story. I hope you enjoy it!

Spencer sat at his desk, typing up an article he was sure to make a difference and have an impact on the reader. Emily rolled her chair over and peeked over her cubicle wall, attempting to read it

"We're writing about crises in other countries? Boy, is Strauss going to be disappointed in my article on lip liners," she commented, leaning forward on her elbows.

Spencer smiled to himself, saving the document and closing it. "It's just something I've been working on in my spare time."

"And it's admirable, believe me, but face it – nothing that doesn't pertain to a woman making herself look better for a man is ever going to make it into the magazine. It doesn't matter how well-worded it is or how true. She's never going to go for it."

He sighed, leaning back in his seat and running a hand over his face. "I'm glad I busted my ass in grad school so I could work at a magazine where my headline last month was 'how to talk your way out of a speeding ticket'." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just lucky he was gay and interested, or I would've been screwed, paying the ticket, and probably cited for harassing an officer."

Emily laughed softly, shaking her head. "That would've been a sight to see. You could've written a whole new 'How To' series: 'How to Cover Your Ass in Prison', How to Keep a Boyfriend While in the Slammer' … oh, maybe even 'How to Not Become Somebody's Bitch'."

"Yes, because as you can see," he started, motioning toward the empty hallway, "there are plenty of suitors just willing and waiting to take me away from this dead-end job and live happily ever after."

Emily gave one last chuckle before rolling back to her own computer, proofreading her article.

It wasn't that Spencer hated his job, in fact, he somewhat enjoyed it. He was able to help people with their problems, though given the choice, he'd have gone back in time and attended med school instead, where he could be making a visible difference, or keep fighting to work at a legitimate news source. Instead, he settled for a job where he could find one, and he was sure that was one of his biggest mistakes in life. Working with his best friend JJ was a plus, as was meeting Emily, but some of his fellow co-workers made him especially glad that he was interested in men, considering their constant whining, bickering, and cluelessness.

He was pulled out of his mind when he noticed an envelope sitting on his desk, raising an eyebrow. "Emily, any clue what this is?"

She shook her head. "Not a clue, it's been there since you went on your typing rampage about twenty minutes ago."

He picked up the envelope, opening it up before smirking. "And guess who has tickets to the Stanley Cup finals?"

"Somebody who actually knows the sport of hockey?" she guessed.

He mock laughed. "No."

"…I thought you were a basketball fan?"

"Au contraire, I know how to break down basketball, figuring out the opposing team's shooting strategy. Hockey is my latest challenge."

"Wow, isn't that exciting?" she mumbled.

"So does that mean you don't want to come with me?" he asked, holding up the tickets and waving them.

Emily thought to herself. "Let's see… beautiful men in tons of equipment swinging at each other over a little black disc on the ice? Buy me a beer and count me in." She quickly pointed a finger at him. "But I'm not putting out."

He rolled his eyes. "Believe me, honey, you're not my type."

"Ouch." She put a hand over her heart, feigning pain.

He smirked, turning his attention back to his desk. "Have you seen JJ yet today?"

Emily shook her head. "Not yet."

"It's not like her to be late," he said, checking his watch and clicking his tongue.

"She did say on the phone yesterday that her and Will had a blowout and broke up."

Spencer groaned, twirling around in his chair. "Seriously? They were only dating for a week, what could they possibly have a blowout over?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, but she definitely didn't sound like she was up to company."

He got up from his desk, pulling on his jacket and scarf. "Come on, we're going to check on her."

"Are you sure?"

"Considering if Strauss catches her not being here, breakup or not, she's probably going to fire her? Yes, I'm positive."

Emily got up from her own desk, grabbing her purse. "So much drama – this is why I don't do relationships."

"Right," Spencer started, putting his bag over his shoulder, "you're more the one night stand type, right?"

She scoffed, swatting at his arm. "Just for that, you're buying the coffee."

The one perk to driving a motorcycle, Derek found out, was weaving through busy traffic in the morning as he pleased. This meant that he was able to sleep in as much as he could before rolling out of bed and getting ready. The other drivers were never too pleased with what he did, but he didn't care, considering he was always able to get to work on time, not to mention he could park wherever he found a spot, even if it was between two cars. He pulled up to work and parked his bike, pulling off the helmet and running a hand over his scalp.

He saw Seaver at a newsstand, picking up a copy of a girly magazine. Rolling his eyes, he walked over, shaking his head.

"Come on, that's the most intellectual thing you can pick up for a read?" he asked, tucking his helmet under his arm.

She rolled her eyes, hitting his arm with it. "We all know you'd pick it up – there's too many women in it, you might catch the straight."

He smirked, moving closer to her. "What, sweetness, are you interested?"

"Not a chance."

Derek turned around, facing Jordan Todd. "Always a pleasure you two, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to figure out how to," he moved to see the cover of a magazine, "talk my way out of a speeding ticket'." He gave them a quick wave before walking inside.

Walking into the office, he found Rossi sitting at his own desk, and Garcia leaning against his. Shaking his head, he set his helmet on his desk.

"Good morning, gorgeous," he said, kissing her cheek.

She grinned. "I'll show you a good morning, hot stuff."

"What were you up to last night?" Rossi asked, setting his mail down on the desk.

He thought to himself. "Trying to get Stanley Cup Finals tickets, failing miserably, and spending the night on the couch with Clooney."

"So no orgies?"

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, no orgies. And if there were, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to be hearing about them."

"You're correct."

He looked over at Rossi after going through his faxes. "So, when do we start sucking up to Hotch to get that diamonds campaign?"

Rossi gave Garcia a look and sighed.

"What, are they no longer going through our company? Give me the number, I'll talk them back into it."

"No need, sugarplum," Garcia said, patting his hand.

"…Then what's going on?"

"Seaver and Todd got it," Rossi told him, ready for his reaction.

He blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, what?"

Rossi gave him a shrug. "Hotch thought that two women would be better at an ad campaign for jewelry than two guys and a Garcia who specialize in athletic equipment and alcoholic beverages."

Groaning, he looked up at the ceiling. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Precious gems aren't exactly our forte," Rossi started, trying to reason with him.

"I have to say I'm with the Italian stallion on this one," Garcia added, holding up her hands, "if it's not chunky, clunky, and fun, I'm not interested."

Derek chewed on his lip, tossing a small ball into the air a few times and catching it before smirking.

"I know that Cheshire grin," Garcia said, smiling and pointing to him. "He has an idea."

Rossi leaned forward. "What's going through that head, Morgan?"

"The fact that we are going to take that ad campaign right out from under them."

Spencer handed Emily a 20. "You know the coffee orders, you go grab those while I talk her off the ledge and get her ready for work."

Emily raised her eyebrow. "What do you know about breakups?"

He gave her a look. "Ethan?"

She gasped before shaking her head. "Wow, sorry I just – I'm going to get the coffees, crawl into a hole, and then meet you down here in fifteen. Think that's enough time to calm her down?"

"Only one way to find out." He held up crossed fingers before walking into JJ's apartment building.

He paced outside of the apartment for a minute before taking a deep breath, knocking on the door. When he heard no movement inside, he was ready to call it quits and just go to work, but he knew he couldn't live with himself if JJ got fired when he could've done something to prevent it. Instead, he waited and heard her stumbling around. She finally got to the door and unlocked it, pulling it open.

"Hey, Spence," she said softly, a blanket wrapped around her.

He looked at her sympathetically. "How are you holding up?"

She sniffed, stepping aside and holding the door open. "I'm okay, I think I just need to stay home."

He took in her apartment and saw that she'd more likely than not spent the entire night on the couch. "Come on, JJ, you have to go to work."

She shook her head, sitting back on the couch.

Rolling his eyes, he walked over, pulling open the curtains. "Come on, it's a bright sunny day, there's really good coffee waiting for us downstairs, and more importantly, you are way too pretty to be cooped up in your apartment by yourself, moping."

She smiled slightly, looking up at him. "Really?"

He gave her a quick nod. "Really, now come on, go get ready. Staff meeting starts in a half hour."

She pushed herself off of the couch, walking to her room and rummaging through her closet. "What am I going to wear?"

He groaned. "For the last time, JJ, I'm not going to be that gay friend. If I had a lick of fashion sense, I'd use it on myself."

She held out two shirts from the crack in her door. "Just pick one."

He glanced over at them, sighing. "The blue one will bring out your eyes."

She pulled it back in, inspecting it, before pulling it on. "I hope Strauss doesn't expect something from me at this meeting. If she does, I am screwed."

"Don't worry, I'm sure Emily and I could hold her off for you."

JJ stepped out of her room, sighing and wiping her eyes.

"No, no, no more crying. What's wrong?"

"I just, I miss Will."

He paused. "…You do realize that you two only dated a week, right?"

"And it might've been the best week of my life."

They emerged from the building ten minutes later and met up with Emily, taking their coffees from her.

JJ sighed, looking at her cup.

"What?" Emily asked.

She held up the cup. "Will and I went for coffee on our first date."

Spencer and Emily rolled their eyes, Spencer rubbing her back and guiding her into the cab.

As they walked into work, JJ tapped her finger against her coffee cup. "You know, Will and I had a great connection."

"…Oh?" Emily said, eyebrow raised.

She nodded. "The first time we had sex? It was so beautiful, I cried."

Spencer gave her a look. "What?"

"I was really emotional, and I told him I loved him." She groaned, tilting her head back. "I can't believe we broke up."

Emily stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for their floor. "How many times did you call him?"

JJ thought to herself, following. "I don't know, two maybe three-"

"That's not so bad," Spencer commented.

"…An hour? Besides, I know the real reason he left me."

"What's that?"

"I'm too fat."

Emily and Spencer eyed each other before saying in unison "You're not fat!"

"JJ, don't worry about it, you're not alone," Spencer told her, stepping off the elevator.

"…Really?"

"Yeah, definitely. If I pulled those things with a guy I picked up? Trust me, I'd scare him away."

Emily nudged him with her elbow. "Way to be sensitive, Reid."

"What? I-" he sighed. "I'm sorry, JJ, but it's true. If I did what you did, I'd get dumped too."

"Oh, please. The douchebaggery of Ethan aside, who has ever dumped you?"

He clicked his tongue, holding up a finger and thinking to himself.

"Exactly, nobody. Let's face it, if you went my way, I would snatch you up, date you, get married, and we'd have happy little nerdy children, because you are the absolute perfect boyfriend and you can do no wrong."

"Hey, I can mess up," he said, trying to defend himself.

Emily rolled her eyes. "You have never been the screw-up in your relationships, Reid. Just face it: JJ's right. You are the perfect boyfriend."

He scoffed, holding open the doors to the office. "Come on, we need to get to this meeting before Strauss has our heads rolling."