STAR TREK: THE ODD COUPLE
DISCLAIMER: THESE GUYS BELONG TO PARAMONT. AND THEY CAN KEEP THEM! THE ODD COUPLE IS NBC, I THINK.
Voice over: Star Trek: The Odd Couple is performed live before a digitally recorded audience.
Early morning in Trip's apartment. The place is a mess. Trip is sitting on the couch easting breakfast. He's in his uniform. Malcolm storms out of the bathroom holding a small cardboard tube.
"Trip." He says, "Is it too much trouble to replace the toilet paper?"
Trip eats another spoon full of corn flacks and says, "I guess so."
Audience laughs.
"You're impossible!" Malcolm says going back into the bathroom.
"Hope you wash your hands before replacing that roll." Trip calls out.
Audience laughs.
"You could show a little appreciation for the man who took you in after Starfleet fired you." Trip continues around mouthfuls of cereal.
"It was an early retirement." Malcolm calls back and flushes. He comes out and sits in a chair. "This could be a good thing. There are plenty of things I could do."
"Like what?" Trip asks.
Both men stare off into space for a few minutes as the audience laughs.
Malcolm stands and gestures around the apartment, "How can I think in this mess!"
Trip slaps his knee and stands too, "There's an idea. You're British, and a neat freak. You can become a butler!"
Malcolm looks sore as the audience laughs.
"Don't YOU have a job to get to?" Malcolm asks.
"As a matter of fact I do." Trip says going to the door, "Maybe you can tie-tee up while I'm gone."
He closes the door leaving Malcolm alone.
Late that afternoon, Trip comes home to a clean apartment.
"Son of a bitch really did it." he whispers looking around in shock, out loud he says, "Honey! I'm home."
Malcolm comes in smiling, "Dinner's almost ready."
"You're in a better mood." Trip says
"I thought about what you said. After I cleaned I wrote out my résumé."
Malcolm hands Trip a sheet of paper.
Trip looks it over, "Is blowing things up really a hobby?"
Audience laughs.
"Come on. Dinner's getting cold." Malcolm chuckles.
After dinner Trip's on the couch in his boxers and a t-shirt watching TV. The place isn't quite as messy as before but it's close.
Malcolm storms in, he's wearing a bathrobe. "Trip!" He calls out. He has a box of Twinkies in one hand and waving another Twinkie in the air with his other hand. "This is a box of 12. I had two yesterday and two for lunch today. That's four. I should have eight, but there are only seven. Where's the other one?"
"Did you count the one in your hand?" Trip asks without turning around.
Malcolm looks side-ways at the Twinkie he was waving at Trip.
Audience laughs.
"Just testing." Malcolm says and swaggers back into the kitchen.
Trip makes an L shape with his hand and puts it to his forehead and mouths the word 'loser'.
Audience laughs.
Malcolm storms back into the room, and trip removes his hand before Malcolm can see it. "I can't believe how fast you managed to mess this place up. It was perfect until you got home!"
Trip stands, "This is my place. If I want it a mess, then it's going to be a mess."
Trip picks up a bowl of chips and dumps them on the floor.
Audience goes OOOO!
"That's IT!" Malcolm charges at Trip and the two men fall on the floor. During the wrestling Malcolm's robe comes undone showing all he has on are boxers, and Trip's shirt gets torn. Both men have their arms tight around each other when they stop and stare at the other. Trip pulls himself up and helps Malcolm up.
"Sorry." Trip says. "I don't know what got into me."
"No," Malcolm says, "I'm just stressed."
"That was almost a slash moment there." Trip says.
"I know." Malcolm says, "And who'd want to see that?"
Audience laughs and applauds.
THE END