The ride back to the castle was surprisingly quiet. Yelena was sure she should feel joy over defeating Brazell, but also she felt was…empty. Once in a while someone comes up to her to talk to her but without realizing it she pushes them away until no one dares enter her presence. The only person she wishes would talk to her is Valek. Unfortunately, he seems to be the only one avoiding her at all costs. The castle is now in full view and everyone disperses to their rooms or offices. Yelena follows the Commander because it is his time for lunch. When they reach the kitchen, she disappears inside.
"I need food for—" Yelena begins and is met with silence. A pain in her chest appears when she realizes that there's no one to get food from for the Commander's lunch, not when Rand is gone. She steps over to the oven when she thinks of Rand's sweet cakes, and lets a tear fall down her face.
"What are you doing here?" Liza asks in a harsh tone. Yelena immediately brushes her face and turns to face Liza.
"I need food for the Commander. Anything will suffice, he said." Yelena says.
After a bit of scurrying about, Liza hands her a platter filled with food and Yelena takes it upstairs. She's thankful that Liza didn't ask her about Rand.
Reaching the Commander's office, she enters and the tasting proceeds silently. He ignores her, as usual, except for one brief moment. He looks up and seems to bore his eyes into her, frowning, before looking back down at his papers. As soon as she is allowed, she leaves to return to the suite. On her way she passes Dilana and immediately looks away.
"Yelena! You're back! I heard that some strange things happened with the Generals. But I presume everything is alright now?" Dilana asks, smiling.
"I…" Yelena begins but doesn't know what to say. She rubs her fingers together.
"What is it my dear?" Dilana comes closer placing a gentle hand on her arm.
Yelena looks away before speaking again.
"Rand…" Yelena begins but again can't seem to force the words out of her. Dilana's smile slowly fades away.
"What happened?" Dilana asks, seemingly resigning herself to hearing bad news.
"He's…dead." Yelena says. It isn't very tactful but it's the truth. In the end, no matter how he died or why he died, what impacts them the most is the fact that he's dead.
Dilana's face fills with tears and Yelena doesn't know what to do. Does she comfort her? Does she leave her alone? Does she explain?
It would appear that Dilana has decided for her when she hugs Yelena. It's a strange comfort that she hasn't had too much experience with but she melts into the hug.
When Yelena finally makes it to the suite, she's met with silence. Valek won't even acknowledge her presence and she's too tired to figure it out. Her muscles ache from all that fighting and her heart aches for so much. It aches for the innocent Brazell Manor before it became a torture house. It aches for the lost friendship with Rand. It aches for…She can't even admit it to herself. It aches for the one man, infuriating though he may be, the one man that seems to get to her.
The next few days are uneventful. She meets up a few times with Ari and Janco, and even Maren. Maren won't look her in the eyes but Yelena has slowly gotten used to that. Janco shakes his head and smiles every time Ari and Yelena talk, and Yelena can't quite figure out why. In the meantime Maren and Janco are sparring. At the end of their training session, Maren walks by Yelena and gives her as strange look. It almost looks like a smirk but Yelena didn't think Maren ever smirked.
Yelena goes to pick up her things but is immediately stopped by Janco's dark look.
"You alright Janco?" Yelena asks. He puts his hands into fists.
"No more training. We're done. I knew this was a mistake. You're just as bad as I thought." Janco says and is about to leave when Ari pushes his friend.
"What are you talking about? Don't talk to her like that!" Ari raises his voice.
Yelena has no idea where all this is coming from.
"We put our lives out there to protect you! And this is how you treat us? Treat Ari?" Janco says.
"I…what are you talking about?" Yelena asks in confusion.
"You knew that Ari liked you!" Janco yells and Yelena's eyebrows rise high. She looks at Ari who looks like a deer caught by the hunter.
"Janco!" Ari says.
"I…I…what does this have to do with anything?" Yelena asks because there's too much going on in her head.
"Oh come on, Maren told me. And it's so obvious that I can't believe I didn't see it. You are in love with Valek and he with you." Janco spits out.
Yelena's mouth widens and Ari freezes.
Janco takes that as his opportunity to leave and silence comes over the only remaining two.
"I…" Yelena begins but again finds she has no words. She slowly looks over at Ari whose face shows more than it should. He's hurt.
"Ari…" Yelena slowly walks over to the man but he flinches away and leaves.
Yelena is, yet again, left alone. The family she thought she had gained, disappeared. She feels emptier than she had been when she got here. Perhaps she should have accepted the noose.
Once Yelena actually confronted her feelings she realized that perhaps Janco was right. She did feel more than she should for Valek but she knew he was only half right. Because it was bright as day that Valek did not return those feelings.
She drags herself back to the suites and notices her bags are packed.
Valek, who is sitting at his desk, doesn't look up.
"You're finally going to get your own room." He says, his voice devoid of emotion.
This seems to push her over the edge. She breaks down. Falling to the ground, she sobs, no longer caring what anyone might think. It's the tears that had built up over the years and now they just flow.
Suddenly, a warm hand rubs her back but she ignores it. She doesn't want comfort. She wants…the noose.
"Yelena." The voice says gently and it takes her a moment to realize it's Valek.
"It's going to be alright." He says. She quickly stands up and whirls around on him. He follows suit.
"Alright? Alright?" Yelena says and laughing harshly but without humor.
"Nothing will ever be alright. Nothing was ever alright, and it definitely never will be!" She yells and his eyes widen.
"I feel…empty, Valek. Empty. The family I once knew I lost at sixteen. The family I then gained here I lost. What's the point? And now all I have left is Reyad's ghost." Yelena says and by the end she's so quiet she wouldn't be surprised if Valek hadn't heard her.
He walks closer to her and takes her hands gently in his.
"You haven't lost your family here, Yelena." He says.
"Of course I have! Rand is dead. Dilana lost him and will probably always see me as his killer. Maren hates me for some unknown reason. Heck, the Commander probably dislikes me now for knowing about…ugh. Janco is pissed because he thinks I betrayed our friendship. Ari is rightfully mad because I broke his heart—" Yelena yells and is about to continue when she's cut off by Valek.
"Broke his heart?" He asks.
"I didn't mean to. I didn't know he liked me. I just…I don't return his feelings." Yelena says, no need to explain the reason why she doesn't return those feelings.
"And you! You won't even look at me! Maybe you didn't think it before, but now you definitely know that I'm dirt after seeing where I come from." Yelena pokes Valek's chest with her finger.
"Yelena, I…That's not true. The reason I've been avoiding you isn't because I think you're dirt. It's because…it's because it hurts too much to be around you." Valek says and looks away.
"What?" Yelena frowns.
"When we were there at the house I wanted to tear everybody into pieces. I wanted everybody to feel the same pain you had. I wanted to burn them. And that, Yelena, that scared me. I'm an assassin, not a…but in that moment all I wanted was revenge for all that had happened to you." Valek is fuming by the time he finishes and Yelena's hands are almost crushed into pieces the way he's holding them.
"Why?" Yelena asks quietly, her body shaking.
"Because you stole my heart." Valek says simply.
A surge of life fills the emptiness inside Yelena's body when she hears this. She looks into Valek's eyes.
"I love you." She says as if the were the most simple thing in the world but she has never spoken these words to anyone before.
His looks at her in surprise and she takes a step forward to place her lips on his.
Later:
"You should go make up with the power twins." Valek says and Yelena knows he's right.
Thankfully, within a few weeks everything is as back to normal as it can get. Rand is still gone but Dilana doesn't hate Yelena, which is all she can ask for. The Commander isn't acting any differently around his food taster than before. And the Power Twins are back to their usual selves. Even Maren, who apparently had a crush on Valek, has come around to Yelena. She finally has a family. But she knows, deep inside, that one day she will have to leave her family and go to Sitia, but today is not that day.