--PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS FANFIC UNLESS YOU HAVE FINISHED ALL OF VAMPIRE KNIGHT, INCLUDING VAMPIRE KNIGHT: GUILTY. OR UNLESS YOU DON'T PLAN TO WATCH/READ IT AT ALL. IT IS AN INCREDIBLY SPOILERIFIC FANFIC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED--
A/N: Okay, as anyone who knows me knows, I'm a HUGE Vampire Knight fan. My very best friend in the world who I love to pieces, AkatsukiGirlTy (AkatsukiGirlMatsuri), got me the first volume of the manga for Christmas, and I loved it. I watched the whole anime, including Guilty, within about three days, and now have Volumes 1 through 6 of the manga.
--SERIOUSLY, SPOILERS START HERE. I WARNED YOU. YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T. BECAUSE I DID. RIGHT HERE. AND UP THERE. SEE? TWICE. THAT'S HOW MANY TIMES I WARNED YOU--
As much as I love the story, the ending really annoyed me. I'm a Zero fangirl, I love him, and think that Kaname doesn't deserve Yuki, and vise-versa. So I wrote an alternate ending. I kept as much of the fanfic as I could the same as the anime - I copied all of the subs that fit in with the story word-for-word, only editing when the grammar needed improving. You've gotta love fansubs.
So yes, the story takes off from after Zero and Kaname kill Rido. Remember, Zero was standing on the roof, and Yuki showed up?
And for what it's worth, I'm dedicating this story to my dear Gen (AkatsukiGirlTy, username: AkatsukiGirlMatsuri), my first convert from YukixKaname to the far superior (and CORRECT) YukixZero. Thank you so much for the manga, your help with editing, and your encouragement and praise. Love you!!!
Oh, almost forgot: I don't own anything except this fanfic. I don't own Vampire Knight, Yuki, Kaname, Zero (except in my mind), or any other of the characters. They all belong to Matsuri Hino, Vampire Knight creator, and she's awesome for making such a great story. I don't even know why people both with a disclaimer, but I should include it just in case.
So, without further Aido... (bu-dum-bum, chk)
-----
"It sure is bright..." I muttered, managing to not squint as I looked out into the bright light of the rising sun above the silent battlefield with my sensitive new eyes.
"It used to be bright," Zero replied quietly beside me.
Zero and I were standing atop the roof of the Sun Dorm, observing what was left of the Cross Academy grounds in the dawn light. Together with Kuran Kaname, Zero finally did away with Kuran Rido, the enemy of all purebloods, and now the Academy we all called home was safe again, at least for the moment.
"I've always been watching from here," Zero told me. I turned to look at him, but his silvery eyes remained fixed on the glowing horizon.
"Zero?"
"Always watching you watch Kuran Kaname." My face fell as I detected the pain in my best friend's voice.
"In front of him... in front of everyone..." Zero continued softly, "You were always smiling. That never changed, even though I did something that should never be forgiven.... Even if you used my whole life, Yuki, I wouldn't mind." I was surprised to find passion in his voice. It was barely audible, but I felt it. "That's what I had thought..."
Zero sighed and closed his eyes. "You'll probably disappear from my side, won't you?" Zero so rarely let me see what he felt and thought, even though I knew him better than anyone in the world. I could tell that this rare breach in security was his way of telling me he wanted me to stay.
Yes, I would leave him. I had already promised Kaname that I would. Keeping my promise to Kaname meant putting Zero through even more pain, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. But I had to answer him, and he didn't deserve a lie. I closed my eyes deliberately so that I wouldn't see the look on Zero's face when I answered. "Yeah..." I muttered painfully, looking out at the sunrise once more.
"I see..." Zero said. His voice shook slightly with sadness when he spoke, and I tried to ignore this previously thought to be impossible phenomenon. Surely he hates me now, I realized with horror. He isn't sad to see me go, he's sad that I'm no longer a human. I remembered that once he had told me that he would never let me become a vampire, even if it meant making Kuran Kaname his enemy, even if it meant me hating him. But I could never hate him. As I remembered something else Zero had once said, my hand twitched, then rested on the pocket in my skirt where the gun Zero had given me long ago rested, unused.
"You asked me to kill you if you became a vampire, right?" I asked him.
"Yeah..." he replied, still not meeting my eyes.
"But what if I've become a vampire?" I was sad about this fact, at least for that single moment, because I knew it wasn't what Zero wanted, and all I had desired for so long, besides Kuran Kaname's affection, was my best friend's happiness.
"I don't know if I believe you've become a vampire yet..." Zero told me.
I looked up at him in surprise. What was that little, foreign quirk in his voice?
"There's no point to it," he continued.
"But Zero, that's..." I began, but stopped when Zero turned his head to look at me. His silvery eyes looked lifeless, and I wished I hadn't seen the damage I had wreaked. I tried to break his gaze, but he had me held fast.
"If you really are a vampire," he whispered, "then drink my blood."
Tears filled my eyes and suddenly I could move. I looked at the floor, hoping with all my heart that he didn't mean it.
I heard him step toward me, but I didn't flinch. With the slightest of hesitations, he wrapped his arms gently around me, and I was almost overwhelmingly tempted to fall against him and cry like I had in the past. But this was now, so I remained motionless through sheer force of will. He held me tight, pulling me towards him. I took no comfort from how stiff his shoulders were, or the smell of blood that wafted temptingly from his soaked shirt.
What was Zero doing? He had a hidden motive, but I was too focused on holding back tears to contemplate what it could be.
"If you're really a vampire..." he whispered gently in my ear, then stepped back. He rested one hand on my shoulder, then bent so that my lips were right beside his neck.
In that moment, his shoulders relaxed the tiniest amount and I knew. I realised what he was trying to do, understood his desperate plan. Tears streaked my cheeks, but I leant in, pulling Zero's collar away for clearer access. I closed my eyes and felt my wet lashes brush my cheeks. I would give Zero this one last thing.
And then I did something I never imagined I would do. I allowed my fangs to pierce the soft skin of Zero's neck.
I remember at some time, Zero had said, "I know by the taste of your blood." Of course, as a human, I couldn't have had any idea what he was talking about.
I finally understood what he meant as his final plan came into action.
Images flooded my brain, memories I knew, but from Zero's perspective. And one name repeated, over and over.
He held the barrel of the Bloody Rose to the underside of his chin, my finger loose on the trigger. I looked up at him with eyes that shone with a surreal bright light in the surrounding darkness.
"Yuki..."
The two of us sinking to the floor, me clutching at his shirt with my head buried in his chest, Zero feeling guilty and wanting with all his heart to comfort me.
"Yuki..."
My hands grabbing his arm, pulling him back toward me, speaking powerful words while holding back tears.
"Yuki..."
My own smiling face, glowing like that of an angel.
"Yuki..."
They came pouring out as I drank.
Zero's feelings.
I felt his hand on my back, holding me tightly as his blood streamed down my chin.
And suddenly, I knew where I had to be. I knew where I belonged. I pulled back, stumbling a few steps from the man who loved me.
"You're a vampire," he said, his voice thoroughly dead. He was never one for words, and I knew that this was the only way he was aware of to let me know how he felt.
"Yeah," I replied.
I had to go. Now.
"Zero," I said urgently, looking into his eyes. There was concern there, but with all the intensity of a wet match being struck in the darkness. "Wait here," I said. "Wait here for me, please, Zero. If I haven't returned by the time the sun has completely risen over the horizon, then I'll have left. You'll never see me again.
"But please wait for me, right here."
Zero looked into my eyes, and I now knew that to him, I was an angel. I shone with an otherworldly, almost painfully beautiful light. I couldn't understand it, but it made me happy. Even still, I wondered if he would wait for me. I by no means deserved it, it was an unreasonable request on every level. It probably seemed intensely cruel to him - I had already made him suffer so much.
Words cannot describe how relieved I was that he did not deny me.
-----
I spun and ran as fast as my legs would carry me towards my older brother's room. I didn't know what I could possibly tell him to soften such a blow. I loved him so much and would never want to hurt him... but there was someone I loved more, and he needed me more than even Kuran Kaname did.
My feet brought me to my brother's open door. I stood outside, breathing deeply, preparing myself. "I'm the one who hurt you the most," I remembered him saying. "I wonder why all my feelings work against me. I really wonder why..." He had looked at me so tenderly, and I had returned the same gaze.
"I'm sorry," I thought to him. "I'm so sorry. I'm the one who hurt you the most. For ten years you were always so lonely, and I never knew... Kaname-sempai, I'm sorry."
"You should just do what you're supposed to do," he had said to me, and I knew he was right.
Above all, Kaname had been lonely for the past ten years. He didn't let anyone in because he couldn't let anyone get in the way of protecting his precious girl. My hand drifted unbidden to the other pocket in my skirt, the one that held the crystallized rose Kaname had given me, the rose that bloomed once every ten years.
Tears came to my eyes, but I dashed them away. I had to get back to Zero, and I was wasting precious time.
I rounded the corner determinedly, and saw Kaname instantly. He was looking out the far window, buttoning his traveling cloak and surveying the new day. He turned as I entered, his eyes still distant.
"Kaname... sempai..." I addressed him, nervous as always around the legendary pureblood.
A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "I thought you decided to drop the 'sempai', now you're all grown up."
I blushed and stammered, "K-Kaname, I-I'm so sorry..."
My big brother stepped toward me worriedly. "What are you sorry for, my dear Yuki?"
The man who I had looked up to every day of my life stood before me, loving me. How could I do this to him? He stood an arms-length from me, and I put my whole effort into not stumbling into the arms I knew would catch me in a heartbeat.
"You've always been there for me, and because of that I'm here now," I told him, not meeting his eyes.
"Are you not bringing anything with you?"
I sighed, and I felt Kaname's gentle hand cup my cheek. Looking him straight in the face, I raised my hands to touch his and replaced it by his side.
"You're not coming, are you?" Kaname asked sadly.
"I love you, Kaname," I said, not breaking eye contact. "I have always loved you, even when I couldn't remember always loving you. I will continue to love you until the day I die."
Kaname's arms wrapped around me tenderly. "I love you too, my precious Yuki," he said in my ear.
I cautiously stepped backwards, disentangling myself from his arms. "You don't love me the way you think you do," I said, realising deep in my heart that the words I spoke were true. "You have lived the past ten years thinking about me every moment. You did everything for me. But... you don't really love me. Something inside you broke when our parents died and I suddenly had no memory of you. I became your reason for living, your obsession. All you cared for was my safety, and I am so grateful."
"What are you trying to say, Yuki?" Kaname asked benevolently.
"You never fell in love with me, not in all that time."
A blank look of incomprehension dominated Kaname's face. "That doesn't make any sense," he said. I was at a loss for words, and knew the worst was yet to come.
"No, I love you," Kaname said, avoiding my eyes. "I want you to be happy. You will be happy with me."
At that exact moment, my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, and I was overcome by an indescribably agonizing sense of grief. This was how both Zero and Kaname had lived for so long. Part of me already wanted to die. But I knew I had the power to mend Zero's heart. As much as I wished I could, I couldn't help Kaname.
"Kaname... brother..." A tear escaped my eye and suddenly Kaname's face wrinkled in pain, as if he understood now what I had been trying to say all along, and its implications. I wanted to give up, this was too hard... but I plowed on through the pain, "If you truly want me to be happy, then please, let me stay at Cross Academy."
The man who had always been the last one standing fell to his knees before me, clutching my blazer. His head was down, and I was glad, for the first time in my life, that I couldn't see his face.
"Yuki, Yuki..." Kaname whispered. He looked up at me, and to my surprise I found his eyes shining with tears.
"Kaname, there are two things in this whole world that make me really, genuinely happy," I said tenderly. "Your smile and Zero's smile. But... I need to see Zero's more. Please understand..." Tears leaked from my eyes and I dashed them away.
"Why are there tears on your face?" he asked forlornly, a tear leaving a shining trail on his cheek. I found it difficult to believe that the man at my feet was my big brother. He contrasted so intensely with the image my mind had formed of him.
Now I understood why it was unheard of for a pureblood to cry in front of anyone.
"You have to be happy... Please, Yuki, don't cry..."
"Then go!" I said strongly, crumbling inside as he flinched. More gently, I said, "Leave, Kaname, leave me behind. For the past four years, Kiryuu Zero has lived on little more than whims. He lived on because he wanted vengeance against Shizuka Hio for murdering his family. You have told me that I am your reason for living, just as Zero's family was his. So I will give you the incentive to not take your own life, just as Shizuko Hio has done for Zero.
"Live on, Kaname-sempai! Don't let yourself die yet! I still need to know that you're smiling to be happy. Please, do this for me."
"If it will make you happy... Yuki..." he shuddered a sigh, "I will try."
I dropped to my knees before the shattered man I used to be in love with. "I will be happiest with Zero."
Silence presided for a minutes before Kaname drew a shuddery breath. "You love him, don't you?" Kaname asked of the ground.
The hands gripping my uniform went limp.
I have to do this! I told myself firmly. There was no way this day would end without either Kaname or Zero's hearts being broken. How could I put the two people I loved more than anything else in the world in this kind of situation? I clenched and unclenched my hands and said clearly, "I drank Kiryuu Zero's blood." Kaname's shoulders tensed and he looked up at me, eyes wide and jaw clenched with fury. "I drank of my own free will, Kaname. Zero loves me, and now I know that when he lost all he ever cared about in the most brutal way imaginable and wanted to die, he found me. I know that I am the only one who can make him smile."
I hugged my brother quickly, straightening up his back. "No crying!" I told him, struggling to sound stern.
"No crying?" Kaname asked nostalgically. "Do you remember, Yuki, back before you lost your memories, I was awake late one night, sitting on the couch? I heard a little tired voice drift from the doorway. "No crying!" you said, rubbing your sleepy little eyes. I told you that I wasn't crying, but you came over to me, and held me, and patted my head, saying, "You're a good boy. Good boy, good boy... You're not lonely..." That was the first of the two times I have ever cried to anyone..."
I caught two stray tears falling from Kaname's eyes on my finger. "Now you go, Kaname," I told him, and, taking his hand, pulled him to his feet. He stood smoothly but leant heavily into my hand. "You go and find someone who can make you smile. Find someone you can truly love who loves you in return, just as Zero managed to do."
"You always smiled, even when you wanted to cry," Kaname said, looking at me. "I could never understand how you did it."
"I did it because I knew that if I smiled, the people I loved would smile too. Now it's time for you to do the same! Okay?"
I smiled at him through my tears. Kaname shook his head and smiled back with the painful sadness of loneliness. There was someone who could fix Kuran Kaname, just like I had managed to fix Zero over the years.
"I love you, Kaname-sempai... my dear big brother," I said, still smiling, even though it hurt.
"Kiryuu will make you happy?" Kaname asked, not breaking his smile. He had calmed down a little, and he looked like my big brother again.
"He will, Kaname."
"Tell him this: if he makes you cry, I won't go easy on him."
I reached up onto my toes and pulled Kaname down by the shoulder. I quickly kissed his forehead, then released him. I smiled and spun around so that one more tear could fall unnoticed. "I will," I said, then ran from his room for the very last time.
-----
As soon as I burst outside, I saw that the sun was a good inch above the horizon.
No!
I ran faster than I had ever run before up the long road leading away from the Moon Dorm. I had to get to Zero, now. He said he had his reason to live now that his twin brother Ichiru lived inside him, but I didn't trust him. He would come up with a reason to justify killing himself. I had to hurry.
I passed Yagari-sensei at the intersection where the road turned and lead toward the Sun Dorm. He was sitting atop the enormous pile of rubble that the Chairman had created from the magnificent door to Cross Academy. I didn't slow, but just as I turned, I heard him say to himself, "I always knew she'd end up running back to the Sun Dorm.. Kaien-sempai owes me twenty bucks." I logged that piece of information away, sure to bring it up at the most inconvenient moment possible for my dear father, but continued running at break-neck speed. I burst through the doors of the Sun Dorm, then leapt the stairs two or three at a time. Since when was the roof this far up? I was already out of time, this was taking too long.
Eventually I reached the top and was forced to block my sensitive new eyes from the gleaming sunlight.
Zero wasn't there. I had taken too long.
"Zero!" I screamed, my voice full of agony.
"What?"
I spun around and saw Zero sitting in the front right corner of the roof, in the shadow cast from the surrounding three-foot wall. And although he tried to hide it, I saw what he put in his inner shirt pocket.
"Zero!" I yelled, then hurled myself at him. My arms wrapped around his neck in an iron strangle-hold and I buried my face in his shoulder. "Zero... Zero..."
He stayed motionless underneath my weight. "What do you want?" The dead quality to his voice pierced my heart with agony. But I could fix this, I knew it.
I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. Regret filled me and I hastened to unbutton Zero's shirt.
"What are you..." Zero still sounded dead, and didn't move to stop me. As soon as I had his shirt completely undone I flung back the right side and saw the Bloody Rose in his breast pocket, safety mode off.
We both stared at it, until Zero broke the silence. "Yuki..."
"Yuki nothing!" I yelled in his face. "Why is Bloody Rose's safety off!?"
Zero remained silent, looking down. It didn't matter, I already knew the answer. I yanked his trusty gun out of his pocket and threw it across the roof, hearing it skid on the concrete and collide into the opposite wall with a satisfactory crash. I held Zero's shoulders, and he looked up into my eyes. "Don't you dare! Don't you ever!" I told him, then brought him to me in a tight hug again.
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere, with someone?" Zero asked lifelessly. Without even seeing, I knew that his eyes had just flicked to the gun on the other side of the roof.
I pulled back and forced myself to smile. "I'm only fifteen, Zero! I can't leave home yet, what would Yori say? What would the Chairman say?" Zero's face remained blank. "Zero, you'll fall to Level E without me! I have to be here for you! You can drink my blood, and stay yourself forever!"
His blank face transformed: he was frowning ever so slightly, trying to process the information. It seemed he still hadn't caught on.
I rolled my eyes and tutted my disapproval, then without seeming to think about it I unbuttoned my collar, raised my middle finger and index finger to the side of my neck and punctured my skin. Zero's eyes suddenly widened in shock and I leant into him.
"Drink up," I smiled.
Zero shook slightly under me and turned his head away saying, "No, I can't, I won't..."
My blood was starting to spatter his shirt and I was feeling the beginnings of impatience. "Zero, I drank for you, it's only fair. Think of it as returning the favour."
Zero put his head down to rest on my shoulder, but eventually raised his head, unable to resist. He pulled back my collar and rested his hand gently on my shoulder. He hesitated before plunging his fangs into my neck. I didn't wince, I was too busy remembering...
The pain I felt when hearing Shizuka Hio say that he planned to kill himself along with her.
"Zero..."
Saying just a few moments ago, "Kaname, there are two things in this whole world that make me really, genuinely happy. Your smile and Zero's smile. But... I need to see Zero's more."
"Zero..."
Seeing him hiding the Bloody Rose when I stepped out onto the roof.
"Zero..."
The realisation that I was in love with Kiryuu Zero while drinking his blood earlier that morning.
"Zero..."
Zero pulled away panting, his head lowered. His hand gripped my back, keeping me close to him. I didn't oppose him. A single tear fell from the corner of my eye and landed on his chest. He looked up in surprise, but quickly lowered his gaze.
"You..." Zero stuttered, his eyes hidden by his silvery hair that shone in the morning light. "I..."
"I love you too, Zero," I grinned.
Suddenly, Zero changed, right then and there. I beheld the sight I had wanted so desperately to see for the past four years, since the very first night I saw him, ashen and blood-soaked.
Zero's face was lit up with a smile that literally winded me, it was so stunningly beautiful.
Abruptly, that face was closer than it had ever been to me. Without hesitation, Zero leaned in swiftly and kissed me right on the mouth. I reacted the second his lips touched mine, and I willingly let him pull me closer. He was eager and fervent, and I returned his ecstasy readily.
He withdrew after a minute and scrutinized my face from the shelter of his hair.
I smiled at him fondly.
For once, he actually smiled back at me, his eyes sparkling blindingly.
And by inexplicable means, the bond that connected me to my big brother told me that somewhere, he was smiling too. "You finally got your wish," I told him.
My heart told me he heard me.
Zero clutched me to him and I held him back with one arm, my other hand clasping the crystallized rose in my pocket. I rested my head against his chest as the sun climbed higher into the cloudless sky.
In that instant, my world was complete.
-----
Afterward: How was it? Please rate and review, it'd mean a lot to me! I worked harder on this that anything I've ever written, and trust me, I write a LOT! If you don't know Vampire Knight, but read it any way, please still rate and review, just on how I wrote it, how it made you feel, etc. Thanks so much for taking the time to read my fanfic!