Naturalism
Disclaimer: Don't ask me why I wrote this. I have no idea. It just came to me. That's just how my mind works. Ok, this is my first post on , so be nice please. Constructive critism is always welcome. I don't own any of the gundam wing characters, places yada yada yada (or any lyrics that are used). The only thing I do own are my own creations, I.E. Nanashi. Please don't steal them. My characters mean a lot to me.
Let's see...explained why i wrote, constructive critism, law stuff, don't steal my characters...oh ok here we go. Warning- this is shounen-ai. That means a male/male romance, in this case Trowa and Nanashi. I'm hoping to keep this PG-13 but it could also be considered R since there is violence, language, suicide, and attempted rape/molestation. SO I'M WARNING YOU NOW.
And before anyone asks, I'm caling this "Naturalism" off of something I learned in English class. Naturalism is the belief that a person's personality and actions are affected by their upbringing and their surroundings. (read the book Grendel, prime example of it) So read the first chapter and you'll start to understand. Oh and one more thing. I'm a sap and a romantic, so be prepared for it
Chapter 1:
The brothers stood on the streets of the Colony. The older, a young man of 16 with deep azure eyes and a tan complexion smiled up at the screens that glinted through the window. He brushed a couple strand of auburn hair back and sighed. The younger looked down at him from his shoulders. His whitish hair fell comically into his big green and gray eyes.
"What's the matter Jack?" the little one asked. Jack smiled at his sweet little brother.
"Nothing's wrong, little one." Jack sighed. His brother smiled at his simple pet name. Jack smoothed the child's hair. "Don't you fall off of me."
"I won't." he moved back and sat squarely on Jack's shoulders. They moved away from the screens finally. They both felt a sad tug at their hearts as they left the pictures, the pictures of Earth.
Jack continued down the street. Artificial night was coming fast. Jack continued quickly to their home. He was scared of the night. His younger brother held tightly to him as he ran. He knew that dark was coming and Jack wanted to get them home. Jack always became so cautious after dark...
"Jack?" he asked from his bed. Jack was busying himself by the dresser. He looked back and smiled a caring smile.
"Yes?" Jack replied and sat on his bed with a glass. He offered it to his brother, who drank it reluctantly. "Good boy, Nanashi," Nanashi finished the drink and frowned. "What's wrong little one?"
"Why am I called 'Nanashi?' I'm not Japanese. I'm half British." Nanashi sighed in his British accent. Jack smiled vaguely. "Why did they name me 'Nanashi?'"
"Dad named you..." Jack sighed quietly. "He was never very good at names. Almost as if he didn't care. So he called you 'Nanashi.'" Jack put on a brave smile. "But I like 'little one' too."
"But that's what you always call me." Nanashi laughed and finished his drink. Jack took the glass from him and placed it on the nightstand. He tucked his younger brother into bed with a faint smile. "Jack?"
"Hm?" He didn't look up.
"...Is Dad ever coming back?" Nanashi asked. Jack stopped smoothing the sheets. His eyes had a sadness in them. They often did.
"I wish I could say for certain. But I don't know, little one." Jack answered. He tried to smile brightly at his little brother but Nanashi could see the tears in his eyes. He pulled on Jack's shirt and hugged him. "Oh Nanashi..."
"We'll be ok. We have been for a long time." Nanashi said in a quiet voice. He smiled at Jack. "Ever since Mum died. And Dad left."
"Yeah, we'll be ok." Jack smiled and ruffled the child's hair. "I'll take good care of you." Nanashi nuzzled his hand. Jack laughed a bit; he could be so adorable sometimes. "You're too cute sometimes. Especially with the accent you perfected."
"Yup. I got very good at it." Nanashi giggled and let Jack push back down into bed. He looked up at him and smiled innocently.
"What's with that smile?" Jack smirked.
"Sing it? Please??" Nanashi begged, blinking those big eyes of his.
"You never tire of this song, do you?" Jack sighed. Nanashi shook his head wildly. "Oh alright." He sat on the edge of the bed, pulled a guitar out from under it. And after a few moments of tuning it, he sang in a gentle, graceful voice. "Alas my love you do me wrong, to cast me out discourteously; When I have loved you so so long delighting in your company. Your gown was of the grassy green, your sleeves of satin were hanging by. Which made you be a harvest queen yet you would not love me"
Nanashi closed his eyes, listening to his brother's singing. For a moment, he thought he could feel his mother's presence. Hear her singing in an angelic soprano voice, hugging him and caressing his hair as she sang the tale. A single tear threatened to drip down his face but he held it back, for Jack's sake. He missed her terribly too.
"Alas my love you do me wrong to cast me out discourteously; When I have loved you so so long delighting in your company." Jack's voice faded, the final cord echoed tenderly off the walls then dissipated. Jack set the guitar back down and smiled at him. "Satisfied?"
"Mhm. You're singing is really good." Nanashi complimented.
"Thank you, little one." Jack said. He kissed his younger brother's forehead. "Now sleep."
"Jack?" Nanashi opened his eyes as Jack stood by the door. He looked back at him with his famous smile.
"Yes little one?"
"...You'll be here tomorrow right?" Nanashi asked. As he asked every night. And as with every night before, Jack laughed quietly, turned the lights down and smiled.
"Of course, Nanashi. You know I'll never leave."
"Wake up!" A guard snapped harshly. Nanashi opened his eyes. He looked over his shoulder to the door. The blinding light of the hallway shown around the silhouette of the guard. Nanashi blinked forcefully and buried his head under the pillow. "Angra!!"
"My name is Nanashi..." Nanashi growled into the mattress. He felt himself being pulled from the bed and tossed to the metal floor. He looked up at the guard. If I wasn't always in handcuffs I'd hurt you...
"Get dressed." The guard snapped. Nanashi pulled himself off the ground.
"How bout you undo my handcuffs first." Nanashi snapped back. He got a painful slap in the face before the handcuffs fell. Nanashi wanted to hurt the guard so badly, but though better of it when his eyes looked to the gun on his waist. "Aren't you gonna leave?"
"You know the drill." Nanashi sighed at his words and turned away. Of course you're not going to leave...Nanashi thought painfully as he stripped. He could almost feel the leer on the guard's face, feel him examine him from behind. Nanashi shuddered painfully and looked at his reflection in the floor. It had been so long since those carefree days he dreamed of, almost 8 years. He was a teenager now, a frail 15 year old, on the verge of 16. He still had those big eyes that he had always had but they looked back at him darkly, almost as though they mocked him. Nanashi growled at his own reflection, whipped his hair back and began to dress in Civilian clothes. He looked down at himself in contempt; he wanted to bathe now, get these nauseating clothes off of him, bringers of bad memories. He wanted to burn them. But that was quite impossible.
"There, I'm dressed. Happy now?" Nanashi snapped back at the guard as he slipped on his shoes. The guard slapped him again, harder this time. Nanashi took it silently. He merely glared at the guard and was met with a leering gaze. Nanashi knew that someday, he would forced to his back. He wondered what he would do then...Take it all in silence? Or fight and suffer more. Too far off to tell yet...
"Turn around." The guard demanded. Nanashi obliged, facing the wall. He felt his arms being pulled behind him and his hands being handcuffed together again. A couple fingers played with the hairs on the nape of his neck. Nanashi tensed. "Heh."
"...Isn't there somewhere I have to be?" Nanashi asked. He tried his hardest to suppress the trembling in his voice. The guard turned him around and punched him. Nanashi stumbled back into the wall. Damn it, how many times does this bastard have to hit me? A little blood dripped from his nose but Nanashi could do nothing about it. He growled quietly but said nothing. Just take me there already.
"Let's go." His guard snapped a moment later. He gave Nanashi a painful shove out the door and into the blinding hallway. Nanashi blinked painfully and was pushed along. He sighed heavily. He remembered this hallway all too well; he had been down it many times. He stared absently into the ground ahead. Nanashi wondered how long it would take to get there.
The cuffs fell away suddenly and he was forced into a room. The door slammed behind him. Nanashi looked about for a moment, soaking the scene in. A single wooden desk sat before another colorless wall. Nanashi wondered if there were any windows in this place. A metal chair sat before the desk and a tall man who he hardly knew sat behind it. He motioned for Nanashi to sit, as always. His cerulean eyes grinned slightly at Nanashi's obedience. Nanashi blinked a bit at the light gleaming off the man's medals.
"Hello Angra Mainyu." He smirked. Nanashi's eyes narrowed.
"My name is Nanashi Windsor-" He was interrupted by a rather quick smack. Nanashi closed his mouth.
"That's better Angra." The man smirked behind his blonde hair and started to rifle through some files. Nanashi crossed his legs and waited. He watched the blonde bangs sway back and forth gently. He was a very handsome man, Nanashi had always thought so. But he had no affection to this man, felt nothing more than a vile hatred to him and the others here. A cruel man such as him was so handsome. That baffled Nanashi often. "What are you staring at?"
"Nothing..." Nanashi sighed.
"Nothing what?" He growled. Nanashi felt a tinge of fear tug at him.
"Nothing, Sir." Nanashi said quietly.
"That's better." He tossed a file in front of Nanashi. "Your new assignment." Nanashi merely looked at it. "Well?"
"...What is it this time?" Nanashi opened it with a single hand. "Enemy general, spy, politician?" He took a picture in his hand and studied it. A rather old man stared back at him.
"Politician." He smiled at Nanashi's blank expression. "Silence and speed."
"I've done this before..." Nanashi put the picture back and read some of the papers underneath. "Hm? More pictures?" Nanashi read some more profiles. They were a bunch of kids, around his age. What could they possibly be doing in here?
"You're to perform each task in order, starting with politician on top. Then you will continue to each of them until things are finished." He explained. Nanashi looked at him.
"Can I ask why?"
"No you can't."
"Of course I can't..." Nanashi mumbled. The man glared at him and Nanashi shrank back. "Sorry Sir..."
"You should be." He sat back down. "Remember Angra, you belong to us."
"Yes Sir..." Nanashi replied solemnly. He wanted to choke him but did not move.
"Retrieve your instruments and be on your way."
"Yes Sir." Nanashi replied and rose from his seat. He wasn't planning on saluting but the dark gaze from the man forced his hand to move on his own. He saluted smoothly before leaving the room. His guard was there to bind his hands behind his back once more and escort him to the hanger. Nanashi sat beside him in a black car and waited to arrive at his destination. The gentle roar of the engine lulled him to sleep...
"Get up!" The guard yelled again and shook him hard. Nanashi opened his eyes reluctantly; he didn't want to leave the dreams again. His guard forced him up and undid the cuffs. Nanashi rubbed his wrists for a moment.
"Well?" He said after a moment. The guard who had been driving tossed a case to him. Nanashi caught it and checked its contents quickly. Satisfied, he slipped a denim jacket on and the shoulder harness. He grabbed a CD player from off the floor and put the headphones on his ears.
"Meet back here in two hours."
"I know..." Nanashi scowled and stepped out. Night had fallen over this town. Nanashi had never noticed. He had never seen the sunlight since he had "joined" them; they made sure of it. Nanashi blared the music in his head and headed down the street. No one noticed him; no one ever did.
When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own
I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Erase all the pain 'til it's gone
It's gone
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
Nanashi's eyes were closed as he listened sadly to the lyrics. It seemed to affect his heart, much like the sound of his brother's voice when he sang to him so long ago.
"Jack..." he mouthed silently. Nanashi suddenly felt like crying. He stared down at the crack sidewalk and begged himself not to cry. He wasn't paying attention. "Gah!"
He walked directly into something. More like someone. He looked up from the ground he had fallen back on. CD player skip slightly, unharmed. Luckily, the case hadn't been opened in the fall. A couple fruits and things lay around him. But Nanashi ignored them.
He was gaping at the tall being before him. Deep emerald eyes looking out of a sculpted, pale face. He looked down at him, there was no emotion on his face. But those eyes, those beautiful eyes; they spoke to him, comforted him even though he didn't know the man. They stared out from behind brown hair that seemed far too soft to be in such a shape. A tight green sweater clung to the male's chest. He was so thin but so handsome. He knelt down in front of him. Nanashi's face flushed.
"You alright?" he asked. His voice was not of a man but of a boy, a teenager like himself.
"F-Fine..." Nanashi whispered. He held his hand out to Nanashi and pulled him up. The grip was powerful, yet soft. Nanashi looked up at him; he felt so very short next to him. "I'm...I'm very sorry..."
"Don't be. It was an accident." God his voice is so handsome. Everything about him is handsome. He started gathering the groceries on the ground. Nanashi joined him, trying to avoid the young man's eyes. "...Thanks..."
"It's the least I can do." Nanashi smiled slightly. He finished helping him and got back up. The boy handed him the case from the ground.
"You a musician?" he asked nonchalantly. Nanashi nodded a bit.
"Yeah, I play a little bit of everything." A lie. Nanashi was not much of a musician. He could sing but got too nervous to do it in front of others and he hadn't practiced playing music for years. "I was on my way to a gig."
"Ah, I see." he said quietly. "Maybe you should turn the music down. Don't want to get run over do you?"
"Heh, no I don't." Nanashi felt so relaxed as he spoke. "Thanks for the advice." Nanashi shouldered the case again. "Well I guess I'll see ya later..."
"Yeah...maybe...Bye." He said softly and continued on his way. Nanashi blushed some more as he watched him go. Before remembering what he was suppose to be doing and continuing on his way.
And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to find that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own
I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today
I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong
Nanashi finished the song and the CD just in time to see his destination. A rather large building where the politician worked. He cared little for such places. A couple of guards stood by the door; Nanashi smiled at them and continued past the building before ducking down a dark alley. Nanashi looked up the wall, climbed the fire escape onto the roof. He set his CD player down and opened the case. A sword glinted up at him, as well as several other weapons including a few guns and knives. Nanashi set himself up, hung the sword around his shoulder and hid the knives and guns on him. He slipped a pair a strange gloves on his hands and covered his face with a hood. Time for work.
Nanashi forced open the vent and slid down into the duct work. This building was much like the others he had infiltrated. He crawled quietly through the ducts, looking down the vents to see where he was going exactly. He listened to tidbits of conversations. I'm close...
Nanashi waited for just a moment before jumping down through the vent. He landed without a sound on the red carpet and ran low, following the wall to the intersection. He could see their shadows on the ground, two guards. Nanashi smirked slightly. He pulled the sword out slowly and looked about. He saw no cameras in sight. That made it all the easier.
Nanashi rushed them, before they even had a chance to see exactly what it was. A denim and black wind with a silver streak flew at them, made a couple quick strikes before sheathing the blade. Nanashi watched them fall with a sad look. How could death be so quiet? Nanashi wondered. He made a quick sign before tightening the hood about him and opening the door.
"Yes? Can I help you?" The politician asked without looking up from his papers. Nanashi closed the door softly and said nothing. His shadow fell on the older man's desk as he walked forward, still silent. The politician's pen stopped moving and he glared up at him. "What do you..." his voice trailed off.
"What do I want?" Nanashi asked. He knew what he truly wanted but he would never get it. Nanashi forced his face to be emotionless. "I want your blood..." Nanashi lied. The politician stood suddenly, knocked the chair to the floor in terror and yelled. "Do not bother. Your guards will not come."
"You won't get away with this!!"
"You'd think that. But I will always get away." Nanashi sighed. He watched the politician make a grab for a gun in the desk. Nanashi was quick to draw and flung a blade into the politician's hand. The man howled in pain. Nanashi watched, still hiding his pain, and stepped forward again. He took his blade and placed it against the man's throat.
"You'll be executed for this, when they find you."
"...I can only hope." Nanashi whispered before giving the politician an almost painless death. He stared down at the man's corpse and shuddered slightly before heading back out the door, through the ducts, onto the roof and back out to the streets, listening to the sounds of the music in his ears as he made his way through the thinning crowd to the car. He didn't say a word as they drove away, only looked out the black colored windows, humming softly to himself.
so what do you think? let me know before i decide to upload the next chapter domo arigato