Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR, or any of its characters, and we're doing this strictly for fun and because we cannot hold off the plot bunnies any longer. They are very big bunnies. Very big, scary bunnies. You would not like to meet them in a dark alley.
Summery: Elladan and Elrohir, everyone's favorite prankster twins pull one prank too many. Manwe and Varda decide to step in and teach them a lesson by sending them on a little "vacation." More members of LOTR will follow in later chapters. Humor, rated PG13. PLEASE REVIEW!
A/N: This is our first ever co-authored fic written by the Furious Fates, Southerngirl4615 and Tongue in Cheek Scribe. We may have other authors joining in as time goes onâAnyone interested should email one of us. This is the way it worksâwe each add one chapter at a time, picking up where the other left off. Of course, this means we have no idea where this story is headingâso it's gonna get interesting, folks.
"'Ro and 'Dan's Incredible Roadside Freakshow"
Chapter 1Tweak It
"What are they up to now?" Manwe asked Varda, as they sat in the tower Ilmarin in Valinor, gazing into the slivery waters of a scrying mirror.
"You won't believe itâthey've gone into Mordor, of all places, after their father implicitly forbid them toâthey've picked up bits and pieces of Sauron's machines and have fitted them together. Now they're trying to see if it will do anything."
"They never learn! What do they hope to accomplish? Elrond is much too lenient with those two. They've been pulling pranks on unsuspecting folk since they took their first steps! I think it's time for us to step in and teach them a lesson they'll not soon forget!"
"What did you have in mind? Shall we have them go bald? Sprout feathers? Ooohâwe could give them the hiccups for a couple of decades"
"No, my dearâI have a much better idea. They must learn that their actions have consequences. The twins are going on a little vacation"
Manwe whispered to Varda his plans, and their laughter echoed throughout Valinor.
"Give it another tweak."
"It doesn't need another tweak, 'Dan. It's fine as it is."
"It needs more tweaking."
"Do you want to do this? If you really want to do this, just say so."
"No, no - you're doing fine. Just give it another tweak. I really think it needs another good, hard tweak."
"Will you SHUT UP?" Elrohir yelled at his brother, Elladan, as they crouched on their haunches near the river, their long dark hair lifting in the breeze. They were looking at a very odd conglomeration of metal sitting on the ground before them. It was black as night, rusted red as blood, and smelled strongly of brimstone. It was attached to a small paddle wheel that was turning in the nearby water of the river. "It does NOT need more tweaking. It has been tweaked to perfection."
"I think that doo-hickey there needs more tweaking," Elladan said, pointing to a rod sticking out of one side of the machine.
"IT DOES NOT NEED MORE TWEAKING!"
"Alright, alright! If you're so sure, turn it on then."
Elrohir reached for the switch that would, theoretically, start the machine, but paused before flicking it. He turned to his brother, a slightly worried look on his handsome face.
"Elladan, do you really think it wise to actually try turning this thing on? It's not as if we even know what it's going to doâI mean, it was interesting picking over the remains of the metal in the pits of Mordor, and fitting them all togetherâbut what if it explodes, or something? I'd hate to have to explain to Ada why I'm missing a limb."
"Don't be such a worrywart, 'Ro. It'll be fineâwe've spent so much time on this thing already that we've just got to see what it does - if it does anything at all. It probably won't even start. Go ahead, flip the switch!"
Cringing, and turning his head to the side, hunching his shoulders and screwing his eyes shut, Elrohir reached out with one slender finger and flipped the switch on the machine.
Nothing. Not a blessed thing. Not a spark - not a whine - nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.
The twins were quite disappointed.
They sat staring at the heap of metal for a moment or two longer, pulling on one piece, and pushing on another.
"I told you it needed more tweaking" Elladan growled, giving his twin a shove.
"We could tweak this thing until the last ship sails for Valinor, and it still wouldn't do anything!" Elrohir snapped, giving Elladan a shove back. The twins stood up, looking down at the machine.
"Well, that was a complete waste of time," Elrohir said, standing a giving the machine a swift kick. "We'd better start back to Rivendell. Ada will have kittens if he finds out we've been to Mordor."
The twins began the long journey back to The Last Homely House, unaware that Elrohir's last kick had begun a reaction within the machine's core. They didn't see the machine begin to glow, or hear the low humming sound emanating from within the machine. They were still too busy arguing over whether or not more tweaking would have helped.
They did, however, feel the blinding, engulfing flash that knocked them both flat before the world went dark.