Of Reflections and Realizations
Summary: When Maura shows up on Jane's doorstop in the middle of the night, Jane should have realized things weren't going to be quite as she expected. Perhaps, they were going to be even better.
Spoilers: 3x01
Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: Just a little something that kind of came together; it's unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own but hopefully they are few and far between. Anyways, at risk of rambling more than I should, I'll just say that I hope you enjoy this.
It is the middle of the night when there is a loud rapping on Jane's apartment door, a loud enough knocking that startles the detective from her state of sleep. Grumbling, the raven haired woman awakes, her brown eyes fluttering open much to their dismay, as another round of fervent knocking echoes through her small apartment. An ordinary human being would panic at such a loud interruption in the middle of the night; however, Jane Rizzoli is anything but ordinary.
Grousing as she rises from the bed, Jane finds herself mumbling through an array of curses that even the direst sailors would not dare speak. Whoever this is better have a damn good excuse for waking her up in the middle of the night, she groans as she tugs at her muscle shirt, making sure it covers the patch of skin that it more often than not, tends to show. She runs her fingers through her disheveled locks when another erratic knocking beats its way through her tiny apartment.
"Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first six thousand times. Hold your horses, I'll be there!" Jane croaks, checking herself out in the mirror one last time as she tries to make herself look at least somewhat presentable.
She swears if this is Frankie again, she's going to personally nut crack him herself.
As much as she loves her little brother, she loves him even more when he isn't constantly checking up on her. She is sure that it is more of her mother's request than her own brother's concern of her well-being but nevertheless, the lack of faith that she, a detective who owns a gun and has admirably great aim, cannot take care of herself is getting a little old.
Pushing herself forward, she smooths out a wrinkle in her Boston PD ball shorts as she notices Jo Friday, who is very eagerly, waiting by the front door, his tail wagging so fast that Jane swears the dog could almost fly with it. Laughing softly at the sight of her four legged friend, the raven haired detective reaches for the door when another rapid knocking occurs, irritating her more than she already is.
"I swear to God, this better be important. What could be so serious that you show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, beat my door down like some deranged person and have the patience of an actual gnat? I mean, you better be freakin' chased by a psycho or have lost a limb or had your child kidnapped by someone dressed like some sort of ninja to wake a person in the dead of night like this!" Jane groans as she opens the door. However, her ranting grumbling tirade stops rather quickly when she notices who is standing on the other side of the door. Instead of her muscular brother standing there, she is met by the pale complexion of the medical examiner that had been more distant than not these days. It is a force of habit that Jane's eyes scan Maura's body and she finds herself surprised that the examiner is not exactly dressed in one of her highest fashionable outfits. However, Maura is not exactly "slumming" it either. Jane's eyes wander over the petite blonde's black dress, covered by the small red jacket she likes so much.
"Maura." Jane utters breathlessly, surprised by the woman's visit. Maura's eyes meet hers and the smaller woman offers a gentle, tender smile that creates that all too familiar flutter of warmth in the pit of Jane's stomach, "C-Come in." She stumbles over her words as she steps awkwardly to the side. Maura obliges with a quiet nod of her head. Jo Friday eagerly barks, making his presence known as he runs up to Maura, wagging his tail excitedly. The Medical Examiner laughs softly, leaning down, scratching the scruffy pup's head as he pants enthusiastically, excited to see his friend. After a few gentle caresses, Maura slowly stands, her eyes meeting with Jane's.
"Do you, uh, would you like something to drink?" Jane stutters awkwardly and Maura smiles gently, shaking her head quietly as a curl of her dark blond hair comes forward, framing her face slightly.
"No, thank you. I do not plan to stay long." Maura replies very formally and Jane wrinkles her brow, trying to figure out what the woman's intentions are. Instead of saying anything, however, Jane takes a seat on her sofa, quickly joined by Jo Friday who practically leaps into her lap the second her butt meets the cushions.
"Uh, have a seat." Jane offers with a flick of her wrist but Maura frowns.
"I woke you." Maura grimaces and Jane can't help but laugh at the obvious.
"Well, it is the middle of the night. Shouldn't you be sleeping too?" Jane offers.
"Studies show that eighty percent of the human population does not receive a proper's night sleep. Most individuals do not get the suggest eight hours of sleep, and even if they do, it is not the required REM sleep. I find myself to be a part of that statistic." Maura responds with a complacent nod as she look at Jane, their eyes meeting before she quickly looks away, focusing on Jo Friday, who manages to look back and forth between the two women with his sleepy eyes.
"Okay…." Jane trails off, looking at her scientific counterpart who manages to look back at her with the same curious, almost pleading eyes, "Then what's wrong?" Maura wrinkles her brow with a shake of her head.
"What makes you think there is something wrong?"
"Oh gee, Maura, I don't know. It could be the fact that you have been avoiding me like I have had the plague ever since Doyle got shot. Or maybe it's the way that you practically went at my throat in your office the other day and you insulted me in Greek. We have not exactly been friendly since I shot Paddy. So, you showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the night, even though we both will clearly see each other at work in the next couple of hours, is a clear indicator that something is wrong." Jane exclaims, scratching the scruffy pup's head, her voice taking a more acidy tone that she had anticipated. The blonde almost recoils at the sound of it but she does not.
"I just…we need to talk."
"What? Are you breaking up with me?"
"Jane."
"Don't let my mother hear you; she already thinks we are a couple." Jane offers with a roll of her eyes and for the first time in a while, Maura laughs. It is an honest and true laugh, the laugh that Jane has missed hearing more than she will ever admit. It is more a chuckle really, a deep in the soul kind of chuckle, one that makes you feel good all over. Grinning, Jane watches as Maura takes a seat on the other end of the sofa, looking at her with a silly grin.
"Angela thinks we are a couple?" Maura almost giggles.
"Yeah! She asked me to tell her the story of how we met! And then she started talking about grandbabies and you. I tried to tell her that we weren't a couple but somehow she's got this silly idea that we are because we both hate hugs from other people and we have a story and whatever little details she has managed to misinterpret." Jane replies with a chuckle of her own, "I think she is so grandchild hungry that she does not care who it is with at this point." Again, another chuckle comes from the raven haired detective and Maura laughs softly, playing with her fingers.
"That's crazy, right?" Jane offers, looking at Maura. The smile fades from her face now and is replaced with another form of gentleness as she nods her head quietly.
"Yeah," Maura whispers silently before she looks away from the detective.
For the following minutes there is nothing but the utmost silence, both of the women having too much to say but are unable to find the words to express them. There is silence, the painful kind, the kind that lets them both know just how much damage has been done to their relationship. Other than Jo Friday's ever-so-cute panting, along with the loud ticking of the clock, there is simple stillness. Jane sighs a little, looking over at Maura with sympathetic eyes, her heart practically in her throat. She almost wonders why she even tries at all, when every relationship, even the very best one she has ever had, somehow manages to blow up in her face like this. But when Maura's gentle eyes meet her own, she knows exactly why she is trying so hard.
"Maura-"
"He would have shot you." Maura breathes out in a hushed whisper and Jane looks at her with a furrowed brow, her lips pursed as a quiet gush of air escapes from her. She wants to say something but she does not quite know what, so she simply just listens. "You are a cop. He would have… he would have shot you." She can hear Maura sniffle sadly and she wants to hug her, but she knows it is not her place. Instead, she moves a little closer to her on the sofa, Jo Friday still positioned sleepily on her lap.
"You don't have to…"
"But I do have to." Maura looks at her best friend with heavy, pained eyes with a desperate sigh. "He would have shot you, Jane. You were just protecting yourself and Dean." It's more of a statement than something to actually reply to but Jane takes the bait anyway with a gentle shake of her head.
"He is your father, I should have thought about you. I should have considered that…"
"You can't play favorites. It's against the law. It is why you are being investigated right now. Because of me and all these 'favors' this crew has been giving to me and my biological father Paddy Doyle. I will not let it cost you your job, Jane. Especially when you love it so much."
"But I love you more and I should have…"
"I shouldn't be as emotionally tied as I am to Doyle. He is not my father. He did not raise me. He did not send me away to boarding school and make me the person that I am. He lied to my mother about my existence. His entire life has been nothing full of lies and I am so fortunate that he was not a permanent part of my life because God knows how I would have turned out. He chose the life of being a mobster, he chose this life of violence and killing and one day, he had to have known that karma would come back and he would eventually get caught. I should blame him, not you. And I am angry with him for putting me in this position in the first place. But when you shot him—"
"It's okay, I get it."
"No. You don't. You don't 'get' it, Jane. You shot him to protect yourself and to protect Dean. Dean. When his whole purpose of even being here was to set up my father and catch him and make him look like the big superhero that saves the day. You were protecting Dean, not me." Maura sniffles; a new onset of tears forming within her eyes and Jane shakes her head softly, moving even closer to the woman.
"Maura, I was protecting you, I didn't know what Doyle would have done. He is dangerous, you know that. You know what kind of man he is." Jane explains and Maura nods, a free hand running through her blond locks as she sucks in a breath.
"But he is also a man who would never hurt his own daughter. But he is a man who would have shot Dean, he already had. So, you shot him to protect Dean." Maura sighs and Jane looks at her curiously, a hand ruffling some of Jo Friday's fur as the dog looks at the golden haired woman beside of him with almost curious eyes.
"I don't understand. You have been distant and hiding from me because I was protecting Dean?"
"You have always been there for me, Jane. You've always been on my side, no matter what. You have always been protecting me and you have been there for me. You have watched me cry and you've watched me be absolutely absurd over stuff that should not even matter. You've been there for me. And then suddenly, you were there for him and I was the last one standing. And it just made me realize…" Maura trails off as Jo Friday yelps impatiently. Jane groans, glaring at the scruffy pup, shushing him before she looks back at the Medical Examiner with empathetic eyes.
"Made you realize what? That you don't like Dean?"
"Well, I do not particularly care for him-but no." Jane sighs, scratching Jo's head nervously.
"That… maybe you are jealous of my relationship with Dean?"
"You mean your dysfunctional relationship with an indecisive jerk that somehow looks at you with those big 'I understand your past' eyes and your clothes magically fall off? And then you're crushed when he vanishes back to Washington because he decides his job is more important than you? No, why would I be?" Maura groans with a roll of her eyes and Jane looks at her peculiarly, moving a little closer.
"Are you sure? Because it sounds like you are."
"I am not jealous, Jane. I am not some spoiled child who cannot handle sharing. Jealousy is the most useless emotion in the human body. It does not solve anything or make any situation better, it only makes it worse. I am not jealous." Maura exclaims and Jane wrinkles her brow before she nods quietly. For a moment, there is silence, as Maura's shaky breath echoes through the apartment.
"Then what, Maura? Why have you been so weird with me lately? What did you realize?" Jane pushes, looking at the blonde, "you can tell me anything. Just please say something. I'm going crazy over here." However, what happens next, surprises her completely.
"You are so important to me; do you know how much that scares me? I've never really been the social type, I've never really cared for it. Because at the end of the day, all people are the same. They are all self-involved, self-motivated creatures who do not care if your feelings get hurt in the process. I never had any need to have a friend, let alone…" Maura pauses as she inhales deeply, "it scares me because I have always been alone. I have never known how to be anything but alone. I have never needed anyone. Until you." She is blinking back the tears as she looks at Jane, her lip quivering as the raven haired detective listens intently, nodding her head softly.
"You are my best friend. I want to be with you all the time and when I'm not, I am thinking about you. I don't know anyone who gets me the way that you do. And that terrifies me. You are always there and then suddenly, I looked around and you weren't. You were with him. And that killed me. Killed me. And it scared me to feel like that. But then it made me realize that I never wanted to feel that way again." Maura whispers, moving closer to Jane, close enough to touch her. But she doesn't, her hands hesitate anxiously in her lap.
"I don't just need you, Jane. I want you. I want you all the time. No matter what mood you are in. That scares me. You scare me. But in a good way, in t-the best way possible. And seeing you with Dean just made me realize that I don't want to see you with anyone b-but me. So, I hid behind the idea that I was angry at you because you shot Doyle instead of what I was really feeling. Because it was easier than admitting the truth." Maura gulps, her hand reaching for Jane's as she nervously laces their fingers.
"And the truth is that I love you. I truly, deeply love you. The truth is that I have always loved you. And I didn't… I don't want to see you with Dean or anyone else, anyone else but me." Maura admits and Jane looks at her with wide eyes as Jo Friday yelps again, his tail wagging enthusiastically.
"I…. I don't understand." Jane says her jaw dropping as she does not move a muscle. Maura smiles bashfully, running her fingers through Jo's fur as the dog licks at her hand.
"That makes two of us." Maura admits. It happens almost naturally, the way that Maura's hands curved around her waist, pulling her closer to her and the way that Jane's arms slowly snake around the Medical Examiner. It is like a gravitational pull between their bodies as they move closer together, Jane's eyes focused on Maura's lips as she swallows hard. She can feel her breath on her face as she moves closer together. And then, it happens. Maura's lips capture her own in a deep kiss, a long enough kiss for all of Jane's thoughts to disappear and to focus only on Maura. It is a deep enough kiss that makes her heart swell with love, makes the world manage to slow down around her. Slowly, Maura pulls away, looking in Jane's eyes as the raven haired detective smiles brightly.
"Guess Ma was right." Jane jokes and Maura laughs against her lips, the vibration of her chuckle sending tingles up Jane's spine.
"Mother's instinct, I suppose." Maura chuckles, her hands threading through Jane's hair as she recaptures her lips, kissing her deeply. Jo Friday barks happily, hopping down into the floor as Jane leans into Maura further, longing their kiss.
Maybe the kiss lasts for a minute, and maybe it's an hour. All Jane knows is that kiss, and the way that Maura's arms wrapped around her perfectly, and even if she did not know it until this very moment, she has been waiting for this very moment, this very person forever.