Lost belongs to those fun people. Borrowing for a the "Future is Lost" challenge to write a story on the castaways five years from the present time.
Lost – 50 50
By Mystic
February 2005
She's been on her own for two weeks and no one's come looking. It's the way she likes it actually. For the moment at least. It was the fifth year anniversary of their crash, or so they'd calculated. Time seemed to flow differently on the island than it had on the mainland. Kate almost felt as if time had slowed. Every day felt painfully long, longer as the years went by. She felt so much older than she should have and for a moment she fumbled to remember her age. She'd played so many of them in the months leading up to the flight. She'd pretended she'd just graduated from college, she'd pretended she was a thirty something photographer.
In reality, she was hitting thirty one not too long from now. Thirty one.
When she'd been little, Kate had imagined that at thirty one she'd be a fighter pilot for the army. It's kind of what her father wanted her to become. Her tomboyish ways, her gut instincts, her quick reflexes. She would be a natural, he'd tell her. She didn't know what it was about his compliments her that made all the bad things he did to her go away. It made forgetting a birthday, ignoring a Saturday morning, smacking her across the face, it could all fade away when she thought about the potential he saw in her.
He was the only one who saw the potential, even though abused her. Maybe that's why she meshed with Sawyer so well, it was the ritual she'd been taught at home. He'd love her, he'd sweet talk her and then he'd turn around and burn her heart and she'd walk away from him pretending it didn't hurt. Maybe it's why she married the man that she did. He was just like her father. Probably why it didn't last too long. But Sawyer wasn't really like those men, Kate knew.
Sawyer had changed. The years had softened him in a way she'd never imagined. He still wanted her, she knew that much, but the games that had become integral to his survival all faded away and he started to understand that a one-man army wasn't the way things could be accomplished. He helped Sayid find the source of the signal, helped him put together an antennae that sent out a new one, a stronger one.
It's been four years since then and no one's come.
Kate threw a pebble at the sea and stood up, feeling the strain in her lower back from a long day's work. She'd been building a small shelter for herself, it was complete today. She'd run away from the caves for reasons she was too afraid to say. In hindsight, she probably should have stayed. The caves had become a kind of mansion, with houses being built into the trees around it - mostly because people felt safer where things hadn't caved in on a person. The fresh water ran through those places and the people who were left spent their nights huddled around campfires consoling one another.
Pretending it hadn't been five years.
Pretending people hadn't gone missing, turned up dead. Pretending they were ok with it. Pretending one day someone would still come for them. Some still spent nights on the beach keeping watch. There were only a few who accepted the truth. Kate knew she was one of them. Like a dying breed. Even Jack had begun to have hope again of being rescued. But that was just the way Jack was, she knew. He couldn't given up hope entirely, even when people disappeared and had been gone for years, he continued to smile and say, "Hey, Claire came back that first time, remember?"
Yeah, Kate thought, I remember the hell that was.
People went missing occasionally, no one ever came back alive. Not since Claire. Nothing was ever the same as the first time, Kate knew. It's why she never stopped listening for the whispers in the woods. She knew there were others, just waiting to grab her like they'd grabbed the others. They were curious about things. They were curious about her now.
Alone, away from the others, vulnerable. Kate hated to think of herself as vulnerable, but she'd broken down a long time ago and accepted it. She couldn't save everyone, she couldn't save herself, she needed help to get through the day. She never thought about it, she used to get through the day by thinking about living through to the next one. But on the island, getting through the day started to require making sure certain other people made it through the day. Making sure Jack made it through to another day.
She hadn't loved a man in a long time.
Not since her husband. She thought when she buried that love, she'd never find it again, but she was wrong. From the moment Jack looked up at her, pleaded with her to help him, she felt her heart crack open again. It was the strangest feeling. The knowledge that she could love again. Not pretend it for some ultimate goal, but actually feel it warm her insides at the sight of a him. That's what Jack did to her.
"Hey, Kate, can you come over here a second?" He'd asked her one day, it seems an eon ago.
"Yeah, wha..." she trailed, hopping over a rock and going deeper into the jungle with him.
He hesitated, touching the key around his neck. "Just..." he smiled, "Stand here."
Kate lowered her eyebrows and watched him, watched as he planted his hands on his hips and lowered his head to the floor with that grin on his face. "Jack, what are we doing?"
"Gimme a sec, ok?" He asked with a laugh.
She nodded slowly, taking a step closer to him and putting her hands on her own hips, staring at some spot on the ground to her left. She licked her top lip and stole a glance at him, wondering just what was going on. It was like this on the island though, constantly in a state of confusion just waiting to see what happened. She was getting used to it. Amazingly, it didn't frighten her as much as it used to. The hairs on the back of her neck didn't stand straight and her heartbeat didn't change, even in the middle of the jungle with things crackling and making other odd noises around her.
"Can I ask you something," he said quickly, his body straightening.
Kate's head jerked up and she looked at his eyes, the intensity in them. "It's killing you, isn't it."
"What?" He asked, cocking his head to the right.
"I killed my husband. It was self-defense. No one believes me." Kate let her hands fall at her side. "I'd go into the details, but I'd rather not."
"The plane?" He asked, curiously.
"It's..." Kate frowned. "He hid it from me. It was my father's. I stole it back after I… I stole it back." She bit her lip knowing it was far more complicated than that. Knowing if he knew the truth, one hundred percent of it, he'd probably not believe her either.
Jack didn't ask her another question. He could read the look in her eyes, the pain there and he dropped it like it'd never happen. He chose to believe her and never asked her again. They fell back into their lives on the island as Jack and Kate with clean slates. Sometimes she told him about her childhood, about her camping trips with her father, about her mother's perfume or her doll decapitations or her scrapped knees. He told her about being bullied, about his parents rigidness, his years in school.
"He's looking for you, Freckles," Sawyer said, watching from a palm tree just a few feet from her. She cursed herself for letting her guard down. Memories did that to her, took her away from the world. Sawyer's tone was soft, his stance relaxed. "He's been looking for you for days. He asked me and I lied to him."
"Good." Kate told him, her voice angry.
"The guy just wants to know what's wrong." He threw a hand in the air, shoving the other into the pocket of his jeans.
Kate shook her head. "Go back or I'll move again, Sawyer."
"Fine," he spat. "Not like I care anyways!" He stormed off into the jungle and she knew it was to make sure he didn't leave a path on the beach.
He did care, he'd just never admit it.
She watched him go, then walked back towards the small house she'd made of fallen palm fronds, rocks and large sticks. It was a bit into the jungle. She'd made it on the backside of a large rock, well camouflaged. It almost looked like it belonged there and she knew Jack would overlook it if he came that way. Inside, it was cool and dry. She curled up on the ground and covered herself with a blanket that had holes in it and smelled a little like dirt and a certain cologne. It was something Sawyer gave her a long time ago, on a night when it got cold.
She blamed Walt. The kid had a tendency to want something so badly it just happened. No one could explain it, no one wanted to because they were too afraid to. So they just gave him odd looks whenever he complained it was too wet and it'd suddenly stop raining. But on that night he'd said it was too hot. It had been. Jack was treating people left and right for dehydration. The only question out of his lips that week had been, "Have you had any water in the last hour?"
Kate found herself laughing at him whenever he asked her, which would make him blush and look away. It was a week after they'd shared their first kiss. She was still in a state of panic really. She'd never kissed anyone like that. Sawyer came a close second, but if she admitted to him that she'd been pretending to kiss Jack that day... she didn't like to think about that kiss.
"Have you had any water in the..." Jack started to ask.
Walt waved an arm. "Man, that's the third time you've asked me that. I've got my water. Vincent's got his water." His voice cracked and he buried his head in his knees. "Why's it so hot?"
Michael gave a grin to Jack, a grin that said 'hey man, let the boy be,' and Jack nodded, leaving a bottle full of water anyways. Kate watched him ask Claire and Charlie who were fiddling with the baby, who gurgled away on a blanket between them. He was only a few months old. Claire was trying to get him to say "mama" but it seemed more content to babble "Holly".
Kate wondered how many birthday's the little boy would have to celebrate on the island. She watched Jack again, the way he tended to a pair of middle aged men who were talking sports. Then he asked Shannon and Sayid who were doing their little mating dance - him sweet talking her; her blushing and touching his arm - and then he came upon her again.
"Notice you haven't said anything to Sawyer," Kate pointed out, nodding her head at the man who'd built a hammock in the trees.
Jack sat on the rock behind her. "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."
Kate smiled, accepting the water he handed her and taking a long swig.
"Man, it's HOT!" Walt moaned. His voice cracked again. "I wish it were cold."
Everyone gave him sympathetic smiles and then suddenly the winds started to pick up. It was almost like a fog rolling in, the cold just started at the ground and worked its way up. Kate rubbed her arms and grabbed her pack, pulling out the long sleeved white shirt she'd kept, pulling it on over the orange top she wore, but it didn't help much. Jack glanced around for something to cover her and as he did, Sawyer dropped a blanket over her shoulders and walked off.
He went into the jungle and Jack turned to look from Kate to Sawyer. His eyes lowered and his mouth clenched. "I wish he wouldn't do that."
"What?" Kate asked, touching the fabric, knowing it must have come from the suitcase of one of the women who perished in the crash. Sawyer had probably kept a stockpile of stuff for all occasions in his tent. She looked up at Jack, at the red that had crept into his face.
Jack shook his head. "I just don't see why he has to do that."
"He gave me a blanket, Jack, it's not like I'm going to stop loving you."
His eyes met hers and she realized what she's said. Kate couldn't remember the last time she'd said the word 'love' out loud, much less to anyone. She watched the way Jack's red went fromfury to adoration and it made her look away. He knew at that moment she was uncomfortable, he knew it meant there was a hurt somewhere in her. So he sat closer and he held her until she fell asleep.
They didn't say it often in the four years they'd been together. It was something they whispered at night, when they were together, away from the others. For a while it felt like their little secret. Of course, everyone knew. Everyone had known from day one that Kate belonged to Jack and Jack belonged to Kate. The only person who ever questioned it was Sawyer. Even Sun warned Kate about Sawyer's affections for her coming between her and the one she loved. She'd ignored it. She'd watched Jack and Sawyer get into scuffle after scuffle and eventually she told Sawyer to get lost.
It came in the form of a public kiss with Jack. No more questions and secrets and lies and second thoughts. Those who were present seemed to understand what the point was. They all watched Sawyer who came waltzing up the beach and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of them. His eyebrows dropped and his lips pursed together tightly before he turned on his heel and walked away.
They didn't see Sawyer for a week.
Kate listened to the rustling in the trees and she froze, waiting for someone to grab the flap that closed up the hut and rip it open. She even imagined she heard whispers around her. But soon the terror subsided and she fell into a deep sleep where she had nightmares of ritualistic sacrifices and torture.
In the morning she was surprised to find Jack sitting on the beach when she emerged from the jungle. She tried to stop her foot's descent into the sand, but it hit, crunching the space underneath it. She knew Jack had heard her, he had to have known where she was.
"Did Sawyer tell you?" Kate asked, remaining where she stood.
Jack didn't turn around. She could see the pepper spreading on his once dark head of hair. It was distinguished, but showed that he wasn't a young man anymore. "I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that he told me, or the fact that you didn't want him to."
"Don't be mad, Jack."
"I thought we'd gotten past this," he shouted, standing and turning to look at her. "I thought all the lies after we first crashed was behind us and we were on to being adults. To telling the truth and not running from each other."
It came instinctively, the muscles tensed, waiting to be beaten. But that wasn't in Jack's nature. He softened when he saw her eyes wince at his approach. He touched her cheek and took her hands.
"What's wrong, Kate?"
She could hear it in his voice. There was a fear there. She didn't know if he was afraid of what she'd say, or if he was afraid she'd lie to him. Kate had forgotten how to lie to him. She looked up into his eyes and pinched her mouth together, not wanting to tell him the truth. How could she tell him the truth.
"Kate, please," he pleaded. "You disappear in the middle of the day and we don't hear a word for weeks. The others thought you'd been taken by those people, they thought you were dead. I thought you were dead." He pulled her into a hug then and she cried because in her eyes, she was dead. She knew the ones who whispered in the jungle would want her soon.
"Jack," she managed.
He held her tightly. "You can tell me, you can tell me the truth. I promise it'll be ok."
"They've been watching me." She told him in a whisper. "The people hiding in there, I've caught glimpses of them."
He held her at arm's distance. "What?" His eyes searched the jungle and she shook her head at him.
"You won't see them." She walked away from him and sat down in the sand, watching the waves lap the coastline. It had a calming effect on her, ever since she was a child and her mother would take her down to the beach and they'd spend the day sinking into the sand. It melted all their problems away for at least a little while.
Jack watched Kate's face, she'd changed so much in five years. There were wrinkles starting to emerge from too much time in the sun and too much frowning. Even when they were happy, there was something to worry about. Hurley's death, the baby's first fever, Shannon's disappearance, Sayid, the broken leg, Sun, Jin… Jack didn't like to think about it. He hated thinking about how many of them would be left at the end. They were down to less than half of what they were when they crashed.
"Kate, tell me what's going on."
She shrugged, wrapping her arms around her knees. "It's just safer if I stay out here until they come."
"Safer for who?" Jack asked incredulously.
She looked at him.
"Me?" He laughed. "Sorry, no, I'm not just leaving you out here for them to take. Our perimeter's intact, the alarms aren't as easily set off by birds and boar, or Vincent, and Locke's got the shifts worked out so every man has a watch."
Kate smiled. "So I go back there and become a prisoner in my own home."
"No, you live your life and we protect you." Jack didn't see what the problem was. It's what he's been doing for five years. It's what he'd do until the day he died. He'd promised her that a long time ago.
She flicked sand out of her nail. "I'm pregnant, Jack."
He stared out at the ocean.
"Did you hear me?" Kate asked, turning to look up at him.
Nodding his head, Jack grinned. "Is that what this is about?"
"What?" Lowering her eyebrows, she waited for his response.
"You're scared of having a baby with me, so you run away."
She stood, slamming her hands on her hips. "You think I lied to you."
Jack squinted his eyes against the rising sun to look at her. "I think you think you're telling the truth. But Kate, the people who are inside the jungle haven't bothered us since…"
"Since Jane got pregnant. A week to her due date, they swooped her up and then killed Carlos when he went into the forest after her." Kate rubbed her forehead.
Jack touched her elbow. "Kate, you'll be fine."
"No!" She cried out. "They'll wait and they'll take me and then you'll come looking for me and then they'll ha…" she trailed, "they'll hang you from a tree or gut you like a fucking fish! Don't you care about that? Aren't you afraid?"
He moved to touch her again, but she pulled away. "Right now I'm scared you're going to stress yourself."
She laughed. "Stress myself? This island has been five years of stress. This is just the anxiety attack on the top."
"Kate, you have to calm down." Jack told her sternly. "Come back to the caves."
Shaking her head, Kate went closer to the shoreline.
"Will you listen to your doctor?"
She turned.
"You're pregnant," He found the corners of his mouth lift slightly before he continued, "the worst thing you can do right now is panic. I know it's hard. I know things here suck tremendously, but you have to come back to the caves and breathe."
"I'm breathing," Kate spat, turning away from him.
He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She held him and kissed his forearm. "Come back home, please."
She smiled, but it didn't convince her heart. "Doctor's orders?"
"Husband's orders."
Kate laughed aloud and he laughed with her.
"This is nuts, Kate, being out here by yourself." He paused. "There are worse things that can happen out here than being kidnapped."
"Oh yeah, like what?" She asked softly.
Jack fumbled for an answer. "You could get a splinter and if it got infected, you'd be screwed without penicillin. Or a coconut could fall on your head. Or a boar could stalk you."
They laughed again. It had become their own little joke, whenever the tension got too high. It was easy to make fun of Sawyer's boar. Jack gave Kate a tug and she went with him willingly, watching as the small place she'd built sat abandoned. For whatever reason, being with Jack made her realize just how stupid she'd been. Stay on her own. With a baby?
Though Kate didn't think she'd make it that far. Claire didn't speak kindly of those who kidnapped her once she remembered what happened. They'd poked her and rubbed her stomach and asked her all sorts of ridiculous questions like what the sex was and when it was coming. The only thing she couldn't remember is how she escaped.
Kate watched the familiar beach coming closer to her, saw Sawyer's tent, his hammock. He'd built it up well with bamboo and palm fronds. It almost looked like a house. All he needed was a white picket fence. She smiled, feeling Jack's fingers intertwine with her own. Sometimes she found herself resistant to the emotions he made her feel, it made the ones that broke through all the more powerful to her.
"Kate? Where you been?" Walt asked. He'd grown into a tall young man with a deep voice, and stubble was beginning to appear on his chin. His father had gone into the jungle after Sun. The man hadn't returned. "We were starting to think…" he trailed, his eyes lowering to the sandy ground.
She touched his chin with her forefinger and gave him a smile. "I'm fine, Walt."
He grinned back. "You're probably hungry!" He shot quickly, grabbing his knapsack and pulling out a ripe papaya and handed it to her. "I got plenty more. Should have seen the tree I climbed today, I could see half the island." He paused. "Well, maybe less than half, cause I couldn't see it all, but it was a lot. We ever gonna try and map this place out again?"
Jack shook his head. "That's too dangerous Walt."
"How big was the tree?" Kate asked.
Walt pointed up, "High."
"Good job, man." She encouraged Walt like Locke did. They knew he had potential, like any young man did. After Michael left, Kate kept him from going into the jungle after his father. It wasn't like her, she thought he was strange, but she felt the need to protect him, like she did everyone, and he was so young. Only eleven.
When Kate had turned eleven she could already climb the tallest trees and go hunting just about anywhere without qualms. Walt couldn't run across the beach without tripping. So Locke became his father, Kate became his protector. She refused to think of herself as a mother, not even when the boy fell asleep in her arms and gave her flowers sporadically just because he found them and thought she'd like them.
So she taught him the things she knew that would be useful. Now he whistled sharply, waiting until Vincent emerged from the jungle, and the duo went towards where Locke was starting up a fire for lunch. They'd caught a boar. Charlie fumbled to keep the meat cooking evenly. He watched the way Locke laughed at him and his nostrils flared.
"I bet I can do it, daddy." The little boy with the sandy blonde hair and the bright blue eyes bounded over and reached up to take a turn at the wooden handle. Locke nodded his head and Charlie released it.
"Charlie, don't let him do it by himself!" Claire shouted, walking over to take the handle from her boy. The foursome quieted down and Kate looked away. It almost felt like family. Mother, father, son and grandfather. Almost. She touched her navel and shook her head, walking away from Jack. Her brain was spinning. Family.
"How could you have raised a family, Kate?"
It was her husband's voice in her head. He'd come home to her taking a pregnancy test. They'd been married two months. She wasn't pregnant. He slapped her across the face and threw the boxes into the trash. "What would you teach it, Kate? Gun slinging and Tae-Bo? You're not a mother." They wouldn't be married much longer.
"I'm not a mother," Kate whispered, dropping onto the sand.
Jack jerked in response. "What?"
"I just want to go back to sleep, Jack. I'm tired." She smiled up at him. Weak. "I didn't sleep well last night."
He nodded, concern written across his face and he watched her lay back in the sand, her dark hair spreading over the beige and she closed her eyes. Jack sat next to her and he watched as the panic left her face and she slept. It was something he did a lot. Kate wound up so tightly some days that the only time he could tolerate her was when she slept.
The island did that to everyone. They'd been there five years. He watched the little boy who danced around his parents and poked at Locke with a twig. The older man lifted him in the air and put him on his shoulders. He imagined what it'd be like to watch his own son. A little boy with his hair and her eyes. His gaze drifted to the ocean, like it did on many afternoons, and he lost hours sitting there next to her.
End Chapter 1