I Can't
A/N: 2 am, don't blame me for my insomnia.
Disclaimer: Wait, let me go check... No, not yet. But when I rule the world, CSI will be mine.
I can't, I can't, I can't. Grissom paced the room from one side to the other. Why is it so hard? I've said it before. I can do it again. He looked down at his phone and sighed. It hasn't rung in hours. Of course he wasn't expecting a call and he did have the next couple of days off. But he wanted it to ring. Needed it to be her.
He hasn't talked to her in hours. It seemed so long ago. He had told her Warrick was shot, bleeding to death in the hospital and may not survive. He was in surgery. Shot in the chest and throat, it was a miracle, no a blessing, that Nick had stayed behind at the diner and when he heard the shots ran outside and got to Warrick in time. It was even more amazing that he survived the ride to the hospital.
Grissom thought it would work out. Warrick was framed and the team got together for breakfast and everything was fine. Or at least it should have been. When he got the call from Nick that Warrick was in the hospital he dropped the phone. Simply let it slip out of his hand and let it hit the floor without trying to catch it.
He was shocked. When he finally picked up the phone again Nick was yelling, seeing if he was ok. How selfish was he? Warrick was the one who was in surgery and he had to be strong. He couldn't let Nick and the others worry about him.
As soon as he calmed himself he rushed over to the hospital. The whole team was there. They all sat together, crying and praying for their friend. He walked up to them and Catherine stood and fell in his arms sobbing. He closed his eyes and his own sobs racked his body.
He never cried in public. Even when Sara left he didn't let anyone see him cry but Hank, and that was only because he didn't have the heart to kick him of the bed. Sara always loved it when the three of them would lay together and watch a movie or do a cross-word.
But now it seemed everything was crashing down on him. His fiancé was gone, his good friend and colleague was only a heart beat away from death, and they both seemed to clash together. If Sara was there then she could comfort him. If Warrick were there he could keep Gil distracted from Sara's absence.
After three hours the team ordered Grissom to go home and take the next two days off. They knew he wasn't sleeping well since Warrick's first run in with Gedda and knew that Grissom didn't need anymore stress in his life. So he went home, against his wishes, and he did the only thing he could think of, call Sara.
Now he sat on his couch, Hank beside him and the phone in front of him. His phone vibrated and he jumped, making Hank perk up and jump off the couch. He picked up the phone, "Please tell me it's good news." He begged Nick.
"It's both." Gil let out a ragged breath. "He survived the surgery and he has a good chance at living, over 75 percent."
"But…"
"But he may never speak again. And he may have severe brain damage."
"At least he's alive." For now.
"Yeah, that's what we're all clinging to down here at the hospital." Gil stayed silent. After many minutes of his silence, Nick asked, "Griss, you ok man? I know it's rough, but hopefully it will all turn out right. It isn't his time to die, and the doctors told us that he isn't giving up."
"I have to go."
"Griss?"
"I'll see you later, I'm going to get some sleep. I'll be by the hospital later." He hung up the phone but didn't set it down. He hit speed dial one and waited to here her voice.
"Hey, any news yet?" Sara asked.
"He survived surgery and has a 75 percent chance he'll pull through. But even if he does pull through he may have brain damage and may never speak again."
"He's alive though."
"That's what I said." Say it! Say it! You can do it!
"Have you gone to seen him?"
"No, I just found out the news."
"Gil, is there something you want to say? Something seems off."
"It's not just something, Sara. Everything is off. Warrick's in the hospital, there is a mole in the department, Hank has eaten all of my shoes, I'm lonely, and you're not here."
"Gil, are you trying to say something?"
"I'm trying to say that…" Say it! Come on, you've said it before. Just speak slowly. "I'm saying that I love you and I miss you and I want you to come home." You've finally spoken the truth.
"Gil, are you ok? You've never asked me that before."
"I'm not ok, Sara, I need you. This phone isn't enough; I need to feel you, to hug you. I need you here with me."
"Gil, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I couldn't be so selfish. You left and I didn't want to force you to come home, for me."
"I'm here for you, always."
"Sara, I'm sorry." Gil felt the tears sliding against his cheek and choked on a sob.
"Don't be. I'm glad you told me. I'm on my way. The flights are booked but I'm packing my car as we speak."
"Sara..."
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"Sara…"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
END!