. prelude .
May 2011
I see him every day. And I don't say 'every day' as an exaggeration. I really mean it. We shoot scenes together, sing songs to each other, practice our dance moves as a pair, go to photoshoots and pose like mannequins with each other, and if I wanted to, I could peer out of the window in the back of my trailer here on the lot and see right into the back of his trailer. Damn him, he never closes those blinds. It's like he wants me to look at him as he memorizes his lines and practices singing his solos.
It's almost a cruel joke that our trailers are right next to each other, as assigned on the first day when we shot the pilot. It was done alphabetically by last name, of course. Mine is Michele, and his is Monteith. And why should they have used my real last name, Sarfati? That would have made things too easy. We became friends right off the bat because of this placement. I hadn't been in my trailer for ten minutes on the first day before I heard a hard, loud rap on the door. I cautiously answered it, not knowing what to expect or who could be there, but there Cory was. He had tried to make coffee for the first time in the small kitchenette of his trailer, and when he opened the individual, single-serving packet of ground coffee, he tugged too hard, causing the plastic wrapper to split in half, sending most of the ground coffee to the linoleum floor. I couldn't help but laugh as he explained what had happened, and I offered him my packet without hesitating. I had already had four cups of joe that morning.
It didn't take long for Cory and I to become best friends, along with the rest of the cast that we work with. After two whole years into this job, these people become an extension of yourself. After all, we all work together six days a week, and on the seventh day, we all meet up for late brunch at our favorite diner in Los Angeles. And I love hanging out with everyone, I really do, because I love each of them as if they were my brothers and sisters. But secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, I wish that Cory and I could just be together. Just us two. Alone. Without the distractions of the job, the press, the city, the fans, the attention, our real lives... Is that too much to ask? Complete and total isolation with the man that I've been in love with for a year, the same man that has no idea that I have these feelings for him?
Lord, give me strength.