So I recently sat in on a therapy session with Edward and the vampire specialist/therapist that he sees. (Can you believe they actually have those?) And neither Edward nor the vampire specialist/therapist knew I was there, and let me tell you, for a vampire who looks all calm and who has got everything under control, this sexy man has some serious issues. Oh and keep in mind, that Edward has had multiple sessions before this one. So things aren't quite so awkward between him and the Specialist.
:Awkward silence as Edward reads the Specialists mind:
Edward: I'm not crazy! I just happen to have some issues…Is that so wrong? TELL ME! Is that so wrong?!
Specialist: Of course not Edward. Just because you're sitting here, doesn't make you crazy. I know the life of a vampire can be particularly stressful.
Edward: Yes it can. And it is. :looks around the room cautiously: You know how my life is. Especially ever since I started dating Bella, things have gotten so much more complicated. I mean I used to be a simple vampire. Couldn't go out when there was sunshine since I would sparkle and everyone would stare at me and figure out that I was supernatural or just plain weird. I have looks that are abnormally non-human, my "parents" look like they could be my older half-siblings, I have to fight the urge to drink people's blood, even though it's getting better since I've been alive for over a hundred years. And instead, I go "hunting" and drink animals' blood. You know, the usual. But now, the "usual" isn't quite so "usual" anymore.
Specialist: Mmm hmm. I see. And how does that make you feel?
Edward: OH MY GOD! Why do all you therapists say that? I'm just ABOUT to tell you how I feel! Do you HAVE TO ASK? What's so hard about being a little patient?!
Specialist: Edward we talked about these outbursts. :uses a patronizing tone:
Edward: Yes you're right. I'm sorry. :takes a big deep breath and closes his eyes: Anyways, it's just hard on me you know? I mean I love Bella, she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, but is it so hard for her NOT to get in trouble? I mean seriously, the girl is an absolute KLUTZ. I'm surprised she hasn't fallen down the stairs and cracked her head open. But that would be kind of bad because if I was there I don't know if I could fight the urge to drink her blood, and that's just a whole other can of worms that shouldn't be opened. Plus, she would probably die. ANYWAYS. I mean I've never met someone so accident prone before.
Specialist: Yes I can imagine. Have you shared this with Bella?
Edward: Oh yeah that would work. "Oh Bella, you are the most important thing in my life and I love you so much but if you don't stop being such a klutz and accident prone the next time you fall down the stairs and crack your skull, I'm just going to drink your blood instead of trying to save you." Now there's a conversation filled with love.
Specialist: Well Edward if you want to be so literal then feel free. :says in a well-if-you-want-to-be-that-way-then-fine tone of voice: But I meant more of talking with her about perhaps trying to be a little more careful with what she does and the way she handles things.
Edward: Oh and you DON'T think I've tried that? Please I've tried everything! The girl won't listen. And that's another thing that just drives me INSANE! I tell her one thing and it's like (uses Bella's exact tone) "Well Edward honestly I try. Really." Try my ass! She goes and starts hanging around werewolves! WEREWOLVES! I mean does she have a death wish? As if spending almost all your time with a vampire who could just poke you once and you DIE wasn't enough, you decide to go and split that time with a werewolf!
Specialist: Well Edward she loves you, but Jacob is her best friend. And after you left, her heart was terribly broken and she needed a friend, and Jacob was there for her. So perhaps—
Edward: Oh so now you're on THEIR side are you? So you think I'm a horrible person too? I was only trying to protect her! I mean come on my brother almost mauled the girl because she got a flipping paper cut! And I get yelled at for trying to protect her from being eaten?!
Specialist: Now Edward you know that's not what I meant. I was just trying to get you to see things from Bella's point of view is all.
Edward: Oh so now you're HER THERAPIST? Am I not paying you enough? Is that it?!
Specialist: Honestly, Edward. Please. Try and relax. You know I'm here to listen and try to help you.
Edward: Yes. You're right. I'm sorry. :takes another deep breath: It's just that, around Bella, I have to keep on a calm face all the time. Otherwise, when she sees that I have the slightest bit of worry or anger on my face it's "Oh my god Edward what's wrong?! What happened?!" I mean jeeze! Chillax! If I'm not all dandy and "Oh hi kids what's for dinner?"around her she freaks out! I mean why is she so dependent on me to make her all happy and joyful? I mean they've got dogs for a reason! To cheer you up! I mean I'm not a dog Bella! God!
Specialist: Well I think because she does love you, she relies on you for many things. Just as you rely on her. Perhaps she is too dependent on you, but maybe you're also a little too depend on her?
Edward: Well of course we're dependent on each other! We flipping love each other! I mean we're only THE most important things in each other's lives! But it's just like give me a break you know? I mean I know I'm superhuman but I'm not superman! Haha I like that…that's a good one…I should tell that one to Emmitt. I think he'd like it. Or he'd smack me. Either way I think it would be amusing to tell him.
Specialist: Yes I'm sure it would be. Let me know how that goes. :checks the clock subtly: Well unfortunately our time is up. But I'll see you next week?
Edward: Yes you will. Bella has to go and spend a day with Angela so Charlie doesn't think that Bella has entirely no life. So I'll see you then.
So as you can imagine, Edward keeps quite a few things bottled up. Poor dude, if only Bella knew. Then again, I think it's probably better that she didn't. So I have even more sit-in sessions with Edward scheduled, and I can't wait! I'll keep you updated on the therapy! God knows he needs it! (the therapy that is).