Title: Stereotypical

Rated: T (Teen)

Genre(s): Romance/Humor

Pair(s): Randy/Adam

Summary: One innocent question. Ten less-than-innocent answers. A hilarious recipe for disaster.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, besides the children. This story is not meant to offend anyone. It is merely meant for entertainment. If you do not like this story, please do not bash it.

Warning(s): Slash, Mpreg, Stereotypes, Foot-In-Mouth Disorder

Part: 1/10 – Real Men Have Facial Hair

OOOO

Adam and Randy had been married for ten years. Before Adam's retirement, the two traveled back and forth between their homes in Canada and St. Louis. However, after Adam's retirement, the two settled down in St. Louis with their two children, Kimberly and Kasper. Kimberly, who was nine-years-old, was a studious child about to enter her third year in elementary school. And Kasper, who was five-years-old, was about to enter his first year in elementary school. Now, Randy was on leave for two weeks. The first day of his vacation, the family settled down at the table for dinner…

"Dad?" Kasper turned to face his father, who was in the middle of cutting his steak. Randy turned to his son with an expectant look on his face. "What is a man?"

"W-What?" Randy almost choked on the air as he forced the words out.

Kasper blinked at his father innocently. "What is a real man?"

Randy took a bite of his food, before he answered, "Well… it depends. A real man…" here, he fell silent to consider it a bit more. "A real man has facial hair." He decided.

Suddenly, all eyes turned to Adam. Adam had recently shaved off his beard, because he knew how much Randy liked it when he was clean-shaven. "I don't have facial hair. What does that make me?" Adam asked.

"Well, of course you don't have facial hair, Adam." Randy said. "You're the Queen, after all. Queens don't have facial hair. It's rather unbecoming."

Kimberly started down at her dinner as she mumbled, "I think Daddy just developed foot-in-mouth disorder."

"No, Princess." Adam shook his head slowly, before he viciously skewered his steak with his fork. "Daddy has had foot-in-mouth disorder for many, many years."

The children shared a look, but didn't comment. It was most likely safer that way. Randy had certainly tweaked a nerve, and both were sure that there would be consequences. A sinister smirk appeared on his face as he continued to eat in silence. Randy was none-the-wiser. When the meal was done, Kimberly helped Adam wash and dry the dishes, before she used one of the stools from the hall closet to neatly stack them in the cabinets. Randy and Kasper went off to watch a re-run of Blues Clues before Kasper had to go to bed.

When all of the dishes were done, Adam made a rather odd request of his eldest. She listened intently as Adam told her to run off and find Randy's shaving cream and razor from the bathroom. It was odd because Adam and Randy had specifically told them to never open the medicine cabinet in the bathroom because that was where Adam stored his pain medication for his neck. But if Adam said that it was okay, then Kimberly wasn't one to argue. She walked off and came back a few minutes later, the items hidden behind her back. Now, they waited…

LATER THAT NIGHT

Adam and Kimberly hovered at the door to Adam and Randy's bedroom. The younger man was fast asleep, curled onto his side with his arms wrapped around a pillow. Foot-in-mouth disorder must be awfully exhausting, after all. Slowly, Adam walked over to the tanned man and poked him in the side harshly. Randy didn't even stir. That sinister smirk returned as Adam motioned for Kimberly to come over. When she did, Adam carefully rolled Randy over so that he was on his back and took the razor from her.

"Now," Adam said in a fierce whisper. "I want you to take that can and shake it, kinda like a bottle of whipped cream. Think of Daddy's head like a sundae. We want it all over his face."

Kimberly shook it hard, before she evenly coated Randy's entire face and neck in the creamy substance. "Like that, Mommy?" She asked.

Adam's smirk never faltered. "Perfect. Be ready with the permanent marker."

Carefully, so as to not cut the younger man, Adam started to shave him. Kimberly had also brought in a bowl of warm water and a washcloth from the bathroom, which she set on the bedside table as Adam went to work. As more and more of Randy's hair came off of his face, Kimberly realized just how different he looked without the hair. It was kind of scary, actually. Once Adam was finished, he dropped the razor into the water and wet the washcloth, before he scrubbed all of the remains of the cream off of Randy's face.

"There. He's all ready for you, Princess." Adam announced, before he carried the water into the bathroom to dump it. Kimberly unscrewed the cap off of the marker and set to work.

She scribbled little lines over where Randy's eyebrows used to be, making him look like an angry character out of a comic book. His sideburns were thick and black, with a little bit of the ink getting on his ears. The blond child also drew a mustache, which was attached to the sideburns, and a beard. But then, an idea came to her. Hurriedly, she scampered off of the bed and retrieved her art supplies. Putting some non-toxic Elmer's Glue on the palm of her hand, she smeared it on Randy's forehead and proceeded to dump glitter on him.

Then, she took out a piece of paper and colored it in with angry black scribbles, before she cut it out and taped it to Randy's chin. There! She had to admit that this could, quite possibly, be her best piece yet. The nine-year-old had just finished cleaning up when Adam came back into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. For a minute, he seemed like he was angry. But then, he burst out into poorly muffled fits of laughter. This was priceless! He took out his I-Phone and snapped a picture of it, before he helped Kimberly to carry her stuff back to her room.

"Mommy?" Kimberly asked before she went to bed.

"What is it, Princess?" Adam asked.

"Do you think that Daddy will notice what we did to his face?" Kimberly asked innocently.

Adam's emerald eyes twinkled with amusement. "I'm not sure, baby. I'm just not sure."

THE NEXT MORNING

Randy climbed out of bed, still exhausted and not quite used to the time difference yet. He yawned and stretched, finding that his face itched like mad. Not wanting to scratch it until he knew exactly what he was dealing with, he walked into the bathroom and started his normal routine. Brush his teeth, wash his face… he splashed water on his face and glitter came off. Hesitantly, he looked into the mirror. When he saw his reflection, his heart froze in his chest and he immediately knew who was responsible.

"ADAM!"

Yeah, he noticed.

OOOO

A/N: Okay, that was a lot of fun to write. Have anymore 'real men' stereotypes? PM me or write it in a review! And please remember to review. This story will be updated daily. Until next time…