Fire Emblem: Path of Retardedness
Fire Emblem: Path of Retardedness
Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem or any of it's characters… Wish I did though… Then Soren and Oscar would be the main characters and Elincia would die… Enjoy. X3
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It was yet another boring day on the continent of Tellius. Boring… Except… Le Gasp! Just outside the Greil Mercenaries fort the mercenary commander Greil was duking it out with his retarded spikey-blue-haired son, Ike.
"Ike, you retard! Don't hold you're sword like that!" Greil yelled as Ike gripped his sword by the blade…retard…
"Why are we using real swords?" Ike asked dumbly as he grasped the hilt of the sword.
"Because I need an excuse to kill you…"
"What?"
"Nothing!"
They fought some more in slow motion until Greil's daughter, Mist, showed up distracting them from their fight to the death.
"Father! Brother! I need you to do me a favor!" The yellow clad girl yelled as she ran over to them. However it was exactly that moment that Ike decided to have yet another retarded moment and he attacked Greil in slow-mo. Unfortunately for him Greil grabbed a stick in normal motion and beat Ike bloody with it. Mist caught up with them and screamed as she saw Ike bloody and dying on the ground.
"Oh no, Ike!" She screamed. She ran over to his limp body and kneeled down next to him.
"Ike? Ike? I—EEEEEKKKK!" She screamed again as she saw a spider conveniently placed on Ike's shoulder. Mist, being the arachnophobic person she is, grabbed the stick Greil was holding and beat Ike senseless while attempting to kill the spider. Ike died shortly after and that awesome 'game over' music began playing… Of course in Fire Emblem main characters can't die so a holy light soon showed up and Ike was magically revived.
Greil simply stared and said, "Cra--" He didn't get to finish his sentence (word) because Boyd came crashing through some trees like Tarzan and plowed right into Greil, sending both of them flying.
"Hey guys!" Boyd said as though he hadn't just plowed right into his boss.
"Boyd? What're you doing here?" Ike asked as he helped Greil up
"Oh, nothing much…" He replied, " Just trying to gather some wood so I can set Rolf on fire…"
"WHAT!?" Mist screamed.
"NOTHING!" Boyd yelled and ran away screaming like a little girl. Mist seemed to take offense to the last sentence, however, as she reached through the screen and mutilated the author…
Greil was so proud of Mist for killing the author he let her join the mercenary company. Ike got jealous so he killed Mist, she was brought back to life by the magic reset button, and Greil decided to let Ike into the company because it was programmed into the game…
END CHAPTER 1 XP
M.Y.: The retardedness! It BURRRRNNNNNNNSSSSSS!! And I know this didn't follow the basic story line but hey… It's a fan fiction! I can do whatever I want to the characters…. Isn't that right, Soren?
Soren: Yes, yes…
M.Y.: Beware my evilness!
Soren: Evilness isn't a word… Moron…
M.Y.: Glares
Krad throws Soren into the pit of non-angsty emo stuff and watches as he cowers in fear as he is mercilessly hugged by fuzzy bunnies…
M.Y.: Mwahahahahahahahaha! See you in da next chapta!
Soren: AAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!