Title: Midnight Conversation

Author: sss979

Rated: PG – Suggestion of adult situations

Summary: Murdock and Face have a quiet introspective chat. Nothing incredible, just trying to get back into the habit of doing the weekly To-Dos. :)

It probably wouldn't have been so awkward if they'd been just a little more quiet. Not that they were screaming, but it seemed the walls in Maggie's house were paper thin. That was the only explanation Murdock could think of for why he could hear every sound coming from the bedroom. Eyes closed as he lay on his back on the sofa, he smiled faintly.

"Think it would be obscene if we cheered him on?"

Reclined in the chair next to him, Face appeared to be sleeping. But the smile that crept across his lips gave him away. "Give him a break. It's been almost two months."

"Mmm hmm."

Murdock sighed, and opened his eyes, giving up the hard-fought battle with insomnia. He probably would've been fighting it even if the room had been completely silent. BA had been asleep the moment he closed his eyes. They all should've been tired; they'd just spent a continuous three days on the move, a half-step in front of Decker when they were lucky. When they weren't lucky, he was directly on top of them. In the end, it seemed the constant adrenaline of the past few days was still flowing although none of them had slept more than a few hours in that entire time.

Bad Rock was safer than LA, for the time being. While it was arguably safer in a random motel somewhere, travel itself on the interstates made them vulnerable. That was the logic behind their decision to crash here for the night. The real reason was probably simpler; none of them could even pretend to relax in a motel at this point. And while that might be a good thing for the sake of safety, it was no longer a good thing for the sake of sanity. Without sleep – without rest – they were all going to crash and burn before too long.

The alternative, of course, was to get the hell out of the country for a few days. They'd been forced to do that before. If they didn't lose Decker in the next day or two, they'd be doing it again. Sometimes it was the only way to wipe the slate, and Decker seemed ridiculously intent on trapping them this time.

"Hey, Face?"

The response took a moment, and was accompanied by a deep sigh. Apparently, Face was just as tired, and just as unable to sleep. "Hmm?"

"You ever think about what life would've been like if we weren't who we are?"

Face frowned. "What kind of a question is that?"

Murdock shrugged, then turned his head to glance at his friend. "Just thinkin'."

Face opened one eye, but didn't move. "You know, it's not the first time you've asked me that. I still don't think about it."

Murdock chuckled, low and quiet. "Right. I keep thinking sooner or later you're going to… progress through that self-inhibiting mentality."

Face opened his eyes long enough to roll them, then turned his head away. "Don't try and psychoanalyze me, Murdock. That drives me up the wall."

"Well, it's true."

"Sitting around and wondering 'what if' is just not something I do. I don't know how many times I have to say that."

"Why not?"

Face shrugged. "It's just not."

"See, that's my point. Been so long, you don't even remember why."

"Murdock…" The warning was creeping into his tone.

"It's a survival mechanism. You don't want to think about it because if you did, you might –"

"Murdock!" Face glared at him, raising his voice only as much as necessary to shut him up. Silenced, Murdock stared back. "Knock it off, will you?"

Murdock watched him for a long moment, smiled, and shut his eyes again. "Okay. Better question, then."

Face sighed. "I somehow doubt it."

"Ever think about where we'll be in another twenty, twenty-five years?"

The long silence that answered him was probably a good sign. It meant Face was actually thinking about it. Murdock gave him a few minutes before offering his own suggestion. "I remember when I was a kid, I wanted to have a big family." He paused for a long moment. "I don't think I want that anymore."

"I never wanted that," Face said quietly.

"What did you want?"

"Excitement."

Murdock glanced at him, surprised by the quick answer. Face's eyes were closed, but the rigid tension in his shoulders was visible even in the dim light. Murdock smiled faintly. "Guess you're in the right line of work for that."

"Yeah, I guess."

A long silence, and Murdock shut his eyes again, backing off. Face was right, and he wasn't saying anything he hadn't said a hundred times before; he wasn't one for introspective conversation. Murdock didn't want to push.

Face sighed. "I never saw myself growing old." He paused, speaking slowly. "I guess… I never thought I would even live this long."

Murdock didn't answer, waiting to see if Face would continue.

It took several minutes before he spoke again. "You think about… what we did over there. You think about what we do now… There's no reason we should still be alive. All it takes is one bullet. It's just… There's no explanation…"

Murdock frowned as he turned his head, frowning deeply. "You think you'll die doing this?" he asked quietly. "Doing… what we do?"

Face shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "I don't think about it. But if anything like that does happen…" He turned his head, meeting Murdock's eyes with a serious, unwavering gaze. "I'd rather be the one dead than the one left alive."

Murdock nodded slightly, and forced a tight smile. "You and me both, Face," he whispered quietly. "You and me both."