Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men, and this story is solely for mine and other X-Men's fans' entertainment. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it!

He was different.

His eyes, once so alive and full of character, were now dark, broken hollows of emptiness, that sent shivers coursing up and down her spine. He was much paler, his dark brown hair dyed blonde, which was messy, and slightly ruffled. He looked as if he hadn't had a good night's sleep in God knows how long and she knew from one look at him he'd been living rough - perhaps reduced to poverty. His clothes were baggy on him, slightly ripped in some places, the flesh revealed through the tears was bruised - even bleeding. She could see a faint scar across his cheek, as if somebody had taken a knife to him. This wasn't the person she was once knew and loved. That person was dead. Gone was John Allerdyce, the boy she'd walk through hell for.

The person standing before her was Pyro. And she feared him.

She didn't say anything, but her eyes merely flickered over him. She felt no pity for the condition he was in. He deserved it. He was nothing but a cold-hearted killer, who found no higher pleasure in mass genocide. Yet she didn't scream. She didn't even phase. How could she? Curiosity, and strange emotions she didn't know, or hadn't felt in a long time, where holding her there to that very spot. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she'd dropped her armful of schoolbooks onto the floor, but she didn't care. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him, and she pressed her lips together hard, wondering why he was here and why hadn't he made an attempt on her life yet.

He'd never liked uncomfortable silences and neither had she, yet neither had the courage to finally speak up and talk. She used to cry herself to sleep every night and wish he'd come back to her. Over time, the large heartache and the amount of love she felt for him slowly turned to resentment, and she registered his name with pain and bitter abandonment.

His eyes analyzed everything about her appearance, taking her in as if he never wanted to stop looking. Her brown hair was down in it's natural state, which he always loved. The curls cascaded to just shoulder-length, tumbling down in breathtaking waves that the moonlight pouring through her bedroom window seemed to bounce off. She wore a simple, sleeved black dress, as well as black tights and flat shoes with no heel to them. Even from where he stood, a few feet away, he could smell her sweet scent - a mixture of her coconut shampoo and Charlie Red. The scent always reminded him in the brief occasions he had a spare moment to think that there was a time when she was his, and him her's.

Her face betrayed no flicker of anger, but instead she just looked shocked, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised, lips slightly apart as if she didn't quite understand why he was there. In truth - he didn't either.

He hadn't been in her room for a long time, and it surprised him to see how much it had changed. The furniture had been re-arranged, for one thing. It appeared to him as though she'd purchased a new bed. There was, if possible, even more books added to her book-shelves in the corner, and instead of her little trinket boxes and ornaments which always used to sit on top of her dresser were just schoolbooks, neatly finished homework, and several folders spread out, colour co-ordinated, with a small pot of pencils serving as a paper-weight. Her wardrobe, which was opened using a sliding door, revealed a slice of the room within, and he saw clothes in different shades of grey and black - colours she'd confessed in the past to hating because they were so miserable looking, which she only wore if somebody died.

And then there was her, and that was the biggest change of all.

When he left, almost two years ago, come to think of it, he'd left her as a young girl only sixteen, who'd only just recently fallen head over heels in love. She was bright, and had every reason to be smiling. She was the girl you couldn't help but like straightaway - she was just one of those kind-hearted, good-natured people, who loved life and everyone in it. You could always find her in a huge throng of people - she'd be the one in the bright coloured t-shirts, where all the laughter would be coming from. He used to just look at her as she'd laugh away to a joke the Ice Pop would have just made, and think, the whole world outside this institution hates mutants, and is fighting for them to either register their names and emit to public humiliation, or worse, extermination - her parents have either shunned her or don't see her the same way they used to. Her situation is far from ideal, and yet, she laughs, as if she hasn't a care in the world.

The girl - or the young woman, rather - before him was anything but that girl. He was as shocked to see this new side to Kitty Pryde as she was to see Pyro. Their eyes held each other's gaze, and a look of hurt, sorrow and confusion was passed between them, until finally, he spoke up, unable to stand the thick tension hanging in the air. 'Hey.' He breathed the simple word softly, in a silky voice that used to drive Kitty crazy. It didn't anymore. He took a step forward, and instinctively, perhaps not even meaning to, Kitty took one back. Somewhere, deep down in his gut, this pained John - or Pyro, but he shook the feeling off, and continued, 'I'm back.'

Another pause. But then --

'So I see.' She didn't sound like herself. She sounded as if she were about to faint any minute. Her tone lacked the old character he used to know. 'You're back.' He didn't say anything. She didn't either, and took a deep, shaky breath, and her eyes closed, softly, at first, the eyelids gently closing, until they clenched tightly shut, as if she were remembering something particularly awful. When they opened again, Pyro could see tears there. He'd never seen Kitty Pryde with tears in her eyes. 'You're back.' Lowering her voice, she said, 'but you never should have left to start with.'

Pyro let out a sigh. 'Kitty, if you could just listen-'

'No. You listen.' Her voice was still quiet, but commanding, and he fell silent at once. 'Do you…do you know how hard it was when you left? I was the only person in this whole damn house who cared. Everybody was too angry to miss you. They began to despise you. And, over time, so did I.' Her words cut through him harder than any knife ever had. 'You shouldn't be here. I want you to get out. Can't we both agree on the fact I've been through anything?' She gave him an almost disgusted look. 'Bobby was right. I never should've laid eyes on you in the first place.'

Pyro glared at her. 'I came back!' he shouted, and she flinched. 'I came back, didn't I! I'm right here! Doesn't that show how much I care!'

'If you cared about me you'd have never left.' Kitty's eyes swept over him, taking in his many injuries, the cuts, the bruises, the scars. 'And what did you gain, Pyro? What did you gain? Fear? Is that it - fear?'

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'A better life, Kitty-Kat.' He attempted a sneer, trying to forget the fact that was the first time she'd ever called him 'Pyro.' 'The X-Geeks were holding me back. I won't let myself be controlled. Least of all by them. I hate the fact you can't understand why I did this.'

'I hate you.'

'You don't mean that.' He said that to reassure himself more than anything. He didn't mind being hated. By the public, by the government who were searching for him, by the X-Men…but she couldn't hate him. Not her. Not Kitty. Not the only person who'd ever shown love. 'You can't.'

'Wait,' said Kitty, shooting him a disbelieving look, 'wait, did you think I was going to sit around here all day, waiting for you to climb through my window after killing just a few more hundred people and we can pick up from where we left off? Do you think I still love you? I hate you! I hate everything about you! You're dead to me! I hate you!'

'Right now I'm not so keen on you either!' There it was. She'd struck a nerve.

'Oh, I'm pretty sure I'll get over it! I got over you leaving, didn't I? I got over the pain of having you join the opposing side, didn't I? I don't need this right now, Pyro, I've moved on, I've made something of myself, and I'm not having you pay me a visit one night and ruining that. Yes, I did love you. It pains me to say I did. But I was a young girl, and you….' she stopped, shaking her head slowly from side to side, 'you broke me, Pyro. You betrayed me. I thought…oh, I thought a lot of things! For one I thought you'd stay! I thought we'd be happy…you sure ruined that one, didn't you, Firefly?'

'I never promised you squat! If you thought I was your fucking Prince Charming then it proves you really were a dumb little girl at the time then.'

'Dumb little girl?' Kitty repeated blankly. 'If that's the way you see me, Pyro, why are here - in my room, right now, when you should be with the Brotherhood, hmm? What's brought here if all you think of me is a dumb, little girl?'

'You said you never wanted to see me again…' He held his breath. 'You said I was pathetic, and that you were better off.'

'John - we had a fight!' Kitty said, looking at him as if he were mad. 'That's what couples do, they fight! But was that fight really enough reason for you to throw on your jacket, walk off of that jet and join Magneto? What were you thinking? If I had a dime for every time my parents had a fight, John, I'd be loaded, but they pulled through, because of the secret little magic sauce that holds relationships together. Love.'

'It wasn't just a fucking fight, Kitty!' John ran a hand through his hair in frustration. 'You…you…you fucking kissed Iceman!'

His words echoed.

'John, Bobby kissed me on that jet. I…I didn't try to stop him. I felt awful, but the things you said…well, they hurt me!'

'You said things too! And you didn't see me, eating the face off of Rogue!'

'No, we didn't, because you took off and strayed to the dark side, and even if you'd had kissed her, you'd have gotten the life drained out of you!'

'What type of girlfriend calls her boyfriend a pathetic, good for nothing schmuck?'

'Well, I don't know, what type of boyfriend calls their girlfriend a cheap, conniving, cheating little whore?'

'I was angry, Kitty! You'd called me names first…' He was aware how childish those words had come out, but ignored it.

'Yes I did, but John, I didn't mean them!'

'How? How? How could you say something one minute and not mean it the other? Is this some crazy girl thing that guys just have to know to prevent their girlfriends from jumping their best friends? How, Kitty, how? How could you not have meant it?'

'Because!'

'Because how?'

'BECAUSE I WAS PREGNANT!'

Kitty was shocked she hadn't shattered glass. She was pretty certain the whole floor had heard her outburst. Maybe even the whole house. The scream she'd just emitted ripped at her vocal cords, and left her throat sore and aching. She hadn't realized she'd been crying until she felt the tears slowly roll down her cheeks. She swept the hair out of her eyes in one simple movement and her chest heaved up and down, her heart beating ten times it's normal capacity. She looked anywhere but at him. She didn't want to see his face. She wiped some of the tears away and was reminded of that fateful February day - the day after they'd arrived from Alkali Lake. Kitty had descended the steps leading down from the jet in a state, sobbing uncontrollably and working herself into a frenzy. Storm was there, an arm wrapped around her shoulder for comfort, trying to soothe the young girl down to no avail. Rogue was saying words of reassurance but they sounded far away. She just locked herself in her bedroom. She heard Rogue and Bobby pounding at the old wooden frame at times, and didn't answer their endless 'are you alright? Let us in!' She didn't care. She just cried. On one afternoon after Kitty hadn't left her room for over a month without proper meals or attendance during class, Logan broke down the door, and demanded she pull herself together.

When he saw her cry even harder at his words, he grew concerned. Something told him she wasn't crying over the recent abandonment of her boyfriend - that Johnwhatshisface kid. Something new had arose - he could just feel it.

'Kid', he'd said, bending down onto his knees so his face was level with hers as she lay down in bed. She didn't bury her head under the duvet and hide away from him, but just blinked sadly at him. 'Kid, what's wrong.'

'I'm such an idiot, Logan….' she was saying. 'Such an idiot. I'm…I'm pregnant.'

Storm was called for at once. As soon as the snowy-haired woman arrived, Logan made Kitty confess to everything.

'…but wait,' Storm said, as Kitty revealed the secret relationship between her and John. Logan had only known because he'd happened to see them together one night, walking through the grounds, hand-in-hand. He hadn't told a soul. 'If…if you were involved with John, then…' She looked as if she wasn't unable to continue, 'is he the father?'

Kitty had just nodded.

Bobby found out. He'd come by Kitty's room to see if she'd unlocked the door yet, and found it slightly ajar, and caught some of the conversation shared between her, Storm and Logan:

'I can't believe it', Storm was saying, and he heard her let out a sigh. 'Kitty, you're so young! You're only sixteen…'

'The coward', Logan was growling, 'is that the real reason why he left? Found the daunting prospect of fatherhood too hard, is that it?'

'He didn't know', Kitty said quietly, sounding ashamed, and humiliated beyond relief. 'I only just found out myself.'

Two years into the future, John had found out, and as Kitty dared to look up at him, he just looked stunned.

'Say something', she whispered. 'Anything.'

'What happened to it?' His voice was low, the fury now gone.

Kitty bit her bottom lip, and was reminded of another fateful day which occurred mid-July. 'Miscarried.' Her lip curled at him. 'You weren't there. It was under the amount of stress I was in. Missing you. Crying over you. Needing you. And to think I was actually looking forward to becoming a mother… four months pregnant. Almost halfway through. I couldn't manage, John. You have to understand what you're leaving did to me.'

'I didn't know.'

'You wouldn't have cared. I doubt the idea of me carrying your child would have brought you back to the institute. Admit it, John. I don't know what you're doing here, but you better go. Please.'

'Kitty, I…'

'I don't want to hear it.' She gave him a pleading look. 'Please.'

'I wrote you a poem', said John, almost desperately, fumbling around in his jeans pocket and pulled out what looked like a crumpled up old napkin. 'Here', he said, smoothing it out, although it still looked fairly creased. 'I wrote it the night I left. I wanted to post it…I just couldn't.' He looked straight at her, through her eyes and into her soul. 'Don't do this, Kitty. I need you. It took me all this time to realize it but I do, I need you. I don't care what it takes to have you back in my life. I'll quit the brotherhood. I'll…I'll give up my fire. I'll make amends, do the confession box, please. Let me change for you.'

'John, stop it…' Kitty stared at the boy she used to love, and found nothing but regret there. 'I can't be handling with this right now. I want you to go.'

'I love you!'

The words caught her off guard.

'I love you, Kitty Pryde. You're the single most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I've been thinking of you every day. I missed you so much it hurt. I thought you hated me. I was convinced you needed somebody who deserved you, but…I can't let you go! See these?' He shook back his sleeves, revealing even more of his injuries. Kitty saw a long gash across his upper arm that looked like it needed serious medical attention. 'This was Magneto's work. He tried everything to make me stay but I didn't. You and I work, Kitty. You know we do. I didn't mean to hurt you…I didn't mean to ruin your life…but one more chance, please…Just one more chance.'

And then he kissed her.

And it was like he'd never left, and maybe he hadn't. He was John Allerdyce again, and she was the same old care-free Kitty Pryde. The kiss deepened, and Kitty knew she should pull her head back and break the connection - but she couldn't. Her hands slowly slid up his arms and ended up clasped around his neck, while his found her waist, and had grabbed her hips, pulling her body towards his. He'd forgotten the sweet taste of her mouth, and her the smell that always reminded her of him - lighter fluid. His hands slowly found their way up her sides and then they were caught up in her hair, and Kitty hated how much she enjoyed it, hated how much he could make her crazy, her much he could undo her, as if he could walk right back into her life and turn things upside down when she was getting herself back on track…she couldn't do this to herself. Ultimately, in the end, she'd up hurt.

She phased herself through him, before taking another step back. Her mouth still tingled; she held her left hand up to her lips, running the fingers over them, before just looking at John, who knew what was about to come.

'John, I can't.'

'I think we've established that.'

'John…'

But he just stared at her, before turning his back on her and walking towards the open window which she assumed was how he got into her room in the first place. He straightened out his jacket, swung one leg over the window-sill before saying, stung, 'it's Pyro.' And then he was gone - again.

The next time Kitty saw him was at Alcatraz. She saw him for who he was. Magneto's right-hand man, through and through. It was where he belonged - causing death and destruction. She'd just rescued Leech from the building and was out of breath from the chase between her and the Juggernaut. There was a moment, when their eyes locked and the fire he held in his palms extinguished as he saw her. But then his eyes narrowed, and before she knew it, the fire was back and ablaze was yet another vehicle, which soared towards earth, the flames fast spreading. She turned away, saw Bobby ahead and he helped her pull Leech up. She shot one last departing glance over his shoulder to see him standing there, his eyes again on her. But she walked away.

Two weeks later Kitty sat down at the breakfast table at the institute. She picked up her morning paper, but dropped it with a horrified gasp as she saw the heading:

PYRO KILLED BY POLICE DURING HOLD-UP IN NYC - IS THE CITY FINALLY SAFE?

Upstairs, Kitty opened up a dresser drawer and found the napkin he'd given to her that night a few weeks ago. She hadn't read it yet. Hadn't wanted to. Now she smoothed it out, sat down on the edge of her bed and read:

A broken person,

Haunted eyes,

Weighed down with the regret of a thousand crimes,

I never meant to break your heart

And pain is all I'm left with.

Pin my soul and scrub it down,

So I can be redeemed in your eyes,

Your beautiful, chocolate eyes.

You are my princess - my girl, my life.

It hurts me to hurt you,

The woman I saw as my wife,

I wish I could give you the ending you deserve,

But instead you're left alone,

Remember me.

I love you, but the words alone are not enough,

And never truly will be.

I love you for who you are, and what you're not.

The way you bite your nails when you're nervous,

The way you stand so strong,

The way you seem to captiviate me,

The way you'd make me dance to our song,

I've said goodbye many times, but this farewell is the hardest,

I fell in love, and it wasn't what I expected.

It was better than anything my mind could imagine,

But the best part of all is that I shared it with you, my kitten.

Bitter words are shared, but remember this -

I will always care.

Yours Always, John.

PS. I love you, Kitty-Kat. Someday I'll come back for you - I promise.