Disclaimer: Not mine. I don't own it. Not the characters. Not the song. Just having fun. Not making ANY money.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit lonely
and you're never coming round
He's avoiding me again. He does this every year around the anniversary of her death. It wasn't his fault, but he blames himself, nonetheless. His precious Dark Lord was the one responsible for the death of his wife. Had he stepped in and stopped the torture, he would be gone too. I have helped him through this and yet he still pulls away from me and retreats to his memories and firewhisky when the date gets close. Logic would say to stay where you have support and love, but he can be the most illogical creature I have ever met.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my tears
This time of year isn't easy for me, either. Within two days of the murder of Narcissa, my Ron was taken from me at the Battle of Hogwarts. The curse that struck him down was meant for me, but Ron blocked its path. With his dying breath, he confessed his love and told me to live for him. Even now, ten years after the fact, I still cry thinking about what may have been.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone by
Ten years. I can't believe it has been ten years since my world came crashing down around me. Ron and I had kissed not fifteen minutes before he turn the curse meant to end my life. The Death Eater who cast it was taken down by Kingsley less than a minute after Ron fell at my feet, but what if Kingsley would have gotten there a minute sooner? Would Ron and I be married now? Would we have children? I already had names picked out for my children… If I were to have had a boy, he would have been Hugo for one of my favorite literary giants, Victor Hugo. My first little girl would have been Rose, as I have always been fond of the beautiful flowers.
Lucius is in no rush to bring a child into this world, fearing he would make the same mistakes with our child that he made with Draco, but even Draco isn't as bad as he could have been. Knowing how he was when I first encountered him during first year at Hogwarts, it is amazing to know that he and I have become great friends. I never would have thought it. In fact, had you told me when Lucius and I first got together that Draco would become one of my greatest allies, I would have had you committed to St. Mungo's straight away. But all these years spent trying to convince Lucius that people do, in fact, learn from their mistakes have been for naught. My prime years are slipping away.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
and then I see the look in your eyes
There are days when I will sit and cry for no reason other than the fact that I know things aren't where I had imagined them to be. Lucius affectionately refers to them as my "female" days. However, unlike Ron when we were in school and unlike Harry when Ginny is feeling overly emotional, Lucius is there for me, with me. He will hold me in his arms, his long tresses softly tickling my cheeks and he whispers sympathetic words to me and understanding phrases. Then he will lift my eyes to his, our gazes will lock and I always just know that I am where I am meant to be.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit restless
and I dream of something wild
Sure, there are days when I feel like Lucius will never commit to me and I long for the band of gold around the third finger of my left hand. He says we don't need a Ministry official to prove how we feel for each other, but I want it. Even after all this time and all we have been through, I sometimes want to chuck the whole thing and get on with my life. But I won't because I really do love him.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit helpless
and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Life has never really been easy since Lucius and I got together. It would appear that whenever news is on the slow side, the Daily Prophet always manages to bring up my relationship with him. "Muggleborn Witch Out With Pureblood Bachelor." The headlines are always worded a bit different, but message is the same. The speculation has been widespread as to the depths of our friendship, but without a commitment from him, there is nothing I can do to convince the Wizarding World that Lucius isn't a bachelor anymore. It seems hopeless to try, and when I am at my most vulnerable and when the stress and pressure from my work becomes to much, it is all I can do to not fall apart in his embrace.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit angry
and I know I've got to get out and cry
I know he loves me; he told me as much just last night. But this by this morning, he was gone from our bed and off to mope in his study. It is almost as if she still means more to him than I do. I cross the bed chambers to my vanity and sit before the ornate mirror. Looking at myself, thinking about the comparison between the witch he had before and the witch he has now, I know that I am not even in the same league as she was. He may say he loves me, may say that I mean the world to him, but days like this make me feel like those are nothing but empty sentiments. The tears fall from my brown eyes as I imagine Lucius pouring himself another shot of firewhisky and remembering his wife. I weep as I think of how I will never be able to compete with her memory and the sobs come unchecked as the anger and resentment wash over me.
Turn around, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
but then I see the look in your eyes
Nine years ago, on the first anniversary of the fall of Voldemort at the hands of Harry Potter, I made my way to Hogwarts for the commemoration ceremonies. As best friend of the Boy Who Conquered, it was expected of me to stand beside Harry at this event, so I did. But even those who don't know Harry and I could tell that we weren't as close as we had once been.
When the memorial service was over and the plaque to remember those who had fallen for the light revealed, Harry and I barely nodded to each other before heading our separate ways. He undoubtedly returned to the Burrow with Ginny and I found my way to the Leaky Cauldron. That was there I met Lucius for the first time post war.
He came to stand in front of my table at the back of the bar and asked if he could join me. Of course I was skeptical, but he insisted that he at least be given the opportunity to speak with me. All he asked was five minutes and I granted them. Five minutes for his apology, which I could tell took him a lot to bequeath to me, turned into three hours and before either of us were truly aware that the time had passed, we were being ushered out the doors so that Tom could close the place up for the evening.
We had mostly spoken about the wrongs he had committed during the war and he explained to me why he had acted the way he did. Knowing now how things had happened, I can't say that I fully blame him as I would have acted the same way had I been in his shoes. When he first joined the Death Eaters it had been because his father had threatened to give his inheritance to St. Mungo's and completely cut Lucius out of the family. He told me that once his father passed, he needed to protect his family. The Death Eaters were a "once in, never out" type of organization and those who had tried to leave were forced to watch their families and friends suffer before suffering themselves. Knowing he could never bring that kind of pain to his wife and son, he bit his tongue and rode the tides that were Lord Voldemort. Hearing him discuss real life like an actual human being was very sobering for me. He was a real person with real feelings, and as we left the Leaky Cauldron and said good night, our eyes met and I knew that I had to give this man a chance in my life.
Turn around, Every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
In the weeks that followed our first real meeting, Lucius and I met for lunch and tea a number of times. We would discuss out lives, our dreams and where we saw ourselves heading now that our loves and friends were no more. The commiseration between us was laughable, but on a most basic human level, we were connecting more than either of us had previously thought possible. We had both lost our parents, his to dragon pox and mine to a memory charm. We both were natural bookworms, although even I have to admit to never believing ANY Malfoy to truly appreciate the written word. A lot of things about him surprised me. To learn that he had actually desired to be a healer when deciding on his NEWT level courses in school was a great shock. He even admitted to feeling regret to giving in to his father's tyrannical attitudes. I could tell from listening to him talk about his life that he wished for a time turner to go back and do things over again, to change what had happened. Even though he says I have convinced him that all his past choices made him the man he is today and to change even one minute detail could drastically alter what he now sees, I don't believe he truly feels that way. He feels as if he has let down the world and seems to be trying to make amends through his relationship with me.
Turn around, Every now then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
We had been friends for almost four years when the fifth anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts took place. Lucius had floo'd me the week prior to ask if I was planning on attending and when I asked him to accompany me, he readily agreed. As the speeches were given and the names of those who died were read, Lucius reached into my lap and held my hand. His eyes never left the speakers, but the simple gesture was enough for me to affirm my growing feelings for him weren't unrequited. His firm grip assured me that he knew how the events were tearing me apart, but that he was there for me. For me! For Hermione Granger, muggleborn former best friend of Harry Potter and press-named Gryffindor princess! He didn't care that I was bookish because he was just as well read, if not more so. It didn't matter that I was more than twenty years his junior. He never seemed to care that my hair was a bit unruly and my breasts no more than a B cup. That warm hand encasing mine that day by the lake at Hogwarts told me that he cared for me as a person…as someone he trusted enough to see that he, too, had feelings.
Turn around, Every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you
His hand didn't leave mine until we were clear of the Hogwarts grounds and has rarely left it in the years since. That evening, we had dinner at a posh London restaurant and afterwards, I allowed him to apparate me back to his Manor. We didn't sleep together that night, but as I recall it, we did everything but. In fact, looking back I think the only reason we didn't end up becoming one was because Lucius had spent the night pleasing me with his mouth and fingers and by the time he was ready for the main attraction, as he called it, an emergency floo call came in from Draco and he had to go. To this day, it still amazes me; the things that man can do with his hands, the pleasure he can bring from me and to me with barely a touch leads me to believe there is more to pureblooded magic than he is willing to disclose to me. And he never fails to make me feel like the most beautiful and most important woman anywhere.
Turn around, Every now and then I know there's nothing any better
there's nothing that I just wouldn't do
Last night we made love like we do almost every night. He took me gently and made sure I came twice before he climaxed. I never would have believed it to be true, but Lucius Malfoy is the most considerate lover any woman could ever hope to have.
We fell asleep in each other's arms, his cock softening inside me, but this morning, he was nowhere to be seen. It took me all of thirty seconds to realize was today was, the tenth anniversary of his wife's death, before I realized I knew where he could be found. I got dressed and made my way down the main staircase into the public wing of the Manor. I took breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea without him and when he didn't show for dinner, I knew I would have to go to him. Once I stood before the door to his study, I could hear him replacing the decanter and moving back to his usual seat near the fireplace. I gathered my resolve and made to open the door when I heard him call for me to enter. As I walked across the space to the chair across from him that had become mine, I knew that I would do whatever it took to help him survive Narcissa.
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
He is staring into the fire and refusing to meet my eyes. Even after all these years, he is hesitant to allow me to see him cry. It is only for the fire that I can see the glistening streams trailing down his perfect pale cheeks. Though it hurts to see him grieving, I know that it is only for me to help ease his pain…if only he would look at me.
And I need you now tonight
"Lucius," I say to him, taking his face in my hands. "Lucius, my love, you know I am here for you. You have done so much for me over the past few years, please let me do something for you," I plead with him.
And I need you more than ever
"I know you need me, just as I need you." He doesn't meet my gaze, so I continue. "I know you loved her and you always will, but she is gone and your continuation of this yearly tradition is not healthy."
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
"Please, Lucius. I can't imagine that she would want you holed up in your study drinking away your best years… You still have so much to live for… You have me."
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong
His tears have stopped falling, but he still doesn't look at me. I feel as though if I don't reach him tonight, then I won't be able to bring him back from her death. He is happy with me. The other three hundred and sixty-four days a year our relationship is the epitome of perfect, but this one day… This is the one day of every year where all our rights seem to be overshadowed by a witch who hasn't graced these halls in a decade. I don't understand why he doesn't see that he still have love here. He still has a life here and he can and should live it! We are good together, him and I.
Together we can take it to the end of the line
He and I have the type of romance that stories and fairy tales are written about, yet he doesn't seem to see it.
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
His eyes meet mine and I can see a difference in them, but the difference is gone just as soon as I recognize it. I don't understand why he tries to hide his emotions from me anymore, but I accept that it is the way he was raised. His right hand comes up to caress my left cheek and a slight smile plays across his features.
"Oh, Hermione," he whispers to me. "I knew you would find me here. There is something of the utmost importance that I wish to discuss with you."
He pulls me onto his lap and into his arms and I rest my head upon his shoulder, breathing in the jasmine and musk that is uniquely Lucius. I sigh deeply and bid him to continue as his fingers trace lazy circles over my lower back. He has never acted like this before and his desire to talk is leaving me a bit on edge. With a contented sigh, Lucius begins again.
"I told her goodbye today." At my puzzled expression, he continues. "I wasn't here the whole day. When I saw you sit for dinner, I apparated to the edge of the grounds where my ancestors are buried, where Narcissa is buried. I told her I was in love and that I needed to move on with my life. Lately I have been feeling like things weren't where I desired them to be. Five years ago when I moved you into my home, our home, I had every intention of making you my wife and asking you to bear my children. That day never seemed to come, though. I fell into a furrow of redundancy and comfort with you and I feared that by asking you to be the next Mistress Malfoy I would lose you, but now I see that I was wrong. I was wrong for holding you back when you could have had more. Forgive me, my love. I need you in my life, in my heart and in my home. Marry me, Hermione."
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
By way of an answer, I bring my lips down to meet his in the most passionate kiss I can give him.
"Should I take that as a yes, then?" he jokes.
"Yes," is all I can say before he is kissing me again and apparating us to the master bed chambers. A house elf pops in and is instructed to leave us be until one of us calls for them. As soon as the creature is out of sight, Lucius is on me again. His hands are everywhere as our clothes find their way into a discarded heap on the floor. Breaking the kiss long enough to look over my naked body, Lucius brings his hands up to ease me back onto the bed. Cool silk sheets meet my back as the warmth of my lover's body covers my front. Slowly and sensually he trails his mouth down the column of my neck and to my breasts. He takes his time sucking each pebbled nipple between his lips before moving further south towards my feminine core. Using that magical tongue of his, he brings me ever so close to completion but stops just as I reach it.
"Not yet, my love," he whispers. "I want to be inside of you when you come."
With that, he trails back up my body, leaving butterfly kisses along my skin. His lips claim mine again in searing kiss, his tongue wrestling mine. Just when I think that I will suffocate from the lack of oxygen, he pulls back, encouraging me to hold his gaze as he enters me. Our love making lasts hours; the pleasure between us reaching a crashing climax time and time again before we are both physically, mentally and emotionally spent. Lucius rolls off of me, gently kissing my cheeks before pulling my back into his front and allowing sleep to claim him.
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart
As I lay in the arms of the man I love, I wonder how long he had really been planning on asking me to marry him. My curiosity over the evenings events runs wild as I imagine him standing over the grave of his former wife. He told her he loves me. He told her that he was going to marry me and he is finally leaving the past behind him. My heart belongs to him and laying here in his arms, it is easy to feel content. The fear will come tomorrow when we wake and he can't hold me. Now more than ever, I feel as if I will crumble without him. I know now that my life was incompletely before he came into it and I only hope Ron can forgive me for being with the man who tried to kill his sister all those years ago. I am sure even Ron can tell that Lucius isn't the same man he was.
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can sayA total eclipse of the heart
Ron represents all that my life was about during school, during the war. Together with him and Harry, we fought for the light so that no one would have to suffer under the persecution that would have accompanied a rule by Voldemort. With Ron gone and Harry no longer a part of my life, the remaining Weasley's are convinced that I have been swayed by the dark. They are not accepting of my relationship with the Malfoy patriarch. Add into that mix the fact that my parents have yet to forgive me for altering their memories and sending them to Australia and you have me with no one to call family. But now that is changing. Now I have Lucius. Draco will never call me "mum" but I know that he and I have grown to share a mutual respect. Perhaps in a few years, Lucius and I will start a family of our own and finally give Draco the sibling he has been asking for since he was a tot. But for now, there really is nothing I can say. I am home here with Lucius, I love him and now I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me.
A/N: So, this was my first songfic, so be nice to me. lol Seriously though, it was fun and I hope you liked it!