The first thing Sasuke sees upon waking up is the ceiling fan spinning lazily above his head. He stares, unable to look away until he feels his breath start catching in his throat and his fingers start trembling. He grips the sheets of the bed tightly between his fingers and tries to take in a rasping breath.
His vision starts dimming, the edges going blurry but he still can't look away.
There's a sound to his left, someone saying something, loudly, but Sasuke can't hear either. It just washes over him.
Something dark closes over his eyes and then, mercifully, he loses consciousness.
The next time Sasuke wakes up, it's to a blank ceiling. He blinks a few times before turning on his side and squeezing his eyes shut.
Shisui-nii had once told him that if he ever got captured or woke up someplace unfamiliar, to first assess his body and then his surroundings. He tries doing that now. Ten fingers, ten toes, Sasuke counts, just like they'd done when Izumi-nee-chan's baby sister had been born. Sasuke opens his eyes.
The room he's in has plain white walls, a single bed and a bedside table. He's never been here before but the white railings on his bed give him some idea of where he is.
His eyes fall on the bedside table. There's a covered jug and a glass. Water, he thinks. Water might help. He doesn't think he's particularly thirsty but reaches out to the jug anyway. As he does, he accidentally knocks the glass beside it off the table.
It falls to the ground with a crash. Sasuke looks at the mess for a moment before getting down on his knees. His limbs feel a little shaky but Kaa-san always taught him to clean up after himself. He starts gathering the pieces in the palm of his hand.
"Sasuke?"
He startles, glancing up at the door. There's a woman there who Sasuke has never seen before. Short-cropped brown hair and purple markings on her cheek along with a uniform that means she must work at the hospital.
"Oh shoot," she says before hurriedly kneeling before, taking on of his hands into her own. Sasuke looks down. Oh. He cut himself.
Green chakra gathers at the medic's hand as she presses it to the wound. The cut doesn't seem too deep though and it isn't bleeding much at all. Sasuke's seen deeper cuts and he's seen more…blood…
"Oh," he says, and the medic looks up at him in confusion. "It wasn't a bad dream, was it?"
Her expression falters, twists. She looks like she's in pain. "Oh, Sasuke," she says softly, voice trembling. "I'm so sorry, Sasuke. I'm so very sorry."
"It wasn't a bad dream," Sasuke repeats numbly. "It wasn't…Aniki, he…"
She tugs him forward in an embrace and Sasuke clenches his fists in her dress, burying his face in her shoulder.
And then Sasuke cries. He cries and he cries and he cries.
Sasuke stays at the hospital for another week during which time the Hokage comes to visit him, asking probing questions and giving gentles reassurances. Sasuke answers as best he can without choking up and tries to believe the Hokage's words. The medic, Nohara Rin he's come to learn, hovers in the background the whole time.
Once he's cleared after the week is up he goes- home. To the Compound.
Except it doesn't feel like home anymore because there's no one there. The silence of the place is deafening. Sasuke keeps turning corners expecting smiling faces and greetings from aunts and uncles. He wakes up in the morning expecting to hear clattering dishes and running water and the smell of breakfast but Kaa-san is dead, Tou-san is dead, they're all dead and Aniki killed them all.
('Become an avenger,' Itachi whispers in his mind, in his dreams. 'Curse me, hate me. Seek me out when you're strong enough.
'Murderer!' Sasuke shouts back. 'Traitor! Why should I listen to you?')
But what other option is there? It isn't fair, it isn't right- and someone should pay for it. It should be made right. Sasuke needs to make it right. But he doesn't know how.
Three weeks into living on his own, of mechanically going to the Academy, then going out to the river and not coming home until nightfall, the doorbell rings and Sasuke gets a visitor.
He blinks up at the figure outside his door. "Nohara-san," he greets uncertainly. His voice feels rough.
"Sasuke-kun," she seems just as uncertain but she smiles at him. "I came to check up on you. May I come in?"
He doesn't want to let her come in but at the same time he does. After a moment's hesitation, he steps aside. She looks around awkwardly inside his house. He wonders what she's looking for.
"Have you," she clears her throat. "Have you had lunch yet?"
He shakes his head.
"Would you like me to make you some?" she offers tentatively. Sasuke shrugs in response. Someone, he doesn't know who, has been leaving groceries for him outside his house. But Sasuke doesn't know how to cook much of anything at all so he's been living on steamed rice and vegetables. Lunch…might be nice.
They relocate to the kitchen and soon the air is filled with familiar sounds- running water, metal against wood, clanking plates. It's almost unbearable.
Sasuke watches as she chops through tomatoes. The skin of the fruit slices open easily, spilling the flesh and seeds inside. So easy, to just tear everything apart, with just a little bit of pressure. He looks on in morbid fascination. But then again…
"Could you fix that?" he asks abruptly. Nohara-san looks over, startled. "I mean," Sasuke licks his lips, "the fruit. Could you heal it? Like you healed my cut?"
Understanding dawns on her. "Ah," she says. "Well no, not exactly. It's a bit different for plants, only the Shodai could move chakra through them. But we can work with animals. One of the first things a med-nin learns to do is bring a fish back to life," she smiles.
Back to life? "You can bring people back to life?"
Nohara-san grimaces. "No Sasuke. Not people. That's…something else entirely."
"But you can heal them," Sasuke insists. "Make them better again." Make them right.
"Yes of course," she answers carefully. "That's my job."
Sasuke remembers his mother's body, bleeding out all over the floor. He imagines putting his hands on her, pushing the blood back in, sealing up the cuts that Itachi had made. Imagines opening her eyes again. Whole.
Nohara-san sets down the meal on the table. He picks up his chopsticks and begins eating while she just picks at her food. A few times she opens her mouth to speak but Sasuke is too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice. They end up finishing in a silence that's not quite comfortable but not awkward either.
Before she leaves, Nohara-san hesitates by the door. "Sasuke," she says seriously. "If you ever need anything, my door's always open. You can ask for me at the hospital reception-"
"Why?" he interrupts, perplexed. "Why do you care?"
She bites her lip in response. "I had a teammate from the Uchiha clan once. He died during the Third War, protecting me. Protecting his precious people, that was his nindo," she smiles sadly. "You're the last of his family now, Sasuke. Obito- he was always there for me. So I'd like to be there for you too."
"I- Thank you," Sasuke says quietly, almost stunned. Nohara-san is nowhere near family but…
She movies her hand forward and for one horrible heartbeat, Sasuke thinks that she'll poke him in the forehead- but no, she ruffles his hair instead.
"Anytime Sasuke," she says. "Anytime."
It only takes a few more days for Sasuke to come to a decision. He goes to the hospital. The receptionist looks surprised but instructs him to wait when he asks for Nohara Rin. Thirty odd minutes later, she finally comes to meet him.
"Sasuke-kun," she greets him warmly. "Sorry I'm late. I was with a patient. Is there something you need?"
She's wiping her hands on her apron, Sasuke notices. Hands that heal.
"I want to be a medic," he tells her seriously, watches her eyes widen in surprise.
"...Sasuke-kun, you're not even a genin yet," she tells him, as if he doesn't already know. "Shouldn't you wait-?"
"I won't be a killer," he interrupts her fiercely. "I won't." She needs to understand.
"You want to drop out of the Academy?" Nohara-san seems perturbed.
"No, I-I don't know," he falters, thrown off-kilter. He hadn't even thought of that. "It's...not about being a ninja. It's about…I won't be a ninja like him," he shakes his head. "I want to- I want to be a ninja like your teammate. I want to protect people. Please." He's desperate to make her understand. He can't ever stand by as people bleed to death around him. Never again.
His clan was full of fighters but Nohara Rin is the first healer he has ever met. If there'd been less of the former and more of the latter, maybe he'd still have more family now.
There's a long pause. For the first time since they've met, Nohara-san doesn't look nervous or sad when she looks at him. She looks like Tou-san used to sometimes, as though she's sizing Sasuke up. Sasuke clenches his fists, remembers that Tou-san had always found him lacking
"Okay," she says finally. "Let's see if we can't get you started somewhere."
Sasuke sighs in relief and feels like a weight has finally lifted off his shoulders.
A/N: I'm in the process of planning out a long-fic set in this role reversal universe that I'm very excited about. It's mostly going to be about Team Seven bonding, Sasuke having horrible bedside manner and worldbuilding, what fun! This part is sort of like a character study as a warm-up to that fic. Expect Sakura, Naruto, and Rin next!