The Handkerchief
It wasn't until later that Barbara realized that she still had Tom's handkerchief. At some point during the last conversation she had with Tom, he had handed her it. She knew she had to return it to him, but right now, it was too difficult to face him- even the thought was torture.
When Tom had asked her to the Indian restaurant, Barbara had been pleasantly surprised. It had taken Phyllis overhearing a conversation with Trixie while fixing her new dress to pinpoint the source of Barbara's quandary. Phyllis had that knack with Barbara- ability to see right through her and know what was going on at that moment. Her words of letting Trixie know as soon as possible were heeded but never taken.
As Barbara rode her bike back to Nonnatus House, she thought back to telling Trixie earlier. "Would it have been any better?" She wasn't quite sure. To be honest, she wasn't sure Tom had completely let Trixie go. His response to Trixie still struggling flashed through her mind. It had led her to admit something she hadn't wanted to: "No, Tom, I'm sorry that I made you tell the telling the truth is sometimes harder than telling is something I've had to do rather more than I would like. And I would've had to do far more in the future, if we'd carried on." She knew it was the truth, until Tom and Trixie fully let each other go that they would be together with nothing holding them back.
Barbara wandered through the next few days completely listless. She managed to survive a tough clinic trial of Trixie acting superior to her over a patient. It hurt her more than she wanted to admit that her friendship with Trixie had been permanent scarred because of this. When she had first arrived at Nonnatus House, Trixie was the cool older sister she always wanted- someone who knew the ways of the world. Even though she had accidentally gotten her drunk that first night, Barbara still admired her. She had covered her the night of the broken engagement and wound up delivering three baby girls in one day.
Still, Barbara found her heart aching for Tom. She wasn't quite sure when her feelings for him had changed, but they had. When she had first met him, he had been Trixie's fiancee. She knew he was off limits and it had stayed that way even after the engagement ended. Though, looking back, it had only been a natural step for her to take over the Sunday school class when the former teacher had moved from Poplar. Tom had asked and she had agreed- another thing she could proudly write home about to her dad. Sunday School teacher had led to riding the bus to view the Christmas lights. Even with a sick girl, Tina, beside her she had still managed to enjoy her conversation with Tom about sherbet lollies. She had wistfully watched him carry Tina home as she could easily imagine him doing it as a dad.
From Christmas until near Easter, things hadn't changed between them. it wasn't until Tom had volunteered her to help with the Easter bonnet parade that they had begun to see each other outside of the normal setting. Barbara had to admit it was quite fun creating hats with Tom for the kids to wear. When he asked her to help present the awards, she had been quite giddy. Strangely, the Beckett family case had driven them even closer. After the noncommittal response she had received from Trixie and Patsy, she had found herself confiding in Tom. She still remembered the pride when Tom had called her a warrior. It had felt so nice to have a man admire her for something that she had done.
After the Indian restaurant date, the two had found time to spend together. On one of those occasions, Tom had kissed Barbara. It had been her first kiss and it was simply wonderful. She wondered if it was possible to marry the only man you have ever kissed. Her heart had fallen for him in complete and total abandon- not caring about the circumstances. It had only changed during the conversation on the front step with the rest of the girls. With the underlying tones of what Trixie said, Barbara knew she knew the truth.
With a smile on her face, Barbara headed out the door. She was in uniform, but she had one important stop to make before she went back to Nonnatus house. Thankfully today had been a day of house calls and no deliveries, so she didn't have to worry about the smell of sweat and amniotic fluid. She rode her bike as quickly and as safely as she could as wound through the streets of Poplar. Her only worry would be that he wasn't home. Trixie had given her blessing to the relationship and Barbara couldn't wait to tell Tom.
As she turned the corner, Barbara spotted Tom walking down the street. With a smile on her face she called out his name. The conversation that followed was sweet and joyful. Plans were made for the following night to redo the date that had been cancelled. Both hearts had been lifted for the truth had been told and the lies had stopped being told.
The handkerchief had been forgotten for quite some time until Barbara had opened the drawer in which she had stored the cardigan she needed. It was then that she spotted it, folded and tucked into a corner- a forgotten piece. She smiled as she picked it up and fingered it. Turning around, the cardigan now forgotten, she went to her bed and searched underneath it. For under there was a memory box of her time with Tom. The handkerchief would now go there where it belonged- for it was a memory of a moment when all hope seemed lost, but she and Tom had come through stronger than before.
The handkerchief now properly stored in its rightful home, Barbara found the cardigan she needed and headed out the door. She had a date with her fiance and she couldn't wait to see him.